SoberNotMature - Episode 118 (The Blame Game - Or How Can We All Lose)

Bill (00:02.843)
Alright everyone welcome once again to another episode of sober not mature and I'm doing a little bit of a pause here I was gonna say I can't fucking talk and do do something else at the same time. Isn't that stupid? All I had to do is like two drop downs Don't listen to us don't

Mike (00:13.87)
Wow. Welcome. We're going to pause. Don't listen. As soon as we start, we're going to stop.

Bill (00:27.547)
I was just saying I was pausing the uploads, but the problem is that clearly I thought that I could do it and actually do it while I'm talking, but apparently I don't have the... So that I can do because that... I think so. I could rub something else while I walk too if I really try hard enough. But apparently I can't concentrate enough to do a fucking drop down menu and hit two pause buttons and... Fuck it, I don't know. I don't know. But hey.

Mike (00:36.558)
Can you chew gum and walk at the same time? Pat your head, rub your stomach. Wow.

Mike (00:53.774)
Mmm.

All right, are you sober? That's what I keep telling myself.

Bill (00:57.595)
So you know what, I am, so it's a goddamn good day. I thought you were gonna say, are you okay? And I'm like, I can't really say that, but. Right, yeah, the only definite in my life right now is the fact that yes, I am sober. And I'm not, here's the other thing, I'm not in the bathroom tonight. But I'll go into that, I wanna do a little bit of a wrap up of a couple of things this week and I'll explain that later.

Mike (01:09.614)
slide no better than to ask that.

Mike (01:19.95)
Bye!

Bill (01:27.323)
I figured we could get in, get right into the reading and stuff. I mean, I don't know that I, well, I don't know. I got four fucking pages of shit, three pages of shit that I always have. No, I mean, it's, no, it's, it's all stuff that I've had for months. We know that, you know, that what was it two weeks ago when I dipped back in one question that Katie had, and that was from fucking seven months ago. So,

Mike (01:30.382)
No.

Jesus. Well, why don't you do the podcast and I'll just,

Bill (01:51.483)
A lot of these things as we're talking, I'm looking kind of glancing back, I'm like, fuck, we talked about that, we talked about that. So I forgot to scratch them off my list. So who knows? I mean, I get sheet to talk about, I think, but who fucking knows? Plus it's a holiday weekend, so we got something to talk about there too. But I think, I think, you have a reading?

Mike (01:57.422)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

I dunno.

Mike (02:06.03)
Right. Ooh. All right.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Yeah, yeah, that's what you get for thinking. I do have a reading, that much I have. I am sober and I have a reading, right.

Bill (02:15.511)
I know.

Bill (02:22.043)
Cool, and you're, wait, I was good, I was just gonna ask, you're sober, good, okay, good, we're on the right path now.

Mike (02:26.814)
Yes, right. All right. Yes, this was actually from This week. Yeah, right. What is today? Today's Friday. Sure. Why not? yes, this is well from this week. It grabbed me So I stuck my little thing in there and Save the spot Here it is May 20th To see how our erratic emotions victimized us often took a long time

Where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word blame from our speech and thought. Some guy named Bill Wilson. During our active addiction, emotions ruled us. Often we didn't know what to do with them, especially the negative ones. They became reasons to get high, act out, and isolate ourselves from others. We often use blame to deal with these emotions. Blame served our addiction well. Blamed kept...

Blame kept us feeling either self -righteous or self -pity. The function of blame is to deny responsibility. Its secondary function is to push people away. Blame is a very effective defense mechanism. As Bill Wilson said, we must drop blame from our speech and thoughts. It is not enough to stop voicing blame if in our thoughts, we secretly still blame others for our troubles.

These secrets need sharing. That's why we talk about them with our sponsors and recovery friends. Prayer for the day. Higher power, help me to use the steps to deal with negative emotions instead of using blame to deal with them. Help me drop blame from my speech and thoughts. Today's action, those pesky actions. Just for today, I will not blame anyone, including myself.

I will choose to be responsible for myself.

Bill (04:29.539)
So that's yeah, this is all about blame I like that because the and I wrote down a couple of things but so to begin with and you're in front of just a boatload of fucking idiots on a daily basis and and I mean no better way to put it you you drive a very big vehicle called a truck and there are fucking idiots all the way or all around and

Mike (04:44.174)
hahahahah

I do.

yes, right. Especially going into a holiday weekend. They get extra special stupid.

Bill (04:57.307)
He he.

And I would think it would be hard, I don't know, not to blame some of these little fuckers and what they're doing. I mean, is that a right statement or wrong statement?

Mike (05:08.718)
Mmm.

Mike (05:13.358)
Right. I mean, I don't, you know what? I don't blame them for whatever emotions I have is the easiest way to put it. It kind of fits with the reading. I don't blame them for my emotions. I certainly blame them for their behaviors. I just, you know, there's nothing I could do about that. Again, powerless over people, places and things.

Bill (05:34.907)
Hehehehe.

Mike (05:42.862)
right. When someone's being a complete idiot in front of me. no, I don't blame them for me being pissed off at them. No, that's my responsibility. Absolutely. I kind of got this little part of it sort of worked out a little bit. Apparently I hadn't even thought about it until you asked me the goddamn question. But as I'm really thinking about it, no, I don't blame them for.

Bill (06:03.226)
Hehehehehe

Mike (06:10.958)
me being pissed off at them. I'm pissed off at them and I own that. I take responsibility for it. And I don't get as pissed as I used to. I also don't. Sometimes I just fucking shake my head and smile and just move on, man. And don't get pissed at them. I just go, God, what a fucking moron and move on to the next moment. Yeah, but.

But yes, I certainly judge them for their stupid behavior.

Bill (06:44.867)
Well, you know that maybe we can we kind of write that down that I I don't want to say that I I don't know that I stumped you with a question but I made you think about something which kind of makes me feel good for a minute, you know Because I was just kind of fucking around figuring that you know, we we talked about it all the time you know these you know the fucking four -wheelers and all this different stuff and You know when there there's an accident that backs you up and all those different things and you know, there's just there's

Mike (06:53.422)
Hmm. You absolutely did. Right. Mm hmm.

Mmm.

Mike (07:09.166)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (07:11.483)
fucking shit going on in your life on a daily basis, you know, so, but I like the fact that that made you think.

Mike (07:14.574)
yeah.

Mike (07:18.862)
It did you know it and it made me think it made me actually think about it and I'm god damn it I'm fucking practicing this particular principle in most of my affairs You know again still still working on well, yeah bad, you know, I'm not fucking perfect by a long shot But but I you know what? I apparently I'm kind of using this shit In my daily life man, yeah, I mean I I

Bill (07:29.915)
The word most.

Mike (07:48.494)
I don't I don't blame them. That's it is interesting now. I'm really thinking about it I don't blame them for the fact that I'm pissed off at them I'm pissed off at them and I take full responsibility for being pissed off at them and and sometimes I don't get pissed off at them because you know what I don't want to be fucking pissed off Yeah, I kind of like that. Yeah, damn I was in a really fucked up mood. I feel a little better now. Thank you bill. I

Bill (08:09.027)
Right. Yeah. Yeah.

Bill (08:16.919)
You're welcome. I was going to say that's what I'm here for, but it's not because it was accidental. I'd love to say that, yes, I was trying to help you out. It was a little sneaky, but I was trying to help you out. But yeah, not knowing what you're going to read, what the reading is going to be about, not knowing how I'm going to, you know, that it would even cross my fucking feeble mind or anything like that. But, you know, it's funny, though, as you were talking about, you know, the blaming other people. It's...

Mike (08:23.534)
Mm.

Mike (08:27.854)
New York, but I appreciate it anyway.

Mike (08:34.926)
All right.

Bill (08:45.627)
I don't know, kind of relate, you know, I guess talking about a work thing. And I briefly mentioned it last week when we had Gary on and last week was a, it was a slow week for me, you know, collections wise. And it was another slow week this week. And I mean, it was to the point where, I mean, I started out the month, I was doing great. And I mean, on pace, not only hit the goal on paper, but hit the one I had in my head and probably go above that. And now I'm going into the last week of the month, last four days.

Mike (08:52.878)
Mm.

Bill (09:14.683)
You know, I'm going to be, I don't want to say struggling, but I got, I got some work to do to hit the goal on paper and maybe go above that. And the thing of it is, is that what I had to keep telling myself and yesterday I was just fucking pissed by the time I got done. because here's the thing I'm doing all the same things every single day. Yes. The, my manager is saying, you know, be more assertive, do this. He's giving me pointers, but I, he's being more critical now. And I know why it's cause my collections are down. So he's.

Mike (09:19.726)
Alright.

Mike (09:28.974)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Bill (09:43.835)
You know, he's, he's a nitpicker in a good way most of the time, but now he's being nitpicky, figuring out what the fuck, you know, type of thing. Although he's not saying that, but I know him well enough to, to know that. And I would, I would do the same thing, but, so not doing anything differently. So the only thing of it is in, in what I, I was looking for things to blame, not people necessarily, but things like, what the fuck? I can't get people on the phone. If I can't talk to people, I can't do this. I can't.

Mike (09:51.086)
Right? Mm hmm. Sure.

Mike (10:05.806)
Mm -hmm. Mm.

Bill (10:11.675)
all these other factors, I'm like, fuck it, man, here's the fucking deal, you know? And this is what I'm talking to me at these points, you know, just saying that all I can do, go back to trusting the process, keep doing the work. Don't get frustrated because if I get frustrated, I get desperate, comes across on the phone and everything breaks down, you know? And it just fucking is what it is. You know, I'm not gonna lose my job. I'm probably not gonna hit what the goal that I wanted, but I'm not gonna go.

Mike (10:19.47)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (10:24.558)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mike (10:29.102)
Hmm.

Right, right.

Mike (10:40.046)
Mm -hmm. Right.

Bill (10:40.219)
broke or anything like that and everything's gonna work itself out. But yeah, I immediately that's my default. I look I'm like, who can I blame? What can I do? You know, in my it's in the back of my head. It's not. I don't know. It's I'm not just stepping up going, I want to blame somebody, you know, but deep down in the back of my brain, I'm like, fucker, you got you get this isn't your fault. You got to blame somebody, you know, but I didn't. I just kept doing what I was doing, you know, so.

Mike (10:48.718)
Mmm.

Mike (11:03.406)
Right. Mm -hmm. Right. Well, again, again, you know, you know, put 14 years up against 40 years. I mean, right. Our default for 40 years was it's fucking somebody else's fault. It's not my fault, you know, and then you throw 14 years of, eh, it's my fucking fault. yes, deep down in our brains, it's, it's somebody else's fault still. Yes. Right.

Bill (11:14.779)
Right.

Bill (11:32.699)
Yeah, and it's a blame is a it's I don't know all of that stuff, you know, not wanting to take responsibility because that's the other part of that whole reading. And, you know, sometimes responsibility just fucking sucks, man. I don't I don't want responsibility any more than anyone else does in some cases, you know, not in all cases. But you know what I mean? You know, when you see all the memes and the jokes out there, you know, adulthood, all I want to do is, you know, have sex and swear all these paying bills and going to work and.

Mike (11:44.558)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (11:49.614)
Right. Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Bill (12:00.027)
These responsibility things, man, this fucking sucks, you know? And they're jokes, but I mean, really, if anyone had the choice of never having to be responsible, you could get away with it and not get arrested and not die. Why the fuck not? You know, I mean, not being responsible can be kind of fun, but you know, then in reality, you're hurting people, you're hurting yourself, you're affecting the world around you, as they say, you know? So I don't wanna fucking do that, you know?

Mike (12:03.054)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (12:14.926)
Hmm.

Mike (12:21.07)
Mm -hmm.

Right. Yeah, well, we tried. It didn't work out too fucking well.

Bill (12:28.283)
Right, right. Yeah, even if we didn't try, we ended up doing it anyhow.

Mike (12:35.214)
Right.

Bill (12:36.571)
But so a couple of things I wrote down, you know, obviously just dropping the word blame that was from the beginning, emotions ruled us, blame to deal and then there was with a whole bunch of different things, you know, obviously we use blame to deal with it. That's kind of what you and I were just talking about, denied responsibility and then I wrote down the one thing that I wrote down, which wasn't actually in the reading specifically, but kind of, it talked about, you know, keeping blame to ourselves, blaming.

Mike (12:41.774)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (12:51.502)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (13:01.742)
Mm -hmm.

Mmm.

Bill (13:05.595)
either in secret or in silence or whatever. So I just wrote down blame quietly, you know, and, you know, and I thought about that and I'm like, okay, so that is, I think that I, well, I know it can, that could probably be worse and probably more deadly, you know, for us people than being outwardly blaming, you know, somebody is just letting this stuff fucking simmer and stew, right? In your head.

Mike (13:07.63)
Right?

Mm -hmm.

Mike (13:20.27)
Hmm. Right. Mm -hmm.

absolutely. Yeah, right. I mean, you know, nobody wants to sit around and listen to the asshole going, it's everybody else's fault. You know, right, right. But if you're still doing it in your head, I mean, we've talked plenty of times about acting as if and, you know, our thoughts don't matter. You know, it's what our actions are. And most of the time that it's a good rule of thumb. But I think in this case, yes.

Bill (13:34.714)
Heheheheh...

Mike (13:54.702)
We can't continue. I think when we talk about, you know, we see people in the rooms who have some time under their belt. They haven't picked up a drink or a drug in a while, but they're still all fucked up. I think that's kind of the way it is for them. They're still blaming everybody else and they're still, you know, it's everybody else's fault. And then they're fucking miserable because they can't medicated. So, you know, right. I mean, just putting the substance down isn't enough. We have to change that thinking and, and.

Yes, you know early sobriety. Yeah, we're still fucking blaming other people and whatever. you know all those bad things that are Not necessarily behaviors, but but thoughts and the way we think about things and the way we look at the world and our situations and all of that, Right, you know, I mean like when we when I was talking about, you know, no, I really kind of don't blame them anymore and I don't and and

Yeah, that's the wonderful part. I do take that responsibility. You talked about, yes, if we didn't have any responsibilities, I don't know. No, yes, sometimes I bitch about my responsibilities and God knows I don't wanna be as responsible as I am sometimes. But I am grateful for my responsibilities today. I'm grateful that I have things that I have to do because...

Bill (15:08.539)
Hahaha.

Mike (15:23.406)
You know, I mean, well, some of that shit is what keeps me sober. You know, I have to do certain things to stay sober, but I also have to do certain things to maintain hell by comfort. Right. I mean, we talk about all the time, you know, what was getting loaded, trying to be as comfortable as we could be, you know, just taking shortcuts, doing it with the substances. but I mean, you know, having a clean house, I like coming home, opening my door, my house is fucking neat and tidy and whatever.

Well, I'm responsible for that. I gotta clean once in a while and I gotta you know, I spill something I've got a I can't just leave it there I've got to wipe it up before I move on so that when I walk back in there, there's not a fucking spill Hmm, imagine that yeah, you know, well that's it's like, you know when we make a mistake we we correct it ten step shit You know, it's we I take it into my physical world, too You know that?

Bill (15:56.763)
haha

Mike (16:21.006)
The sink's a mess, I wipe it down when I'm done because I made a mess. So I clean it up and then it's cleaned up and then next time I walk in there, there's a nice clean sink waiting for me.

Bill (16:32.311)
Right. Yeah. And I mean, I'm I mean, where I've been, I've been I've been here for, you know, for three weeks. And, you know, when I've been traveling, I've been traveling by myself. I mean, I don't I don't have to have a place be clean. I don't have to make a fucking bed. We talked about the bed thing, you know, endlessly. But but I mean, I make my bed. I wash the dishes. I hate fucking washing dishes. You know, there's no dishwasher. So I wash dishes. Other than that, I mean, things are clean. I mean, I don't there's no dress. There's no fucking dresser here. So I got, you know, I got two duffel bags full of clothes.

Mike (16:40.526)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (16:44.526)
Right? Right!

Mike (16:50.158)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mike (17:00.478)
Hmm?

Bill (17:02.331)
When I'm done with the clothes, I just lay them on top of the duffel bag, kind of like I had them at your house. I didn't try to find dresser closet space while I was there. I just kept things nice as nice as I could, just kind of laid down in the room. So it's tidy. And again, I don't want to live like a fucking pig. Sometimes it'd be, and I was just gonna say it'd be easier, but it wouldn't be because I would look at it and be like, fuck man.

Mike (17:06.67)
Mm -hmm. Right.

Mike (17:13.678)
Yeah. Mm -hmm. Great.

Mm -hmm.

Mike (17:26.51)
Now.

Right.

Bill (17:29.915)
I'm so glad that I can't stand living in filth. I never could. My car too. People get into my car, they're like, holy shit, your car is so fucking clean. I'm like, it's fucking filthy, man. I have an anacled inside. They're like, are you serious? I'm like, okay, so the fact that I don't have shit piled or all strewn about in it. I mean, some people are fine with that. Their car is, I don't wanna say their garbage can, but it's full of stuff, man. And it's...

Mike (17:33.518)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mike (17:38.902)
Right.

Mike (17:47.342)
Yeah, right.

Mike (17:54.766)
Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Bill (17:58.555)
It is what it is, but you know, yeah, I don't, I don't know. I like, I like tiny shit, but it's like I said, 10 step. It was kind of funny last night when I, cause I do a 10 step every night, pretty simple. I just said, it's the start of my prayers that, you know, I say this little opening, but I always just, you know, kind of, I openly say, okay, my day. And that's me saying to myself, how was my day? You know, and yesterday I'm like, okay, I've just, I've been mulling over back and forth.

Mike (18:10.03)
Ciao!

Mike (18:18.222)
Mm -hmm. Right.

Bill (18:25.755)
you know, in and out for the last couple hours after work. You know, I need what I need to do and trying to keep my head straight because, you know, if I'm if shit's not going well, by my emotions back to emotions want to fucking drag me down and I got to pull my shit back up, you know, and sometimes it is as a constant mental battle inside my head going, you're a fucking piece of shit. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. Yes, you are. Fuck you. Don't fuck you.

Mike (18:44.654)
Hmm?

Right?

Bill (18:52.603)
You know, so I laid down last night and as soon as I said my day, I said, you know what? I said, here's the deal. Regardless of how fucked up the last couple of weeks have been with my, with my success or lack of it at work, at least I'm sober. And it's kind of funny that I didn't think about that until you said 10 step. And you asked me to begin with. I literally, that was my 10 step. And then I just said my prayers because I'm like, I can't fucking mold this shit over. I got to go to bed. I got to clear my head, keep it fucking clean.

Mike (18:59.086)
Mm.

Mike (19:14.358)
Yeah, yep.

Bill (19:21.211)
because I need to get some sleep, you know?

Mike (19:23.214)
Yeah, absolutely. Right. I mean, you know, it's, it's never enough, but sometimes just getting through the day sober is enough.

Bill (19:30.747)
Right? Yeah, and I mean I didn't and I didn't hurt anyone. I didn't piss anyone off. I didn't cause any trouble You know, I didn't there's all my my interactions with the world were fine I didn't I didn't fuck with anyone or you know, we're fucked with anyone's lives or fuck up anything. So So yeah, it just came down to everything else was was cool. Yeah, and I'm still fucking sober I'm gonna say my prayers and I'm fucking going to sleep done

Mike (19:35.63)
Mm -hmm. Right.

Mike (19:47.022)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (19:51.31)
Mm -hmm. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep.

Bill (19:58.939)
But I mean, yeah, shit, sometimes it just is. But I don't know. I mean, yeah, you're right. You said that before, too. They put 14 years against 40. It's still fucking crazy to me sometimes how, I don't know, again, the fact that we're always walking against the current. And I don't mean that in a bad way or always walking up that down escalator. We always have to keep working and moving. And there's nothing wrong with that. But it's crazy.

Mike (20:08.494)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (20:18.606)
Mm -hmm. Right. Right.

Mm -hmm.

Bill (20:28.475)
You know, I don't know if normal people, you know, whatever normal is, let's say non -drug addict, non -alcoholic, people have to do that on a daily basis, but fucking AI do, you know?

Mike (20:34.222)
Mmm.

Mike (20:37.898)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (20:42.126)
Yeah, yeah, I mean, right. Clearly we can't speak for those normal people because we have no fucking idea what's going on in those heads. But yeah, but yeah, for us, yeah, absolutely. It's like a shark, man. We got to keep fucking swimming. Otherwise we'll die.

Bill (20:47.407)
Right? Right?

Bill (20:57.499)
Right. Yeah, it was funny. I just I thought about the shark thing. I always think that's funny because I said that I'm sure I've seen memes where, you know, saying that that's that's OK, man. I know I got to do all this fucking work, but I'm a goddamn shark. That's what I am. I'm a fucking shark. Sharks are kind of cool, you know, fucking fucking intimidating. They're beasts. They're massive, you know. So I'll be I'll be a shark. I don't want to hurt somebody. I don't fucking kill anyone today, you know, but but hey, but I'll be a shark.

Mike (21:09.742)
Right.

Hehehehehe

Mike (21:18.702)
Mm -hmm.

No. No.

Bill (21:26.843)
I like that. So. But yeah, that was that was a good one. That I'm glad that that got you thinking that got me thinking. Holy shit, man.

Mike (21:32.238)
It was. Mm -hmm. Hopefully it got you folks out there thinking.

Bill (21:38.107)
Yes. Hey, let us know. Send us a note. Sure. Not mature. Fuck. Don't even waste your goddamn time. If you if you want to find feel free. But I know nobody does anyhow. So but it's so funny. But, you know, all the time and there's I hear this on podcasts. I get a whole podcast thing to talk about. But but I hear people say that. So everyone, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Let us know here. And you know, I've tried that already on here. And finally, I'm like, it's not even worth my worth my fucking breath. You know, it's.

Mike (21:41.166)
Heheheheh Yeah

Mm -hmm.

Mike (21:57.422)
-huh.

Mike (22:01.71)
Nah.

Mike (22:07.758)
Right.

Bill (22:08.059)
It's a waste of energy. If somebody wants to say something, they will. I think people, myself included for the most part, I listen to podcasts just to, I want to be on the receiving end for once. I just want to listen. I want to take the shit in. I don't need it to be interactive. I don't need to fucking email my favorite podcast to be like, Hey, dear podcast host. Thank you. You're wonderful. Five stars, five stars.

Mike (22:10.382)
Mm -hmm.

Yeah.

Mike (22:22.51)
Yeah, right.

Mike (22:29.678)
Hi.

Right.

Bill (22:38.011)
But yeah, I mean like you said though, I mean, hopefully it does I mean I don't know some of these things if they if they surprise the shit out of us Maybe they do surprise the shit out of other people. So if that's the case rock on rock on Alright, so anything else with the with the reading? I mean, I think we got everything pretty well covered with that, right? Okay, just a quick side note before I before I forget excited note on here, but I forgot to say it before I

Mike (22:49.966)
Mm -hmm. Cool.

Mike (22:57.87)
I think we covered it. Yep.

Bill (23:06.171)
We started, but so next week, well, this coming Thursday and next week Thursday is our recording night. That's a sideline programming note for just Mike. So don't listen to that. Fuck it. Yeah. Yeah, it's still exactly. And then, but I'll probably make a note. Hey, we're recording on Thursday. Cause I always do any hell, but.

Mike (23:06.446)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (23:10.702)
Mm -hmm. Right.

Mike (23:16.322)
Doesn't make any difference to you people out there. It'll still drop on Saturday.

Mike (23:26.99)
Right. Yeah. I knew definitely this coming week we were going to record on Thursday, the following week as well.

Bill (23:33.403)
Yeah, that's Founders Day week.

Mike (23:35.278)
Yeah, right. Yeah.

Bill (23:37.403)
Cause I think we're obviously I'm coming in on that Friday for Founders Day and figuring that we'll probably, I mean, I'd like we're going to go to who do you know, I think, right? Yeah.

Mike (23:45.198)
Yeah, probably. Hopefully if you get in, if I'm done with work early enough and you get here on time. Yeah.

Bill (23:50.971)
Cool. But yeah, I figure it's, we might as well. I mean, we might as well do it on Thursday. Because yeah, next week, I know you're, because you're doing all Myrtle, Myrtle, Myrtle Beach thing next weekend, right? Yeah. Yep. So yeah, that's cool.

Mike (24:00.846)
Blah blah blah blah? Yes.

Yes. Yep. Yep. Yep. Gonna go be, embrace my white trash roots.

Bill (24:13.019)
Well good But yeah, so yeah, we'll figure out we'll figure out obviously timing and all that shit But probably around the same thing, but anyhow, so that's nothing to do with all you folks out there same deal You know, it's just gonna be it's gonna be released at the same date anyhow, so All right. yeah. Yeah the the one thing I did want to just kind of bring up and I have a purpose for it So yeah Memorial Day weekend. So of course says everyone is listening to this. Well, maybe you're there Saturday Sunday or Monday?

Mike (24:15.214)
Hehehehehe

Mike (24:23.342)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (24:36.686)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (24:41.307)
Yeah, it's a holiday weekend. So a couple of things and if do you want to waste your breath telling everyone that it's not that important or anything like that It's just another day. Do you want to take a minute? To tell people again. It's up to you

Mike (24:41.422)
Right?

Hmm.

Mike (24:51.79)
Well, I would like to point out it's not veterans day. It's Memorial Day. There's a very small difference and go buy a mattress. no, yeah, it's Memorial Day, man. It's not really a celebration. I mean, you know, I'm grateful for the extra day off with pay, but, you know, right. Memorial day is a day we supposedly set aside for the men and women who.

Bill (24:55.547)
haha

Bill (25:01.083)
Hmm.

Mike (25:19.438)
died in the service of our country. So, you know, do with that what you will and yeah, buy a mattress.

Bill (25:27.291)
Right. But you know, I mean, this is the Memorial Day is the as they say the.

Mike (25:32.814)
It's the unofficial kickoff of summer.

Bill (25:35.483)
Correct. Yeah, the official unofficial blah blah blah. So I don't know. It just you know people who you know, same deal, you know, new newly sober and all that stuff. It could be a weird fucking weekend, I suppose. But you know, it is just another fucking weekend like Mike said, you know, to look look into what the what the purpose the real purpose is of this of this holiday, you know, and maybe focus on that rather than your own selfish shit one that want to get loaded. Yeah, you fucking selfish bastards.

Mike (25:55.15)
Mm -hmm, right.

Mike (25:59.598)
Yeah, you fuckers. Think about somebody else for once, huh?

Bill (26:05.275)
Yeah, yeah, think about somebody who fucking died so you got the freedom to fuck up your life. And then don't fuck up your life anymore. How's that? Yeah. Happy fucking Memorial Day, everybody. So the only couple of things that, you know, I wasn't thinking about it until we got done with work. But, and I get done, you know, I mentioned it before, I get done at three o 'clock on Fridays anyhow. But when we had our, we have a weekly meeting, I don't know, earlier in the morning and.

Mike (26:11.118)
Right! Right! Right!

Bill (26:35.355)
We're talking about one of the big wigs was, and she's cool, but she was talking about some people were, you know, going to kick out early today and blah, blah, blah. And then, you know, the same thing, it's, I start to get, ever since I've been sober, every time there's a holiday weekend, I start to get, I get that same feeling as I did when I was drinking, you know, which is to me, again, weird, but I'm glad I get it because it just keeps my mind fresh, I guess. You know, I get this like, I remember,

Again that almost that elation of it's a holiday weekend. I'm getting out early It's it's nice out in that same this combination of things that I used to really look forward to Did I knew what I was gonna do? I never had it in my mind and I'm like, I'm going to get fucking loaded this weekend But you know, it was more time more time to just do what you do what you do, you know You know, so that was that in and of itself and like I said, I didn't think about it until

Mike (27:22.026)
yeah.

Yes.

Bill (27:33.019)
We had the meeting this morning and then again, when work was getting done, and all I was doing, I'm getting my shit together and whatever, and I went up to get my pizza and it's fucking hot here today. It's like, it's been in the like upper 80s and humid, which I'm not complaining, it's fucking beautiful. I don't mind it. But when I walked outside, I'm like, my God, it is fucking hot. You know, but same thing, you know, it's holiday weekend, blah, blah, blah. But what it reminded me of too,

Mike (27:54.254)
Hehehehe

Bill (28:00.315)
is, and you remember, I think we talked about it maybe the first year that we did this, but that first memorial day we were still at the Keating Center, obviously still in the sober living facility, and that weekend Marty locked us down. He wouldn't let us go anywhere on our visits, which you got to figure that end of May, both of us, we were there for what, 30 days at that point?

Mike (28:10.766)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (28:25.87)
Yeah, right. I was good. Yeah. First month. Definitely. Right.

Bill (28:28.987)
And then, you know, so we've been going on visits for, you know, at least a few weeks, three, four weeks. Then all of a sudden he's like, yeah, we're staying in. Nobody gets to go anywhere. I was fucking pissed, you know, because it was just so nice to be able to just get the fuck out. I didn't want to be there anyhow, you know, I was still, I mean, 30 days in, I mean, shit, I didn't want to be there to begin with. I know for a fact, my head wasn't in the right place. But, you know, he, he always used to do.

Mike (28:32.846)
Hmm.

Mike (28:43.982)
Right?

Right.

Mike (28:50.798)
-huh.

Bill (28:54.907)
He'd do a cookout. You know, sometimes they'd have people come in and he cooked, you know, for, you know, a bunch of different people and actually make it an event, which they used to do on, did he do it on Memorial Day or was that on Sunday? Did he do it? I don't remember.

Mike (28:56.238)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (29:06.926)
great. I have now heated it up one day.

Bill (29:09.819)
He did it? Okay. Yeah, so it was Sunday was the day that we had to all figure out, you know, whatever to do. And we had a bags tournament, you know, cornhole, whatever the fuck you want to call it. But I mean, somebody had made the suggestion and I remember the did you play or no? Do you remember?

Mike (29:15.918)
huh.

Right.

Mike (29:26.638)
Yeah, I think I might've.

Bill (29:28.443)
Okay, yeah, and you and I didn't, we didn't really know each other all that well then. I don't remember who I was partnered up with, but me and the other guy were, we were like down to the last, it was like us and then one other team. And I think we came in second or something like that. And I think the prize was, I don't know, we all chipped in and like bought fucking candy bars or some stupid shit, you know? And like that was the, that was the prize. But you know what, it was so nice because we did this.

Mike (29:31.246)
Mm -mm. Right.

Mike (29:44.014)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (29:50.574)
Great.

Bill (29:57.147)
Again, it was like it turned out to be like an all day thing because it was plenty of guys and it's all this elimination and this one plays and that one plays and there's only two boards and all this different stuff, but it really took away from In Marty didn't organize it. We just did because we had nothing It's like, you know back from literally being a kid like this when we were kids in the 70s You had to fucking find a stick to play with or something or I find something to do be creative But yeah by the end of the day, I'm like house. It was it was a good day, you know

Mike (30:12.11)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (30:25.614)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (30:26.587)
I would have rather gone someplace, but yeah, it just, it was, it turned out to be a decent enough day, which was kind of funny all said and done, right?

Mike (30:29.07)
Hmm.

Mike (30:35.374)
Yes, so You had a brief preconceived notion about something and turned out better than you thought it was going to be hmm

Bill (30:39.739)
Heheheheh

Bill (30:48.731)
Yeah, contempt prior to investigation. I think we, I think we talked about that. But, I mean, yeah, but I, you know, I, I know that, but I, I don't even, I don't even fault myself for that being that young in this thing at that point in no one, how, no one, how fucked, how fucked up my head was to begin with, but yeah, absolutely. And you know, that, that was probably one of the first times that, I don't want to say that something didn't go my way, but a big thing that I was irritated about there.

Mike (30:51.694)
Exactly.

Mike (31:02.286)
right.

Mike (31:08.366)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (31:17.294)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (31:17.659)
They can fuck man, you know, the, the one little piece of freedom that we get these visits and you know, we get it, we get it shut down, but you know, Marty knew what he was doing because I'm sure I know, I don't even, not even sure. I know for a fucking fact that, you know, same thing, same thing. I started off with talking about people get these weird fucking feelings, even though it's a normal weekend at all, it's different shit. Just any other day, people get these wild hairs up their asses and then somebody's going to get out and either get drunk, get high OD.

you know, or cause trouble or something, right?

Mike (31:46.254)
Mm -hmm. Right, right. yeah. Yeah, you little fucks aren't going anywhere. -huh.

Bill (31:52.763)
And he fucking knew better. I mean, you know, he'd been around he'd been around long enough. He knew us, you know and Given the same circumstance I I would I would think the same thing motherfuckers aren't going anywhere. I know what you guys are up to I mean, you know

Mike (31:59.438)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (32:06.702)
Right. Well, I mean, you got to remember Marty's only got five years more than us. So, I mean, he was, yeah, you know, he wasn't all that far removed from us. He knew he looked at us and went, yeah, you fuckers aren't going anywhere.

Bill (32:11.418)
Right.

Bill (32:20.283)
Yeah, cuz cuz I know exactly what you fuckers want to be out there doing so But yeah, I don't know I mean the again holiday weekends or I mean, you know what I'm gonna be doing on my holiday weekend I'm getting up at you know, someone got the hour in the morning and I'm driving the fucking Branson, Missouri, you know, so but yeah, I'm not doing anything special or out of the ordinary but You know, I think it'll be I'm hoping I think Sunday's supposed to be nice. I don't know about Monday there I've been kind of watching the weather

Mike (32:25.774)
Right.

Bill (32:50.427)
Because there are still, even though that's south of the Lake of the Ozarks where I was, the Branson area, and I didn't pay attention to it the last time that I stopped there, but there's some river that runs through, I don't know what fucking river it is. And then to the west of the city, yeah, there you go. Yeah, it actually is, now that I think about it. And then there's the String of Lakes.

Mike (33:05.514)
It's probably the Missouri

Bill (33:18.203)
you know, kind of like with, like it is up in the Lake of the Ozarks. So I think there's, again, you know, probably, you know, hiking trails or some shit that I can go see. And I was like, fuck yeah, man. That's what I was excited about. I have, I have an extra day. Hopefully if the weather holds out, then I can just go see some shit, you know.

Mike (33:37.358)
So you're saying you hike?

Bill (33:40.539)
Yeah, and I think I'm saying that we're delayed too.

Mike (33:45.422)
Yes, you are. Absolutely.

Bill (33:49.371)
Yeah, the only way I could tell is when I was talking a minute ago and then you were like laughing when I was into my next sentence about something I said. So, yeah, well this fucking sucks. So, okay. But well, I don't know. What do you think? I mean, we might as well just take a break here and then we'll start up again, right?

Mike (34:09.23)
Yep, we will. Well, we're going to go fix some shit and we'll be right back after this word from our sponsor.

Bill (00:02.374)
All right, everyone, welcome back. And did we start off this podcast with blame, right?

Mike (00:10.318)
Yes, we did.

Bill (00:12.07)
Riverside, you can suck my fucking greasy ass. My unwashed ass.

Mike (00:17.806)
Wow.

Mike (00:22.862)
Lick my Polish balls.

Bill (00:25.766)
Yes, yeah, lick my, I got, I think I, well, I don't know. I maybe had a little bit of Polish ball in there, but one way or the other, I think that at this point, after all these fucking weeks, I think it's fair to fucking blame Riverside and the fact that we do transcripts now, this could actually come up on the internet by a search, Riverside sucks ass. Riverside FM sucks ass. Don't use Riverside FM.

Mike (00:30.35)
Hehehe.

Mike (00:39.502)
Bye.

Mike (00:46.03)
Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Mike (00:53.07)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (00:54.15)
If you want to know why, just listen to the podcast. Our podcasts were like the last three fucking months. God damn. And you know what? We're sitting there when we got off of there, got off of here, we're sitting there talking again about like Mike's computer. And I'm like, you know what? Fuck it. Mike's computer worked fine for a year and a fucking half, you know? And then all the shit that they do and then whatever. And I mean, granted this new software is saying that, you know, a Chromebook may be an issue, but you know what? I think we're going to test that.

Mike (01:00.59)
Yeah, pretty much.

Mike (01:12.366)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (01:22.502)
We're going to test out the new software with your Chromebook. And if it works, then another couple of middle thumbs up for Riverside again. Fuck them. OK, enough. But anyhow, so yeah, back to Blame. Now we're done with Blame. So a couple of quick things here. Obviously, we talked about the whole memorial thing. And I don't know, it was just a little memory trip, I guess, if nothing else. It was, you know, again, it.

Mike (01:22.862)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (01:30.83)
Hehehehehe

Bill (01:49.766)
The main thing that I always try to go back to, and I know we've talked about is Marty's the one that always said, you know, the nine months or year, the best time you'll never want to repeat, you know, and that's 100 % what our time was at the Keating Center. We've had, we got a lot of great stories, had a lot of great times. Neither one of us, you know, have had to go back, thank you. Neither one of us want to go back, no thank you. And you know what?

Mike (02:00.59)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (02:11.502)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (02:15.406)
Right. Right. Well, I used to tell the guys in group all the time. It's like, you know what? I love this place. I don't ever want to spend the night here again.

Bill (02:23.174)
Yeah, exactly. And you know, we've gotten a lot of mileage out of our stories and a lot of laughs on here too. So there's just so much, you know, obviously for us to be thankful for, grateful for, we should still try to get back to the place. But yeah, great point. Neither one of us want to ever spend the night there again. We don't want to have to be a resident of any sorts. Not even a one night resident, right? So...

Mike (02:31.918)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (02:47.214)
Mm -mm.

Bill (02:53.254)
All right, so since we're, you know, kind of bitching about how well our podcast has been going over the last three months, maybe this will make you feel better, maybe this will make you feel worse, okay? So I'm listening to Smartless the other day, and once again, I talk about them enough, I don't mind promoting them, it's a fun podcast, and I enjoy them, I can't remember who they had on the other day, it doesn't even fucking matter, I was listening to it, and I was either,

Mike (03:03.79)
Alright.

Bill (03:21.99)
making dinner or cleaning up or doing whatever. So I, it, the, the episode ended and it went into something else and they were promoting another podcast. So kind of a sideline on that smart list started, they, they ended up starting smart list media, which, you know, they work with and they actually have other podcasts that they host and things like that. So they've done a lot of things under this stuff. Then they got, you know, their big payday from Amazon for like 80 fucking million. And I just read the other day when I was trying to look up something.

Mike (03:41.358)
Alright.

Bill (03:51.11)
They just re or that resigned. They just signed a deal apparently with Sirius XM I guess in January. I don't know when it's gonna go into effect. Maybe it's slowly morphing into it for a hundred million a fucking hundred million, okay, and I'm like Jesus Christ So, you know some of the stuff is gonna still be free form where anyone can get it Some will be you know locked up you have to have serious to listen to earlier episodes blah blah blah but anyhow, so I

Mike (03:56.526)
-huh.

Mike (04:04.462)
Mmm.

Bill (04:19.91)
I'm listening to the their episode ends and it goes into this whole thing and it's called this is a podcast that's on their their network. Okay. And it's called the wiki hole podcast, kind of like Wikipedia, but wiki hole. And I'm like, well, what's this thing? So I get done. I think what's that? Yeah. And so I started listening to it. It's female host. I don't even know what the fuck she is.

Mike (04:28.046)
-huh.

Mike (04:34.222)
Okay.

Mike (04:38.414)
What's all this then? What's all this then?

Bill (04:48.326)
And they have, you know, all three of the, the smartless guys are like playing part in this and she's explaining what this, this is a new podcast. That's, you know, obviously I'm sure they got advertisers, they're making money, all this different shit. So here's the premise of this fucking wiki hole podcast. Okay. Cause she's explaining it. She's like, so let's play along type of thing. And I'm like, Hmm. So she's like, what we do is we start out with the topic. You can pick anything. And then we put that into Wikipedia and then.

Basically, the guests we have answer questions for points, and then we end up going down, you know, so you start with one thing, it goes into this other thing, so they'll click through all the hyperlinks on Wikipedia and go down the wiki hole and see where they end up. But they play it like as a game, okay? And I'm like, well, that's kind of interesting, but she's like, okay, so Sean, Sean Hayes is one of the guys on Smart List. She's like, so Sean, every day you talk about eating a tuna fish sandwich, so let's start with that. So she's like, so the way we would play is we put,

Mike (05:28.366)
okay.

Mike (05:35.342)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Bill (05:44.39)
tuna fish sandwich and they're like, okay. Then she's like, so the first thing that comes up is the top three ingredients and whatever. So she's like, all you guys get to guess. And I'm like, in my head, I'm like, what the fuck is this? So all of them have to guess, you know, through the top three ingredients and then they're like, okay, so this person got points because they got, you know, this. And then like, what is the, whatever the one click thing was, what state in the country eats the most?

Mike (05:56.174)
Hehehe.

Bill (06:13.222)
or consumes the most tuna fish or something like that. And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? I mean, we're we're struggling sometimes, number one, to get this fucking thing to play right, to get people to listen, to get people to share this fucking shit on Instagram. And he got some fucking whore talking about a tuna fish sandwich. And that's a podcast that I know for a fucking fact is making money. And I'm like, but whatever. What what the fuck?

Mike (06:25.294)
right?

Bill (06:42.982)
What do we do? Do we start talking about tuna fish?

Mike (06:47.31)
yeah, I don't know, man.

Bill (06:53.222)
And I know the answer to it it just it just fucking blew my mind I'm like, I'm like, my god, are you fucking kidding me? Just fucking kidding me. And then this When I do our Clips every day I use an app called headliner and once you do the thing and you they actually you know You like click a button and it's creating it in the background. It's like go listen to these podcast clips You know while you're waiting which I never do but it they start to play and there's a there's a podcast out there by the

Mike (07:02.446)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (07:22.022)
like the Nuclear Energy Institute, which I mean, it doesn't surprise me that there is such a thing, but they have, there's a podcast called Fissionary, okay, with an F, like visionary, but fissionary, right? And it's like fission, yeah, fission, not, yeah, like, not, no, but I was just, I know, but I was just making it clear, we're not talking about fission, you know. There has to be, I mean, there's,

Mike (07:27.342)
Alright.

Mike (07:33.838)
Fishing, right.

Mike (07:38.894)
Fishing, yeah, that's what I said. Yeah, not fishing. Right, I'm sure there's plenty of podcasts about that too. Yeah, hunting and fishing.

Bill (07:50.214)
Of course, there's podcasts about pen and paper, for God's sakes, I'm sure. And this clip starts out, they're like, hi, Mary, how are you? I'm fucking laughing. I'm doing great, Janet, how are you? They're like, well, everyone, welcome to our award -winning podcast. I'm like, what? Fucking award -winning? I'm like, what? I look it up, no shit. This, they...

Mike (07:55.95)
Yep.

Mike (08:14.446)
Hehehehehe

Bill (08:18.374)
They were given some fucking award by, because what they talk about is basically renewable energy and whatever. Because I looked it up. And yeah, they won some sort of fucking award. I'm like, my god, we got fucking, I don't even know what it fucking was. But I'm like, okay, so we got fucking tuna fish, we got fission, and we can't hold listeners. So I'm just like, I don't know. I don't know.

Mike (08:25.102)
Yeah.

Mike (08:30.35)
Was it a major award?

Mike (08:41.518)
vision.

Yeah.

Bill (08:47.942)
It just, like I said, I don't know if that's gonna make you feel better. I like what we talk about. I don't wanna talk about those things, but it just, it just fucking blows, it blows my mind, the fucking garbage that's out there that's making money, you know? It just, I don't know.

Mike (08:52.462)
Mm -hmm. no.

Mike (09:00.11)
Sure, well yeah, I mean, look at half the stuff that's on TV, man. I mean, you know, isn't there some show out there, you know, I can see you dance or I can hear you fuck or something like that.

Bill (09:04.678)
Hahaha!

Bill (09:14.662)
yeah, there's, there's a bunch of those. I mean, there's a bunch of reality shows. Same thing, whatever you can think about. I'm sure there's a reality show about it. So yeah, I have, I have no doubt, no doubt whatsoever. So, but yeah, so that kind of leads me into my next thing. So I'm listening to the radio the other day and they read an article or they, this was the tease to it. They said it, what age do you feel uncool? Like what age in life do you feel uncool?

Mike (09:22.734)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (09:41.038)
Hehehehehe

Bill (09:42.79)
And I'm like, well, this ought to be interesting because I'm like, okay, so once again, back to our podcast and, you know, listener base and, you know, sometimes we're crushing it on the, you know, the 35 to, or 35 to 49 or whatever age group. Sometimes it's, it is the, you know, the 20 somethings we'll get in there, but you know, usually it's the 45 plus is our, is our higher highest demographic. so, so they, you know, they ask a question I'll ask you. So based on this poll, what do you think the age?

Mike (09:56.11)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (10:03.95)
Right.

Bill (10:12.934)
was when people say that they start feeling uncool.

Mike (10:17.166)
You know, you're asking the wrong person because you know, I'm always gonna be fucking cool. So your your average well your average American was never cool.

Bill (10:28.678)
Well, I know you're talking about your average American not you and I of course, you know

Right. So pick an age, pick an age. Indulge me.

Mike (10:40.27)
probably, probably like, you know, 42.

Bill (10:46.31)
Close 39. Okay. So it's saying a poll taken from talker research, of course, never heard of it has found that that feeling uncool or that feeling uncool and out of touch with pop culture may happen sooner than you think. Results show that half of the respondents in the study felt uncool around age 39. Slang terms, celebrity news, art and fashion all make some people feel out of touch with the younger generation if they aren't keeping up with those topics.

Mike (10:48.462)
Okay, right.

Mike (10:59.694)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (11:16.222)
Meanwhile, 67 % of those surveyed say they'll study to learn the cool stuff so they aren't left out.

Mike (11:24.238)
That's pretty much the antithesis of cool. I'm going to study these cool parts so that I, Jesus Christ, man. Yeah, proves my point. You were never fucking cool.

Bill (11:28.038)
Hahaha!

Hehehe

I know that's why that's why I cuz they they read this article They read everything that I just that I put on there and I found it right away and I copied and pasted it because it made that's it the ex my exact thought I'm like seriously you just you just showed Literally how fucking uncool you are if you've got to learn because I mean we joke all the time But when when was it some of the earlier episodes I we were I looked up terms that we should use on here They remember what the fuck they were and I think we used them for that episode and that was it

Mike (11:42.51)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (12:00.526)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (12:04.07)
You know to try to get in touch with the with the young people, but we did it as a fucking joke

Mike (12:09.134)
Of course. Right. Yeah. I mean, you know, right. Yes. I want to be in touch with the the popular culture. Jesus, I've never wanted that. That's not what cool is. Cool is not what fucking 14 year old girls are into, man. It's not cool. Cool is doing your own fucking thing, finding the cool stuff that everybody else doesn't know about.

Bill (12:19.578)
Right? Yeah.

Bill (12:28.75)
Right.

Mike (12:36.782)
That's what cool is, you dumb fox.

Bill (12:39.43)
Yeah, and in the four things in here are four things that I give a shit about. slang terms, celebrity news, art and fashion. I don't care about any of those things fucking ever. You know, I, I laugh sometimes and I'll again, I'll use, you know, some of the, I think it's funny to hear some of the new slang terms and I'll use them fucking around, you know, because I think it's, I think it's hilarious. But then again, I don't go back to, you know, whatever the eighties fucking terms were and try to use those, you know, these days, but.

Mike (13:06.35)
Right.

Bill (13:08.87)
yeah, I mean in my opinion, and again, I wrote that down because I, you know, we just joke about trying to grab onto the younger generation. If they listen, they do. I mean, if they don't fuck them, I mean, they, they probably don't understand half the shit we're talking about anyhow. No offense to them because they, they probably think we're uncool and you know what? It doesn't fucking matter, you know? but the, all these different things, I just think that, you know, like you said, you know, feeling, feeling cool is just, you know,

Mike (13:28.558)
Right.

Bill (13:37.67)
doing things that other people do and having opinions that other people don't have. And if nothing else, being comfortable in your own skin is fucking cool. That in and of itself is just being fucking original, refusing to go along with whatever slang terms celebrity do's, art, and fashion are.

Mike (13:44.494)
Mm -hmm. Yeah, absolutely.

Mike (13:59.79)
Right. Yeah. Well, and I mean, if you're truly cool art and fashion and music and, and well, music is art and all that, you know, again, that's, you know, the popular mainstream stuff is never been cool and never will be.

Bill (14:18.63)
Right, yeah, I just thought it was funny. It fucking made me laugh when they were talking about it. Because again, the guys on the morning show that I listened to, I mean, they're both in their mid -60s. The news person who's been with them for years, I mean, she's our age, either my age or in between you and I, somewhere in that range. But same thing, she's roughly in her mid -50s, same deal. So I just said, she grabs stories like that every once in a while, and I think it's funny as fuck, so.

Mike (14:30.254)
-huh.

Mike (14:41.582)
-huh.

Bill (14:48.71)
But anyhow, so thank you. Thank you for playing with me. But you got close. You got close, you know, when you said 42. So I wouldn't have necessarily thought 39, but I suppose, you know, that's your, again, your typical average American, you know, that's, that's never been cool. Probably starts to feel uncool around, you know, late thirties. It makes sense, right?

Mike (14:53.998)
Right.

Mike (15:05.646)
Right? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I don't know. And like I said, I've always felt cool and I always will. So fuck you.

Bill (15:08.518)
Yeah

Right. That's why I said average American. That's why I was talking about you. You are you're you're out of the ordinary. You're you're unique. Right. So so a couple of things about well I mean first of all and I know I kind of mentioned it in the beginning of this so I've been here for three weeks. I'm heading out tomorrow again you know stupid fucking early but that's OK because I

Mike (15:20.342)
I'm special.

Bill (15:39.494)
I figure, you know, sacrifice a little bit of sleep, but I'd rather get to the next place I'm going and kind of get myself settled in and be able to enjoy the rest of the weekend. But I don't know, it's, and I talked a little bit about, the one thing is that, so I'm in a living room, this time I'm not in the bathroom. The guy that was next door, and here's the thing, I don't know if the,

Mike (16:00.16)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (16:05.446)
If the unit next to me, I don't know if the guy that lives there, if that was an Airbnb, I don't know. But it was like, the last time I saw that guy was Sunday and I just happened to be outside when he left. So I saw him leave and he hasn't been here all week. And I'm like, well, maybe it was either, either it was traveling for work or it was an Airbnb or whatever, it doesn't fucking matter. But he was gone, which is nice, because I didn't have to listen to somebody in the list, literally in the, right next to me, next to the wall.

Mike (16:09.742)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (16:18.222)
-huh.

Mike (16:27.726)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (16:35.238)
But I mean, that was the, I don't know, that was the biggest thing. I mean, I just, I wasn't, I don't want to say completely, I wasn't completely impressed with the place that I'm at. The neighborhood's loud. There's, there's a, but I mean, I love dogs. You know, I love dogs, but there's the dogs in this area. Once they start barking, they don't fucking stop. And, and again, you know, the walls are thin, so I'm hearing it from outside. I'm, you know, people playing music, loud trucks, loud cars. I didn't get called out or anything while I was working, but it wasn't the.

Mike (16:52.526)
Mmm.

Bill (17:04.07)
probably not the best work atmosphere, just noisy, you know? And clearly, you know, if anyone would have paid attention or heard at certain times that I'm in a residential area and we're supposed to give the impression that everyone that's remote, we're supposed to give the impression that we're sitting in an office in fucking Illinois, you know? So that was a little bit weird, but I don't know. It was just, and...

Mike (17:06.926)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (17:20.974)
Right.

Bill (17:30.15)
He's fucking air BBS. He's last couple I've been in. So the guy texts me on Hang on one second. I get to read the text because I think this was on this might have been on Monday I can't fucking remember now It doesn't even fucking matter what day it was But it was a it was during this week and I think it was I think it was Monday But he says and I don't know who He mentions the name David in here, which must be a guy that works with him or something But he says hey, this is so and so obviously the guy that owns a property here. I

Mike (17:56.11)
Hmm.

Bill (17:59.942)
He says, David should be by tomorrow. yes, it was Monday. David should be by tomorrow to do an air filter change and check the toilet and the sink valves. You need not be present. Okay. With a question mark. And I'm like, in my head, I'm like, fuck, no, it's not okay. No, what the fuck, you know? but I mean, I nicely said, I'm like, can it wait till I'm gone on Saturday? I'm leaving early and I, you know, I can text you when I'm gone. I just told him, I said, I'm working during the day on the phone and I really can't have distractions.

Mike (18:16.334)
Hehehehehe

Mike (18:24.686)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (18:28.582)
I said, it's been a tough work environment, you know, since it's not very, a very quiet neighborhood. And I said, having somebody in here while I'm working would be problematic. And he's like, we can wait. And then he's like, he goes, well, I'm concerned about the work environment. Wasn't aware you were having issues. I texted a guy back and I said, well, first of all, and I kind of explained what I just did here. I'm like, it is what it is, you know, nothing I could do about it. But that's what he said. He goes, he's like, why didn't you say anything about it? I'm like, I can't do anything about it. That's why, you know.

Mike (18:54.03)
Right. Yeah. What are you and what are you going to do? You going to come here and quiet all the dogs in the neighborhood?

Bill (18:59.974)
Yeah. And I mean, I, I same thing, kind of what we were talking about before the blame and, you know, we didn't talk about complaining, but that I try, you know, we joke about the fact that I say, I can't complain and that I do complain. I tell stories out here and I complain about shit, but I, I don't openly, you know, fucking wind to people. I just fucking deal with it. I mean, if it's something that I can work on and try to work out, I will, but literally what am I going to do? I can't go anywhere. Nobody can fix it.

Mike (19:18.35)
Right. Yeah.

Mike (19:28.398)
Bye. Bye.

Bill (19:29.958)
But I'm like, the biggest thing was I'm like, seriously? You know, so in the Ozarks, the fucking maintenance guy or the exterminator just walks in. Next place, you know, I opened my fucking mouth about the mouse and he wants to send somebody in. Now this place, like this guy just wants to come in. I'm like, what the fuck, man? These Airbnb hosts, don't they just get the point of just people are renting from you. They don't want to interact with you. They want to see you. They want to be left alone.

Mike (19:56.626)
No.

Bill (19:59.302)
So, I don't know. It was, I love, I like the area. you know, this area here, I mean, it is what it is. seeing the Gulf, you know, was, was cool. but somebody had mentioned, actually a friend of mine down here had mentioned that, you know, she's like all the water around, this area, like re immediately by the coast and stuff like that and down in Galveston, she's like, it's all like really mucky water and it is, you know, which I didn't know. not that it would have mattered, but I didn't realize that that whatever the.

Mike (20:23.246)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (20:29.19)
I don't know, whatever the, the water scape is, you know, in that area, it is, it's just kind of like dirty ish type of water. It's not like the Florida side of the Gulf, you know? You know, but I think Albiston was cool enough, but yeah, it's just a fucking piece of water. You know, the Bay, I like going up to the park and walking over there and stuff like that. There was really nothing, I mean, I hate to say this, but there was like really nothing, I don't know, mind -blowingly out of the ordinary here. Is that, I don't know if that makes sense, you know?

Mike (20:33.614)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (20:55.918)
Mm -hmm. yeah. I mean, you know, I spent a while, but I've been down in that area. Yeah, there's it's you know, a lot of it's industrial and shit, you know, I mean, there's shipping and stuff and yeah, right. Yeah, it's not it's not the jewel of fucking America. That's for damn sure.

Bill (21:05.222)
Yes.

Bill (21:12.614)
Right. And I don't, I don't regret it, you know, but, like the, the shipping thing, when I went down, I was, when I took a ride that, the one weekend, it was like on a Sunday and I took some pictures. I went down by the port of Houston. That was kind of cool, you know, just driving along and seeing all those shipyards. And I mean, just stacks and stacks of fucking the big trailers and shit like that, that, you know, obviously all the trucks haul around. I was blown away by that. There, I mean, there had to be fucking thousands of them, you know? So.

Mike (21:32.694)
Yeah. huh.

Mike (21:39.278)
yeah.

Bill (21:41.478)
That was kind of mind blowing seeing that stuff. But I couldn't get close enough and I saw one as I was driving up, saw one ship kind of pulling up, but I couldn't get around to actually get close enough to actually see it, which would have been cool. But I don't know, I mean, the weather here, God, I can't complain about the weather. It's been phenomenal. I mean, it's just nice. I love the weather and stuff like that. But yeah, I don't know. I mean, so far the Ozarks were probably...

You know, it's been my favorite place so far. I didn't really, the place I stayed in Tennessee was what it was, but yeah, compared, like this compared to the Ozarks, I had, it was more enjoyable in the Ozarks than it was here. I guess if that makes any sense. So, yeah, so I don't know. I don't know. you're just like, all right. I don't know. I'm just, you know, just it's conversation. That's all.

Mike (22:24.462)
All right.

Hehehehehe

Bill (22:33.03)
But one last thing, and this has nothing to do necessarily with this area, but it just happened in this area. So I mean, I know I've talked about it, I think, on here, but you know I've got my permanent address now. It's a box at a UPS store so I can get a physical address. And the reason I did it, which the cool part is I knew I was going to be doing this. And if I need to get my mail, they'll send it to me anywhere in the country. I mean, it costs $20, but they'll send me my mail. And I hadn't got my mail in probably

Mike (22:33.198)
Alright.

Mike (22:47.342)
Mm -hmm. Right.

Bill (23:01.542)
It had been a month or a month and a half and I don't really get a lot but I'm like, yeah, probably haven't send it. So they sent my mail here and I get it's it's amazing how much fucking junk mail I get and when I go into the UPS store in Germantown, I mean I just open all the mail there and then I put all the junk mail in the shredder bin and I end up with out of 25 pieces of mail I get two things that actually are meaningful and the rest I just you know, I just put them in the shredder bin. So I did that I

Mike (23:12.686)
huh.

Mike (23:25.262)
Right?

Bill (23:30.726)
Got everything here open at all, big fucking stack of stuff. And I'm like, I'll just find a UPS store. I'll go in and I'll put the shit in this shredder bin. So last weekend, Saturday, I think, I ran around, did a couple of things, found a UPS store about 15, 20 minutes away from here. And, and I walk in and the shredder bin, there's only one. It's like you walk in, it's a, it's a long, kind of like a long strip mall store in the shredder bin is kind of up to the left towards the counter.

Mike (23:37.582)
huh.

Mike (23:55.246)
Okay.

Bill (23:58.822)
And so I walk up, there's a couple of people waiting in line and I wasn't, you know, trying to get into line, but I walk up to the shredder bin and I'm just, you know, putting in, I put in half the stack and then I'm about to put in the second thing and a lady beyond the counter. She's like, sir. And she's like, sir, that's our shredder bin, not our trash. And I'm like, I'm like, yeah, I know. I said, thank you. And I'm about to walk out and she's like, sir. I'm like, yes. And she's like,

You've got to pay for that. I'm like, really? I said, I'm a customer. I said, I'm a UPS box customer. And she's like, well, it's $1 .25 a pound. You're supposed to pay for that. I'm like, I didn't know. I said, I'm a box customer. I said, I'm not at this location. But I said, anytime I get my mail, I just put stuff in the shredder bin. She's like, well, you're supposed to pay for it. And I said, I didn't know. She's like, well, fine.

Mike (24:34.542)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (24:56.998)
And she's helping a customer at the time and the customer just turns around and kind of looks at me too. And I'm just like, had I thought about it? And I thought about it, of course, after the fact, you know, it's kind of like, you know, thinking about the perfect comeback. I would have just grabbed $2 out of my wallet, threw it on the counter and walked out, but I didn't think about it.

Mike (25:13.902)
Well, if you really wanted to do it, you take the $2 out, put it in the shredder bin.

Bill (25:18.138)
God damn it! That would have been great, yeah, because she would have to come around the counter, get the key, unlock it, because it's always a lock on those. You know, it's usually the company has a key to it, but also the shredder company. But I just thought about it. I'm like, seriously, I did not know. Now I know. Now when I'm traveling, if I have a shredder stuff, I walk up to the counter and say, I'd like to put this in your shredder bin. Do I have to pay for it?

Mike (25:21.518)
HAHAHAHA

Here's your two bucks.

Bill (25:47.43)
But I didn't know. It was already in the Shredder Bits. You couldn't have weighed it at that point. I didn't even think it was, I don't know, it wasn't even a pound of stuff. I know what a pound feels like, and it wasn't that much. I'm just like, sir. I walked out of there fucking laughing at them. You fucking bitch. I'm like, Jesus Christ. But seriously, I had no idea. They've never said anything to me at the UPS store that I go to.

Mike (25:47.566)
Mm -hmm.

Mike (26:03.246)
Hehehehe.

Bill (26:15.366)
But maybe maybe it's just because they they know I'm a customer. I just don't know I have no idea, you know

Mike (26:19.214)
Eh, whatever. It's no free lunch.

Bill (26:22.938)
I know, but you know, it's just one of those things where I mean I had I wouldn't have done it I wasn't trying to like get one over on the man or anything like that I just didn't fucking know so but anyhow But yeah, I think that's all my all my fun stories from from the past week or so But okay, how about how about some sober stuff? What do you think? Yeah, so I don't remember this this is on my front page so maybe this was something

Mike (26:44.878)
How about it?

Bill (26:51.238)
Might be a newer one for 24 hours a day. So, for 24 hour book. At first, we are sorry that we can't drink, but we get so that we are glad that we don't have to drink. Am I glad I don't have to drink? The key to this is that we don't have to drink, not that we're not allowed to. Obviously, I know that was what we were taught. But so.

Mike (27:03.726)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (27:14.822)
Do you, did you go through that or do you remember going through that, you know, saying, sorry, you couldn't drink, you know, being glad that you went, what were the, I guess maybe the easiest thing, what were the stages that you went through, when you first got sober with all that stuff?

Mike (27:27.406)
Right. well, I mean this last time, right, you know, the most current sobriety, yeah, I mean, I was, I was done, you know, shit, you know, yes, there are times where I don't even know about the drinking. there's certain drugs I'd still like to be able to do.

Bill (27:38.086)
Ha ha.

Bill (27:53.414)
Ha!

Mike (27:56.59)
Not a hell, you know, I know, of course, you know, hot day, mow the lawn, nice cold beer at the end of it. And I know there's non -alcoholic beers out there and you know, I'm sure. I mean, I always liked to taste a beer, but, shit. I, you know, I don't need that anymore. so no, I mean, yes, I, I, yeah, I still miss, you know, I mean, there's certain times where, you know,

lighten up a joint would be great. You know, there are certain drugs that make sex better. Yeah, you know, so yeah, I miss it, but you know, I've given up the right to be able to do it, the privilege to be able to imbibe in those things anymore.

And right, and like it said, man, you know, I'm far more focused on the gratitude that I don't have to. Because, you know, clearly at the end, it was, you know, it wasn't fun. It was something I needed to do just to survive, you know, life, man. It was, yeah, which is a shitty way to live. So I'm grateful that I don't have to anymore. Of course, I have twinges and I, you know.

Yes, I miss certain aspects of it, but I also have to remember that I can't enjoy those aspects anymore because they were fucking long gone long before I stopped using and drinking. So, yeah, you know, again, mostly grateful that I don't have to anymore.

Bill (29:41.19)
Yeah, and that's one of the things that, and I remember, and I know we've talked about it in here, but I think it's worth repeating, but that was the one thing that I remember specifically, or what I don't remember is anyone ever telling me when I first got sober that you're never gonna be able to drink again, or you can't drink again, or anything like that. The thing that I remember hearing is, we're gonna show you why you won't need to drink anymore.

Mike (30:01.71)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (30:08.486)
And I mean, that's a it's once again words words matter and it's a it's a mild distinction with the words But it means a whole fucking different thing, you know, they're they're telling me that I mean can't is something that you know, none of us like you said, you know, I mean alcoholics You know telling they can't do something. I mean I used to always I would go in the other direction You know, somebody told me no, I'd be like fuck you that I'll go over here, you know Or you can't well, you know think I can't fuck you I can Yeah

Mike (30:18.35)
Well, yeah.

Mike (30:24.974)
Yeah. Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.

Mike (30:35.854)
I'll show you.

Bill (30:37.99)
Yeah, you know first is what what they were telling us is that they were they were gonna show us how to be like you just said that the freedom you know, they're gonna show us how to be free and and that is the thing because there there was in the thing of it is and I and I know what it is with Nice days and nice weather and hanging out by a lake or water or live music Whatever the deal is whatever the thing was that I that I used to do it it is it's that you know that first

that first drink, maybe even that second one, you know, you're just kind of in that, in that mood, you know, but I know what happens after that, you know, I mean, it's a, you know, it, that, that first and second drink, that's the, that's the beginning of a fuse. That's all that it is. And once that fuse burns too fucking much, something's going to happen. It's not going to be good, you know, and, and that's, yeah, there will be one, one way or the other, there's going to be some sort of destruction, you know, and it's.

Mike (31:11.726)
Yeah? Mm -hmm.

Mike (31:26.094)
Right, there will be an explosion.

Bill (31:34.982)
Yeah, either I'm going to blow up at somebody literally, or I'm going to fuck something up or, you know, fuck myself up or whatever the deal is. So, you know, I can still, I can still sit back and if the worst thing in the world, which is not a problem these days, again, thankfully, you know, that I don't have to worry about, I don't know, kind of clenching my teeth through those first 15, 20 minutes of an event or a thing like that till I get past and realize that, I can do this without the booze. I know I can.

But it doesn't mean that it doesn't cross my mind, you know, kind of to your point. So.

Mike (32:08.174)
Right, yeah, right, absolutely.

Bill (32:12.358)
Yeah, but yeah, I mean, yeah, the biggest thing is I think that to your exact point, though, I mean, that's that's my that's my thought. My my feeling is that, yeah, the fact that we don't have to drink is is I think the biggest it's the biggest piece of freedom. That's exactly what it is. You know. All right. So we were talking about sponsor stuff with Gary. And I don't remember if I had this on here before or after, but so.

Mike (32:27.918)
It is.

Mike (32:36.014)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (32:40.678)
In choosing a sponsor, and I want to get your opinion on this for you specifically, would you ever choose a sponsor that has less time than you and why or why not?

Mike (32:44.014)
huh.

Mike (32:52.782)
Hmm. No. No. I mean, OK. Coming up here on 14 years, right? Yeah. Finding a guy that's got 12 years or 10 years, but is really working a good program and all that. Yeah. I mean, I could see.

Bill (32:56.614)
Hahaha!

Mike (33:21.614)
how that would work and you know, whatever. Sure. But I mean, you know, first of all, first of all, choosing a sponsor is pretty goddamn funny to me because my sponsor was chosen for me. You know, my first one, I went up to Bob and said, hey man, I need a sponsor. And he looked at me and said, you want me to be your sponsor? I said, I don't care, man. I just need a sponsor.

Bill (33:35.782)
Hahaha!

Mike (33:51.502)
And then he gave me to him. You know, so it was chosen for me. Yeah, I mean, I mean, I think I don't know if it's the best way, but it was certainly the way that works for me. It was like, you know, early sobriety when you don't know what the fuck you're doing. You've got, you know, a week or two or whatever, maybe save in a month. If you're out there on your own trying to do this thing, you've been going to meetings and whatever. OK, man, I need a sponsor. I need to.

actually start working this program, not just going and sitting in meetings. Yeah, I mean, I think the best thing is, you know, you're at a meeting that you like that you're comfortable in, whatever, and you just, you know, stand the fuck up, throw that ego down and say, I need a sponsor, you know, and hopefully, again, you think it's a good meeting, it is a good meeting, you're going to have a couple guys walk up to you and say, Hey, man, you know, I can I can help you out, whatever.

I would certainly do that at a meeting even today, you know, if some guys stood up and said, Hey man, I need a sponsor. I would go over and talk to the guy. I don't know that I'd actually sponsor him until I talked to him a bit, but I would certainly talk to him. Yeah, you know, I mean, I think the whole choosing a sponsor, I don't know. I don't know if it's actually the best way, you know, I mean, I guess it works for some guys. I,

Most of the success stories I know of, your sponsor's kind of chosen for you, even if not directly. It's like, yeah, you're at a meeting and whatever, and you're talking with guys and you go, I need a sponsor. And somebody's gonna step up, it's gonna happen. I think controlling, trying to control at that point in your sobriety is a really fucking stupid thing to do.

You know, I mean, you can ask somebody to be your sponsor. I suppose I've had some guys do that. but again, none of those guys that I, that have walked up to me and said, Hey, can you sponsor me? I'll sit there and talk to him a while. I never say yes right away. you know, the, the successful shit is it just kind of happens, man, you know, you're not going to choose who's going to sponsor you. I don't think, I think it's chosen for you.

Mike (36:17.774)
by something bigger than you, like a group of drunks.

Bill (36:22.662)
Yeah, right. And you know, and that's a good point. And I wasn't thinking about it, you know, necessarily from an early recovery standpoint. And once again, like everything else that I fucking write down and sometimes having a little bit more of a, I'll write more of a backstory on some of these things or at least a backstory so I know where it came from, but I don't. But I was, I was literally thinking about like you and I, if we were going to go out and, you know, for whatever reason, figuring if we wanted to get a different sponsor or that sort of thing.

Mike (36:37.742)
This is

Mike (36:51.438)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (36:52.838)
And the same thing, and I know we've talked about it before, you know, those people sometimes that have that, you know, that three to five years and, you know, some people are, I mean, working really good program, especially like you said, maybe a 10 to 12 year. I don't know that that would bother me to have somebody that had less time, but it'd have to be that, like you said, is I would still, in that circumstance, if I just felt that I needed somebody to maybe...

Mike (37:05.63)
Right, right

Bill (37:19.622)
literally physically sit down, work through the book again, do whatever the case is, for whatever reason, if I got to that point. I don't know that, I don't know. I mean, I don't know that I would shy away from somebody that had less time than me if they were, I think there's a lot of people out there that may be working. I don't even know if it's, maybe it is a better program than I, I'm staying sober, so I'm doing what I do. But if, if I was looking for somebody that was, I wanted to get somebody, if I wanted,

Mike (37:24.846)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Right.

Mike (37:33.678)
Right.

Bill (37:47.366)
Somebody to get me back into the book type of thing, you know, like walk me through whatever I don't think I care so much about the the amount of time I don't know. It's it was just it was an I I didn't think about it as always didn't think about it that much but But yeah, I mean you make a good point early sobriety. God. Yeah, it's I'm so glad that you know Marty introduced me to Bill's brother whoever the fuck I can't remember his name now and then Bill's brother took me to

Mike (37:50.542)
Mm -hmm, right.

Mike (37:57.294)
Hmm.

Mike (38:06.254)
Right.

Mike (38:13.326)
Mm -hmm.

Bill (38:17.542)
West Park and introduced me to Bill and he became my sponsor. That's what it was. And the same thing as you walking up to Bob, hey, I need a sponsor, man. Yeah, come with me. Mike, this is Tim. Tim, this is your new sponsor. And I'm pretty sure that's all. I wasn't there, but I'm guessing that's almost exactly how that conversation went.

Mike (38:19.598)
Right? Right? Mm -hmm.

Right.

huh, right!

Right. Right.

Mike (38:45.678)
Yeah, pretty much. Pretty much. Here, take this kid. Do something with him.

Bill (38:47.654)
Yeah

Bill (38:52.454)
But you know, maybe that's a but I didn't think about this but that's maybe that's a good side question So do you ever feel and I was just you know, just popped into my head when I said getting back into the book Do you ever feel it at this point like right now you Mike today at 14 plus years Do you feel? Like you've gotten away from the book. You need to get back in the book at any point Do you feel any part of that is is lacking or something you need to?

Mike (39:07.598)
-huh.

Bill (39:21.606)
Anything like that that you're missing or need to get back into.

Mike (39:24.526)
I mean, probably. Yeah, right. You know, yeah. You know, it crosses my mind. Shit. You know what? I should pick that up and read a fucking chapter. you know, I mean, clearly I've been through the first 164 pages. It's seriously been, it's been a couple of years since I've, you know,

Bill (39:29.35)
That's some honesty for you folks.

Mike (39:51.246)
picked up the book and read it shit probably five years. Since I've actually picked up the book, you know, and sat down and read something out of it. You know, I'll go, I go to the 12 and 12 once in a while, but hell that's been a couple of years. Well, not when we went to the retreat, I had to, you know, I was doing some homework. So I wanted to get my quotes straight and shit. But.

You know, I mean, I did five years going to a 12 and 12 meeting every week. you know, yeah, you know, the, the, the honest answer is yeah, probably. I probably should. I mean, that's kind of where sponsoring is supposed to be part of it, which, you know, I probably, you know, nobody's came up to me and the situation doesn't come up. Cause like I said, the, well, my one successful sponsor, again was.

was given to me, you know, Hey, there's this kid, he fucking, you know, he's, he's an atheist. He's got a problem with the higher power thing. Can you talk to him? And I did. And we ended up being sponsor, sponsor, E and all that. yeah, you know, it's been a while since anybody said, Hey, there's this dude I need you to talk to. which is I think the best way.

Then it works. And then of course, you know, then you go through the book with them and that's when you go through it. I haven't had one in a while. So, yeah, you know, me actually sitting down and reading the book. Yes, I probably should, but, you know, I'm not doing it tonight. I know that I'll guarantee you. I'm not, we're not finishing this and I'm not going to grab my big book. It's not happening.

Bill (41:27.846)
Ha ha ha ha.

Right and you know the the last time that I went to Shit the last time that I went to a meeting Because I still got a big book meeting at that the club and Mequon and that would have been I know where I was working at the time Maybe it was if it was when I was kind of like in between, you know type of things. We're talking probably shit 2016 or 17

And, you know, where you just go there and every, every week we were reading, you know, a story out of the big book and whether it was, you know, one of the, one of the main chapters or a story or whatever it was, I can't remember how it was set up. but shit, I mean, we're talking, I mean, it's 2024, you know, I mean, seven years, six years, you know, I remember a couple of times when I've gone through, for whatever reason, you know, early ish sobriety, first two, three years, you know, go through some.

Mike (42:15.63)
Bye.

Bill (42:28.582)
you know, kind of tragic event. And I remember one in particular where, I don't know what to do. I sat down and I read the fucking big book and I don't know what I read or how long I read it, but, that's what I did, you know? And, yeah, shit. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I know that you and I want to talk about, you know, like steps six and seven, at some point and, you know, we can still do that. But cause my first thought, yeah. Well, like when, when you said you haven't done it well, I'm like, we could, I'm like, fuck no, we're not going to do a big book study here.

Mike (42:47.726)
All right, drop the rock thing. I know, right?

Bill (42:56.806)
you know, because that's not what this is. I don't think. But for anyone out there that, and I'll promote this or, you know, at least, you know, mention it because he did a hell of a nice job on it. But if you want to get a really good audio overview of the big book, the Sober Friends podcast, and just look for, he did, Matt, our buddy Matt did episodes.

Mike (42:57.558)
Great.

Bill (43:25.542)
look for Decoding the Big Book. He did Bill's Story, Chapter 3 and Chapter 4. I don't remember if he did all, I think he did the first 164, I think, at least the main chapters in there, some of them. But whatever it was, he did a really nice job. He did the history of where it came from, and then he did, actually read the entire chapter. It was great. You know, because you could just either sit there and listen to it or drive along. And again, so I suppose that, what was that, six months ago?

you know, that I'd listen to somebody read the big book. Does that count? I mean, I don't know if it counts or not, you know? Okay. Yeah. So, but I mean, seriously, it's sober friends podcast and decoding the big book. And if you, if you listen to it, let Matt know that we sent you because, you know, he, that's what he's, he put a, he made it very clear that he put a lot of work into it. I knew he did.

Mike (43:57.134)
Mm -hmm.

Yeah, that counts. That's a big book study. Right.

Bill (44:21.446)
far more work that we put into this fucking thing that we do. So, yeah, he deserves all the credit in the world. Yeah, I know, I know. But he did, he really did. He did a nice job on that. He did a nice job. So, I don't know, that was just kind of a sideline question because, you know, I don't know, I don't know that, I don't feel lost because I haven't been in the book. But, you know, when can any one of us say that, yeah, I don't need any?

Mike (44:27.246)
Pretty fucking low bar there.

Bill (44:51.046)
If it's anything that has to do with the big book sobriety, anything like that, no, I'm good. I don't need any more of that, which is a fucking lie, you know, so. Right?

Mike (44:51.598)
Hehehehehe

Mike (45:04.11)
Exactly.

Bill (45:06.63)
I think we, did I lose you? God, we're, holy shit, we're delaying a lot. I seriously, I seriously thought I lost you. I didn't think we were delaying that much, but you know what? If it's, if it's that long of a delay, then fuck it. Let's just, I don't know where we're at in time total, but let's just wrap this up. We don't want to deal with that big of a delay. So you good?

Mike (45:28.686)
Yeah, man, we're good and shit. We've done about an hour and 15 minutes. It's a little shorter episode this week, but you know what? Deal with it, kids. It's a holiday. Get out there and buy a mattress and barbecue something. All right, kids, guess what? It's that time. It's that time, kids. It's time for you to fuck off. before you fuck off, do something nice for somebody else. Then fuck off. Then keep fucking off. Keep fucking off till you get to a gate with a sign on it saying you cannot fuck off past here. Climb over that gate.

Dream the impossible dream and keep fucking off forever.

Bill (46:04.262)
Buy a mattress and do something nice for somebody else and once again since I have no fucking clue how long we're delaying I'm just gonna say Mike. I love you brother. We will talk soon and I'll say my goodbye

Mike (46:18.382)
Love you too, bye.