SoberNotMature - Episode 123 (Spinning Signs and Wasting Times)

00:00:01.85
Bill
All right, everyone welcome once again to another episode of sober not mature And any one of you guys that tunes in just for the dogs. You're going to be very disappointed because we're not here

00:00:15.25
Mike
Oh, what the hell, man? Oh, they're probably being kenneled, right?

00:00:19.61
Bill
Yeah, they are being kenneled because Kathy and then my daughter, Kimmy, and my grandson, Ollie, are in Boston. So yeah and they're they're in Boston with their cockies.

00:00:25.98
Mike
Basting.

00:00:29.92
Mike
a

00:00:31.34
Bill
Actually, no, Kimmy left her cockies here.

00:00:33.38
Mike
Ah, nice.

00:00:33.57
Bill
yeah She left her co and her cockies here. But yeah, anthony they left. um God, with it seems like was it yeah it was yesterday.

00:00:42.90
Mike
That was yesterday, I believe.

00:00:43.64
Bill
yeah Yeah, Kimmy got here late on Wednesday. Got a little bit of a delay. She's supposed to be a little early. And I went to bed. I mean, I heard them. I heard them get here. They kicked around for a while, but saw them for a little bit in the morning.

00:00:54.96
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:00:56.40
Bill
And then, yeah, they left left yesterday and they come back on Monday, I think so.

00:01:02.18
Mike
Cool.

00:01:02.58
Bill
But yeah, no, no dogs. So kind of I actually have the door to my recording studio open.

00:01:09.06
Mike
Nice. Right. No dogs, no people, just you.

00:01:12.45
Bill
I know. And I, to begin with, I, I just sat down like, you know, five minutes ago and I, I shut the door and I'm getting, they said, I'm like, what the fuck do I got the door shut for?

00:01:20.05
Mike
greatest may be taking

00:01:20.31
Bill
Cause it, you know, it tends to get, it will get a little bit warm in here. So, um, I keep it open during the day when I'm working, uh, cause a dog, Katniss and Tucker usually are fine when they're downstairs by themselves. But, um, it's just when, when they're in their, their crate and stuff like that, they're cool.

00:01:30.48
Mike
Right.

00:01:34.63
Bill
But you know, just when it's, you know, people are air blows by them and then they, they want to, then they, they want to bark.

00:01:38.98
Mike
he A moat of dust passes their vision.

00:01:45.14
Bill
right ah but no it's ah they're all good so but but yeah so other thing too and yes it's it's like mike and i tonight again and for the next number of

00:01:56.37
Mike
Aha.

00:02:01.32
Mike
my Right.

00:02:01.63
Bill
we um got any you think I even told you this we can't announce that guest of ours yet um they want us to wait at least a couple of weeks but I couldn't I couldn't you do I couldn't remember if I if I told you or or whatever little thing was but oh was it okay okay

00:02:06.46
Mike
Right. No, I know. Yeah. I do know.

00:02:15.13
Mike
I think it was in the email. Yeah. Super secret email stuff.

00:02:20.77
Bill
yeah But so the well we'll just say this, it's ah the the guy's kind of a big deal.

00:02:25.76
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:02:26.22
Bill
um he He is in recovery, works for an organization that is all about recovery. So there's that.

00:02:31.92
Mike
Right?

00:02:32.70
Bill
um Has a ah ah past, you know that a visual, a visual past, let's say.

00:02:35.69
Mike
Yeah.

00:02:38.16
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:02:38.65
Bill
And Scott got something to promote. I i know for a fact. We're not the only ones that are going to going to be having having him on as a guest.

00:02:45.98
Mike
now No.

00:02:47.70
Bill
But I asked him like, so how many how many others, you know, and well the first question I asked, I said, well, you know, I said, I'm assuming we're not the only ones.

00:02:48.00
Mike
No.

00:02:50.78
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:02:56.13
Bill
I said, I get that. But just curious how many other how many other podcasts. But, you know, how did you hear about us?

00:03:01.77
Mike
Right. Yeah. That I am curious about. Cause I mean, the guy's clearly doing a proper book tour. Right. This is like, yeah, this is like real fucking shit. This is show business.

00:03:09.94
Bill
Right.

00:03:10.77
Mike
this

00:03:11.70
Bill
I know. Yeah. And then we, we ended up on his list. So, um, so she said, uh, she's like, well, you know, yeah, we're doing other ones. We don't know how many yet, but you know, obviously trying to promote the thing and whatever.

00:03:20.71
Mike
listen

00:03:21.40
Bill
Um, and she said, we just did a, you know, internet search and came across a bunch of podcasts, came across you guys and you looked interested.

00:03:24.72
Mike
Cool.

00:03:27.70
Bill
I'm like, okay. And this is literally because again, after getting a little bit of a feedback from you and stuff like that, um, when you, you when you found the other piece that you had sent me and that sort of thing, and I'm both, there's like, holy shit.

00:03:28.65
Mike
cool

00:03:34.15
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:03:39.97
Mike
Right.

00:03:40.16
Bill
Um, but.

00:03:40.97
Mike
Well, I mean, I recognize the name is like, yeah, from the email.

00:03:42.99
Bill
Did you? Okay.

00:03:44.51
Mike
Well, yeah, you know, yeah. fact i Right.

00:03:48.42
Bill
I didn't. I didn't.

00:03:49.89
Mike
I know. I know. That's why I say the link I say.

00:03:51.39
Bill
yeah right now it's ah you know ah again I through.

00:03:52.61
Mike
you

00:03:57.25
Mike
You were burying the lead and your excitement over the guests. I'm like, no, that's not what to be excited about. This is what's to be excited about.

00:04:03.59
Bill
yeah Yeah, and and it was true. So there, again, once again, there's a reason there's two of us because there's a lot of reasons that, you know, there's there's two of us that, you know, that do this thing because I don't think either one of us, it just, it wouldn't, it just wouldn't, it it wouldn't work for many reasons.

00:04:18.27
Mike
Right.

00:04:19.61
Bill
But um yeah, I mean, I just, I run through life kind of blissfully at times when it comes to that. And then you're like, no, dude, this, I'm like, Oh, look at that.

00:04:27.22
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:04:28.04
Bill
Yeah. um But the funny thing is that this is the, out of every guest we've ever had that's approached us, you know?

00:04:35.11
Mike
Right.

00:04:35.74
Bill
um I always ask the question, have you listened to us? We're this and that. The only thing I mentioned to her, I said, we're a little mouthy, but we're serious about our recovery.

00:04:42.10
Mike
Sure.

00:04:42.30
Bill
I always let people know that.

00:04:44.06
Mike
Right.

00:04:44.18
Bill
But I didn't ask anything else. I'm like, are you sure you want to be with us? Whatever.

00:04:47.74
Mike
Yeah, right.

00:04:47.89
Bill
Like, nope. Get this on.

00:04:51.50
Mike
Yeah.

00:04:52.16
Bill
We'll be nice to him. Maybe we won't even swear that time.

00:04:53.20
Mike
Yeah.

00:04:54.24
Bill
Who knows?

00:04:54.66
Mike
Hmm Well, I mean judging from a bit of his history, I'm sure you know a little salty language isn't going to offend him Mm

00:05:04.42
Bill
that right right yeah we might be tempered a little bit maybe hu cause maybe

00:05:09.26
Mike
-hmm

00:05:11.33
Bill
but no it's well i mean as we as we get a little bit closer hopefully in the next couple of weeks she had said you know maybe midjuly and to july something like that then we can obviously start we'll put them put him on our list in our in our email and stuff like that i don't know if he's got an instagram account there i think he's got a facebook page whatever it is we'll he's got a website we'll figure out all that stuff but um definitely we'll start mentioning it start promoting it so um yeah it's kind of a kind of a i we think kind of a big deal right yeah so

00:05:30.36
Mike
Right. Mm hmm. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, again, like, yeah, you know, how the fuck did you find that little thing?

00:05:44.51
Bill
Right. And that's why, you know, it's like sometimes less is more. I'm not going to ask any more questions. I don't want you to look into anything else.

00:05:50.01
Mike
good Right.

00:05:50.47
Bill
Just ah not you, but her just, you know, but we'll set them all up.

00:05:52.62
Mike
Yeah, I know. Yeah.

00:05:54.46
Bill
Yes. Bring, bring Mr. So-and-so on. we' We'll be nice to him.

00:05:57.03
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:05:57.52
Bill
We'll talk about whatever.

00:05:58.65
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:06:00.21
Bill
But, um, yeah, I think it'll be interesting too. It's a, I, the only thing that I haven't figured out yet in doing the reading is how long he's been sober. I just said an article that said a number of years, um, you know, and whatever.

00:06:10.66
Mike
Right.

00:06:11.73
Bill
So I'm guessing.

00:06:12.09
Mike
I mean, I did a little backtracking and it's got to be probably around maybe five under five or under at this point. I mean, he had, yeah, I mean, he had quite some time, you know, and, but we'll talk all about that later, but yes, you know, he had a bump in the road and then he got back on the horse and he's riding again.

00:06:22.22
Bill
Oh, really? No.

00:06:28.26
Bill
Right.

00:06:32.72
Mike
So that's all that really matters.

00:06:33.20
Bill
right Yeah, exactly. Okay. Well, cool. Well, yeah, one way or the other. I mean, you know, stay tuned. It's going to be one of those ones too. And it'll be a first ever for us. We're going to record um actually a couple of weeks before we release it um based on their criteria um in that episode.

00:06:46.59
Mike
Mm hmm. Right.

00:06:50.35
Bill
And again, we'll promote it coming up, but it's going to, we will release that episode on a Sunday because it happens to be the date that we're allowed to do it.

00:06:56.87
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:06:58.20
Bill
So, um, yeah, we're going to do it a day late that week, but, um, because we, we need to, so fuck it.

00:07:03.92
Mike
Right. Yes, but it'll be a day late, but it will not be a dollar short.

00:07:07.80
Bill
Yeah, right and the the positive part is the week that we're recording we're gonna record a normal episode on Thursday His episode on Friday and then the week that we release it.

00:07:14.11
Mike
Right.

00:07:17.15
Bill
We don't have to record anything yeah So

00:07:18.97
Mike
Right, which is gonna be right. Yeah for over two years. We're actually gonna have a week off finally Mm

00:07:25.01
Bill
which will be yeah really fucking weird. and and the only I mean, the only thing I'll do is, and I'll probably, because I procrastinate, I'll wait until that Friday, you know or even shit, probably even that Saturday.

00:07:32.32
Mike
-hmm, right Mm

00:07:35.82
Bill
and Well, it depends on where the fuck I am. So we'll do your reading and stuff first, but I want to recap the, my Iowa trip, the one coming up, and then this other place that I might be going to.

00:07:42.52
Mike
-hmm

00:07:44.73
Bill
So I want to talk about that a little bit, but that's just kind of like fun, fun little shit, but I got plenty of other things on here too.

00:07:50.67
Mike
Cool.

00:07:50.97
Bill
So I think we, you know what? what what about a reading mike what do you think

00:07:55.59
Mike
Well, Bill, let's have a reading.

00:07:57.66
Bill
okay back to you mike

00:07:59.23
Mike
Thanks, Bill. All right, yeah, didn't have ah anything really jump out this week, you know, I mean, other than, you know, they're all fucking good.

00:08:01.85
Bill
yeah

00:08:07.70
Mike
But anyway, um I was flipping around a little bit and um it starts off with a quote that I actually used on Founders Day on the bus ride back from Dr. Bob's house. So Bill will recognize this quote. And it starts off, this is June 15th, it's from God Grant Me.

00:08:20.73
Bill
What about a reading, Mike? What do you think? Okay, back to you, Mike.

00:08:23.49
Mike
Uh, everywhere it was in with, Jesus Christ. See, there it is. Everywhere is in walk is Jesus. All right. Take three.

00:08:34.61
Bill
ah sorry yeah yeah yeah it laugh my ass out because now i remember the

00:08:35.39
Mike
Yes.

00:08:40.22
Mike
Yes.

00:08:41.11
Bill
um like i was going to give you the one but i can't give you the second one i had to laughp at you so

00:08:44.85
Mike
Right.

00:08:45.41
Bill
mut

00:08:46.29
Mike
Well, no, I did it perfectly when I did it out of my head now that I'm trying to read it off the page I can't do it. All right.

00:08:52.41
Bill
right

00:08:53.29
Mike
This is the good one. Here we go. Take three Everywhere is in walking distance if you have the time Stephen Wright a wonderful Bostonian comedian. See how it all ties together. All right, so um We need to make careful choices about how we spend our time. It is important to ask, am I happy with the things I spend time on? Do I find meaning in the things I spend time on? When we are working, do we put our attention into our work? Do we spend enough time taking care of ourselves and our family? Do our friends add quality to our lives?

00:09:32.84
Mike
Addiction has taught us to waste our time on hurting ourselves and it did take, and it did become the most important thing in our lives. Taking back our lives with the help of our higher power means taking back our time to spend on the things that give, not take life. One day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Prayer for the day. Higher power, there are so many dangerous moments in my day when my at addict wants me to take wants to take me back to using or to using people and places. Please fill my time today with healthy thoughts and help me spend my time on living well, not on the slow death of addiction. Today is action, because this is one of those damn programs of action.

00:10:25.69
Mike
Uh, and this is an action we will not take today. I will make a list of the things that I need and want to spend my time on in order to be healthy and live a life that I like. And I am proud of that. I will consider how I spend, how I can spend more time on these things.

00:10:46.82
Bill
Yeah, I would say any of those actions that says, I will make a list, it's kind of like, okay, I'm going to finish reading this, but, you know, I'll go back to the fact of, ah again, you know, up until about a year, maybe a year and a half ago, whenever it was, um I never read those because I knew I wasn't going to do them, which is stupid.

00:10:50.68
Mike
Right.

00:11:04.09
Mike
Mm-hmm

00:11:04.18
Bill
and you know thankfully this this podcast and me bringing that up um has got me into reading those and i i like reading them because it still makes me think and i take some of those it actually gives us material on here every once in a while you know so um but yeah that was uh

00:11:09.92
Mike
Right Mm-hmm sure that does Now mm-hmm

00:11:20.93
Bill
Yeah, that he tried to read off that fucking quote. That was it it's funny. I I am I'm sitting here muted. I'm laughing and laughing. I was like after that sound like I gotta I gotta pop in But um, yeah, you know and Stephen Wright I don't know if and if we have we do have I guess let me step aside for a minute It's based on listeners. We have the this rather large contingent now of listeners that in the last 30 days or so between 18 to 22

00:11:47.69
Mike
Well. Hmm.

00:11:50.57
Bill
you know And it's averaging anywhere between like 20 to 30% within either a seven to 30 day period, which is weird.

00:11:57.91
Mike
Hmm.

00:11:58.89
Bill
And when it what had happened though was after Founders Day. you know And I'm wondering if, yeah again, people we handed out cards to when and if anyone got friends to listen or maybe that that dude that handed me the card that we did the reading you know for him,

00:12:02.83
Mike
Ah.

00:12:06.69
Mike
Uh huh.

00:12:12.67
Mike
Mm hmm. Sure.

00:12:14.55
Bill
um I don't know, but I mean, it seems like we're um we've we've taken a little bit of that, that grabbed a little bit of that younger audience, which is which is cool. Our weekly plays don't necessarily go up, but I don't know, it' just it's a first time ever that we've had that that type of percentage, so it's kind of weird.

00:12:23.53
Mike
Yeah. Hmm.

00:12:31.33
Bill
But what I was going to say is so forth, the younger folks, if you don't know who Stephen Wright is, look him up.

00:12:35.61
Mike
no

00:12:36.45
Bill
I mean, he's completely dry, completely monotone, but but I mean,

00:12:36.73
Mike
Yeah.

00:12:41.09
Mike
He's dry as a fucking desert.

00:12:42.97
Bill
Yeah, I mean, no emotion to his comedy, but it's in his voice or he has no inflection.

00:12:47.86
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:12:48.77
Bill
But he's funny as fuck. I mean, he really he really is.

00:12:51.02
Mike
Yeah.

00:12:52.32
Bill
And, you know, yeah, that that quote and that saying is perfect. And, you know, I could I could actually hear him saying something like that, you know, and then just sitting there and waiting for people to laugh. And it again, keeps a straight face through his entire act, which, again, is kind of funny. But Yeah, so if you don't know who he is, look him up. I mean, it's obviously a good quote. but So a couple of things that that I wrote down.

00:13:10.60
Mike
Right.

00:13:13.85
Bill
um How we spend our time, obviously, if we're happy with it. ah Finding meaning. um Do friends add quality. ah Taking back our lives. Take me back to using. That's obviously the bad part when it says things in our lives. But also, fill my time with healthy. And there was more things to that. I might have you like reread that part. um let's Let's start with that one, because that's that's the one that maybe makes you work a little bit.

00:13:35.59
Mike
Of

00:13:36.65
Bill
know one you know it's you Once you settle in, you know you know i pull your book back out.

00:13:38.79
Mike
course, I won't see a meeting do I spend time working all the quality to our lives must port thing or Shit, maybe it was in the prayer

00:13:40.63
Bill
but So towards the end there, it says something about help me fill my time with healthy, and then I had a few things in there, I think.

00:13:49.35
Mike
of course i won't see a meaning do i spend time working all the equal to our lives most port thing i ever shit maybe it was in the prayer um

00:13:59.83
Bill
I think it was at the end, yeah, the prayer for the day.

00:14:03.13
Mike
to Fill my time with healthy thoughts and help me spend my time on living well, not on the slow death of addiction.

00:14:11.22
Bill
Okay. So, um, yeah. And I mean, having healthy thoughts, I think that that just in general, um, I mean, I, we've talked about it plenty of times. I think it's that, you know, our mind's old, um, best friend or our greatest enemy, right? Can easily, can easily fuck us up.

00:14:25.45
Mike
Right.

00:14:27.12
Bill
So, I mean, having healthy thoughts, even in the, and I'm just going to say, quote unquote, worst of times, we gotta try to have those healthy thoughts, right? To keep shit in space or in place, right?

00:14:34.87
Mike
Mm-hmm, right. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, you know and we've talked plenty on here about our thoughts and how yeah Right, but you know um clearly our thoughts are healthier than they were 14 years ago or 13 years ago or 15 years ago or yesterday hopefully, um, right

00:14:41.73
Bill
Right.

00:14:55.22
Bill
Right.

00:14:57.12
Mike
But um yeah, you know our thoughts are still fucked up. But yes, my my thoughts are infinitely healthier. um But you know the whole the whole reading was about you know spending time and wasting time. And that that's a huge part of my recovery today is because you know you know I don't regret the past um and all that good stuff. But um I wasted a lot of time, of which the reading talked about. um i wasted decades of my life.

00:15:27.97
Mike
Um, and so I don't want to waste my time today. Um, you know, even doing little simple tasks and stuff, I, I find myself taking a beat and going, how can I do this the most efficient way and get it done?

00:15:31.91
Bill
Right.

00:15:43.45
Mike
Um, you know, it's something I have to, so, you know, whatever, um, cleaning the kitchen or, you know, straightening something up or whatever. I take half a second before I start doing it and go, okay, do it in this order, it is the most efficient way to do it and it will take the least amount of time. um And it's just the way I kind of run my life now because, you know, yes, I waste plenty of time. I sit around and I watch television and I zone out and whatever, but that's not, it's not really wasting time because it's decompressing from my day and whatever and relaxing and, you know, making myself, not making myself crazy.

00:16:16.38
Bill
Right.

00:16:23.32
Mike
Um, but, um, right. But I mean, yeah, you know, excuse me, the things that, that I have to do, I really do try to do them as efficiently as possible. I mean, um, uh, bringing groceries in or whatever, whatever it is. I do. I, I, I hate wasting time. I hate to start doing something and go, shit, I missed a step. I've got to go back now and do this before I could do this next step. And that just drives me nuts. So I do take that those couple of minutes, you know or whatever seconds a beat whatever it takes to plan out the task that I'm about to do so I can do it in the most efficient way so that I can go lay on the couch and watch a ballgame and not fucking think about anything, right?

00:17:10.34
Bill
right And you know what's funny is with the, um and it would have been after after I got sober, I know for sure, but I i don't know if I use the idea of i efficient inefficiencies, let's just say since I've been sober, and especially when I was training, um you know and it well even to this day, but especially when I was training people when i first after I first got sober in the different jobs I had, I would tell people that all the time.

00:17:22.98
Mike
Mhm.

00:17:32.65
Bill
I said, this this job is a collector of the things that they were doing,

00:17:32.98
Mike
Mhm.

00:17:37.23
Bill
i said it's all about being efficient it's not necessarily being the fastest or getting done the quickest or anything like that i said being efficient is literally getting from point a to point b in the best possible way yes shorter amount of time your time gets quicker you become more efficient over time

00:17:39.92
Mike
Mhm. Mhm.

00:17:47.64
Mike
Mhm.

00:17:54.17
Mike
Sure.

00:17:54.89
Bill
But to your point is taking that second and not rushing into something and saying fuck this I just got to get this done Taking that time and thinking and looking at it almost like a puzzle and figure how is all this shit gonna fit together? You know or how can I do this?

00:18:07.20
Mike
Right.

00:18:08.65
Bill
So I do this I got it Yeah, I got to pick this up again to clean it because I already cleaned that when I spray up here It's gonna get this so I got to do the counter last why you know that sort of thing it just

00:18:14.70
Mike
sir Right. Yeah, absolutely.

00:18:18.88
Bill
You know remind me of like cleaning I when I clean the bathroom I clean the mirror first cuz if you win decks it gets on the counter You know, so if you win decks last I didn't wipe the counter off again Yeah, yeah, exactly.

00:18:24.57
Mike
Right.

00:18:27.62
Mike
Oh, always always clean down gravity. Yeah, right.

00:18:31.12
Bill
Yeah, but you know

00:18:31.48
Mike
Yeah. You know, you dust something and then yeah it goes down and then you dust something else and it goes down and then the floor you do the floors last.

00:18:36.49
Bill
and

00:18:39.77
Mike
Right.

00:18:40.22
Bill
Right. Yeah. But those are those are things that, you know, I know that every one of us as human beings learn that over over time with trial and error, you know, or somebody trying to tell us, you know, it just made me think about with my, um you know, when I'm when I'm doing this traveling and stuff like that, when when I go on up on a full trip where I have to take everything.

00:18:46.88
Mike
prison Right. Yeah, right.

00:18:58.51
Bill
the first time that I that I packed my car and you and I talked about because I'm like, I don't know if I want to take the books with me because it's a it's a good size box and I have a whole nother small suitcase, you know, and that takes up.

00:19:05.45
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:19:11.69
Bill
I've got a my car is not small, but I mean, I got limited trunk space.

00:19:15.39
Mike
Sure.

00:19:15.75
Bill
but But what I ended up doing was is I tried it one way with this big suitcase and then I ended up buying two duffel bags, soft, soft duffel bags so they can actually, you know, bend.

00:19:21.67
Mike
Mm.

00:19:25.55
Bill
you know it's just close in there you know so i can fit certain things in and after the first like two three times now i know exactly what needs to go where and when and in what order and it it takes me no more than if it may be twenty minutes to to load or unload my car well you know i was i was at your house it didn't take me that long.

00:19:35.69
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:19:42.37
Mike
Right. Yeah. Right. Right.

00:19:45.08
Bill
you know you didn't see me loaded but you saw me unload it take all the shit up there but even loading it you know takes fifteen twenty minutes and and it's it's all in place is nothing you know ah skew i was told kathy this i think it was when i went to i think it's what i went went to iowa

00:19:47.72
Mike
Yeah. Oh.

00:19:56.00
Mike
so

00:20:03.03
Bill
um I had a it was like a half a case of water and I put it in my back seat and I drove out Literally just down Cathy's Road not even out of the subdivision yet and do you know how water squeaks, you know And I just drove down hit a couple of bumps and I'm like, I'm not gonna be able to deal with this for you know ah For fucking hours, so I pull into that church parking lot and look at the backseat.

00:20:08.66
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right? Yeah, yeah.

00:20:20.45
Mike
yeah Mm-hmm.

00:20:25.89
Bill
I'm trying to fix things I'm kind of wedging it in there. I'm like, okay that'll work and Drove out of there and got up to where the family Express is because I had to hit that hit the highway out there Well ended up doing it my trunk when it's loaded. It's fucking full, you know, and I ended up doing I was able to I put it the trunk I took out four bottles of water I put it over in between my TV tray in between the legs fit that in there and then took the other piece fit it just perfectly in this one slot and put it in my trunk and the

00:20:38.40
Mike
Right. Right.

00:20:58.29
Mike
right Left.

00:21:04.99
Mike
yeah

00:21:06.14
Bill
You know, but, um, but yeah, I mean, all of that, uh, in what you're right, all of this, this entire reading talked about how we spend our time.

00:21:12.65
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:21:12.82
Bill
Um, and then on top of that, who we spend our time with. And I liked that part, you know, do I will, I'll even take out the word friends to people that we spend time with and quality to our lives, you know, and I, I think.

00:21:16.09
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:21:22.04
Mike
Right. Mm hmm.

00:21:27.36
Bill
I'm not going to speak for you, but I think that that's, that's something that you will pay attention to with your life. Right.

00:21:32.79
Mike
Oh, absolutely.

00:21:32.91
Bill
but Yeah.

00:21:34.01
Mike
Yes.

00:21:36.38
Bill
Cause I mean, I, I, I know I don't have time to, I have no time, no desire to spend time with people who don't add something to my life.

00:21:45.25
Mike
Mm-hmm or Conversely that I can't add to their lives Yeah, you know, I mean if if there's if I can't help them if I can't make their lives better I don't want to be in your life, man I'm not gonna try to force shit, you know and control things and all that good stuff.

00:21:45.58
Bill
You know, I granted, yes.

00:21:50.52
Bill
Right. Yep.

00:22:02.07
Mike
We talk about right I if I can't make your life better. I'm gonna get the fuck away from you. Yes. Absolutely.

00:22:08.95
Bill
Right. Yeah, I've actually and that just reminded me I said that to somebody in the bad way it was it was somebody that I only want to call it a dating thing I don't know if I was trying to get to know somebody or whatever it was and you know again yeah this that whole get to know sometimes things are cool sometimes or not and you know I don't know it just it it almost felt like I was almost forcing you know the situation with whoever it was.

00:22:13.94
Mike
I

00:22:19.48
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right.

00:22:27.70
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right.

00:22:30.98
Bill
And you know I finally had a conversation with her. I said, well, here's here's my deal. I said, you're I know you're busy. I'm busy. We're all busy, and that sort of thing.

00:22:36.96
Mike
Aha.

00:22:37.67
Bill
But I said, here, what i what I don't want to do, and I said those exact words, I said, I don't want to take away or invade somebody's life.

00:22:44.54
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:22:44.97
Bill
I want to add to it.

00:22:46.46
Mike
Yep.

00:22:46.99
Bill
And if anything that I'm doing, I said, you know just take a look at this. If somehow you and I are not adding to each other's lives and somehow invading it, then you know let's walk away, man. You're cool.

00:22:57.24
Mike
Yes, right.

00:22:57.92
Bill
We'll stay friends. It's cool.

00:22:58.95
Mike
Yeah, exactly.

00:22:59.34
Bill
you know And we did.

00:23:00.81
Mike
Yep.

00:23:02.18
Bill
and but that's all about fucking communication too I had none of that um years ago and I just try to be open with with everyone is I anyway I can you know you can't you can't do it in every circumstance or sometimes when you can't just walk up to somebody like ah

00:23:16.76
Mike
Right.

00:23:19.58
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:23:19.85
Bill
you know it's at the right time or place you know but but still um i don't know communication because yeah quality quality people and we are so lucky with the especially the i mean family yes all of our family we're i think you and i are very fortunate with that we don't have a lot of the

00:23:32.11
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:23:36.97
Bill
that a lot of the drama that people have, you know, out there in the world, especially in the recovery world. But when it talks, when you talk about our group of friends in Cleveland, you know, and shit, man, I mean, you want to talk about quality people.

00:23:45.74
Mike
Right.

00:23:49.73
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:23:50.15
Bill
I mean, you can't you can't beat it. It's great.

00:23:52.64
Mike
Yeah, absolutely. Well, and that's why we've been hanging out with them for 14 years, because, right, we don't have time to hang out with assholes and pains in the asses and other ass related adjectives.

00:24:03.63
Bill
All right.

00:24:05.27
Mike
Right. Yes. We, you know, yeah, it's again, I don't have time. I don't have time. I mean, I don't, you know, I mean, I don't socialize a lot. I don't hang out a lot, you know, with our friends and stuff, but when we do it's quality, you know?

00:24:17.63
Bill
Right.

00:24:18.24
Mike
Yeah. I mean, I, I, I don't want to go sit on somebody's couch and watch TV.

00:24:22.22
Bill
Right.

00:24:23.45
Mike
I have my own couch and my own TV. You know, um, and I don't want somebody coming over to my house sitting on my couch watching my TV.

00:24:27.51
Bill
right

00:24:31.42
Mike
Um, you know, if we're going to do something, we're going to enhance each other's lives and make things better.

00:24:32.34
Bill
yeah

00:24:36.04
Mike
Great. Let's go do something and have an experience and right. But sitting around and I mean, people do that. That's people live their lives like that. That's great. If that's how it works for them and cool. I just have, um, No desire and and no time for that.

00:24:53.31
Bill
Right.

00:24:53.38
Mike
I don't if you know if I'm sitting on a couch watching television It's mine.

00:24:54.40
Bill
Yeah.

00:24:57.22
Mike
It's all mine. It's just me. Thank you very much Mm

00:25:01.06
Bill
Yeah, and there are, I mean, there there are those, like you said you said, you said it before, and I was gonna, I didn't want to interrupt you while you said it, but you know, where you're talking about, you know, wasting time watching this and that, but then you came back around and said it's decompressing and that, and I was gonna say the same thing, because yeah, I mean, the the time that you spend doing, quote unquote, nothing is is quality time, it's not wasted time, because it is.

00:25:13.31
Mike
-hmm

00:25:21.74
Mike
Right.

00:25:22.28
Bill
The the way that the way that we, um you know, and every every night after dinner, I mean, I come up, I do my things, i get a couple of things done you know the clips done for the podcast a couple of the shit that i have to do and then you know i literally sit on my ass and i watch tv most times you know rarely do i have anything to do you know during the week um but i i do that and it just i it's just resting my head even on a friday night like this i get i don't have to get up like super early tomorrow but i'm also not going to sleep until 10 but after i get all said and done doing this whenever we're done doing it i sit down and i grab a drumstick

00:25:35.60
Mike
right sir Right. Right. Now.

00:25:56.49
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:25:57.09
Bill
and i eat my drumstick and i watch tv for at least a half hour before i go to bed you know just time you know it's it's quality time for me because i i want it you know

00:26:01.19
Mike
Right.

00:26:06.51
Mike
Mm hmm. Yeah, absolutely.

00:26:12.12
Bill
But i don't I don't know what the line in, or where it came from in there, but about ah taking me back out to using, I think it was something about, I don't know, organizing your life or doing something in your life. So make sure it doesn't take us back out to using or whatever it was.

00:26:25.01
Mike
Right.

00:26:26.68
Bill
But I mean, we, again, we talk about that plenty is that, I mean, everything that we do on a daily basis is, um it's, it's, building or continuing to build a foundation, use the tools, whatever it is. It's it's relapse prevention you don't for no better no better way to put it.

00:26:40.55
Mike
Mm-hmm Right. Yeah walking away from the edge of that cliff that we wake up to every morning, right?

00:26:47.59
Bill
i i wish I wish I would remember that more. I really do because that was that was so great. we should Let's repeat that. Do you want to repeat the story? or

00:26:56.54
Mike
I mean, yeah, but basically, you know, um right, you know, we were at the retreat and a wonderful female drunk, whatever she was.

00:26:56.57
Bill
whether you do or i

00:27:04.85
Mike
um Yeah, she said, you know, I wake up every morning at the edge of a cliff, and I spend my day walking away from the cliff that edge, you know, basically. um And then when you wake up in the morning you wake up and you're right on the edge of that cliff again And you need to do what you have to do to get away from that edge every day, you know Hopefully at the end of the day, you're pretty fucking far away from the edge of that cliff But every day when you wake up you're right at that edge again, you know And you need to do what you need to do to get away from that edge

00:27:30.34
Bill
Right.

00:27:38.24
Bill
Yeah, I mean, that was um once again, very, very visual person I am. And I mean, that was just it's very it it hit me. And I was just like, fuck, that's awesome.

00:27:47.99
Mike
Yeah, yeah, ra me too.

00:27:49.06
Bill
um Because it is that's it. That's exactly it. Every fucking day we start over, you know,

00:27:53.41
Mike
Yep.

00:27:54.82
Bill
And there's nothing there's nothing wrong with that, you know, I mean, but but with making our bed, doing a reading, doing our prayers, trying to be good, you know, not fucking around with people or not fucking with people, you know, throughout the day, trying to be good human beings, making our little corner of the world a better place, all those sort of things.

00:28:01.29
Mike
Yeah. Mm hmm.

00:28:11.58
Bill
And then, yeah, at the end of the day, we're sitting back, we're like, I can barely see that cliff and they wake up and there that fucking thing is again.

00:28:16.03
Mike
Mm hmm. Yes, it is.

00:28:19.85
Bill
And you're like, I get to do this again. Yes, motherfucker, you do.

00:28:23.07
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:28:25.35
Bill
but, um, yeah, so that was a, I liked that really, that was good. I mean, like you said, it's, it's, I mean, wrapped up in a nutshell was all about time and how we spend it and, you know, doing good things and being around good people.

00:28:28.92
Mike
Yeah.

00:28:33.27
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:28:36.39
Bill
Right.

00:28:36.61
Mike
Right. Absolutely. Being the positive and in doing what we're supposed to do and spending our time wisely. Yeah.

00:28:43.10
Bill
Right. Yeah.

00:28:43.78
Mike
Because we wasted a fucking lot of it.

00:28:44.16
Bill
Last, yeah But I mean, like last thing I'll say about that, I guess more of a question is, could you imagine like, like right now, today, it if if as of tomorrow, whenever the circumstance was, you were stuck, let's even say for one week around, just completely ah people that were the opposite view.

00:28:52.58
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:29:03.83
Bill
I don't mean in a bad drinking or drugging situation.

00:29:06.20
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:29:06.29
Bill
I'm just talking about people that were toxic and just the

00:29:08.86
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:29:13.90
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:29:13.93
Bill
the you were just there for a week i mean i know i can handle it but i think it would it would fucking put me on my edge i know that much

00:29:20.98
Mike
Yeah, yeah, definitely. No, I, i um you know what, man? I don't allow that to happen. It it creeps in.

00:29:27.24
Bill
but

00:29:28.30
Mike
Oh, trust me, it creeps in. It's been creeping around a bit lately and it's fine. um But yeah, I just, I have those healthy boundaries and I'd say, no, I can't be around that crap.

00:29:39.70
Bill
Right.

00:29:41.72
Mike
You know, you want to, you know, not my circus, not my monkeys.

00:29:44.94
Bill
Right.

00:29:45.28
Mike
My circus is over here. My monkeys are very well behaved these days.

00:29:49.40
Bill
They don't even need to be spanked very often. hello

00:29:51.55
Mike
Not that well. Yeah, it's once a day.

00:29:56.58
Bill
But no, I just made me think about that. If I was ever, and I can handle it, I get the tools to be able to, if I was forced to be in that circumstance, but man, it would put me on, it would put me on my tilt and on my edge and whatever it would be, it would.

00:30:01.21
Mike
Mmm. Sure. Mm-hmm.

00:30:10.59
Mike
Oh yeah, it would it would not be easy and it I i would hope that I don't have to fucking do that cuz No, thank you.

00:30:17.50
Bill
Right? Yeah, very unhealthy, very unhealthy.

00:30:19.99
Mike
Yeah, and I don't and again don't want to waste my time on that shit. So I don't

00:30:25.08
Bill
yeah right right so but yeah i mean honestly that was a that was a good reading i mean the same thing i there was a couple of uh i had to search back for things that i was posting this week because uh i think it was um maybe only one of the readings from this week that i actually posted um but same thing i mean they're all good it just depends on which ones you know kind of reach out and you know kind of grab a hold of us right

00:30:46.10
Mike
Mm-hmm

00:30:47.97
Bill
But um okay, so just ah just real quick, um i I know I mentioned everyone. I took a bunch of fucking pictures if you follow us on Instagram. but So I went to Iowa last week. i was in mus It's pronounced Muscatine, Iowa, which I found out as I got there.

00:30:57.79
Mike
Yes, you did mm-hmm not musketel The

00:31:02.18
Bill
but um No, and not musketel, not musketine, not musketine.

00:31:07.15
Mike
three musketeers

00:31:09.07
Bill
Three musketinnies. But um so first thing I want to say is ah I was actually pretty impressed with that state. I mean, um I've driven, I think I've been, I don't know, I've been in a couple of areas of Iowa, but not a lot, driven through different areas, this and that, like you said, kind of flat, whatever here and there.

00:31:16.88
Mike
Mm.

00:31:26.34
Mike
Mm. Right.

00:31:27.45
Bill
But i mean some of the areas of even driving in there like your is that i want to do just it's flat but kinda like rolling farm hills and stuff like that so so kinda picturesque that way.

00:31:33.34
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:31:37.37
Bill
And then the um like the trails and shit that i went on i was just kinda blown away i'm just like holy fuck i mean um the only thing with with iowa though there was like fucking bats fucking i just everywhere.

00:31:48.27
Mike
Mm.

00:31:50.56
Bill
And i mean i got by almost head to toe bug spray and stuff like that i put on sunscreen and then bug spray with any time i do that.

00:31:50.57
Mike
Yep.

00:31:57.36
Bill
um cause I don't know if i'm when you're doing that walk and i don't know where i'm gonna be you know if i could be a bright sunlight or open but i'm always bug spray so i don't get bothered by mosquitoes.

00:31:57.73
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:32:06.28
Bill
But these fucking dance even though you know i'll spray it on my like get my hair and my face and try to wash it so don't get my eyes but these fucking dance that's where they fly like right by my eyeballs.

00:32:12.33
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:32:16.31
Bill
Like you little motherfuckers and so the entire time and just like it's swat these goddamn things away and then the the place that I stayed had that like rooftop balcony and so I get there on Friday and then I got my pizza and I ate and I was sitting out there for a few minutes and like literally right across the back parking lot um There's like a I don't know what empty storefront and then there's like a bar restaurant with an outside seating area So they had live music that was one thing

00:32:25.69
Mike
Mmhmm.

00:32:36.57
Mike
Hmm.

00:32:42.86
Bill
then across the road and then another parking lot that's where the mississippi river is a very cool looking um but yeah so they're playing this fucking live music in late too and i'm i'm thinking that i i could only imagine first thing i thought about is there there has to be somebody at some point that's going to rent this airbnb that's going to fucking complain about that

00:32:45.57
Mike
Mmhmm.

00:33:00.06
Mike
Sure.

00:33:01.31
Bill
Didn't bother me it was it was kind of nice it was fucking it was really warm out I'm sitting I just listen to the music but the first thought that I had I'm like I know for a fact if I was drinking I would have been there you know I mean it's it's right fucking there how convenient you know and then you know definitely people down there again it's a Friday night people laugh and they're obviously you can tell people laugh and drink and do whatever and

00:33:07.24
Mike
No, of course. Sure. tur

00:33:23.82
Bill
all fine. Nothing wrong with it. but um But no, I mean, seriously, I was I was actually um pleasantly surprised because I wasn't sure. I just didn't know what to expect. You know, I just really didn't, you know, but then that truck stop.

00:33:33.95
Mike
Alright.

00:33:37.13
Mike
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

00:33:38.64
Bill
yeah so So So the the place that I stayed First place first trail I went to is about a half hour away And then there was this lake where this other trail was at second place like an hour away My first thought I'm like, I'm gonna drive it a fucking hour to go see this. I'm like, why not? You know, I'm here So I drove out there and that that I'm glad I did that was fucking awesome

00:33:54.94
Mike
right

00:33:58.65
Mike
is

00:33:59.18
Bill
um but then an hour back to the truck stop. um And all said and done by the time I got back, um you know, that night, I mean, I was fucking tired. I mean, it was a long day.

00:34:09.83
Mike
Sure.

00:34:09.99
Bill
I got up, I got up early because I thought I was supposed to rain. So I mean, I was at that first trail, like at a little after nine in the morning.

00:34:13.27
Mike
Hmm.

00:34:17.55
Bill
Um, but by the time I got to the truck stop because i'm like i'll grab something to eat while i'm out or figure out something I ate two apples before I left I brought an apple along just in case had bet at some point by the time I got to the truck stop It's like, you know 2 2 30 whatever it was and i'm kicking around walking around i'm like god.

00:34:20.89
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm.

00:34:33.72
Bill
There's one room There's another room. There's a fucking another room. There's a showroom over there. Look at all this shit and and seriously anyone out there if you get the chance I don't give a fuck what you think about truck stops or whatever this is not this is like a mini mall okay it's it's nice it's clean it's got shopping it's got a restaurant I mean it's it's really fucking cool it's a it's a site

00:34:45.34
Mike
nice Yeah, right Yes, yes it is

00:34:59.38
Bill
But um then I get there and I, you know, it's like almost almost three o'clock and I'm like, I'm fucking starving.

00:35:05.02
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:35:05.21
Bill
And I see the I see the buffet. This lady could have said it was 30 bucks and I would have sat down. But I'm like, how much is the buffet? But it was like 16 or 17 bucks.

00:35:13.62
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:35:14.66
Bill
So I sat down and fucking ruined this buffet and. And walked out of there by you know, it's by the time I walk out of there It's like I don't know it's 3 34 o'clock and i'm and i'm fucking full And I didn't eat as much as we did that first time at the casino with michael But I ate so I mean seriously, I was so fucking hungry by the time I I walked like almost seven miles that day So, you know again haven't eaten all day.

00:35:20.00
Mike
Well, yeah.

00:35:37.87
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:35:41.25
Bill
That's one thing but then you know got walking all that time I was just like I just fucking ate Um, but I mean it was, it was good. That is truck stop food, you know, but I mean truck stop food is fucking wonderful, you know, so it was, it was great.

00:35:49.59
Mike
Sure. Yeah, generally.

00:35:52.61
Bill
It was all good. Yeah, generally.

00:35:53.57
Mike
Yeah.

00:35:54.22
Bill
Yeah, you're right. You're right. The, uh, the, the chicken was a little dry. Like they had, uh, almost like, um, little chicken breast type of thing. And then like a pot roast thing, a little dry ish, but it's fucking, I was so hungry. I didn't give a fuck.

00:36:05.58
Mike
Right.

00:36:06.64
Bill
but um But no, seriously, i I was in the town that I stayed in, um just this quaint little almost like Mayberry look in town. I mean, it was just, it was really, it was I was just impressed.

00:36:15.04
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:36:18.17
Bill
I i just, ah blown away. I didn't think I would be that that impressed with it. I would easily go back to that area again. It was just nice, you know?

00:36:26.03
Mike
Cool.

00:36:27.04
Bill
But um but yeah, the truck stop. I mean, you've clearly, I know you've been there probably a number of times, right?

00:36:30.42
Mike
Oh, yeah, I have. Yeah.

00:36:34.47
Bill
yeah the The thing that I was wondering, and I didn't even look for it, did they have a liquor store in there or no? say it out I it.

00:36:39.05
Mike
Um, you know, I'm not I'm trying to. It's been a long time.

00:36:43.73
Bill
Right.

00:36:43.88
Mike
Uh, since that was a concern of mine, I mean, yeah yeah, well, I've talked about, you know, I mean, I knew I had pretty much the country mapped out, you know, the truck stops that had beer and then where you could get hard liquor. Um, it's one of the reasons I liked Wisconsin so bad because, uh, you know, I mean, most of the truck stops up there, you could actually get hard liquor in the truck stops, which was rare.

00:37:01.75
Bill
Right.

00:37:07.74
Bill
Right.

00:37:07.78
Mike
Um, Yeah. So, um, but I had, I'm trying to remember if that one, if it didn't, there was one real close. Yeah.

00:37:16.92
Bill
Yeah, it just i it was kind of funny. That was an afterthought. But I know that

00:37:19.87
Mike
And I'm sure they, I'm sure they had beer and wine. Um, uh, I'll guarantee that, but yeah, I don't remember if I don't remember if they had hard liquor or not.

00:37:27.92
Bill
Yeah, and you know usually I actually notice things like that and it was just when when I just said that I know you've been there it just popped into my head with you and you know truck stops years ago, but I couldn't ah I Fuck I usually notice that shit right away, you know But but yeah that time I didn't but no it was um but It was 100% worth it I would have it I would have regretted it had I had I not stopped there and I don't know I was probably there I'm well with eating I was there for probably over an hour, but I I'm just kind of walking around.

00:37:31.05
Mike
ah sir

00:37:36.54
Mike
Right.

00:37:50.74
Mike
Mm-hmm. Sure.

00:37:55.84
Bill
I didn't buy anything, but and they get they get clothing.

00:37:57.12
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:37:58.78
Bill
They got souvenirs.

00:37:59.48
Mike
Oh, yeah.

00:37:59.94
Bill
They got fucking.

00:38:00.50
Mike
Yeah.

00:38:00.68
Bill
I mean, this all all these truck parts, I couldn't believe it. It looks like um it looks like a section of, I don't know, Menards where all their truck parts are.

00:38:03.88
Mike
Mm.

00:38:08.98
Mike
Right. Oh, yeah.

00:38:10.29
Bill
um And then there's, you know, the big truck in there that they sell trucks there, too.

00:38:14.70
Mike
Uh.

00:38:14.95
Bill
Right. I think from what I.

00:38:16.01
Mike
to dad theymit I think, I think on the edge, edge of the property, I think there's a dealership.

00:38:17.42
Bill
I could be wrong.

00:38:22.99
Mike
Yeah. If I remember right.

00:38:23.82
Bill
Yeah.

00:38:24.15
Mike
It's been, I mean, clearly it's been probably eight years or so, nine years, maybe since I've been there.

00:38:31.85
Bill
Oh, really? Oh, OK.

00:38:32.59
Mike
Yeah.

00:38:33.17
Bill
OK.

00:38:33.17
Mike
Yeah. I mean, well, I haven't been really on the road, you know, I was, I was regional.

00:38:35.78
Bill
Oh, yeah.

00:38:37.09
Mike
So I was doing the East and stuff. Yeah. You know, I haven't been out there doing all of that in quite a long time and it's been five years since I've been local next month.

00:38:45.99
Bill
Can't see that that even blows my mind, so OK.

00:38:47.63
Mike
Yeah Nope,

00:38:49.02
Bill
Yeah, it's just I guess, you know, why why the hell would you have to be out in Iowa anytime recently? So.

00:38:55.41
Mike
I would not

00:38:57.46
Bill
out not a reason in the world, not a goddamn reason in the world, so. Okay, well, I got two more little trips I wanna, I just kinda wanna just touch on real quick, but I got another shit on here too, but looking at the time, but what do you think? Is it about that time?

00:39:11.00
Mike
It is about that time. Well, you know what? That's a nice little tease, a couple more trips and more shit to talk about. So we will talk about some more shit right after these words from our sponsor.

00:39:30.34
Bill
all right everyone welcome back and yeah back to more trips and shit so um yeah actually this well this is the i started to think about it i think this is the first i didn't really think back the first weekend in it's been a while since i've actually been i've been around just for a weekend um

00:39:35.10
Mike
Yes.

00:39:49.49
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:39:50.42
Bill
and I was thinking what i don't have anything to do this week and i i'm gonna cut the grass cuz cathy's not here she's she's got the grass you know obviously the last couple of weeks cuz i've got back on like a sunday and whatever and.

00:39:54.20
Mike
Yeah, right.

00:39:58.53
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:40:00.72
Bill
Shopping and all that stuff but so yeah i think i gotta do that i gotta do grocery shopping i gotta get a haircut and you know i actually just have to do normal stuff.

00:40:07.79
Mike
Wow.

00:40:08.22
Bill
I know but um, so yeah next weekend and I I booked that trip down and done in Arkansas She actually the the lady that I booked it with that the Airbnb I'm actually just messaged me today with the door code and all that stuff and usually they don't do that till that the day of But yeah that one I'm looking forward to so two things. It's Harrison, Arkansas. I don't know have you been again through there? I know you've been everywhere but

00:40:33.74
Mike
Right. Um, I mean, uh, Harrison doesn't ring a bell, but, um, I'm sure if there's an interstate near it, I've been real close.

00:40:42.88
Bill
Okay, so um there's a national park called Buffalo River National Park, which I'd never heard of, but um that's kind of what I've been doing in these areas.

00:40:47.66
Mike
Okay.

00:40:51.85
Bill
I mean, clearly, because I, you know, obviously looking for these trails and whatever. So I found this and it's this whole, it's not like a, like a paid park or anything like that. So free entry, all these different entry points. And there's this one trail apparently that's like 37 miles long.

00:41:01.73
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:41:05.79
Bill
And I'm like,

00:41:05.79
Mike
Hmm.

00:41:07.09
Bill
yeah It's like, yeah, exactly.

00:41:07.85
Mike
Hmm.

00:41:09.65
Bill
yeah it fred about I was telling her about it.

00:41:11.07
Mike
Huh?

00:41:11.68
Bill
i'm like I'm like, clearly, I'm not doing that. She's like, do it. Go for it.

00:41:14.86
Mike
yeah

00:41:15.10
Bill
I'm like, um'm like wait a second. I'm like, two things. um No. and And secondly, I'm like, I know my limitations. you know I said, it's like 16 hours. I don't have the equipment to like camp and stuff like that. so No, but what I'm going to do is you can go in at different areas like different what we call trailhead.

00:41:31.58
Mike
Aha.

00:41:33.01
Bill
So um basically the all this reading I've been doing, they're calling this whole national park kind of like a like a mini Grand Canyon area ah of Arkansas.

00:41:38.40
Mike
Hmm.

00:41:42.13
Bill
And I'm like, fucking really, I've never heard of it, you know. So I'm looking at all this stuff and I find areas that I can go. And I mean, it's supposed to be beautiful. I'm going to try to get down by the river and whatever, but I can go in and I can figure, you know, go a certain area one way, one day, go a certain area the other way.

00:41:51.48
Mike
Right.

00:41:56.37
Bill
And I could spend a couple hours, you know, wherever or go to different spots and all that stuff.

00:41:59.03
Mike
Right.

00:42:00.86
Bill
But, um you know, without having to hike a long trail. And I've done that in certain areas.

00:42:04.19
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:42:05.90
Bill
But then, you know, I start I start reading some of these things and I'm like, like, this is a national park. And as I said read about different things and And then this one is talking about, you know, the fucking wild animals and shit there, right?

00:42:16.39
Mike
Yeah.

00:42:16.67
Bill
And, you know, I start reading off this list and I took a screenshot. I took a screenshot of it. I'm like, it's your normal stuff. You know, your white tail deer, your squirrels, your possum, this and that chipmunks.

00:42:26.89
Mike
hey Yeah, chipmunks.

00:42:31.20
Bill
And then here's the the list. Literally, they have a list of carnivores. Okay.

00:42:35.43
Mike
All

00:42:35.44
Mike
right.

00:42:36.44
Bill
coyote red fox gray fox black bear raccoon long tailed weasel mink striped skunk river otter mountain lion and bobcat and i'm like uh this is like big boy area right but this isn't like some some county fucking park you know

00:42:40.55
Mike
Hmm.

00:42:54.07
Mike
Right.

00:42:54.96
Bill
I'm reading up all this stuff and they got elk in there and so this one section has kind of cracked me up this they're they're talking about you know, same thing like ah A lot and I forget the the verbiage they use but it's the point of going in here not disturbing anything Act as if you've never been there.

00:42:57.43
Mike
Hmm.

00:43:09.22
Mike
Right.

00:43:10.75
Bill
That's how you and I think any how which is kind of crazy, you know But not disturbing nature.

00:43:12.37
Mike
hu

00:43:14.76
Bill
We are the guests.

00:43:15.64
Mike
Right.

00:43:16.76
Bill
That's that's the bottom line, you know and

00:43:18.17
Mike
Take only memories, leave only footprints.

00:43:21.01
Bill
and Yes. I don't think it was said in those words, but that's the sentiment. You're exactly right.

00:43:25.84
Mike
Yes.

00:43:27.00
Bill
So then they're talking about the animals and stuff like that. They're like, yeah, there's you could run into a bear, you could run into an elk, and this and that. And they're telling you in this article, like, OK, if the animal seems agitated, you're too close. And I'm like, OK, that makes sense.

00:43:42.90
Mike
Yeah works both ways this animal is agitated Yeah, yeah, they're big fuckers yeah Mm

00:43:42.94
Bill
And then they're talking about elk. exactly yeah

00:43:48.81
Bill
Exactly. They're talking about the elk and their horns and I mean what are the fucking elk like a thousand pounds, you know but yeah How many bear what you know four or five hundred pounds? I mean they're fucking huge um You know, even if it's a whatever Bobcat or something like that.

00:43:58.94
Mike
-hmm Yep

00:44:02.33
Bill
It's a it's a big-ass little kitty, you know um but then It's fucking it's fucking lighted here. It's so it's talking about you know if you youtube if blah blah blah you too close It's like don't even think about taking a selfie if you take whatever selfie you take could be your last

00:44:16.56
Mike
Mm-hmm

00:44:20.11
Bill
and like i know these fucking people and this the national park so these fucking people have to say that but i'm laughing i fucking laughing while i'm reading this some fucking moron i know people do it people do it all the time you know yeah ah ah but they always talk about the they talk about these stories out again the morning show I listened to and they said the every every story that they they read it's always like I couldn't believe how fast it came up on me and I'm like yeah it's a it's a fucking wild animal and you're not

00:44:25.41
Mike
Right Right They didn't I actually I just saw a video online yesterday of idiots walking up to Buffalo's Yeah. Yeah. And then the buffaloes get pissed and chase them down and knock them down and stomp on them. And yeah, you fucking morons.

00:45:00.70
Mike
Yeah. Uh huh.

00:45:07.94
Bill
yeah

00:45:08.30
Mike
Right, clearly, because you're too fucking stupid to stay away from it.

00:45:10.43
Bill
ah uh right so um so yeah i i actually and i started looking around and i ordered um i actually ordered a can of bear spray i've i've never had any before but i started reading and um they recommended you know and uh when kimmy got here i told him like yeah i just ordered fucking bear spray and she's like good she's like

00:45:20.04
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

00:45:29.75
Bill
I said, so you guys have it? She's like, no. I'm like, really? She said, no, we should have because they go in these national parks for years, you know. And she's like, we always meant to. But when when we've done it, you know, try to buy close to the park, they're all sold out like, well, that makes sense. You know, um I just ordered it on Amazon, it was like 35 bucks.

00:45:43.52
Mike
Right.

00:45:45.99
Bill
And it's about, you know, it's about the size of a like a WD-40 can.

00:45:46.40
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:45:50.51
Mike
Right.

00:45:50.64
Bill
And um I just got it today and I'm reading it. And it's like the candy empty said like five seconds.

00:45:56.08
Mike
Mmm.

00:45:57.02
Bill
and I'll be like, okay, well, one time use. It's not like you're like, back up there.

00:45:59.24
Mike
Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no.

00:46:02.22
Bill
No.

00:46:02.20
Mike
Right. Well, yeah, to actually stop a bear and make it back up, you got to pretty much unload that fucker.

00:46:05.19
Bill
yeah

00:46:07.84
Bill
i'm right So yeah I got that and I bought a just a little you know cheap backpack and as I throw that my water and whatever and you know I just I don't know but um I'm like I'm like yeah this is this is like kind of a big deal and you know part of me is like I'm like okay well um just for everyone out there we're supposed to be we're supposed to be recording next Friday night while I'm in Arkansas uh if you don't hear from me again it's been a great run

00:46:19.85
Mike
and so a of Right you know a Right yeah That's right

00:46:34.66
Bill
yeah transient wisconsin man eaten by a bear known for his local podcast with his partner with his partner fuck knuckle but uh no i mean and the thing of it is that obviously snakes and all that shit there and you know there's some venomous snakes in that area but um you know what they recommend just like anything else like obviously it

00:46:53.97
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:47:00.13
Bill
When you walk into these places, the number one, the same thing I said when I started off was, I mean, you're you're an intruder, is really what it comes down to.

00:47:06.20
Mike
Yes.

00:47:07.60
Bill
And, um you know, fucking pay attention, you know, where you're walking, i so I always do, you know, from that standpoint.

00:47:10.55
Mike
Mm hmm. Sure.

00:47:13.75
Bill
But I do, even in these places I've been in where I don't think there's going to be a fucking rattlesnake, I'm still kind of eyeballing shit, you know?

00:47:18.77
Mike
Hmm. Yeah. yeah

00:47:20.84
Bill
um so you know i don't fucking know you know these oh the last last thing he said was i didn't think there was a rattlesnake in that area is this just attached to my fucking scrotum well why wouldn't they go for it you know who knows what they go for

00:47:23.56
Mike
Yeah. a Wow. I'm sure.

00:47:36.82
Bill
ah sure Sure But um, but no, I mean i'm i'm really looking forward to it, but I want to get at the weather it looked like it was gonna rain so i'm like, oh fuck me But I just I ordered a like a 12 dollar poncho today too. So i'll have that i'll have that tomorrow I'm like, I don't give a fuck i'm driving seven or eight hours or whatever it is to go down there Um, unless it's you know thunder and lightning and shit like that because that's the other thing So like weather can change if you do this, this is where to take shelter and blah blah blah

00:47:49.26
Mike
Yeah.

00:47:54.36
Mike
Mm hmm. Right.

00:48:03.20
Bill
um but i mean i'm not gonna put myself in like physical danger but if it's just like a a light rain fuck it i'm going give a fuck you know i mean again same thing we just we just kind of talked about quality time and experiences right you know so but um i don't know it just i'm i'm looking forward to the the last last one i'm kind of like eyeballing here is that this place in

00:48:07.99
Mike
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right. Absolutely.

00:48:24.18
Bill
any Same thing, just start I look around at different places. There's a place in um like in a mountain area, West Virginia, and it's, um, Clendenin, have you ever heard of that?

00:48:31.37
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:48:34.69
Bill
It's northwest of Charleston, West Virginia.

00:48:40.67
Mike
Okay.

00:48:41.99
Bill
um And I just like I've cleaned it in or whatever it is, but I don't know anyhow So I'm looking around that just I do us searches and look for a certain price range and that's kind of how I search for things and whatever and came across this one and basically the way the Wi-Fi setup was doesn't work or the internet setup and Because I need the modem obviously in the unit where I'm at and then so this lady's like she's like well You know if that one doesn't work.

00:49:01.15
Mike
Right. Hmm.

00:49:05.09
Bill
She's like I got another one. Here's a link to it She goes I'll try to figure out maybe I'll make you you know do a deal for you So I'm looking at like the monthly rate in this place. She sends me to link to is like $2,400 a month, and I'm like I can't fucking afford that you know um Even if I think I could I'm not going to spend that kind of money.

00:49:17.72
Mike
Right.

00:49:20.81
Bill
You know

00:49:21.37
Mike
Right.

00:49:21.89
Bill
I'm but she kinda came back and she's like well this and that blah blah blah and she could reduce it were theoretically if i and i probably would stay for a month but it would be probably i don't know like a hundred bucks more a week than what i would want to spend.

00:49:34.78
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:49:35.13
Bill
It's it's a big place like two three bedrooms in this place and like a mountain area this whole place and sound like fifty acres of property and.

00:49:42.18
Mike
Oh.

00:49:42.44
Bill
um right at the base of these mountains and it would be like end of august area like middle to end of august type of thing but um she's got to get back to me on the internet setup but uh i don't know i'm like fuck that's another one you know just to be that's the problem i see some of these places it would be really cool because some of them are like if you really want to get away from everyone this is i know

00:49:48.33
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:50:00.68
Mike
Mm-hmm. Yes, yes I do.

00:50:04.71
Bill
is what place I looked at there like imagine if you were in witness protection you'd be safe here literally right up in the air be I'm like that's fucking awesome but you know but I mean yeah this that one I don't even think that if it ended I got access it had like it's like 25 megabits per second or whatever the fuck is but

00:50:09.06
Mike
That had no shit Mm

00:50:22.82
Bill
I don't know, but the whole part is just the, I don't know, I'm i'm having fun doing it. and It's, it's, I don't know, again, the freedom part of it.

00:50:27.69
Mike
-hmm

00:50:30.10
Bill
But um so real quickly, one more, one more work thing. Can I tell you about a non grateful moment where I had to kind of check myself on gratitude?

00:50:35.91
Mike
Please do

00:50:38.17
Bill
Okay, so um I have been, and you know ah more than anyone else, but I said it clearly on here that sometimes I forget to be grateful. um And yesterday yesterday was was one of those days.

00:50:48.78
Mike
Oh.

00:50:52.47
Bill
so the short story the job i have it allows me to do i was traveling i'm talking about i absolutely love it is the best decision i made the take it in whatever pays coming in monies coming in all that stuff so. The last two months i collected a certain amount feels like fifteen grand in fee which is good you know but i wanted obviously wanna keep progressing. this month i had a goal on paper of 17,000 but i set a personal goal for myself a 20,000 in fee with kind of like what i call like a stretch goal this would be nice type of thing at 25 well plus the the money difference between 20 and 25 is is big you know

00:51:14.10
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:51:27.28
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:51:28.30
Bill
So I hit, I hit the 17, I don't know, whatever it was last week, and then I hit the 20, I think on Monday. So I'm like, I got four days, you know, to hit this, you know, hit another five, which could have been done.

00:51:36.20
Mike
Hmm.

00:51:38.80
Bill
um But I mean, so far, all said and done, I'm probably going to settle in even with a couple of payments that could come in, you know, over the weekend type of thing, probably at like, either mid 23, 23, five, or maybe 24.

00:51:48.62
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:51:51.04
Bill
Okay. So um Two things ah up until yesterday I'm like motherfucker out with everything was so fucking slow last week and I'm getting pissed like I'm gonna gonna hit this I'm blah blah blah and I'm getting fucking mad, right? And then finally I I sat back. I think it was yesterday. Yeah it was it was yesterday after work? um I'm sitting back and I'm like, I'm like you ungrateful fuck, you know

00:52:13.32
Mike
Mhmm.

00:52:14.46
Bill
and And I'm like, okay, so literally the the goal that the company gave me, which is what it is, but I mean, I knew I'd hit it, was 17.

00:52:20.60
Mike
Mhmm.

00:52:21.63
Bill
I'm probably going to end up at anywhere between 23 to 24, which is like 140% of my goal, right?

00:52:28.32
Mike
Right?

00:52:28.67
Bill
um Which is is cool. I mean, they it's recognized. On top of that, out of the now the level two that I've only been in for two months, I'm going to end up number two out of all the level twos.

00:52:32.56
Mike
Mhmm.

00:52:39.35
Bill
um Number one person is at like 30, I'm at like 24. So not that far behind.

00:52:43.04
Mike
Right.

00:52:44.12
Bill
Next person behind me though is at 16, okay?

00:52:44.25
Mike
Uh-huh. Mm.

00:52:47.84
Bill
So that, and on top of that, I'm gonna make probably 40% more in commission than I made last month and the month before, okay?

00:52:54.73
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:52:57.70
Bill
So I'm like, you need to be fucking grateful for what you have.

00:53:00.31
Mike
Yell.

00:53:02.15
Bill
You'll hit 25 next month, you'll do even better.

00:53:03.55
Mike
Eh.

00:53:04.82
Bill
This and that, don't worry about it. And in today, yesterday and today, really slow days. I didn't do anything less in effort, but what it did was I realized that I was an ungrateful fuck and I called myself out.

00:53:15.89
Mike
Is that one?

00:53:17.04
Bill
Now I'm doing it on here.

00:53:21.48
Bill
Cause it was, it was making me bad. I'm like, I was getting fucking mad, you know?

00:53:23.33
Mike
Yeah?

00:53:25.84
Bill
Now granted, 25 would be another, literally another $500 in bonus money, which I mean, anyone could use, right?

00:53:32.50
Mike
Sure?

00:53:33.30
Bill
I don't need it. You know, it's not, um I'm okay. Let me take that back. No, I don't. I don't need it you know to pay bills.

00:53:38.62
Mike
Right. You want it!

00:53:39.63
Bill
I don't need it. Yeah, I want it, which is fine. But that's that's you know part of my job to to to want them to strive for.

00:53:45.78
Mike
Sure.

00:53:45.93
Bill
but But no, I don't need it. It's not going to make or break me type of thing. But yeah, I wanted it. um But it has nothing to do. i it was I was taking away from the fact of what I accomplished versus what i what I didn't. I was looking at my failures, which is what we do sometimes, right? I mean, it's just...

00:54:00.87
Mike
Absolutely. Yeah. Right.

00:54:03.55
Bill
a

00:54:03.86
Mike
You've got this huge fucking thing over here, but you didn't get this little piece over here. You're focused on that little piece that you didn't get and not focusing on all this shit that you have over here.

00:54:14.39
Bill
Right.

00:54:14.42
Mike
Right. Yeah, which we do. Absolutely.

00:54:16.32
Bill
Right.

00:54:16.92
Mike
Yeah. And you caught yourself. Good.

00:54:19.73
Bill
Right.

00:54:20.18
Mike
Congratulations. Shit works.

00:54:22.61
Bill
i I know. And it's just now this is this is, you know, twice in two weeks, because I told you about the step 10 thing, you know, last week that I had this gratitude thing come in.

00:54:29.05
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:54:31.70
Bill
um And I mean, literally, when I when I really started thinking about it, and I was like, I was telling Kimmy, I said, i'm already making more money i've been here you know for five months i'm already making more money than i did is a manager or if you average it out yearly right i mean trying to get started i mean i was trying to get caught up on some things and this and that i mean i'm not rolling a door or anything like that but um

00:54:45.00
Mike
Right.

00:54:52.78
Bill
But literally on paper on a monthly basis i'm making more money than I was at the last job as a manager, you know With with none of the fucking headaches plus the opportunity ivy didn't even scratch the goddamn surface of where I could be I'm just a level two.

00:54:58.02
Mike
Right. Mm hmm.

00:55:05.63
Bill
I don't mean that in a bad way If I get moved up to level three, you know, oh jesus and i'm like you fucking you just dick.

00:55:06.31
Mike
Right. Mm hmm.

00:55:13.48
Bill
That's me just a dick You know, so But yeah, the the fact that I the fact that I caught myself.

00:55:14.82
Mike
Yep.

00:55:20.58
Bill
I was kind of happy about that but

00:55:21.91
Mike
Yeah, it took you a couple days.

00:55:22.85
Bill
but then oh no it took me it took me like half the month you know because i i knew because last week yeah it was last week when it was really slow and i knew what i wanted to hit so literally i i was stewing on this for about a week and a half you know um so it took some time but yeah i got there but i'm like this is when i i thought about it uh actually i didn't think about it till today that i'm like ah i gotta to bring that up because this is this is like some sobriety shit you know and

00:55:23.67
Mike
Good.

00:55:27.06
Mike
Yeah, right.

00:55:36.96
Mike
business

00:55:48.89
Mike
Yeah. Hmm.

00:55:51.79
Bill
It's a great example of ah what I could have, i well, I did.

00:55:55.00
Mike
Hmm.

00:55:55.46
Bill
I kind of robbed myself of the, I don't know, I robbed myself of the the the accomplishment, you know, and the good feelings I could have had over the last, you know, couple of weeks.

00:56:01.36
Mike
Right.

00:56:04.44
Bill
And who knows?

00:56:05.26
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:56:05.37
Bill
I don't know if what I did this month is good enough to be moved up to the next level.

00:56:09.94
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:56:10.07
Bill
I know they're looking to pull people up. And the fact that I ended up number two, you know, puts me in a good position for that. But um you know, so I don't know.

00:56:16.65
Mike
Sure.

00:56:18.01
Bill
I don't know.

00:56:18.48
Mike
yeah right you don't know but you know what but you're getting there you're doing the work doing the baby steps and and right doing the work man um and yeah and right it continued to do what you need to do and this shit's gonna happen we we know that trust the process man

00:56:22.23
Bill
ah yeah

00:56:24.85
Bill
right Right. Yeah, my boss, my boss said du my manager had messaged me i know kind of late in the day today. And he's like like, he goes, hey there. He goes, how you know how are you doing today? I'm like, eh. The last couple of days were kind of slow. But I said, you know what? I said, all the work I'm doing, I said, I know what's going to pay off you know coming up down the road. And he's like, eh, that's true. you know So that was in a message.

00:56:55.74
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:56:56.10
Bill
But um you know I'm saying that more for as much for me as I am for him.

00:57:00.10
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:57:00.52
Bill
going to I know where I'm at over the last couple of days.

00:57:01.66
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:57:02.96
Bill
but know

00:57:04.31
Mike
Right.

00:57:04.50
Bill
Yeah, he's not disappointed me. He's like, oh yeah, he goes, you did great. I'm like, yeah, I didn't hit the 25, but he's like, you did great this month. I'm like, OK, cool.

00:57:10.40
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:57:11.10
Bill
Thank you. you know so But um yeah, I don't know.

00:57:11.90
Mike
Right.

00:57:14.51
Bill
I wanted to tell on myself because I thought that that was kind of a kind of a sobriety thing.

00:57:16.72
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:57:18.60
Bill
So I get to where I was, right?

00:57:19.04
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right.

00:57:21.66
Bill
Yeah.

00:57:23.12
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right.

00:57:23.60
Bill
So, um, a couple other things.

00:57:24.60
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:57:25.24
Bill
Oh, I know what I want to tell you.

00:57:25.26
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-h

00:57:26.64
Bill
I, um, was that a way back? Hmm. Where was I? I don't know. It doesn't matter. I started listening to Craig Ferguson's podcast.

00:57:34.48
Mike
Okay. Joy.

00:57:34.94
Bill
Um, yes. I was like, what the fuck?

00:57:36.32
Mike
Yeah.

00:57:37.23
Bill
I'm like, what is that again?

00:57:37.46
Mike
Yeah.

00:57:38.23
Bill
What is it again?

00:57:38.74
Mike
I've listened to, it I listened to a couple of the early episodes. I seriously, I haven't had time to listen to much podcasts. I, uh, I caught the Geezer Butler on Marin this week and, uh, yeah, it's, it's honestly, it's not the greatest one.

00:57:48.95
Bill
That's on my list. That's on my list too. Yep.

00:57:53.25
Mike
I was a little disappointed in it, but so don't, don't put yourself up if you miss it.

00:57:53.70
Bill
Okay.

00:57:57.42
Mike
It's not all that great, but, um, Yeah, you know, if you don't know Geyser Butler is a bass player for Black Sabbath, you know, one of my favorite bands. So I i listened to it. then It was nice, you know, old and burnt. And Mark actually didn't do the usual job that he does with the interviewees. So it wasn't that great. um Yeah. But again, podcasts, I seriously, I, and I listened to the one that I've evolved from the radio show that I've been listening to for over 30 years. So I listened to that. I'm almost caught up, but you know, yeah, I don't have time.

00:58:30.28
Mike
I'm working, man.

00:58:30.34
Bill
Right.

00:58:32.58
Bill
So, and and I had written down, cause I listened to that one too. um So you didn't, you just thought that he was just kind of old at birth. And I agree. I agree. I say i thought that, cause I didn't really know much about him. So it's the same thing as, um you know, I mean, a couple of the other ones that you and I have talked about that I didn't really know a lot about these individuals, but um I thought that it might be, you haven't like listened to her read his book then.

00:58:43.20
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:58:50.17
Mike
Right.

00:58:54.70
Bill
I mean, from, it sounded like Mark said his book was good.

00:58:55.42
Mike
Now. Right. Yeah. Which I'm sure it is. You know, all the good stories and whatever.

00:58:59.84
Bill
Right.

00:59:01.29
Mike
Yeah. I don't have time for that either.

00:59:03.25
Bill
Right? Well, you know what? I i may, because that kind of that's kind of in the back of my head. I may you know sign up if I get ah get up a couple of cheap months of Audible again. I might see if his book is on there and listen to it, because I've got some driving coming up again. so So that one I wrote down. But yeah, the so the Craig Ferguson thing. So um if anyone.

00:59:21.03
Mike
Actually, if you want, I'm going to interject. Do you want a good bass player book? Dennis Dunaway from Alice Cooper.

00:59:26.87
Bill
Oh, really?

00:59:26.95
Mike
ah It's called. Yeah, that's a good one. You'll like that.

00:59:31.97
Bill
OK, cool. I just wrote that down awesome so but um so Craig Ferguson and I know we've talked about it before on here but if anyone doesn't know he's sober he's one of us and a good dude funny as fuck um all that sort of stuff but and I knew he had a podcast just from listening to his book but I had never listened to it I know you said you had but

00:59:34.63
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:59:43.89
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:59:51.96
Mike
Yeah.

00:59:52.67
Bill
It was kind of funny the the same thing I just scrolled back and was listening to a few of the first Or a couple of the first episodes and the two I listened to I listened to Lewis black and Lee and lay Geno Jay Leno Lay Geno, but um

01:00:04.97
Mike
Ah, yes.

01:00:08.05
Bill
so louis black it was kind of funny so couple lines in there from him i mean he's he's a normie you know but it's like he did is his fair share drinking but i'm going for a kiss and asked him some about that with the drinking came up he says it because you ever a problem that he's asking louis black and was black is like it's like no

01:00:14.70
Mike
Right.

01:00:25.27
Mike
ah

01:00:27.59
Bill
He goes, I just figured out that I had a job that I could, I could, I could stay up until six in the morning. Um, you know, squid drinking at six in the morning, get, you know, 12 hours of sleep or whatever it is, wake up and actually be ready to go again and do the whole thing over again. And he goes, it's just never caused a problem for me. It cranks at some along the lines of, he goes, yeah, he goes, I made the same thing. He goes, I can stay up late. I could stay out. But then he goes, the fact that I even had to go to a job,

01:00:50.96
Mike
Uh-huh. Right. yeah

01:00:54.46
Bill
he goes kind of got in the way of it he's like he goes yeah that's kind of the difference between us or something like that but then i like lewis black i've always liked him i think he i think he's he's funny he's just a funny guy but um and then jay Leno did you know and i don't know that i ever knew this that he he doesn't drink is never drank or anything

01:00:59.21
Mike
ahha yeah I think I listened to that one. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah, me too. the

01:01:16.60
Mike
Yeah, I think so. i'm I'm not a big fan of his, but yes.

01:01:19.50
Bill
Oh, really? Okay.

01:01:20.25
Mike
Yeah.

01:01:20.61
Bill
But I mean, I ah take him or leave him type of thing. I think he's interesting enough. You know, when I've listened to him on certain, you know, podcasts, but I don't think I knew that that he did he never did he never drank, which is just never drank coffee either, which I mean, that is what it is.

01:01:27.38
Mike
isn

01:01:34.45
Bill
But I don't know, it just was kind of funny that there was both of those had, you know, had things that come up, you know, just naturally in those podcast episodes about drinking and Craig wasn't trying to force him.

01:01:35.18
Mike
Yeah.

01:01:44.05
Bill
It just, you know, they just ended up coming up and it was just, I don't know, to be interesting.

01:01:44.40
Mike
No.

01:01:47.78
Bill
So, okay. But um I don't know. I'm going to listen to more of that because I i just i i really do. i like I like Craig Ferguson.

01:01:54.14
Mike
Yeah.

01:01:54.89
Bill
I i like him a lot.

01:01:54.90
Mike
I like, um, did you ever watch his late night show?

01:01:58.56
Bill
I know I did probably bits and pieces years ago.

01:02:01.19
Mike
Right. Right. Yeah. Well, we were both drinking when it was on. Um, it it was right.

01:02:04.59
Bill
right Yeah, that's a good point.

01:02:05.98
Mike
Yeah. Um, it, you know, I loved it. It was, it was fucking weird and, and, and hilarious. And yeah, I i loved it. Anyway, remember his, uh, the robot, uh, sidekick, his, his announcer.

01:02:16.58
Bill
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yep.

01:02:17.69
Mike
Yeah. Um, it's one of the early episodes. He has him on the guy that did the voice. Um, and it was a really good one. I liked that one a lot. So just, you know, yeah, I checked that one.

01:02:25.90
Bill
Right.

01:02:27.26
Mike
I can't remember the guy's name, but I'm sure it's in the description.

01:02:30.78
Bill
Right.

01:02:31.28
Mike
that he was the robot, Jeff.

01:02:31.58
Bill
Yeah.

01:02:32.96
Mike
Yeah.

01:02:34.76
Bill
But yeah, I mean, it's ah yeah definitely one of those ones I have it now marked in as my, I don't know, favorites or whatever it was. So I'll i'll definitely come across him.

01:02:40.24
Mike
Yeah.

01:02:41.69
Bill
But yeah, he's, I don't know, I just enjoy him. His book was great. Highly recommend. I can't remember the name of his book that I listened to now, but um it was good. You know, his autobiography or whatever he did.

01:02:52.38
Mike
Yep.

01:02:53.04
Bill
All right, so back to a couple of ah couple of actual, I don't wanna say real sobriety things, but you know what I mean.

01:02:57.45
Mike
Uh-huh.

01:02:59.41
Bill
So the book, One Day at a Time, another one that I read, I know the one is it is one that you don't, but there was a ah line in there that said, resentment inside and out is guilt.

01:03:05.54
Mike
Hmm.

01:03:12.08
Bill
What are your thoughts?

01:03:13.48
Mike
Hmm. Um, yeah, I mean, because it all comes down to finding your part in it. Yeah. So if you're resentful against something, you played a part in that resentment. Um, and yeah, that that manifests itself as guilt.

01:03:25.16
Bill
Right.

01:03:28.19
Mike
So I, I agree with that one. Definitely. Yeah. You know, again, but it comes down to finding your part and, um, Hey, guess what? You know, it's one of the, one of the gifts of this program to me is, um, I'm responsible for all the bad shit in my life. Uh, therefore it gives me control to fix it. Um, yeah. You know, so yes, if I have a resentment, yes, there, there's probably some guilt in there because I have a part in that and I feel guilty because I have that part.

01:03:58.61
Mike
And if I don't fix it and resolve that resentment, um, I'm going to get fucked up, uh, one way or another.

01:04:05.23
Bill
Right.

01:04:06.99
Mike
either physically or mentally or emotionally or spiritually or I'll be fucked up one way or another. Um, and I don't want to be, cause that's not how I live my life today. So yes, yes. In, in all resentments, there is definitely some guilt because you had a fucking part in that resentment.

01:04:25.21
Bill
Yeah, that's the same thing when i you know when I, again, I won't say wrote it down, copied and pasted it.

01:04:30.98
Mike
it

01:04:31.10
Bill
um you know I read it and I'm like, wait a second. I'm like, nope, I'm not even going to think about it.

01:04:35.72
Mike
a

01:04:36.11
Bill
Just put it down here because it it wasn't clicking, but that that's a good point. the the fact that um And that is, for for anyone who's, yeah again, maybe new to this sort of thing or whatever it is, that

01:04:45.24
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:04:46.08
Bill
Anything that ah we were taught that anything, let's just say negative, I don't know if bad, whatever, but what we, let's say what we perceive as negative or bad happens to us in our lives, um we had a part in it.

01:04:52.64
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

01:04:57.28
Bill
If we're, if we're mad at somebody or a circumstance happened, we had a part in it.

01:04:59.51
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

01:05:01.13
Bill
and in figuring out our part in that is not easy at all in a lot of cases.

01:05:05.93
Mike
No.

01:05:07.56
Bill
um Sometimes it you know sometimes we just have to accept whatever it is we had up apart maybe we don't know what it is but we had a party that we have to accept that you know.

01:05:11.91
Mike
Mm. Right? Right. here

01:05:17.27
Bill
So, yeah, you saying that, that makes, goddamn, that makes a lot of sense sense, because, you know, really been in, you know, people say also that, you know, expectations, you know, are just resentments waiting to happen.

01:05:20.52
Mike
<unk>e

01:05:27.96
Bill
You know, expecting something from, ah well, expecting a circumstance, people, places and things, expecting something to happen one way or the other, good, bad or indifferent, you know, could easily cause a resentment.

01:05:33.43
Mike
he

01:05:39.78
Bill
I mean, it's, it's a resentment waiting to happen.

01:05:40.94
Mike
Expecting to hit a goal.

01:05:43.97
Bill
Yeah, you know, hey look at that.

01:05:44.26
Mike
with

01:05:45.62
Bill
Are you made that real? Yeah, and that's 100% and you know what? I don't even know what I what I was resentful or who I was resentful at or of But I did I had I had a resentment there for like a week or so um Easily, I don't know what about you know, I mean I was mad I was probably resentful of myself, you know, they're probably wanted to figure out somebody to blame I know I did but but it's a perfect perfect example

01:05:52.73
Mike
Mm-hmm. yeah

01:06:02.01
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right. Mm-hmm.

01:06:13.67
Bill
Thank you see if that for everyone out there that wasn't even close to being planned and cook Hey hey later in the episode it a little over an hour bring that up.

01:06:14.59
Mike
You're welcome No Yeah Yeah no

01:06:25.83
Bill
This will sound really cool

01:06:30.18
Bill
ah But no, that's perfect, but no i yeah yeah that's now that you say that as far as, um again, having a part in that, that makes that makes perfect sense. So here's here's the next one that I had like right above it. It said, and I just wanted to get your opinion on how you feel about this statement. I don't remember where I got it from, but it said, I try to be a good person because I dislike making amends.

01:06:52.12
Mike
a

01:06:53.60
Bill
yeah

01:06:56.03
Bill
yeah

01:06:56.23
Mike
I agree well wholeheartedly with that.

01:06:58.25
Bill
yeah yeah

01:06:59.12
Mike
Yes.

01:06:59.75
Bill
yeah yeah

01:07:00.47
Mike
ah

01:07:02.31
Bill
Yeah.

01:07:02.31
Mike
Right. it all yeah Exactly, man. I don't want to make amends. I don't want to add to that fucking list. I don't want to write. Of course not. It's it's the the easier, softer way is being a good boy, you know, being a bad boy and and then having to fucking clean up the mess is is hard work. I don't want to.

01:07:19.04
Bill
Right.

01:07:19.66
Mike
I'm lazy. I'm selfish and self-centered. And I don't want to fucking do that goddamn work. Um, so yeah, I just do the next right thing and then I don't have to fucking worry about it.

01:07:29.74
Bill
Right. Yeah, just with I don't remember it. That's a that was a quote from somebody. But I just I didn't put it down, ah you know, where I got it from.

01:07:34.37
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:07:37.14
Bill
But I did, I laughed, you know, to begin with, because, you know, maybe think about kind of like two things, you know, as the almost like ah a fake it till you make it type of thing. I'm even ah or even in a general sense of you know faking a little bit of kindness because i don't wanna i don't wanna have to apologize even if i.

01:07:48.10
Mike
Right.

01:07:54.31
Bill
Am not the most fond of a person or a circumstance um if i sit there and i i fucking lash out then.

01:07:57.61
Mike
isn

01:08:02.24
Bill
I need to apologize i don't wanna do that.

01:08:03.78
Mike
right Right. Right. And I got to feel, can feel the guilt and the re and have the resentment and yeah fuck all that shit.

01:08:06.95
Bill
yeah

01:08:09.84
Bill
yeah

01:08:12.77
Mike
Nope. Nope. I'll just keep it to myself and smile at him and move on. And guess what? I've moved on and didn't have, I don't have to go back, which is even better.

01:08:21.29
Bill
Right.

01:08:22.77
Mike
Yes.

01:08:23.08
Bill
Yeah.

01:08:23.84
Mike
Yeah.

01:08:23.87
Bill
Yeah. And it, and it is like, it like I said, you know, last week when, uh, you know, when I went back and, you know, had that apologize to that individual, that's, and I can say that that's been, I can't remember the last time I had to do that. And it wasn't even anything bad. It just, I felt that I was snippy. It didn't come across that way, which is good, but still it doesn't, doesn't matter. I felt that way and I came across that way. So, you know, it's again, keeping my, my shit clean, not necessarily everybody else's right.

01:08:44.05
Mike
Mm hmm. Right.

01:08:50.88
Bill
So, God, these are, a couple of these are kind of along the same lines. I feel like I play in this, but I did not.

01:08:56.05
Mike
Hmm.

01:08:58.34
Bill
Sometimes solving, this is from Keep It Simple. Sometimes solving problems means accepting them.

01:09:04.75
Mike
Hmm.

01:09:04.80
Bill
Do you agree or disagree? Sometimes solving problems means accepting them.

01:09:07.27
Mike
Hmm.

01:09:10.80
Bill
So I would say maybe simply means accepting them, right?

01:09:13.79
Mike
Right. Yeah. Well, yeah. Sometimes the only way to solve a problem is to accept that it's a problem and there's not a goddamn thing you can do about it.

01:09:20.08
Bill
yeah

01:09:21.89
Mike
Serenity prayer shit, right? You know, except the things I can't change, courage, change the things I can, the wisdom to know the goddamn difference between the two. Um, right.

01:09:30.74
Bill
Right.

01:09:32.82
Mike
Yes. Sometimes, sometimes there's a problem and sometimes it's not your problem. It's just a problem and accepting the, accepting that it's a problem and that you cannot do anything about it is the solution to that problem. You know, we can't, we can't, we gotta be careful that, oh, there's problem.

01:09:48.06
Bill
Right.

01:09:51.63
Mike
Nothing I could do about it. No, we can't do that shit. yeah know Hey man, not my fucking problem.

01:09:56.66
Bill
but

01:09:59.25
Mike
you know I shit in your bed. Hey, it's not my bed. Not my problem. oh yeah No, I shit in your bed.

01:10:04.70
Bill
the

01:10:06.78
Mike
That is a problem that I caused. Sorry. Pardon me. Do you have any Grey Poupon? ah okay But right, but yes, but occasionally there are problems in this world that aren't ours and we accept the fact that That's not my problem. And that is the solution to that problem No

01:10:31.88
Bill
fifth Right. Yeah. I just thought when I, and I knew what it meant, but I just thought that would be interesting um to at least kind of talk about because it is, it's a, it's such a simple statement that, I mean, clearly we can't, we can't fix every, everything, you know, we can't, um you know, certainly can't fix the fucking world and, you know, all the bullshit that goes on in it.

01:10:45.07
Mike
no

01:10:48.64
Mike
No.

01:10:50.66
Bill
But, um you know, and it is tough sometimes, I know that I've always been, I don't know, I do still have, I think that, why not even have to think?

01:10:57.02
Mike
Mm

01:10:58.14
Bill
I know I still have that fix it mentality and that sometimes that people pleaser mentality and things like that and in me, ah which um I'm sort of aware of it most of the time, but sometimes I catch myself and I'm like, man, i because that's not healthy either, you know, because sometimes you sacrifice your own, I don't know, your own feelings or your own, whatever it is, maybe your own worth, you know, trying to fix everyone else's problems or, you know, right.

01:11:00.96
Mike
-hmm.

01:11:03.25
Mike
Sure.

01:11:08.42
Mike
Mm-mm.

01:11:16.88
Mike
Right.

01:11:19.62
Mike
Right. And sometimes they don't want you to fucking fix their problem. They just want to share it with you, you know, to, to maybe get a little insight or something, but they're not they dont know they' not expecting you to fix it. Right. But our first thought is, Oh, we'll fix it for you.

01:11:31.22
Bill
Right.

01:11:34.09
Mike
No, I can't fix it for you. You need to fix it. I can, I can share, I can be here for you and say, I'm here if you need any help, but you got to fix it.

01:11:44.96
Bill
so were we talking about it the one time and with that and i don't remember if we were talking about it but it reminded me of something where um and it kind of goes back to that communication thing but that sort of thing like walking up to somebody and just saying hey you know i i just need to vent i don't need a solution i just want to get this shit i think you and i were talking about that right

01:11:53.88
Mike
Hmm.

01:12:00.27
Mike
Right.

01:12:02.68
Mike
Uh huh.

01:12:03.51
Bill
you know and it is i mean there I do have people in my life, you being one of them, you know that I can do that with it.

01:12:08.93
Mike
Right.

01:12:09.26
Bill
um I can just walk up and say, you know what, I just gotta get some shit off my chest.

01:12:12.67
Mike
Yeah.

01:12:12.87
Bill
um I don't expect you to have my answer forward or even an inkling of how to fix it, but I just need to vent or um I need some advice.

01:12:16.36
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:12:21.50
Bill
I think that part of that, ah but we can't expect that from other people. We've been, I'll call it trained you know in certain ways to just be a little bit more open.

01:12:26.60
Mike
Right. Hmm.

01:12:30.32
Mike
Right.

01:12:30.48
Bill
Um, but it is, it goes back to that communication thing. Nine times out of 10, I wish somebody would just come up to me and be like, you know what? I just want to vent. i I don't expect you to fix it. Cause sometimes, you know, I've had people in my life that, that unload this shit.

01:12:39.51
Mike
Hmm.

01:12:43.19
Bill
And then you're like, either it's a text message and you're like, am I supposed to like fix this or, um, sorry, you feel that way.

01:12:49.56
Mike
I offer some advice or what do I yeah.

01:12:52.94
Bill
Damn, that sucks.

01:12:52.98
Mike
Yeah. yeah Right. Exactly. Well, that sounds awful.

01:12:56.60
Bill
yeah

01:12:58.15
Mike
Hmm.

01:12:58.54
Bill
Oh, that sounds terrible.

01:13:01.23
Mike
Right.

01:13:01.40
Bill
Whoo.

01:13:02.06
Mike
Glad that's not me. God.

01:13:05.20
Bill
Yes, sucks to be you.

01:13:06.96
Mike
Right. Exactly.

01:13:09.84
Bill
so Yeah, it would, it again, would make life easier. But then again, go back to the other one. We can't, you know, we can't solve ah everyone else's problems either. So sometimes that, you know, people are like that. That's all we could do is just wow. Whoo. Sorry.

01:13:21.17
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:13:21.78
Bill
Sucks to be, sucks to be you.

01:13:23.93
Mike
Right. Right. and And it goes the other way too. You know, I mean, I, I can't expect it guy expectations, um, to have people solve my problems, which I did for a very long time, you know, solve my fucking problems, man.

01:13:30.96
Bill
Right?

01:13:38.99
Mike
You know, like goddamn infant that I was, um, right. No, I have to solve my own problems. And, um, yeah, you know, again, but with all that comes that freedom that we love so bad.

01:13:51.38
Bill
Right. Right. Yeah. And it it is. I mean, it's just, I don't know, you know, so much of this that that we've learned and, um I mean, one of the biggest things that I know, I've talked about it a couple of times i'll yeah already tonight, but this whole communication thing, you know, it's just, you know say say what's on your fucking mind. you know And I hate, I don't like the wishy washy, the beating around the bush.

01:14:09.60
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:14:13.51
Bill
you know If yeah ah people have ah an issue or something's wrong, or if ah if you're hurting or whatever the deal is, fucking say something, right?

01:14:22.39
Mike
Right.

01:14:23.01
Bill
I mean, if, or or to your point, if you're not looking to be, if somebody's not looking to be fixed, they're just like, dude, I need to fucking rant for a minute.

01:14:29.48
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:14:32.23
Bill
Do not offer me any advice.

01:14:34.03
Mike
Right. God, I wish people would do that.

01:14:36.92
Bill
wouldn't that be nice yeah cuz then yeah cuz then we're not sitting back just going um ah all right so um this one was from God grant me and this was kind of a kind of a weird one I'm i'm maybe you'll remember it maybe you won't so there was a sentence from God grant me and it said have I fully accepted my handicap

01:14:37.91
Mike
It would, it would be lovely.

01:14:42.99
Mike
Right.

01:14:59.87
Bill
do you and I don't hmm so what I wrote down was do you consider the fact that you're an alcoholic in an addict a handicap because I that line stuck out at me and I don't I don't know what I don't know how I feel about that so I figured I bring it up here so have I fully accepted my handicap but I guess the main point is ah do you consider that right

01:15:20.68
Mike
um I mean, well, we've talked down here plenty about you know words have meanings and meanings mean things. um i i It was a handicap because I allowed it to handicap me. Um, cause I didn't have a solution. And so I have maybe I didn't allow it. Maybe it just, that's what it was. Um, I would prefer to call it an an affliction. Um, you know, a disease. It's what it is, man.

01:15:48.22
Bill
Right.

01:15:49.20
Mike
Um, you know, yeah it can, it was a handicap clearly. Uh, life wasn't going all that great. Uh, I was hobbled. Um, But um no, it's an affliction. It's a disease that I have, that I still have and will always have. um But today, it is not a handicap. I would think ah if you're if you're working a program and you're allowing, to trusting the process, oh it's it's it's not a handicap. It's it's kind of, ah i I don't know, man, it's it's it's helped me.

01:16:30.12
Mike
um

01:16:30.21
Bill
Right.

01:16:30.84
Mike
you know, that I've gotten under control and, and, and have these things in my life that helped me control it and actually make me a better person. Um, yeah, it's, it's an asset now. It's not really a handicap anymore. Still an affliction still in the disease, but, um, not a handicap anymore. Today it's, it's an asset that I'm an alcoholic because I get to have this different way of living that I've applied in my life and I live better because of it.

01:16:49.72
Bill
Right.

01:16:58.96
Mike
So there.

01:17:02.48
Bill
I love when you had your sentences with your youre part with, yeah, so there.

01:17:06.24
Mike
Yeah.

01:17:06.43
Bill
I'm like, yeah, so there, so fuck you.

01:17:09.13
Mike
Yeah.

01:17:09.79
Bill
Fuck you and your stupid word.

01:17:11.56
Mike
Yeah.

01:17:11.80
Bill
and

01:17:12.43
Mike
Handicapped, though.

01:17:13.90
Bill
yeah Well, you know, and when I read it, i don't I don't think I felt, I felt...

01:17:18.73
Mike
Hmm.

01:17:19.35
Bill
odd the statement feel odd and I use to be or portray myself as or anything like that, you know, and that's as we talked about that with ah the whole trauma thing.

01:17:23.75
Mike
Right.

01:17:27.11
Mike
Hmm.

01:17:32.68
Mike
Right. Right. Right.

01:17:35.96
Mike
Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

01:17:42.56
Bill
And again, it we're not, we're not taken away from people who have dealt with trauma or if that if that's your deal, if that's how you, you know, you cope, if you're working on that, and that's part of your story, cool, that's you, that's not me.

01:17:46.35
Mike
see

01:17:50.00
Mike
Mm hmm. Right.

01:17:53.76
Bill
um well But

01:17:53.85
Mike
Yeah. But yeah, and if you better fucking start looking at yourself as a survivor, not a victim.

01:17:59.79
Bill
Correct.

01:18:00.52
Mike
Yes.

01:18:00.54
Bill
Yep. Absolutely. Yeah. So, and yeah, that was kind of what I was, i I think for myself, what I was leading to, I think, but but if not, you led me there. So I like that um is, and it is because yeah, like you said, um was it a handicap?

01:18:09.95
Mike
Yeah.

01:18:14.20
Bill
I never thought about that. So yes, I was handicapped by my, you know, by my, again, by the disease, the affliction, whatever you want to call it, you know, this thing that we have um for years, you know, we were handicapped by it.

01:18:16.16
Mike
may Yeah.

01:18:20.58
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:18:23.28
Mike
Yep.

01:18:25.93
Bill
It it affected every part of our life, but

01:18:25.91
Mike
Sure. Yeah.

01:18:29.41
Bill
You know in just the fact that we that we have this thing again illness disease affliction whatever word we choose to put to it doesn't really matter we have this thing that we have to maintain every every single day as that cliff.

01:18:33.54
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:18:39.97
Mike
Yeah.

01:18:42.78
Bill
hey um so we have this thing that we got to work on every day but um you're right it's we have gained power i think from it you know it's not it's not a bad thing anymore you know it's a huge positive but but that's the thing man i i don't ever

01:18:50.61
Mike
No, no.

01:19:00.64
Bill
I don't know. I don't ever um ever want anyone to look at me like I was a victim of something.

01:19:02.91
Mike
Mm

01:19:06.08
Bill
I mean, i I put myself, I don't give a fuck if any of this, whatever people want to believe.

01:19:06.71
Mike
hmm.

01:19:10.94
Bill
I said this before, I don't care if this was environmental, if it was social, if it was circumstantial, if it was hereditary, I don't care what made me the way that I am.

01:19:16.13
Mike
Mm-hm.

01:19:19.93
Bill
I know i what I am.

01:19:20.41
Mike
Mm-hm.

01:19:21.09
Bill
and i'm I'm an alcoholic and i'm I'm in the solution.

01:19:22.83
Mike
Yep.

01:19:24.24
Bill
That's all that fucking matters.

01:19:25.58
Mike
Yeah.

01:19:25.84
Bill
you know know so nobody did this to me you know it's it's nobody else's fault i'm i'm not a victim i'm not blaming anyone i gotta take care of my own shit so that's kinda what as you were talking about it that's what maybe think of that or how i felt about it but yeah i agree with you.

01:19:27.85
Mike
Nope.

01:19:30.69
Mike
Nope.

01:19:32.87
Mike
Yep.

01:19:40.63
Bill
um Yeah fuck you in your handicap word in this comes from our it comes from our favorite book to which you know.

01:19:46.30
Mike
Right. Well, and you know, and I, I, I have a feeling they may have used that word for a reason.

01:19:52.63
Bill
yeah

01:19:54.50
Mike
Hey, you little handicap motherfucker. How you feel about that, huh?

01:19:59.81
Bill
yeah yeah but um but yeah i mean i i agree it's not a it's it's not a detriment to us uh well unless as long as we're working a program i mean if if we we stop doing if we stop doing the thing and the things then yeah this will be it'll be an instant handicap again might as well take us out of the fucking knees yeah yeah

01:20:08.60
Mike
Right. Exactly. Mm-hmm.

01:20:17.08
Mike
Yeah, absolutely. Yep. No. And it will. Right. Right. Yeah. But again, yeah, i that I look at it as an asset now, not a handicap because I live in a different way now ah because I'm an alcoholic, um a way that I never would have lived. I don't think if I was a normal person, because i I look around every day, man, and I see quote unquote normal people and they're fucking miserable and I'm not.

01:20:36.77
Bill
right

01:20:43.80
Mike
So there you go.

01:20:44.15
Bill
right yeah and Yeah, absolutely. you know And I don't know, I mean, you even think back at the money and that's the savings and in all those sort of things. And you know every once in a while I look at you know the the money I made years ago versus what I make now, which and in some in a lot of cases in sobriety has been, I've made less money in sobriety than I did you know in in my previous life.

01:21:05.60
Mike
Oh, yeah.

01:21:08.64
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:21:09.67
Bill
um But i I don't have a lot of money, but I have money to do the things I wanna do. to a certain extent you know i'm not a not a fucking world traveler but i can i can go and you know play with bears and pop cats no i don't know it's just yeah fuck fuck the handicap shit you know i mean hey everyone else out there you do you if you wanna you wanna feel victimized i i think we're gonna suggest against it but um you know i again turn that shit around you know figure out figure out your worth you have worth

01:21:16.30
Mike
Yeah. That's right. Mm hmm.

01:21:39.71
Mike
Yeah. and and Right. And not my problem, not my job to fix you.

01:21:46.38
Bill
Exactly. Yeah. That's why I just said you do you, but we would suggest it's our suggestion.

01:21:55.00
Bill
All right. So I just, this is one last, I was flipping on the one of these last sheets. It'll, this will take, I promise you not more than a minute. I'm sure if you'd answer this question, I wrote this down to your earth years ago. I could have been a year ago. Did you ever have the job of holding the sign in front of a business member at the Keating center when we used to have to hold a sign or people, did you ever have to do that?

01:22:10.92
Mike
Yeah. Oh, I never did that.

01:22:16.18
Bill
Okay. I didn't either. I didn't either, but, um, I, there was so many people that just kind of to backtrack yeah for everyone. Marty, um, who again, the director that runs Keating center and brand brand us at the time and very good friend.

01:22:26.27
Mike
This is

01:22:29.38
Bill
There were all these people that he would send all of us out on odd jobs, doing this and that. And one of them was it, it could have been for, and you guys all see him, you know, around taxis or whatever, the guy with the fucking hat and spinning a sign or out in front of a new sub shop or whatever.

01:22:40.73
Mike
Right.

01:22:42.92
Bill
There was always a bit.

01:22:42.90
Mike
Right. Or going out of business sale, right? Yeah.

01:22:45.60
Bill
Yeah.

01:22:45.80
Mike
Out there spitting the sign.

01:22:46.19
Bill
but

01:22:47.20
Mike
Sure.

01:22:47.64
Bill
Yeah. Yep. And there was, um, there was a bunch of, uh, not a bunch, a bunch of people that had to do that for one or two businesses. And I, for the life of me, if I did it, maybe I blocked it out because I don't remember, but I remember not wanting to do it, you know, but, uh, it was just, I wrote that down so long ago and I, I, I don't, I never asked you.

01:22:55.30
Mike
Mm hmm. Yeah. Mm hmm.

01:23:08.92
Bill
So I never had to do it either. Thankfully.

01:23:10.88
Mike
Nope, nope. No, he sent me out on some other shit to do but not that particular one No, I did not have to hold a sign.

01:23:15.40
Bill
Yeah. yeah

01:23:19.47
Bill
Yeah, I don't know some of the but what then again, what are you willing to do to stay sober though, right?

01:23:23.28
Mike
Oh Yeah, i'm I'm sure if you'd have walked up to me and said hey you're going out and doing this today I don't went and fucking done it but o God

01:23:24.43
Bill
yeah

01:23:31.95
Bill
You would have been to listen Marty I

01:23:35.15
Mike
You know, I don't think I'll be doing that today, Marty. i I'm just not feeling that. I'm i'm i'm i'm um too sick or too well or too something, but...

01:23:42.45
Bill
yeah

01:23:45.96
Mike
Right. ah No. ah Thankfully, he didn't ask.

01:23:48.52
Bill
i i'm I'm too good for sign spinning.

01:23:52.28
Mike
who who Yeah. Really? You're at the Keating Center.

01:23:56.07
Bill
yeah

01:23:56.84
Mike
I don't think you fucking are.

01:23:59.82
Bill
I know. All right. Well, okay. Again, I think we've we've done whatever type of work. I'm not even going to say it was good, bad, or indifferent, but we we did some work tonight, so I think we're i think we're done, right?

01:24:07.11
Mike
Hmm We are absolutely All right.

01:24:12.27
Bill
All right. Your turn.

01:24:15.18
Mike
Well, thank you everyone for listening to another episode of sober not mature So always go out there be kind to each other be good to each other because yourself Don't waste your fucking time man do something nice for somebody this week and don't tell anybody you did it That's a good use of time and now it's time speaking of time. It is that time. It's time It's time for you to fuck off. Time to keep fucking off. Keep fucking off till you get to that gate with a sign on it saying you cannot fuck off past here. Hopefully that sign's not spinning. Dream the impossible dream. Climb over that gate. Jesus, I'm out of sync because I'm trying to add some stuff to it. ah Climb over that gate. Dream the impossible dream and keep fucking off forever.

01:25:03.73
Bill
Hey, you got me on the spitting side of this.

01:25:06.17
Mike
Yeah, I know I got myself Well, I think dude I haven't looked at it in months I've got it in my head now, oh, yeah Right Mm

01:25:06.33
Bill
You couldn't find your spot again. That's fucking awesome.

01:25:15.88
Bill
i No, okay. yeah Yeah, you know what's you know it's funny is there's there's certain things that um that we have to say for you know for work. It's not really a script, but you know it it took me a while just to remember my direct line. you know and now i can Now that's in my head, but but there's one one thing that I keep up, one line that I say on most phone calls that i I look at it every time so I don't fuck it up.

01:25:30.54
Mike
-hmm

01:25:39.09
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:25:39.13
Bill
Because it' it doesn't have to be said a certain way, but it sounds right if you say it a certain way.

01:25:43.20
Mike
Right.

01:25:43.79
Bill
It sounds the best in that way.

01:25:44.20
Mike
Sure.

01:25:45.20
Bill
the

01:25:45.41
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:25:49.47
Mike
Well, I do. it just I was just trying to add some stuff to it. Yeah. yeah

01:25:57.96
Mike
I think I should probably keep it simple.

01:26:00.46
Bill
Right. Yeah. but Last thing, Gary sent an email and just said that, uh, um, he was laughing his ass off when we had our, when, when I dropped off last week, cause it was right after he's saying that we didn't have trouble.

01:26:03.57
Mike
Mm.

01:26:12.95
Bill
He's just, he was laughing his ass off. So he just emailed me to tell me that.

01:26:14.64
Mike
Look good.

01:26:15.83
Bill
Yeah.

01:26:16.99
Mike
Well, you're very welcome Gary and thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

01:26:19.49
Bill
Yeah. Yeah. As always, Gary, thank you. We, we appreciate that day. All those things make me laugh too. So, all right. I think, uh, I think, yeah, we're good. So, uh, I love you brother.

01:26:29.22
Mike
I Love you, too. We'll do this again next week.

01:26:31.75
Bill
and We will. Bye.

01:26:34.05
Mike
I