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Oct. 12, 2024
SoberNotMature - Episode 138 (Mickey Ate My Car - Well Why Not?)
This week, it's back to Mike and Bill.
Mike started off with his reading and it was about this thing of ours. This disease that we have and how we perceive it. Do we complain or do we show gratitude? It was a good topic and a great conversation.
Then there were a couple of birthdays to acknowledge, baseball, rodents, Marc Maron, exterminators, The Steps, freedom, ego, some more about gratitude and finally good days versus bad days.
What about nonsense? There was some of that also.
Enjoy the episode.
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Transcript
00:00:01.11
Bill
all right everyone welcome once again to another episode of sober not mature and yeah we just had a six minute pre pre-podcast meeting of technology issues that was kind of fun right yeah and uh yeah it's typical shit you know it's uh mike mike had an update on his computer and he's coming through his microphone and his head headphone or microphone wasn't working and blah blah blah and finally
00:00:13.07
Mike
Yes, yeah Blah blah blah Right hit it a few times with a hammer and it's fine now. I
00:00:23.90
Mike
blah blah blah
00:00:25.59
Bill
he He did what all of us human beings do. We shut it off and turned it back on and, you know, fixed.
00:00:29.74
Mike
right hit it a few times with a hammer and it's fine now
00:00:33.68
Bill
Right, go back to old school stuff. So yeah, well, that's good. It's good, Lee. It's whatever. I mean, it's it's not like, I actually got, I got time in the morning. I don't have to leave with some ungodly time in the morning, but we'll get to that a little bit later.
00:00:46.22
Bill
But so first of all, before I forget today, I got a couple of birthday wishes, okay?
00:00:49.44
Mike
All
00:00:53.00
Bill
to Today is my my daughter's mom's birthday.
00:00:53.02
Mike
right.
00:00:55.44
Bill
So my ex-wife Pam she is October.
00:00:57.03
Mike
Hi, Pam.
00:00:59.02
Bill
Yeah today is October 11th.
00:01:00.06
Mike
Uh-huh.
00:01:00.46
Bill
So today is her birthday So happy birthday to her and then tomorrow so when a lot of people are listening to this Saturday the 12th is my son's birthday I'm so happy birthday to Derek and he's gonna be 24 and my ex is older than me.
00:01:03.06
Mike
Yeah.
00:01:08.60
Mike
yeah
00:01:14.28
Bill
So there
00:01:14.73
Mike
hair hair hair
00:01:16.64
Bill
Yeah, only about a year, but yeah, i give her give a little bit of grief.
00:01:18.19
Mike
Uh-huh Yeah, yeah, it sounds familiar Cool
00:01:19.93
Bill
But no, I i sent her a text this morning and wish her a happy birthday. but But yeah, so I think last yeah last year, the way the days fell, which would would make sense, I think we actually recorded on Derek's birthday last year, or so.
00:01:32.48
Bill
Yeah, so they're heading out of town, making a trip down to Kansas and Texas and going on for a handful of days to kind of a birthday thing, but to see ah Dawn's parents and then Corey's family and stuff.
00:01:43.32
Bill
So yeah, I think they're heading out sometime in the morning. But anyhow, happy birthday to them before I forget.
00:01:45.77
Mike
Nice.
00:01:48.96
Mike
Right.
00:01:49.07
Bill
and Yeah, I've got I've got some stuff. I got some I was off today I have been it'll take a little took a little adventure and stuff But you know, we'll talk about all of my garbage later and then you've got garbage.
00:01:59.90
Bill
You got road and stuff You got baseball games. You got and a bunch of stuff going on.
00:02:01.95
Mike
if Yeah.
00:02:03.79
Bill
So but
00:02:05.32
Mike
Yeah, sure. What?
00:02:07.34
Bill
But what what do you think?
00:02:07.72
Mike
What?
00:02:09.08
Bill
you know let's Rather than going into, I'll tell you, we can talk politics for like seven minutes if you want.
00:02:14.83
Mike
No, we cannot.
00:02:16.66
Bill
Right. Yeah, I'm like, like shit, we're only we're only two minutes and 21 seconds into this. Should we have a reading already? My god, what the hell?
00:02:23.38
Mike
Yeah, let's do it.
00:02:24.55
Bill
All right, man.
00:02:25.64
Mike
All right. Um, let's see here. Discombobulated. Um, yeah, but I'm flipping around. I actually had time to do this. So, uh, September 23rd, I had it marked and it's been sitting there for a couple of weeks. So here we go. Uh, if you go around thinking you are being cheated, life becomes very unpleasant. Felix Salton, apparently he's the guy that wrote the original Bambi. I use the Google machine today.
00:02:56.14
Mike
All right. Sometimes we feel cheated that we have been given this darn disease. You know, I didn't write this darn disease to cope with. Why us? Why can't we be like normal people? Why did we have to get into so much trouble and pain as a result of a disease that hit us and skipped over other people?
00:03:16.05
Mike
Another way to look at it is, hey, I'm really lucky. I have a killer disease and I'm beating the odds. I'm sober and getting healthier every day. I got my life back. Another way to look at it is, at least I have a disease that I can recover from. Better that better this than some other disease that would have killed me outright or left me limited mentally or physically or made life really difficult in some other way.
00:03:43.25
Mike
The big book promises on page 83 and 84 say that any feelings of self-pity will disappear by the time we are working step nine. We may even be grateful for the path that led us to recovery. Do we believe it? There's one way to find out. We need to try it. Prayer for the day. Higher power helped me to remember that there are a lot worse things in life than being in recovery.
00:04:09.21
Mike
Today's action. What are five good things that I've gotten from recovery? 10. I will write these down and refer to them when I'm tempted to feel sorry for myself.
00:04:22.82
Bill
First of all, this darn disease.
00:04:25.82
Mike
Yup.
00:04:28.74
Bill
And when he said that, you're like, clearly, I did not write this. yeah So that was kind of funny. But and the the last part, because again, I like to like to start start at the end, and usually with the last thing that's being read.
00:04:41.54
Bill
but So whether it's one thing, 10 things, or or a million things, I mean, you know the the list of things that we've gotten from recovery, you start.
00:04:46.22
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:04:54.13
Mike
ill Well, we'll use that. We'll use an F word freedom. um Right. um Yeah, that's that's the big one and all the rest of them kind of fall behind it. Freedom choices, um you know, gratitude, a new attitude. um Yeah, all kinds of good shit, you know, friends and family and and people and places and things and yeah, all kinds of great shit, you know, and probably, well, and another big one is not fucking dead yet.
00:05:27.58
Bill
right
00:05:28.53
Mike
Right. So that's helpful.
00:05:32.53
Bill
right yeah that big big dead kind of alleviates a lot of the other you know the other motivational things that come along with it well well I'm dead so I guess I don't have to worry about the rest of that stuff
00:05:39.45
Mike
Yeah, right.
00:05:43.59
Mike
Hmm. Right.
00:05:46.06
Bill
But yeah, what when I asked that question, i quite honestly, I thought you were just gonna say everything because that's like the it's like the the blanket statement.
00:05:50.97
Mike
Yeah. Well.
00:05:54.57
Bill
But you know that's the first thing I thought about. I'm like, you can you can tell me to write down, you know again, one thing or 75,000 things, um I can go on and on.
00:06:05.01
Bill
and and From you know being able to to sit here in front of a computer with my friend on a Friday night,
00:06:07.97
Mike
Uh huh.
00:06:11.04
Bill
you know, to winning, not winning back, but, um you know, regaining the relationship, you know, with family and friends with my daughter, having a grandson, being able to.
00:06:15.74
Mike
Mm hmm. Well, building them back better. Yeah, better.
00:06:20.62
Bill
Yeah. and Well, and.
00:06:21.05
Mike
Yeah, exactly. You know, it's it's like, you know, not my old life. Fuck that. I want yeah I got this new life and it's way better.
00:06:27.74
Bill
Right, and I started off wishing my ex-wife a happy happy birthday, and you know i was able I had the um you know the pleasure, and I'm allowed to you know text her and do that, same thing with my son, and i mean just everything.
00:06:31.44
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:06:37.42
Mike
Mm hmm. Right.
00:06:41.43
Bill
The fact that i get to I get to look outside, it doesn't matter what I'm looking at, you know beautiful water right now, or if I'm you know sitting there looking at a blank wall, I i have the ability to do that today.
00:06:41.54
Mike
Yeah.
00:06:50.61
Bill
you know and and I can see it, my eyes aren't fucking blurred up. um you know I'm gonna wake up tomorrow, fucking tired, I'm probably gonna be a little sore, my fucking knees are gonna hurt and I'm gonna bitch, you know but i have the I have the pleasure of being able to wake up that way.
00:07:04.36
Mike
Uh huh.
00:07:06.61
Bill
versus versus all the other fucking ways i used to wake up you know so um yeah i mean god the the gifts i mean just to name something that's not you know is is almost a better way to do it but um yeah just a ton of things but the the other thing i wrote down i wrote down a bunch of things but um
00:07:09.93
Mike
Right.
00:07:15.85
Mike
Yeah.
00:07:25.37
Bill
the a disease that's manageable, beating the odds, which we'll talk about that in a second, but a disease that's manageable and grateful for the path. We've talked about that, I know a little bit, but yeah, I mean, it talks about having having a disease because alcoholism.
00:07:41.28
Bill
you know For people like us, we believe it's a disease. Some people don't. um you know but But so we have a disease that, I mean, literally we joke about it, but all I gotta do, read a fucking book, do a few steps, 12 to be exact.
00:07:45.86
Mike
Yeah.
00:07:52.99
Mike
Help.
00:07:56.13
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:07:56.53
Bill
I get to do those things on a daily basis, be a decent human being. I should go to meetings, all these different things, you know and try to be a good human being. And then that I get to, not fix, but I get to arrest my disease just for today.
00:08:09.43
Mike
Nope.
00:08:10.74
Bill
you know I remember Marty saying when we were at the Keating Center, you know, I don't know if people were fucking up or whatever.
00:08:12.23
Mike
Nope.
00:08:17.08
Bill
He's probably on one of his rants and he's like, he's like, could you imagine? He goes, if if there, if the cure for cancer was behind, inside this building, and we told all the people out there, he said, they break down the walls trying to get, you know, get in and get what you guys have.
00:08:30.44
Mike
Yeah, absolutely.
00:08:31.57
Bill
He said, you know, blah, blah, blah. And you know what? It's funny ah is it is that seems, it's fucking true.
00:08:37.84
Mike
yeah absolutely Right. Yeah. Grateful that, you know, just the disease that I have is one that I can, I can manage.
00:08:46.18
Bill
Right.
00:08:46.33
Mike
Right. Just do some stuff. Yeah. You know, the fucking failed stockbroker and the butt doctor down in Akron, Ohio, almost 90 years ago, figured it out, man.
00:08:57.19
Mike
Yeah. Pretty damn i'm grateful that they did.
00:09:00.75
Bill
Right. And you know the the beating the odds part maybe think of of statistics but you know I suppose.
00:09:05.65
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:09:07.01
Bill
um I mean there. If you have, I don't even know what you want I don't even know how to even put this I mean, I suppose we don't consider ourselves anything special we're garden variety we're not, you know,
00:09:19.75
Bill
miracles or anything like that blah blah blah but um yeah i mean i suppose when you really really look at it i mean out of the number of people that we know that have tried and i don't want to say fail but tried and and not continued because they didn't do the work um the only thing that we're beating odds on is human nature you know and
00:09:31.41
Mike
listen Right.
00:09:37.60
Mike
right
00:09:38.84
Bill
We're beating the odds on on the fact that um us included, but a lot of fucking people are lazy and don't want to do the work.
00:09:44.18
Mike
Yeah. All right.
00:09:45.34
Bill
And if you don't do the work, if you don't follow the recipe, you're going to have a fucked up cake or no cake or no cake at all.
00:09:50.25
Mike
Yep, absolutely, no cake at all, no cake for you.
00:09:54.09
Bill
Can't no cake for you, you lazy, no working motherfucker.
00:09:57.91
Mike
Right, and and I mean, from from my perspective, and um I mean, it wasn't, yes, I'm lazy, don't get me wrong, but, um but entitled, you know, this fucking, it needs to be handed to me, otherwise, you know, right, I'm not going to accept it.
00:10:16.69
Mike
It has to be rammed down my throat, spoon fed. Right. yeah And clearly, it doesn't work that way. I know because I tried it that way. and It doesn't fucking work, man.
00:10:25.83
Bill
Right.
00:10:27.28
Mike
I've got to do it like like Bob used used to say all the time. It's an inside job, which means you know we've got to do it. we've it's No outside influence is going to get us over. That's been proven to us over and over again, certainly me.
00:10:40.64
Mike
you know Kids and wives and jobs and whatever. you know and your higher power or whatever is not going to get you sober. You've got to do the work. You've got to make the decision that you want to change.
00:10:53.33
Mike
and How fucked up is that? i I have to work. I want a better life. Hmm.
00:10:59.57
Bill
yeah
00:10:59.83
Mike
I guess I'll have to work a little bit for it.
00:11:03.64
Bill
It's just the way you said that. You're just talking, going along. How fucked up is that?
00:11:07.60
Mike
Yeah, right.
00:11:09.04
Bill
yeah and And it is.
00:11:09.67
Mike
But i guess it yeah, it's inside my head.
00:11:10.75
Bill
It is.
00:11:11.83
Mike
I'm like, Hey, I want a better life, but I'm not willing to do anything.
00:11:11.85
Bill
yeah
00:11:16.59
Mike
I just want to keep being the same asshole that I was, but I want my life to be better.
00:11:20.78
Bill
Right, you're just gonna you're just goingnna will these good things to happen to you.
00:11:20.99
Mike
Hmm.
00:11:25.94
Bill
I'd like a cheeseburger, but I don't either wanna make one or or go to the store and buy one or go to the...
00:11:26.68
Mike
Thoughts and prayers.
00:11:33.18
Mike
Kill a cow.
00:11:34.27
Bill
Yeah, you know yeah I wanna, but that's the thing, you know I gotta to do the work again.
00:11:37.49
Mike
Well milk the cow and then make the cheese and then kill the cow and then butcher it. Right. seriously Right.
00:11:44.20
Bill
Yeah. I mean, clearly I don't want to do all that, but you know, I'm, I'm, again, I'm grateful that there's people that are willing to, you know, beat the shit out of a cow and do all the different things to the point to put it on my table.
00:11:51.31
Mike
fantastic
00:11:54.57
Bill
You know, I know where, I know where it fucking comes from.
00:11:55.29
Mike
Right.
00:11:57.06
Bill
I don't feel bad. It is what it is, man. You know, it's just, it just is, but you know, um, I don't know. kid just How fucked up is that? Oh, I want to, I want to change life, but, uh, yeah.
00:12:09.05
Bill
Can you, can you just give this to me? Show me, yeah not even show me how to do it.
00:12:11.04
Mike
Right. Just hand it to, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm just going to lay here and you fucking hand it to me.
00:12:12.95
Bill
Yeah. Just.
00:12:17.14
Bill
feed me my life grapes yeah so the so the other thing i wrote down was why us okay and i know we talked about that before but in case anyone is listening um that that hasn't heard us talk about that before i i i always think that's an important thing because it's
00:12:17.29
Mike
Uh-huh. Exactly. Entitled dish bag. Hi.
00:12:28.27
Mike
Night.
00:12:39.02
Bill
I think it's an easy, again, go if nothing else, going back to human nature, anytime what a lot of people call bad things or bad days or bad, whatever it is, bad shit happens, it is, it's human nature to go, why why the fuck is this happening to me?
00:12:48.90
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:12:54.29
Bill
Okay, so how do you feel, my friend Mike, about the why us thing?
00:12:54.43
Mike
Right.
00:12:59.39
Mike
Well, I've got same way you do. Why the fuck not? Who the hell am I?
00:13:02.59
Bill
ah and Right, right, yeah. i Why not me, right?
00:13:06.93
Mike
Right. Happens to fucking everybody else. Why wouldn't it happen to me?
00:13:10.07
Bill
Right, right.
00:13:10.89
Mike
Yeah. Mm hmm.
00:13:12.64
Bill
But I think that, I mean, I don't even think, I know for a fucking fact, it goes both ways too. So when when good shit happens to me, I'm not gonna wonder and say, you know, oh, I don't deserve this.
00:13:17.17
Mike
Sure.
00:13:22.81
Bill
Well, okay, every once in a while, every one of us gets ah gets something handed to us. i don't want I don't want a lot of things handed to me because we've talked about that before.
00:13:28.20
Mike
Yeah.
00:13:31.12
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:13:31.44
Bill
I think episode or two ago where you said that it makes it cheaper, not worth it, or you don't feel good about it and all those sort of things.
00:13:35.55
Mike
Yeah.
00:13:37.49
Bill
But the the other thing too is that, If I've done the work and good things happen to me, then you know, why not me? Why do I get sobriety and this guy over there does it? I know fucking why because I did the work and I continue to, if I don't do the work, I'm no better than this guy that's relapsed or died, you know, or continues to fuck up his life and everyone around him.
00:13:49.40
Mike
Right. Yeah. Mm hmm.
00:13:58.14
Bill
I'm no better than him or her.
00:14:00.23
Mike
No.
00:14:00.32
Bill
I'm only, the only difference there is that I've chosen, made the choice to stay on this path, you know?
00:14:04.26
Mike
um Yeah. Right. Exactly. Willing to take some suggestions and then put them into action. It's all it fucking is, man. Right. Again, comes back to, you know, the my life is unmanageable. I don't manage my own life. I let this shit manage my life. And so far it's working out pretty good.
00:14:23.66
Bill
yeah right Yeah, it but it is, it's a, and I was a, I mean, Christ, for the longest time, easily, obviously before I got sober, but I was always a why me, you know?
00:14:34.48
Bill
Why the fuck?
00:14:34.60
Mike
Right.
00:14:35.08
Bill
Why can't I catch a break? Why can't, why, why, why, why me?
00:14:36.60
Mike
Mm hmm. Mm hmm.
00:14:38.80
Bill
You know, can't do this, I can't do that. This doesn't happen my way. I'm doing this and this isn't happening. This person over here gets this shit. Why not me, you know?
00:14:46.62
Mike
Right.
00:14:47.09
Bill
Well, okay. what why not you because you didn't do anything why you because why not you you know what just this
00:14:54.14
Mike
Yeah, right. It's just circumstances, whatever. Why wasn't I born into a rich family?
00:14:57.00
Bill
yeah
00:14:58.69
Mike
Why, you know, what? to Fuck, whatever, man. Who fucking cares?
00:15:02.82
Bill
right
00:15:03.50
Mike
Why not?
00:15:04.83
Bill
But you know on top of that too, I mean, that's personal responsibility too. We got to take take responsibility for ourselves, you know which sucks sometimes, but yeah.
00:15:10.88
Mike
Yeah. Yeah. Most of the time.
00:15:15.55
Bill
yeah why Why am I the responsible one now?
00:15:18.66
Mike
ah me What did I become the adult in this situation?
00:15:20.15
Bill
Since when did I become the responsible one?
00:15:24.33
Bill
Yeah. Yeah, right.
00:15:26.19
Mike
Huh?
00:15:26.52
Bill
Yeah, and I was talking to somebody the other day and a friend of mine from from high school were texted back and forth about something and she just she's gone through this but just a it was a slight procedure she went through different foods she's had to eat whatever and I'm like man it doesn't fucking matter what I eat and I said I think sitting around I said I still got this ah It's all this little gut growing on me type of thing, you know, and I'm i'm like doesn't matter I you figure all this fucking walking and shit that I do.
00:15:50.71
Bill
I'm like, nope. Nothing happens. Change my diet.
00:15:52.15
Mike
she
00:15:52.81
Bill
Nope. Nothing happens But you know, what she said to me it's kind of fucked up. but I mean in a really really funny way She's like, well you you are a grandpa now. You got to start looking like one And I'm like, okay, fuck you but you know, I that's fine
00:16:01.54
Mike
Right.
00:16:05.83
Mike
Right.
00:16:07.72
Bill
She said it with all the love of the world, but I was just like, okay, yeah, no, that's fine.
00:16:09.25
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:16:11.64
Bill
It's it's an age thing. I know what it is. it's But again, I suppose I could sit back and be like, well, this guy over here does as much walking around as as I do. And look at him, his fucking knees aren't sore.
00:16:21.59
Mike
Right.
00:16:22.92
Bill
He doesn't have a fucking gut. Yeah, I mean, I'm fucking 56 years old and I get to go climb on mountains.
00:16:27.41
Mike
Mm
00:16:28.24
Bill
I mean, what the fuck? What do I got to complain about? you know yeah I have the pleasure of dealing with this fucking pain for a good reason.
00:16:31.61
Mike
hmm.
00:16:37.62
Mike
Exactly.
00:16:38.91
Bill
But um so anything else about the reading? I mean, I know it started out with you know being cheated or we feel un-cheated and I mean granted, yeah. Nobody likes to be um cheated or be or at least perceived to be cheated because I mean, it's it's unpleasant, but I think that's the only thing that I wrote down that we didn't talk about, but anything else on that?
00:16:50.31
Mike
Perceived.
00:16:54.27
Mike
Right. Yeah. But that I mean, and that's what it is.
00:16:55.62
Bill
or
00:16:56.66
Mike
It comes down to your perception. You know, right. I mean, I could say, oh, I've got this disease or I mean, that's what the reading said. Or I could say, hey, I got this disease pretty fucking cool, huh?
00:17:06.57
Bill
Right? Yeah, and I mean, and seriously, you know, you look at, I mean, God, you just take a look at some of the people that we've known.
00:17:08.68
Mike
Yeah.
00:17:12.97
Bill
We've had friends. I mean, take a look at, you know, the, all the shit that mom went through, if you know, with her, ah when, when, you know, I mean, and we were, we were on a podcast episode the one time and I, I think I was talking about my routine and I said, it's like, it's like breathing.
00:17:16.91
Mike
Right.
00:17:25.34
Bill
I don't even think about it. And then you make the comment, you're like, yeah, but some of us have trouble breathing. And I'm like, oh man, that's a goddamn good point, isn't it?
00:17:31.36
Mike
so Right?
00:17:32.40
Bill
I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ. ah like yeah you know And And it's true.
00:17:35.62
Mike
Yeah.
00:17:36.98
Bill
you know She didn't have the ability to walk across the fucking room without you know almost passing out. and you know So i mean again, everyone's got their burdens to bear, but it just depends on, yeah, this thing that we have, is it's not even really what it comes down to.
00:17:41.65
Mike
Right.
00:17:51.19
Bill
it's It's a thing, but it's not a thing. As long as you know you catch it in time so it didn't, you know thankfully I think both of us thankfully from a health standpoint I I don't to this point you know I don't think I ruined anything but once again we talked about it whatever kills me is probably gonna be some sort of result from the damage I did but you know I don't know right right you know I've I've gotten another I got another fourteen and a half years so far out of this chassis so I think that's a that's a that's a win
00:17:57.18
Mike
Right.
00:18:02.67
Mike
Mm-hmm Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, but yeah, but we all end up dead anyway, so you know what the fuck Absolutely Nah,
00:18:24.88
Bill
So nothing else, anything else on the reading at all? or Okay, cool.
00:18:26.81
Mike
I think we covered it
00:18:29.74
Bill
um All right, so you i gotta I gotta hear more about this car thing. So tell tell me, to tell me but I'm not laughing at you, I'm just not.
00:18:34.80
Mike
There.
00:18:38.89
Bill
you know But um tell me about your car, let's tell us.
00:18:38.97
Mike
Uh huh.
00:18:42.07
Bill
yeah
00:18:43.93
Mike
Well, um, I had a check engine light come on a couple of weeks ago and I'm like, all right. And I've got this, uh, this cool little plugin thing in my car that I get through my phone company. Um, and so I get to see what the readings are. I don't have to go get it tested. I can.
00:19:00.38
Mike
pull up on my phone and go, ah, this is what's wrong with it. Anyway, it was, uh, it was a bunch of shit. And one of them was like the turbo, which is not good. And so the shops I go to were like, uh, yeah, we, uh, the rest of this stuff is pretty easy, but, uh, the turbo thing,
00:19:18.49
Mike
you need to go to the dealership. So I had to go to the dealership and turns out that apparently rodents were getting into my car and chewing on the wires.
00:19:30.58
Mike
um
00:19:32.03
Bill
it's it's fucked up I mean that's just right
00:19:33.82
Mike
Yeah. Right. Yeah. I mean, I, I, I know there's, you know, mice, but I live in, you know, the city and, um, you know, live in 105 year old house. And, um, yeah, you know, I mean, I tell, I'll see a mouse in here occasionally. Um,
00:19:50.08
Mike
ah so i And I see them outside occasionally and, you know, whatever. They're around, man. We're living in their world. um and But I guess um newer cars, the coating that they put on the wiring is soy-based.
00:20:05.49
Mike
right? Because you know, we got to keep the planet green or whatever. So we can't use petroleum products in a car makes fucking great sense. But anyway, so it's this soy plant based plastic stuff that apparently mice and other rodents critters, chipmunks, that sort of thing, find completely delicious.
00:20:24.14
Mike
So yeah,
00:20:25.13
Bill
that's that's fucked up that's fucked up
00:20:28.42
Mike
yeah So yeah, but, uh, one of the wiring harnesses was like completely fucking gnarled. They showed it to me. It was, uh, yeah, it was a mess. Something was in there munching on it for quite a while. So turns out, um, that was the problem.
00:20:40.88
Mike
And, uh, you know, because it was a dealership, uh, about a thousand dollars later, my car runs again.
00:20:45.49
Bill
Oh my God, God.
00:20:46.98
Mike
Yep. Yep.
00:20:48.58
Bill
Well, and and that's i well you remember all all the shit I went through with that old Lexus and it turned out to be this, that, and the other thing, but the the main thing, that the $900 item, it was a dealer item, and when they they had to replace this this main fuse,
00:20:51.32
Mike
Yep.
00:20:54.96
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:20:59.00
Mike
Right.
00:21:04.78
Bill
And when they did it, they had to they had to actually send this part out and have a key redone to it. It's all with the security part of it. all This all all works together.
00:21:12.76
Mike
Right.
00:21:15.18
Bill
And that was 900 of the $2,500 that I spent all said and done and everything, because after all said and done, it was done you know a complete tune up for 500 bucks and a fuel injector blew because you know the one cylinder wasn't working because of that fuse and it loaded up and it you know so popped one of the one of the cylinder plugs had all this fucking shit you know but um i'm i thought you were i i thought you were fucking joking about soy based i would when you texted me that i thought that was a fucking joke or no on facebook facebook
00:21:29.30
Mike
Right. Nope.
00:21:43.90
Mike
no
00:21:46.35
Mike
Nope. Nope. Right. Yeah. Yeah. But, um, I, I, apparently there was like a lawsuit that got thrown out, but like people tried to sue the car companies because, you know, apparently it happens quite a bit, but yeah, nothing came of it, but, um, yeah, yeah, it's, that's what it is.
00:22:05.04
Mike
So now I have to go, uh, actually I gotta go tomorrow and get some peppermint spray and spray the inside of my engine to keep the, uh, the critters away.
00:22:13.63
Bill
God Oh really see can you just spray it with petroleum?
00:22:15.91
Mike
Yep.
00:22:21.46
Mike
ah No, there's actually there's actually a product it's uh, yeah, it's sure
00:22:21.67
Bill
yeah
00:22:26.59
Bill
Well, of of course there is. It's like you don't have and having a medication that you need another medication to fix that medication that fixes that medication. So yeah, of of course there's something to fix this fucked up problem. Oh, your wires are getting chewed on because it tastes like soy sauce here. We'll sell you this yeah for $19.95.
00:22:44.99
Mike
Right.
00:22:45.05
Bill
yeah
00:22:45.35
Mike
Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. A bottle of this shit's about 20 bucks.
00:22:48.32
Bill
Yeah, that's kind of what i asked what I figured.
00:22:49.00
Mike
And yeah, right.
00:22:49.80
Bill
That sounds about right.
00:22:50.07
Mike
and And they, you know, they say every 30 days or so, just get in there and spray it around inside. And supposedly they don't like that. And they will stay away.
00:23:00.40
Bill
That's just that's fucked up and you know the the thing of it is when I when I was thinking about it in um I haven't had Well, I mean when Donna and I were together I had a garage I had a garage at one other place But I had my car parked outside if for last couple of years and when I lived the place I lived the Germantown I got lucky enough to have a garage but it doesn't
00:23:01.92
Mike
Yep.
00:23:10.72
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:23:17.90
Mike
Right.
00:23:19.13
Bill
mice can get in those areas you know so it's that doesn't even that doesn't mean anything unless you're you know cars and like uh you know completely airtight and you know completely sealed container which it's not um hey fuck i just say i wow it just blew my mind i blew my mind that that's i know it happens but you know i guess i i don't know if i've ever known anyone that that has happened to so that sucks that sucks and soxan blows
00:23:19.91
Mike
Oh, yeah. Right.
00:23:30.95
Mike
Right. Right. This is
00:23:44.10
Mike
Yeah, it does, but a perception, right? I get to be grateful that I had, you know, while I got credit cards. So yeah yes, we did.
00:23:53.19
Bill
Yeah, you had the, as we always say, we had, we had the ability to get that fixed. Yeah, that's a good thing. So on a positive note though, you're, you've been, you've been all up and all up into the baseball, haven't you?
00:24:04.64
Mike
Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My fucking tigers, man. they' They're still doing it.
00:24:10.32
Bill
Right.
00:24:11.15
Mike
Yeah. Coming back to Cleveland tomorrow. They're playing game five. Yup. It's, uh, but it's, well, not by the, yeah, I think they moved the game up cause it's supposed to be rainy tomorrow night. So yeah. Uh, one in the afternoon. We'll see who's going to play those dreaded Yankees.
00:24:26.78
Bill
Yeah, because it's either you or the the Guardians, right?
00:24:28.94
Mike
Yeah. Right.
00:24:30.07
Bill
That's crazy. I mean, and again, two teams that, I mean, I know that the the Tigers, I mean, is that's your team, but, you know, the the Guardians have been your you second, right?
00:24:31.00
Mike
Yep.
00:24:38.85
Mike
Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Yeah, they're my B team. You know, the Giants are my C team, but yep, yep. It's, uh, yeah. And you know what? The weird thing, man, we'll figure a hundred and however many years they've never met each other in the post season.
00:24:54.07
Bill
Really?
00:24:54.14
Mike
Ever. Yeah. Right. This is the first time.
00:24:57.11
Bill
Really.
00:24:57.66
Mike
Yeah, that's just insane to me that I mean, you know, I mean my whole life, you know, it's been one team's doing well and the other team stinks, you know, so that's, that's been fine.
00:24:59.97
Bill
Right.
00:25:07.90
Mike
It's never been a conflict you before, but yes, this is the first time in whatever, 112, 14 years or something that they made it into the post-season together, playing each other.
00:25:19.51
Mike
So pretty trippy.
00:25:21.21
Bill
Yeah, that is crazy. But I mean, I know on top of it too, it just it's one of those things too that, you know, I guess if, you know, that, you know, somebody's listening to figure out how does baseball have to do with sobriety? Well, that's everything they do because it's a, it's a pastime.
00:25:30.52
Mike
Hmm.
00:25:32.47
Bill
it's ah It's something we, again, we, we have the, we get to do.
00:25:35.65
Mike
Right. Exactly.
00:25:36.48
Bill
yeah it it brings us joy right yeah and you know what um you know i'll get to that minute but uh but with um i don't know i just spent i've been watching your posts and i i you know i've been hearing again listening to and by by the time the sports guy comes on
00:25:36.59
Mike
Yeah. You do football. I do baseball.
00:25:52.68
Bill
It's like 8.30ish or whatever, 20 after 8.
00:25:54.86
Mike
Hmm.
00:25:55.12
Bill
So I mean, I'm working at that point. I've got it on in the background. So I've heard bits and pieces. I knew um from from you and also from that i knew that, I knew both teams were doing well.
00:26:05.43
Mike
All right.
00:26:05.48
Bill
I just didn't know that they were meeting. And when I finally heard them, I'm like, holy fuck. Because you posted something and I looked. I'm like, Michael, Jesus Christ, that's kind of fun. you know
00:26:15.91
Mike
Yes, it is.
00:26:16.95
Bill
Yeah, it's just, ah again, you know it's
00:26:17.62
Mike
Yeah, well i mean well, I mean, when we first, the first year we got sober or for a second, maybe um the Giants and the Tigers went to the World Series and the Giants won it.
00:26:29.07
Bill
Oh.
00:26:29.69
Mike
Yeah, right, you know and that was that was fun too. um Yeah, you know it's it's a trip, man, when your favorite teams are playing each other.
00:26:32.92
Bill
Right.
00:26:38.82
Mike
It's like, oh no, right, it's it's wonderful and it's horrible and it's it's you know it's great, man.
00:26:39.44
Bill
Right.
00:26:45.14
Mike
Yeah, I love it. So yeah, game five tomorrow and then we go see who goes play the fucking Yankees. Sorry, Marty.
00:26:52.58
Bill
Yeah, well, I mean, hopefully, and I know not ah not a huge follower of you know baseball or anything like that, but I know plenty about the the Yankees. So it's whoever ends up you know winning, hopefully they do knock knock those motherfuckers out.
00:27:05.59
Bill
So the Yankees.
00:27:05.98
Mike
Yep, the Yankees.
00:27:10.27
Bill
Do you hear that static? Is that on your that your microphone?
00:27:12.94
Mike
I don't hear anything.
00:27:14.77
Bill
Oh, really? OK.
00:27:15.59
Mike
Nope.
00:27:16.16
Bill
Yeah, I just heard her there it is again. Weird. But um again, maybe it won't even show up on the recording.
00:27:21.49
Mike
Maybe it's your headphones.
00:27:21.84
Bill
Who knows? um i didn't I'm not moving, but who knows? Who knows? Maybe it is. Wait, what? What?
00:27:28.12
Mike
Why?
00:27:29.63
Bill
Your what hurts?
00:27:31.03
Mike
If I could walk that way, I wouldn't need the taco powder.
00:27:31.76
Bill
I don't fucking know. I don't know. but Yeah, right. right but So cool. but yeah just ah Those are a couple of things that you know I knew we had going on this week.
00:27:42.17
Bill
The car sucks, the baseball's cool. but you know So anyhow, um
00:27:44.20
Mike
Yep.
00:27:47.05
Bill
i guess yeah let's let's talk let's talk exterminators and rodents here for a minute. so Do you you remember? so First of all, I'm back in the um back in the same place, literally the same condo with the same host that I was at back in April.
00:28:00.26
Bill
um when I was at this condo complex the first time a year ago in September. So I've actually been in this condo complex three times in the last little over a year, um which I love it. I mean, it's great here.
00:28:10.37
Bill
Just love it.
00:28:11.22
Mike
Right.
00:28:11.34
Bill
Can't say enough good things about it, but you know, so same host of whatever, but I i had told Mike this, but i had I messaged her because the last time that I was here when I was working, there's like bang, bang, bang on the door.
00:28:12.72
Mike
Clearly.
00:28:23.77
Bill
And it says like, I thought it was a Tuesday at whatever time. And then bang, bang, bang. And I'm on the phone and I can't get off the phone. and then bang bang bang and i'm only jesus fucking christ did i hear the door beep and you know some fucking dude comes comes in i it was off the call like what the fuck are you doing so it's this exterminator and he's all he's all pissy and he's mouthy to me whenever just left so this time i mess yeah i know but i was just kind of reminding that part because i i messaged the host and i'm like like yeah by the way
00:28:42.44
Mike
Yeah, you told her down here.
00:28:46.41
Mike
Right.
00:28:49.67
Bill
yeah
00:28:50.04
Mike
Yeah.
00:28:50.45
Bill
but would by chance that you know the exterminator be there, it's set up by the Housing Association, the HOA. She's like, we have no control over it, but she said that'd be very odd if they showed up again. But when i when I got here, I was here from April 6th through April 20th, two weeks last time.
00:29:06.84
Mike
Right.
00:29:07.14
Bill
So this time I got here on October 5th, and I'm like, this is the same week of the month.
00:29:13.38
Mike
Right.
00:29:14.49
Bill
so i'm like i think it was a tuesday so on tuesday i'm not on edge but i'm kind of like wonder wonder wonder nothing and then no fucking shit wednesday and i i wrote down the time 8 39 a.m knock knock knock knock knock and um this time i mean i'm not on the dialer like i was six months ago so i just you know took my headset off and went in there and a guys like he's like hey do you need a surveyor service done today i'm like yeah i'm good i'm working he's like okay really nice this guy was nice you know so
00:29:24.28
Mike
Mm.
00:29:30.33
Mike
Right.
00:29:39.73
Mike
Right.
00:29:41.26
Bill
Again, ah what are the odds? 100%. They were 100% that it was going to be the...
00:29:43.67
Mike
I think you need to buy a lottery ticket.
00:29:48.10
Bill
this Well, I mean, again, just logically speaking, it was the same week of the month, but um I don't know. Again, it was just, it was weird when, you know, when, when it happened again, but you know, why, why wouldn't it, right?
00:30:00.22
Bill
Why, why me? Why not me?
00:30:01.97
Mike
Why not you?
00:30:03.79
Bill
But um so real quickly too. So I, I get a text from Mike today at, I think it was what, 12 30 or so your time, whatever time it was.
00:30:10.28
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.
00:30:12.15
Bill
And Mike's like, yeah, Mike's like, hey, i'm I'm done early, you know, what time you want to do this thing tonight?
00:30:12.37
Mike
It was early.
00:30:16.40
Bill
And I'm like, well, I'm i'm in the middle of the Mark Twain National Forest. And I'm like, you know, what time we get down, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then you texted back, you said, okay, but you gave me two, you you gave me two things that I needed to do.
00:30:29.45
Bill
What were those two things?
00:30:30.43
Mike
I said, say hi to Huck Finn and don't be eaten by a bear.
00:30:36.34
Bill
And i'm I'm happy to say that I'm i'm one for two on that. um Clearly, I think we could pick out which one. I did not get eaten by a bear. um Did not see Mr. Finn anywhere, but this, ah the the first trail that I went to, and that's a, ah exactly.
00:30:46.06
Mike
Ah, the mother hucker.
00:30:51.56
Bill
But the the reason I went down there was this one. It was this this overlook with a cave. um Nothing special and it was a short trail. So it's like a 10 minute walk to this overlook, which is spectacular in and of itself. But then but know I'm reading about where this cave is. So you got to, I could kind of see, but then somebody said that there was ah there's a rope that they tie to trees to kind of help you back up if you want.
00:31:11.95
Bill
So it's a little sketchy getting down there, you know, and then kind of walk it around. And then I go to around this quarter and I hear I'm like, what the fuck? So I'm literally I'm peeking around this corner going, what the fuck?
00:31:24.37
Mike
Alright.
00:31:25.35
Bill
Because I mean, it's it's a cave, you know, you walk around this thing and I saw it on the pictures and it's there's birds, you know, so there's birds kind of flying and flying out of it a little bit.
00:31:31.45
Mike
Ah.
00:31:33.78
Bill
um But still, I'm being really cautious. um I'm trying to eyeball. I'm like, is there any fucking thing in there? Because in that area, I think it was that one or the other one, whatever it was, there are there are clearly bears in that area.
00:31:46.97
Bill
the the one The one sign that I took on this one billboard, it says, you know this is bear country.
00:31:46.96
Mike
Sure.
00:31:51.26
Bill
you know Um, so I mean it just it was so fucking cool great views whatever kind of hanging up there I was just it was it was very very very cool Um, you know, but uh, but literally i'm just like so on this sign Where it says this bear country first of all it says I don't know liz.
00:32:00.78
Mike
Nice.
00:32:09.71
Bill
I should pull up the picture, but I think it just says don't surprise the bear make noise
00:32:11.30
Mike
Ha ha ha ha!
00:32:15.29
Bill
yeah it if I laughed at it, I took a picture of it on purpose, but I laughed at it because I'm like, you know what? If if I happen to come across a bear, we're both going to be fucking surprised.
00:32:25.33
Bill
you know I'm sure he's going to be surprised, and I am going to be really fucking surprised.
00:32:25.42
Mike
right
00:32:31.04
Bill
and But they're like, yeah, make noise. So am I supposed to walk through these trails going, la, la, la, whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo.
00:32:35.98
Mike
a
00:32:37.07
Bill
I'm like oh I'm gonna do that but I understand what they mean it just kind of made me laugh but um but yeah really I just wanted to go down there because I was I mean close ish it said it was an hour and a half away and there's what I didn't know there's like four different sections of this National Forest kind of broken up
00:32:50.18
Mike
Right. Uh huh.
00:32:53.17
Bill
into all these different sections. um In the the next trail I was gonna go on, which I didn't know, and I i looked on the app afterwards and like one of the comments, it's like, oh yeah, the trail's closed. They must have had some sort of fire along this bluff. um You know, because I started to walk on it and it was kind of overgrown in the beginning in that I see this post in the ground says, trail closed, violators will be prosecuted. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?
00:33:17.52
Bill
I'm not going to walk through any house.
00:33:17.75
Mike
Yeah.
00:33:18.65
Bill
It's all fucking grown over. But um so that one was closed. Then I just stopped at this other one on the way back. But I don't know. It was it was nice. It was just it's again, all these all these fucking areas around here.
00:33:28.66
Bill
And then, oh, I would remember you I told you about the island trail I wanted to go to in Arkansas.
00:33:33.82
Mike
ah yeah ah Yeah.
00:33:34.93
Bill
Yeah, they're close to the the um ah shuttle, the boat shuttle out to the island as they're closed on Sundays. So say
00:33:43.02
Mike
Well, you know, that's Jesus's day, man. We can't be running no boats down here.
00:33:47.23
Bill
Oh, she just said holiday hours. That said had nothing to do with Jesus. They're just they they are they're only shut down. Those are their off-season hours. They close on Sundays now.
00:33:55.50
Mike
Right.
00:33:55.94
Bill
But because the I want her to go down, it's apparently the only um mountain on an island in the country, maybe, I think, something like that.
00:34:00.66
Mike
Hmm.
00:34:06.51
Bill
you know, with the trail and stuff on it. So that's something like, well, whatever it was. But there was a thing I read that said call for, you know, it's best to call just just to see if you need a reservation. So I was gonna, you know, get a reservation, do whatever on Sunday. Like, oh yeah, we're not open on Sundays. I'm like, God damn it. It's just not a big deal. There's plenty of other things I can see, but that was kind of my my my plan. But the good thing is, is that I don't, I mean, I don't have to get up. It's like a four hour drive, four and a half hour drive.
00:34:32.08
Bill
You know, tomorrow, which is fucking nothing.
00:34:32.32
Mike
right
00:34:33.69
Bill
Whereas when I go to Arkansas at the West Virginia the next weekend, that's fucking 12 hours done. But like you said, I think you, well, okay. So I booked this Arkansas trip or I was going to and I'm by Mike and whenever I'm like, yeah, but by the second leg of that going out to West Virginia, like guys fucking 12 hours.
00:34:51.79
Bill
And then do you remember what you said to me?
00:34:52.13
Mike
Alright. What else do you gotta do?
00:34:56.34
Bill
yeah Exactly, and I just started laughing, I'm like, good point.
00:35:00.19
Mike
a
00:35:00.27
Bill
it's like He's like, yeah, what else what else do you have to do? I'm like, well, yeah, go back to Indiana, you know sit around and do nothing or I could try for 12 hours.
00:35:05.01
Mike
Right.
00:35:07.54
Bill
I'm like, thank you, I'm gonna book the trip, so I did. But um I don't know, it was just, it was nice. I had i had never before, before I ah came or kind of started looking around in this area, I had never heard of the Mark Twain National Forest.
00:35:20.41
Bill
Well, then again, I haven't heard of these fucking places, but um same thing.
00:35:22.83
Mike
Right.
00:35:24.19
Bill
Just it's, you know, you can only imagine it's fucking beautiful. Just absolutely fucking beautiful. So um real quick.
00:35:29.39
Mike
Cool.
00:35:31.83
Bill
So Mark Marin recently, so two, two of the ones I listened to recently, did you listen to the Jason Ritter one?
00:35:39.09
Mike
Now.
00:35:39.89
Bill
Okay. Did you, okay. I guess two things. I forgot. I'm sure I knew at some point that John Ritter had a kid, you know, but I, I didn't, when I saw Jason Ritter, I'm like, Jason Ritter.
00:35:47.14
Mike
Right. Yeah.
00:35:52.07
Bill
And then on top of that, he's, he's been sober for almost 11 years.
00:35:55.46
Mike
hu Cool.
00:35:56.57
Bill
Yeah, which, again, I know about him, I wouldn't know that. Plus, he's an actor on some reboot of of Matlock or some stupid shit like that, but um it was good.
00:36:04.37
Mike
Ah.
00:36:06.90
Bill
The guy's the guys's got a decent head on his shoulders and you know obviously talked about talked about his dad and talked about troubles they had the when you know John Ritter, whoever's first wife got divorced and then other lady came into it and you know his his wife now and his kid all these different things it was it was interesting and then there was um the one i listened to today on the way back was um the newest one katelyn olson yeah yeah and you know what um i i haven't i'm sure that i recognize her i i didn't know the name right away but i'm like yeah listen to something that can't be it can't be terrible she was a good interview she really was i mean
00:36:32.29
Mike
Ah, yeah. Yeah. Uh, sweet D from, uh, Philadelphia. Right.
00:36:46.40
Mike
Yeah. All right.
00:36:48.50
Bill
But she's, ah yeah, she's been on that. She's on some new series that they were talking about on the radio called, like I can't even think of it. It's some new series on ABC, but.
00:36:56.13
Mike
Yeah. Yeah. It's like a detective show, right?
00:36:58.73
Bill
Yeah, they were talking about it on the radio because she turned out to be, I don't know, she's like some super fucking genius and solving crimes for the police department or whatever the goddamn thing is.
00:37:05.02
Mike
Right.
00:37:07.46
Bill
But, um, yeah, so I don't know. It was just, just two of them were good. The Jason Ritter thing is the the main one. Cause I didn't, uh, yeah, I had no idea who, who he was even, and let alone that that he was sober, but, um, yeah, it was a, it was a good one.
00:37:13.61
Mike
Yeah.
00:37:20.23
Bill
If you get a chance, I recommend it.
00:37:22.53
Mike
Cool. Yeah. I mean, I saw, I saw it. I knew it was John Ritter's kid. So yeah, I'll check it out.
00:37:28.13
Bill
All right, so let's say before we do a break here, I got one, I think this should be, well, whatever it is.
00:37:35.51
Mike
Hey.
00:37:35.83
Bill
So this was from Keep It Simple, I think recently, this is towards the end of my list. It said, the way we work the steps should change for us as the years go by.
00:37:46.87
Bill
So again, the way we work the steps should change for us as the years go by. Agree, disagree, or your thoughts?
00:37:55.96
Mike
I mean, yes, I agree and disagree. Um, ah yeah, clearly we should be growing. And so yeah, we should have, um, uh, better understanding. So we work them a little differently, but at the same but point, you know, if we're working them,
00:38:16.54
Mike
as they're supposed to be worked in the first place, there's some things that don't change. The basics stay the same, you know, um, yeah, little, little things here and there, you know, again, we get more insight. Hopefully we're getting a little wiser and, um, some, hopefully we could work them better and in, I don't know, more efficient ways.
00:38:39.74
Bill
right right
00:38:40.77
Mike
Right, you know, but um, yeah, ah the basics should stay the same. I would think if it got you this far, why would you change that? Um, but yeah, I would hope you get a little better again more efficient I think would be the best way, you know, you're still doing it the same This you're using it the same way, but you may be doing it a little bit better Yeah
00:38:48.53
Bill
right
00:39:01.35
Bill
Right. Well, and and you know when the reason I wrote that one down is because I i didn't know what to think of it, to be quite honestly. it ah it's that it it didn't It wasn't good, bad, or indifferent. It just, I didn't know what to think about it. I'm like, well, whatever, this'll be something to talk about because, and then like you said, more efficiently, but the only thing that gets popped into my head while you were talking was, so my, and we were just talking about you know the 10 step last time or last week, I think,
00:39:28.72
Bill
You know my my perception conception my understanding of the 10th step Has changed, you know, just if nothing else because I I was always looking at you know what I did or did I do anything wrong versus you know looking at both sides of the
00:39:35.40
Mike
Right.
00:39:44.17
Bill
you know, the equation, where' where's the good, where's the bad type of thing. And I don't know, as far as the, like you said, efficiently or or maybe better, I mean, 12 step work, you know, or helping somebody out or being there for somebody that's, that has to, what does it have to be?
00:39:59.95
Mike
Huh.
00:40:00.77
Bill
Hopefully, that's, we're better than we were um five years ago, 10 years ago, you know, as far as presenting this to somebody when when it's needed, you know, you think?
00:40:01.60
Mike
Right.
00:40:04.30
Mike
Yeah.
00:40:12.31
Mike
Right.
00:40:12.87
Bill
Yeah, yeah.
00:40:12.92
Mike
Yeah. And I would think you'd be hopefully a little more knowledge to pass on as well.
00:40:16.89
Bill
Right.
00:40:18.14
Mike
Right. Yeah. Yeah. You know, so again, you know, the basics are there, but hopefully you're just better at doing it and, and, and your understanding of it is, is better. So therefore changed.
00:40:29.44
Bill
Right.
00:40:30.03
Mike
Yeah.
00:40:30.67
Bill
Well, and like you just said, you know, experiences, we've had, you know, certainly more life experiences where, you know, all these things have, have, well, not only been there for us, but obviously intertwined in our lives, you know, which they should, you know, but becoming, ah rather than just reading these things off of a, you know, a fucking wall or out of a book and being like, okay, this is, this is what step seven means.
00:40:53.91
Bill
This is what step six means. This is what step 10 is. um you know now we can we can look back and you know we we've done it you know for x number of years we've had these we've had these things you know within our lives and again hopefully intertwined you know for years so but I like that like you said you know ah experience and you know again more more efficiently understanding that I don't know you you just don't have to I don't think we I don't stress over the things anymore you know the steps I think it the steps well yes
00:41:09.47
Mike
Right.
00:41:20.66
Mike
Right. Yeah.
00:41:27.85
Mike
Yeah. They're just integrated into our lives now.
00:41:31.02
Bill
Right.
00:41:31.70
Mike
Yeah.
00:41:31.94
Bill
Well, you said, I mean, you say you you do one, two, and three before you even get out of bed in the morning. And, you know, when I when i sit back and I think about it, you know, between when I'm doing my readings, I'm doing i'm doing one, two, and three, and I'm taking a look at, um you know, sometimes even in my prayers, I mean, I'm talking about character defects.
00:41:35.90
Mike
Absolutely.
00:41:46.59
Bill
I'm talking about, you know, guidance. I'm talking about all these goddamn things, you know. It'd probably take me a minute.
00:41:50.57
Mike
Uh huh.
00:41:51.63
Bill
I'd have to list list my prayers. ah Maybe I'm thinking about all the goddamn steps in the morning. I don't know.
00:41:56.10
Mike
Right.
00:41:56.85
Bill
you know um i But I've never sat down. I know one, two, and three is like in the just about in the opening of my prayers in the morning. you know It's just, they're there.
00:42:05.25
Mike
Right. Yeah, exactly.
00:42:06.85
Bill
you know
00:42:08.37
Mike
Yeah, it's all it's all part of it kind of has to be for me.
00:42:12.67
Bill
Right, right.
00:42:13.28
Mike
Right.
00:42:14.49
Bill
Yeah, it just, once again, I just, I, I liked that. I, when I looked at it, and like I said, it wasn't, it wasn't anything bad. Like, I'm like, that's not fucking true.
00:42:23.96
Mike
yeah
00:42:25.45
Bill
I just looked at it, I'm like, hmm, I'm not gonna think about it anymore. Because I, I don't know, I have no idea what to think about this at the moment. So I'm gonna write it down.
00:42:34.96
Mike
cool.
00:42:36.47
Bill
All right, so what do you think? Is it be a good time for a break?
00:42:40.27
Mike
Absolutely. It is time to take a break. We'll be right back with more of whatever the hell this is right after a word from our sponsor.
00:42:57.02
Bill
All right, everyone. Welcome back. And you know what?
00:43:00.63
Mike
finish
00:43:01.44
Bill
I don't know what the hell this is. Half the time we're doing it.
00:43:02.97
Mike
Right.
00:43:04.22
Bill
Well, let's say all the time that we're doing it. I don't know what the fuck this is.
00:43:07.44
Mike
oh
00:43:08.20
Bill
and It is funny sometimes when, I mean, it's different with you know with a guest. Every once in a while, ah when when we have a guest on, usually at about this point, that 30 to that 40 to 45 minute timeframe is a lot of times when when our guests kind of start to you know kind of get their stride.
00:43:24.98
Bill
you know
00:43:25.44
Mike
hey
00:43:25.86
Bill
But you know every once in a while set that first 1520 minutes it seems like for certain certain guests that we've had and no offense to them you know I'm sure people are nervous they don't have to say or what to talk about you know but it it just almost feels like you're you're pulling along and then you know we get into the break and you before we know it it's you know it's been an hour and a half and it's ah
00:43:33.21
Mike
Hmm. Sure. sure
00:43:45.31
Bill
you know And that just made me think about something too, because people talk about you know when I was kind making fun of it that you know podcast episodes aren't supposed to be more than 20 to 30 minutes and this and that, then all these other stupid fucking things that people say that we should do.
00:43:58.28
Bill
um you know But really when when you think about it, um I mean, even sometimes us, I mean, we don't really get into the first half of the episode. I don't want to i mean, even for you and I, I don't wanna say it seems labored, but it seems like it's sometimes more work in the first half.
00:44:09.93
Mike
Hmm.
00:44:13.92
Bill
than it is in the second half. you know it's just kind of it's the the reading kind of It depends on a lot of times how the reading goes and how long that conversation goes, but it happens with our guests too.
00:44:15.48
Mike
Right.
00:44:22.56
Bill
So you know if somebody is just kind of hitting their stride at that timeframe, it would be a goddamn sin to cut off the episode then.
00:44:27.17
Mike
Right. Exactly.
00:44:33.77
Bill
so so you know what you podcast statistic motherfuckers oh shit I know what I always god damn I just I just forgot about this the the guy that the 90% fail in a year and then he followed up with us like a year after that um you know the same thing
00:44:37.85
Mike
Hmm.
00:44:48.08
Mike
Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
00:44:50.02
Bill
while while I was in Cleveland, I get a fucking email from some dude, you know, and again, I never remember the guy's name, you know.
00:44:56.94
Mike
yeah
00:44:57.12
Bill
So sends me this email, he's like, blah, blah, blah. I was checking out this and you guys, at blah, listen to this and take this, take this quiz. And I, you know, about whatever some podcasting quiz, I emailed him back and I said, I'm sure there's a sales pitch at the end.
00:45:07.70
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:45:11.89
Bill
So I don't have time.
00:45:12.40
Mike
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
00:45:13.29
Bill
I said, I do not have time for this. I said, cut to the chase. What are you selling? I'll tell you if I'm interested.
00:45:18.44
Mike
Right.
00:45:18.61
Bill
And he comes, he comes back and he's like, it's like, Oh, my years of blah, blah, blah marketing. Maybe have you come across the wrong way? He's laughing this whole ha ha type of email.
00:45:27.46
Mike
Uh huh.
00:45:27.90
Bill
He's like, no, just take the quiz or whatever. And then I looked at him. I looked at ah his picture, because he had his picture in his email, then I looked at, you know, vis-a-vis here, I'm like, I'm like, this is the same motherfucker!
00:45:34.57
Mike
ah ha
00:45:38.28
Mike
Yeah.
00:45:39.58
Bill
This is the same goddamn guy! Because I said, i he says something about, you know, whatever, pick an episode where I'm like, I'm like, if you want, if you want to listen to something, I'm like, oh, listen to whatever episodes.
00:45:50.36
Bill
You know, I'm like, I don't give a shit, because I've, again,
00:45:50.35
Mike
Yeah.
00:45:53.97
Bill
That's what he was telling me, take the quiz and pick an episode that that you want me to whatever help you with. And I said, no, I said, I'm not taking a quiz. If you want to listen to an episode that try to sell me something, do that.
00:46:02.03
Mike
All right.
00:46:03.73
Bill
Like I have a time for you fucking shit. But so he says he listened to at that point, our most recent episode, which is 135 or six, whatever it was. And then, you know, says, oh, take the quiz.
00:46:13.98
Bill
And I'm like, as soon as I figured out it was him, I'm about to, I'm like, ah, fucking, I don't even have time for this dick.
00:46:18.73
Mike
he
00:46:19.18
Bill
I'm like, I'm not even gonna waste any more internet ink. I'm not wasting any more of my fucking time on this dude. But he's solicited us. This is the third time. And the guy has no fucking clue that we blow him off every goddamn time.
00:46:31.50
Bill
The last time I told him we made we made fun of him.
00:46:31.65
Mike
nice Nice.
00:46:35.34
Bill
because i'm like I'm like, oh yeah, I said we talked about you and your your ridiculous statistics after you did it the first time. And at that point at that point, we had gone, you know, it had been a year and a half or whatever it was.
00:46:41.15
Mike
Right.
00:46:46.00
Bill
So I don't know, I just, that literally just popped into my head. I completely forgot to tell you while I was there, so yeah.
00:46:51.10
Mike
Well, I don't know, man, somebody with that eye for detail, man, maybe we need his help.
00:46:57.74
Bill
right you know what and here's here's the honest-of-God truth that we talk about a plenty um we are not we're not a big podcast and actually our listener base has dropped the number of people that listen per episode has dropped in the last ah probably a year or so and you know part of that bothered me and I'm like you know what but like you've always said we're out there we're doing our thing fuck people if they don't want to listen and sort of but a great people want to listen we do try to hey pass it along blah blah blah but you I mean, i I don't stress over it anymore.
00:47:06.90
Mike
Mm-hmm. All right. Hmm. Right.
00:47:25.08
Bill
We're doing what we want to do. And hopefully people get some out of it.
00:47:28.06
Mike
Hmm.
00:47:28.22
Bill
So, you know, yes, I suppose it'd be nice to be able to grow. But like you just said, we get this. We get this here. These are I'm trying to make the biggest fucking air quotes that I can.
00:47:40.26
Bill
These are these are air hand quotes. OK, this fucking expert out here. you trying to tell us, number one, that we're gonna fail after a year, fuck you. and And on top of that, telling us that you think you're gonna tell us how to grow.
00:47:53.88
Bill
Yeah, we could use some growth, but not from fucking you.
00:47:57.33
Mike
Right.
00:47:57.80
Bill
yeah You don't even know that you've solicited to me three fucking times.
00:47:59.70
Mike
You don't even know who the fuck you're talking to.
00:48:01.94
Bill
Yeah, yeah, you don't even know that that I've made fun of you in the past.
00:48:05.80
Mike
he
00:48:07.16
Bill
Check your email strings. Because what clicked in my head was when I deleted the email and it said like five previous emails deleted, I'm like, five, I only got one. Then I'm like, oh God, this is the same fucking dude, you know?
00:48:21.31
Bill
So thank you Gmail for pointing out and keeping track of of everything that I do.
00:48:25.81
Mike
Right. Yeah. A mindless computer program is got more detailed, more attention to detail than this guy does.
00:48:32.91
Bill
All right, so um this one is from the book, A Day at a Time. Once I was free, since we talk about freedom, I began to realize that my freedom had more to do with beginning than stopping.
00:48:40.38
Mike
Hmm.
00:48:46.72
Bill
Discuss.
00:48:48.01
Mike
yeah free to have more than beginning
00:48:52.26
Bill
Do want me to read it again?
00:48:53.42
Mike
yeah dad sure
00:48:55.08
Bill
Okay, once I was free, I began to realize that my freedom had more to do with beginning than stopping.
00:49:02.66
Mike
Yeah. right
00:49:04.74
Bill
Yeah.
00:49:05.54
Mike
yeah
00:49:05.86
Bill
OK, yeah.
00:49:06.66
Mike
I guess they're talking about, you know, beginning the process as opposed to stopping using substances, um,
00:49:13.73
Bill
yeah Right, I was kind of thinking the same thing, but yeah.
00:49:17.08
Mike
Yeah. Right. Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Captain Obvious. No shit.
00:49:24.68
Bill
Yeah. And you know, the reason that I wrote that down and as I was reading it, I was kind of giggling at myself because I did, I thought it was so fucking obvious, but I'm like, I don't know. I'm still, I'm going to read this like it's a serious question.
00:49:35.44
Bill
Get your reaction. Because ah I do that every once in a while because it abuses me. But
00:49:41.24
Mike
well
00:49:41.83
Bill
Yeah, I mean, it's again, it it wasn't like some deep fucking quote. I was thinking the same thing. I'm like, well, yeah, I mean, well, OK, unless unless you're three days sober, you know, at that point, even a week, maybe even 30 days, you're probably going to be like, oh, I stopped drinking now.
00:49:50.36
Mike
isn
00:49:55.83
Bill
I'm free. You're not thinking about the the process.
00:49:56.95
Mike
Right.
00:49:57.87
Bill
So I suppose, you know, in the in the in the early stages, but after you've been around for a couple of minutes at.
00:50:03.95
Mike
Yeah. Right. Yeah. A month.
00:50:06.54
Bill
Right. Right. Yeah.
00:50:08.79
Mike
Yeah. Cause I mean, you know, if, if you are gaining any sort of freedom, it's because you're doing something you're yeah, you're working the program, you're in the process of it, man. Yeah. Cause I mean, you know, I, I said all the time, man, I quit fucking drinking every night.
00:50:23.22
Bill
Right.
00:50:23.88
Mike
You know, I passed out, right? You know, I started up again the next day, right? I mean, I stopped drinking every night. Yeah. Stopping has nothing to do with it, man.
00:50:36.38
Mike
It's, it's beginning, it's beginning to live life in a different way. That's where the freedom comes.
00:50:42.74
Bill
Right, and I mean, yeah I guess to the point of talking, and we were talking about, you know, this the steps in changing over the years. I mean, um you know, having, I don't know, like you said, more efficiency or being able to, you know, ah relate to people better or maybe even present, you know, these things better to people over the years.
00:50:49.84
Mike
Hmm.
00:50:59.96
Bill
I mean, bring that, that brings, up you know, new freedoms all the time, right?
00:51:04.20
Mike
Absolutely. Yeah. Deeper understanding of what the hell we're trying to do here.
00:51:08.56
Bill
Right.
00:51:09.21
Mike
Yeah.
00:51:10.82
Bill
Yeah, I don't know. Like I said, we we always talk about you know that the don't stop type of thing. And ah just in in general, I looked, I was kind of like, it that seems kind of kind of and elementary.
00:51:15.28
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:51:21.43
Bill
But did we talk about, and this might have been one that I wrote down. It didn't scratch off yet. But did we talk about gratitude lists recently or no?
00:51:30.77
Mike
Um, I don't know about recently. I don't know. We talk about them all the damn time. Yeah.
00:51:36.34
Bill
Well, it it it was ah you i just the thought came across kind of crossed my mind because I'll just bust out myself right away. I haven't done one in a while. So that was the question.
00:51:45.16
Mike
Right.
00:51:45.47
Bill
When the last time you that you did one.
00:51:47.45
Mike
I mean, pen to paper, long fucking time.
00:51:47.61
Bill
um Right.
00:51:51.65
Mike
You know, right. But I mean, i in my head, yeah, I kind of do little mini ones all the time.
00:51:58.54
Bill
Right.
00:51:58.69
Mike
You know, I mean, I do, I i make myself, especially if, you know, whatever, you know, rodents are eating my car. Um, right. I mean, I gotta, you know, stop and go, okay. But this, this, this, and this is all good shit. So there you go. Yeah. I i do them all the time. No pen to paper. It's been years.
00:52:22.72
Bill
Yeah, I can't, um you know, I mean, there was the one, you know, obviously when I was a couple of years sober, when when you had told me to do, and I've done one, oh, you know what, i I did one when I was in Indiana, and I think I talked about it on here because yeah I ended up, I put it on, it just I just, I think, what the fuck did I do it?
00:52:35.32
Mike
Huh.
00:52:42.65
Bill
Because I put it on the the dresser and then I moved something and it fell into the back, so it's it's behind the dresser in that in that bedroom, and I'm like, um like either I,
00:52:46.44
Mike
Oh, it's waiting for you.
00:52:53.71
Bill
Yeah, I think I remember saying that either I got to move the dresser, get it out of there again to, you know, to hang on to it or just, you know, I'll have to actually do the work and do a new one.
00:53:02.70
Mike
yeah
00:53:02.73
Bill
But um so the other part of the question, and in I can go back and tell the the story that what you said to me at the time, but um why is why do you think it's so important or what is the importance of the the pen to paper type of thing, especially when we're new or new ish?
00:53:17.75
Mike
Hmm. Right. Um, you know, it's, it's, it's, um, clearly don't know for sure. Um, but there's something, I don't know what the fuck it is, man. There's something.
00:53:35.84
Mike
There's something, I don't know. It's it's something different than then typing it or thinking about it, or I don't know. there's it's i I don't wanna say magical, because there's no such thing.
00:53:47.84
Bill
Right. right
00:53:50.00
Mike
But yeah but no, it's just, for some reason, it it registers in our brains differently. I don't know why it's, it's one of those, um, it's one of those things about the program that I don't understand. And that's okay. Cause I don't need to understand everything. I just need to do it. And yeah, there, there is, there's something, I don't know, it's different.
00:54:13.93
Mike
taking a pen and a piece of paper and writing shit down, whether it's your inventory, whether it's a gratitude list, whether it's, you know, I don't know, whatever the hell other people, I mean, people journal, um God knows we don't. oh But I mean, yeah, there's, just it's, it fires in your brain differently and it's more effective. I don't know why, don't care.
00:54:39.91
Bill
Well, I just Googled something. Do you wanna care? you know and well let me Let me step back. So it at two years sober, I was ah unhappy and in everything. you know night that it was There was a nine month thing when you know obviously I got that clarity from that whole thing with Mike and I.
00:54:58.11
Bill
but then it was just one of those things where i was ah you know i had my i had my head on my out of my ass since the nine month period i'm doing everything i think i was chair and i'm going to meetings i got a decent job i get you know good relationships all these different things but i remember um either whether you were you might have been driving for sandy still at that point
00:55:16.80
Mike
Yeah.
00:55:17.02
Bill
because i think that you you got back and i was just or i got home whatever it was kind of like a home for work type of thing and i just remember saying to you i'm like ah i'm like i'm i'm unhappy fucking everywhere work um you know here i could just sit here it does nothing brings me any joy um being around you know family being around friends there's meetings i'm like there's it doesn't seem like anything i do brings me any any fucking joy or satisfaction and and you said you're like you know
00:55:28.72
Mike
Right.
00:55:33.88
Mike
Right. Uh huh.
00:55:45.91
Bill
write down a gratitude list.
00:55:47.41
Mike
Now.
00:55:47.49
Bill
And at that point, again, two plus years sober, whenever it was two ish in that area.
00:55:51.01
Mike
Yeah.
00:55:53.17
Bill
um Again, not that I didn't know about it. um But I had just never done one before.
00:55:58.68
Mike
Right.
00:55:58.88
Bill
and And I did. And just as a reminder, I did mine in like a pros and cons type of list and just wrote down, you know, like reasons for being sober and reasons for not being sober is just it was simplistic, you know,
00:56:11.16
Bill
um or good things about sobriety or bad, whatever it was. ah so I just wrote down all these different things.
00:56:14.64
Mike
Sure.
00:56:15.92
Bill
i made I made sure it wasn't material. It wasn't like I got a car. I got a decent job.
00:56:19.38
Mike
Right.
00:56:20.12
Bill
It was people. It was my kids. It was relationships. It was you know those sort of things. And then on the one the one side, you know I just wrote that all this goes away if I drink you know or all this goes away without sobriety.
00:56:28.80
Mike
Yeah. Right.
00:56:31.11
Bill
And um I had that in that, that desk drawer of grandma's, ah which is a year house now, you know, for for years, because that's where I'd sit there and I do my bills and do whatever.
00:56:37.49
Mike
Right.
00:56:41.33
Bill
And um it just it was it was a thing, you know, but my dad had said for years, It's not right. It didn't happen, you know, and when I took notes, I've tried and I tried over the years to take notes on a computer or this and that handwriting notes, even though it's it's hard for me to sometimes keep up with a conversation that way. um it It commits it to memory more. So when I just Google it, it says um writing compels us to organize our thoughts.
00:57:09.43
Bill
making a habit of it will train our brains to be clearer, more concise, disciplined and logical.
00:57:14.69
Mike
Hmm.
00:57:16.55
Bill
The benefits of this improved mental flow will carry over to all other areas of our lives. It approves it improves focus and decision making skills and helps us combat procrastination.
00:57:29.04
Bill
yeah ah exactly what I said, because I just glanced at it, but then as I'm reading it, I'm going, huh, in my head, you know?
00:57:35.39
Mike
yeah
00:57:35.51
Bill
But but all all that makes sense, you know, because it's um it's there there is something to having a, I've got a list on my phone, I've got grocery lists and all those different things, you know, I've got reminders and all these goddamn things.
00:57:44.11
Mike
Right.
00:57:47.28
Bill
I get more irritated by by my reminders than I am grateful for them because they just seem to pop up all the fucking time. you know um That's the point. you know But when I have a when i have a list, and you know it's like you get to cross things off.
00:58:01.03
Bill
Well, I guess a great example
00:58:01.04
Mike
yes
00:58:03.24
Bill
I print out um my my sheet with all my little things on it, you know all these thoughts and whatever.
00:58:08.38
Mike
Right.
00:58:10.06
Bill
I could do it on my on my computer, but I'm like, no, you know because I like to write notes when when you're doing your reading, and it's just it's it's easy for me to have it on paper, then I could use it in scratch paper anyhow.
00:58:20.69
Bill
you know but I guess that's a good example. When I write out my bills, I write out you know i i write out a budget on paper. you know i Everything else is on you know kind of electronic.
00:58:28.11
Mike
Right.
00:58:30.28
Bill
but um you know So yeah, the importance is you've got to get the shit in front of you. the things that when When shit feels negative or shit feels bad or you're having a whole fucking boatload of bad moments in a row,
00:58:44.63
Mike
Right.
00:58:44.75
Bill
um I mean just to again human nature I've said that like seventeen times this episode but human nature wants us to just go who all this shit's all fucked up yeah but look at all these things you know.
00:58:47.56
Mike
All right. Right. That we, yeah, did we have to shift our focus, which is what that does.
00:58:59.72
Bill
Right.
00:59:00.98
Mike
Exactly.
00:59:02.09
Bill
Yeah, but I mean, again, i ah ah whether it's been in school or whether it's been in you know like training for jobs or any type of training I've done like that, um a lot of times I'll take notes and i'll I'll type them afterwards so I can get them into some sort of you know order, but I always write always write shit out because it's it helps me to, it kind of I don't know, it's a double double process.
00:59:02.30
Mike
Yeah.
00:59:23.65
Bill
it helps It does commit it to memory and set it right there in that fucking Google thing that I looked up. so Hail Google. Oh, by the way, did you hear that? And i didn't I didn't look it up, but they were talking about it on the radio Apparently the the government's after Google to break them up because they're getting too big and they they likened it to at least on the radio they were talking about like the the whole phone company thing, you know, the Ma Bell type of thing years ago and then it got broken up by and what by state or cities or whatever the fuck it was but um
00:59:38.57
Mike
Yeah.
00:59:45.68
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:59:52.45
Mike
Right? Yeah.
00:59:55.01
Bill
But I'm like, I'm like, well, what like what they were talking about, you know, you take somebody um or a company and I get it. I mean, I'm not a fan of monopolies. I just I'm just not, you know, but but you take somebody like Google, um they figured all this shit out.
01:00:04.11
Mike
Right.
01:00:10.63
Bill
They did it right. And they do it the best.
01:00:13.73
Mike
Right. Yeah.
01:00:14.38
Bill
You know, it's it's kind of hard to to, it's, I don't know, it's, for me, it's like, oh, I get it, but then I'm like, I like this monopoly, they're they're nice, you know, they're fun, you know, but the thing of it is that, and I think what they're talking about is the fact of, they don't necessarily, and this is what Google's been accused of, I believe, ah based on what they were talking about, is that, you know, they're not wiping out information so people can't find it, but they'll they have they had the ability to bury it, you know?
01:00:20.88
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:00:41.74
Mike
Sure. Right.
01:00:42.75
Bill
Like if whatever it is, if if blue elephants were in the news and let somebody didn't want everyone to know about it, um Google could bury you know all stories about blue elephants.
01:00:47.70
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:00:53.30
Mike
Right.
01:00:53.43
Bill
It's there, but it's on page 30,126.
01:00:57.43
Mike
Exactly.
01:00:58.31
Bill
You're never gonna fucking find it.
01:00:59.73
Mike
Right. Yeah.
01:01:00.50
Bill
you know
01:01:00.54
Mike
You know, I, right. And, you know, you ask like some sort of a general question in in the first five, 10 results or fucking some business shit, you know, get right. You got to dig a little. Oh, you got to do a little work to get where you want.
01:01:13.68
Bill
Right, well, and that's when that's the other thing they were talking about. They said that you know obviously that um you know Google will put your ad higher and your information higher if you pay for it, which we went through that with the with the the store.
01:01:18.71
Mike
Well, of course.
01:01:27.94
Bill
you know Because I tried Google Ads and I tried all this different stuff and our stuff would show up.
01:01:28.44
Mike
Right.
01:01:32.78
Bill
It'd be harder to find. ah you know But if i if I did a sponsored ad, you know if you gave Google their taste, then all of a sudden, you know I mean, we're showing up obviously because we're sponsored.
01:01:39.14
Mike
Uh-huh.
01:01:42.98
Mike
Right.
01:01:43.25
Bill
you know And that's just that's just, you know, capitalism, that's just business, you know?
01:01:45.70
Mike
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's exactly. It's fine.
01:01:49.80
Bill
Now, the other thing that's, there would be, and we should do it in here sometime, I don't necessarily have to do it now, but they they say that, you know, and I think that Google even before the AI sort of stuff, you know, just, it it understands that, you know, it's it's ah it's a program, it's an algorithm, anything like that, just like Facebook and Instagram, you know, these these things start to understand, you know, who you are based on what you search for, you know?
01:02:11.87
Bill
So down to the point where if, I forget where I read this, but they had two individuals that were kind of on different different sides of the political spectrum, maybe not extreme left and right, but certainly one left and one right.
01:02:25.68
Bill
you know
01:02:25.86
Mike
Sure.
01:02:26.84
Bill
and whatever it was, let's say it was the the war in Israel, okay? And they they both searched on the same exact words, like um what's new on the war in Israel, let's say.
01:02:38.30
Mike
Right.
01:02:38.42
Bill
And they got wildly different results, you know? And they were results that were slanted towards their beliefs, you know? But it was based on, you know, clearly what they what they had normally searched for.
01:02:50.56
Bill
This person searches this way and this way, so we're gonna show them this stuff.
01:02:53.86
Mike
Right.
01:02:54.31
Bill
you know It's like if you if you go on, I don't know, if you go on a Home Depot website, then hop on Facebook, guess what ads you see? you know And you know the same thing, we have on our website, there's, we have cookies installed on ours, so you know that that could drag out to, you know people might see more of us on Instagram and Facebook if they've been on our website.
01:03:02.26
Mike
Yeah, right.
01:03:14.11
Mike
Right.
01:03:14.18
Bill
It's um it's a marketing thing, it's there. you know um you know But still, i just i don't I don't know how they're gonna,
01:03:16.48
Mike
Yeah.
01:03:20.80
Bill
I don't know how they're gonna break it up. I mean, Google's in a bunch of different shit, but i the thing of it is from a selfish standpoint, I love the fact that like what I just looked up now, I just typed in some typical words.
01:03:29.22
Mike
Right.
01:03:31.24
Bill
I mean, i they were jumbled, not even exactly what I wanted to find, but I found exactly what I wanted to find.
01:03:33.60
Mike
Right.
01:03:36.93
Bill
You know, so I I like the fact I hope they don't fuck it up too much I guess is but it's it's the government.
01:03:40.43
Mike
right
01:03:42.00
Bill
So, you know, I mean I know I know which is which is which is fucking terrible, but so I don't know if we've we've ever talked about this, but there was um Years ago when the when again the whole original dial-up and the aol's and this and that and for anyone who is probably under the age of
01:03:43.02
Mike
Yeah, so they'll fuck it out. Yep.
01:03:57.88
Mike
z
01:04:01.29
Bill
Shit easily under the age of 30 maybe even under the age of 35 because Google's been around for 30 years I think right now 20 20 or 25
01:04:07.21
Mike
Well, probably 20.
01:04:10.20
Bill
Yeah, so um but I would say even maybe so maybe in somebody in there, you know 30 under 30 because again age wise He may not realize that the Google wasn't the the main search engine and they were talking about to that You know Google has now become a verb, you know, it's somebody says go Google it, you know go it said go look this up on an internet search engine
01:04:16.17
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:04:26.76
Mike
Right. Right.
01:04:31.88
Mike
Right.
01:04:33.06
Bill
Which is, that's what Google is. Does anyone even know anymore that it's called an internet search engine? That's what it is.
01:04:38.03
Mike
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. There are others, right?
01:04:40.53
Bill
I know, yeah. so So years ago, when you'd search for something, you'd have to search like five or six different of these search engines to find something.
01:04:47.38
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:04:48.38
Bill
And then I ran across a website and shit, this was in the, you figure the internet started to become big in what, late 90s, mid to late 90s, right?
01:04:54.95
Mike
Yeah. Right.
01:04:56.66
Bill
So I'd say probably late 90s or even early 2000, I found this this website at the time and now I'm looking back on it. This was the, they had the Google idea because you could type something in and it was kind of like an Expedia type of cert or a search for a travel thing where it hits Priceline and Expedia and all this, literally it would do that.
01:05:11.60
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:05:15.74
Bill
It would, it would was tied in and it would hit, there was seven search engines, made ones out there. It would search all of them for you in one box.
01:05:23.10
Mike
Right.
01:05:23.78
Bill
And I'm like, I'm like, this is fucking great. You know, and then obviously Google came along and that's, that's what they did.
01:05:28.68
Mike
Uh-huh.
01:05:28.74
Bill
But, um, I dunno, can you like before fucking Google was something I really wanted to know, but, uh, oh, well, oh, well.
01:05:36.71
Mike
Right.
01:05:40.61
Mike
Go to the library and get the encyclopedia.
01:05:44.85
Bill
Yeah, and that's even that's even five years old at the time.
01:05:46.86
Mike
Uh-huh.
01:05:49.66
Bill
All right, so um this one's from a while ago. So ah from a day at a time again, someone once defined the ego as the sum total of false ideas about myself.
01:06:02.42
Mike
a
01:06:03.47
Bill
Okay, so let me read that again. Someone wants to find the ego as the sum total of false ideas about myself. there's I got a follow-up question to this, but to begin with, what do you think about that, Mike?
01:06:16.37
Mike
It's absolutely true. Yeah, right. It is. It's, it's all the bullshit that we believe about ourselves. Cause I mean, if we, you know, I mean, the big book says, man, we have to smash our ego and humble ourselves. And that's, you know, that's what the inventory part is looking at ourselves and seeing exactly what we are good and bad.
01:06:39.12
Bill
Right.
01:06:39.22
Mike
And, um, yeah, you know, I mean, your ego is going to get kicked down a whole bunch because you're not believing the bullshit about yourself anymore. You're taking an honest look at yourself. You know exactly what you are. Um, yeah, I'm not wonderful. I'm not a piece of shit. I'm somewhere in the middle and I'm okay with that.
01:07:00.58
Bill
Right, you know, I mean, honestly, um the the ego thing, and what like, well, you just said that, you know, what'd you say? I'm not wonderful, I'm not a piece of shit.
01:07:08.14
Mike
Right.
01:07:08.36
Bill
um Quite honestly, I just, say this just popped into my head. I think it's more work trying to be fucking wonderful. I mean, I wanna be a good person, you know, but there's, I don't wanna be either extremist, too much fucking work.
01:07:17.24
Mike
Mm. Sure.
01:07:23.04
Bill
I mean, if you're, well, I suppose it's it's not much work if you wanna be a piece of shit, because, let me let me take, let me,
01:07:23.93
Mike
Right.
01:07:26.52
Mike
Yeah, that's pretty fucking easy.
01:07:28.97
Bill
Let me take that back. um Being on this, again, this this over egotistical, over inflated thing.
01:07:35.72
Mike
Mm.
01:07:36.68
Bill
That's a lot of fucking work, you know, or it can be in it.
01:07:38.15
Mike
Yeah, it is.
01:07:40.11
Bill
It doesn't it doesn't have to be. There's nothing like you just said, there's nothing wrong with, um you know, kind of settling yourself and evening up right, literally in the middle, right?
01:07:47.51
Mike
Yeah. Mm hmm. Yeah. That's this kind of the whole point of this whole fucking thing, man. You know, and it's, it's kind of nice in here. Yeah.
01:07:56.66
Bill
Right, yeah it is, the water's warm.
01:07:58.88
Mike
It is.
01:08:00.14
Bill
So my follow up question to that was, do you think that there um could also be something, could there also be healthy ego? Can you have a healthy ego?
01:08:10.91
Bill
Because ego and egotist is usually, it's kind of like when somebody says you have an attitude, you know, somebody says you've got an ego, um it's usually not a good thing, but do you think there is or could be such a thing as a healthy ego?
01:08:15.98
Mike
Right.
01:08:24.35
Mike
Um, I mean, well, not really in this context because you know, the egos is some of all the bullshit that you believe about yourself. Um, yeah, yeah, right. I mean, I, you know, my ego is healthy because I know I'm not fucking wonderful and I know I'm not a piece of shit.
01:08:43.63
Mike
Um, yeah, you know, I, so I guess in that sense, yes, I have a healthy ego, but again, I, I have a healthy knowledge of myself now.
01:08:54.75
Mike
I know what I am and, and it's not, it's not the sum of my bullshit anymore. You know, I mean, it's still in there. Trust me. There's, there's parts of me that, you know, I still believe the lies, ah but, but not nearly as much as I used to.
01:09:07.16
Bill
yeah
01:09:09.94
Mike
And it's, yeah, it's, you know, it's getting better.
01:09:13.39
Bill
So, I mean, would it be better to say that maybe maybe not a healthy ego, but healthy confidence? I mean, compet there's nothing wrong with confidence.
01:09:18.89
Mike
Yeah. Oh, absolutely. No, no.
01:09:20.55
Bill
Okay.
01:09:21.03
Mike
I mean, being, knowing your good points, again, that's taking that inventory, you know, whether it's, you know, that fourth step that we do, that big giant one to see where the fuck we're at because we just, we we need to make some huge changes or, you know, the 10 step, man, that daily inventory, looking and seeing where we're at.
01:09:40.88
Mike
Yeah. There's nothing wrong with taking that inventory and going, okay, I got some shit over here I need to get better at and But I got this shit over here. That's pretty good. and And yeah, I need to keep doing that because that's good stuff.
01:09:54.54
Mike
Yeah. <unk> You know, that's the healthy part. Knowing that, you know, yeah, there are good parts to me and and I need to nurture them and make them better and and continue to to do those things.
01:10:05.64
Mike
So yeah, that's, I don't think it's ego though. I think it's just, it's again, the healthy knowledge and honest assessment of yourself.
01:10:08.98
Bill
Right.
01:10:14.60
Bill
Yeah, and it just kind of made me think about that when you were talking about, yeah, because it, the, and that's why I wrote that down. And that, the follow-up question was mine. That wasn't in the book on that.
01:10:23.45
Mike
Right.
01:10:25.88
Bill
Cause at the time I was trying to think about that, it just the, cause the main thing is, is the ego, the word ego, same thing as attitude. Like I just said, it just, it feels, feels like it's always, it's not a good thing.
01:10:33.66
Mike
Right.
01:10:36.22
Bill
You know, somebody says you're, you know, when he gets his, it's not a good thing, you know?
01:10:36.95
Mike
right
01:10:39.94
Bill
and And I guess the more I thought about that is i still I still refer to myself at times as an egotist, but better, and maybe I'm not.
01:10:45.52
Mike
Right.
01:10:48.36
Bill
I mean, I've got i've got a very high competence level, um but I mean, I don't think that, at least I fucking hope not, because I think people around me, I know for a fact, well, I think for a fact that you would, if I had all these fucking false ideas about myself, you wouldn't let me you wouldn't let me get away with it.
01:10:59.15
Mike
Uh huh.
01:11:04.29
Bill
so
01:11:04.44
Mike
No, I would not.
01:11:05.68
Bill
Maybe um I might be mislabeling myself. i I can be ridiculously confident, and I can be overconfident.
01:11:10.81
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:11:14.97
Bill
um And the problem is, that here here's the weird part with me, and I know you've you've experienced this, because we've had plenty of conversations about this. I can be all up in this like, I can handle this, I can do this, and then it's like, I've got these little, these holes in my armor.
01:11:29.91
Bill
yeah
01:11:29.89
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:11:30.32
Bill
And if somebody finds that piercing, it'll fucking take me down, you know?
01:11:35.28
Mike
Right.
01:11:36.22
Bill
I have probably, I don't know, 50, 75 Achilles heels, I don't know.
01:11:42.17
Mike
Right.
01:11:43.02
Bill
I don't know, I'm just kind of fucking around on that. But it's weird to me sometimes that the little things that still, I don't even know how to say, they don't make me bad or bother me, but they'll either hurt my feelings, again, we go back to this hurt feelings and that sort of thing.
01:11:54.09
Mike
Oh,
01:11:58.93
Bill
you know or they'll they'll make me question myself of of who I am or what type of person I am or whatever, which is fucking ridiculous.
01:12:01.83
Mike
Mm hmm. Right.
01:12:06.72
Bill
you know And it's i'm not it's not like I'm without flaws or I'm flawless or anything like that. I'm sure as fuck not perfect, but I don't i don't need to second guess who I am as ah as a human being, but there there are still certain things that I can't even think of anything right off the top of my head, but I have the moments where it's like, oh,
01:12:11.74
Mike
Right. Right.
01:12:17.25
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:12:24.64
Mike
Right.
01:12:24.76
Bill
i'm not i'm no good at that or i'm not good is there something wrong is something wrong right right right
01:12:26.38
Mike
but Right. Yeah, yeah, I'm not good enough. Yeah. Right. Exactly. Well, again, that's why we have to take a goddamn daily inventory of ourselves.
01:12:39.33
Mike
Right. And as long as we do and we take an honest inventory of ourselves, we we see where we're at. yeah And it's not that built up bullshit either way that we're so great or we're pieces of shit or neither.
01:12:53.66
Bill
Right.
01:12:54.30
Mike
Yeah.
01:12:54.60
Bill
Not, not worse than or better than.
01:12:56.69
Mike
Right.
01:12:58.01
Bill
Yeah. And that's the, uh, I can't remember where, I don't know, maybe we were talking about it, but, um, you you know, the, the whole, to, to begin with, you know, comparing, you know, ourselves when, when we first, you know, walk into meetings or first start and get start getting around, uh, you know, people that are, that are trying to do this or are doing this whole recovery thing.
01:13:06.60
Mike
Right. Mhm.
01:13:15.64
Bill
Um, I know I did it, you know, that whole fucking guy, I did it.
01:13:17.59
Mike
Oh yeah. I mean, everybody does.
01:13:19.02
Bill
I was.
01:13:19.66
Mike
Well, I mean, there's a, there's a reason there's a phrase comparing yourself out of the rooms.
01:13:24.14
Bill
Right?
01:13:24.74
Mike
Yeah. Right. You can't do that. I mean, we're going to do it again, human nature. There's their fucking phrase again, but, um, yeah, I mean, we're going to do it, but we can't let it get the best of us.
01:13:35.78
Mike
Yeah.
01:13:35.97
Bill
Right.
01:13:36.18
Mike
We, we have to go. Okay. Wait, stop. but You know, again, not better, not worse. We're just, we're just here.
01:13:44.12
Bill
Right, and there there are a ton of things that that I didn't do, you know, yet.
01:13:49.26
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:13:49.72
Bill
while i will i Well, I didn't do while I was out there and haven't done yet.
01:13:50.32
Mike
Mm hmm. Right.
01:13:53.72
Bill
But there's also things out there that, you know, that that I've done, the ways I've treated people, ah maybe even the level, you know, of of how I drank or, that's the other thing. I was doing my lead at it fucking Puritans and I said, yeah, I beat them on that too when I said my blood alcohol level.
01:14:10.65
Bill
I wasn't gonna bring up the four day thing, by the way, just so you know.
01:14:12.40
Mike
Right. I know.
01:14:13.85
Bill
with the package you did and i'm like uh like i got another one coming up i do that i do that one in my head like i beat this motherfucker by four days and two tenths of a percent two no two tenths or two hundredths two two hundredths of a of a percent
01:14:18.09
Mike
Yeah. Right.
01:14:24.10
Mike
a Right. Two hundreds. Yes. Of our blood alcohol level. Right.
01:14:30.89
Bill
Yeah, yeah, Mike was, Mike was 0.42 when he went in, I was 0.44.
01:14:34.66
Mike
Uh-huh.
01:14:34.68
Bill
So got, got shit, bitch. But yeah, as I was doing that lead and that came up and I'm like, yeah, I beat you. that too yeah Which again, just, uh, I mean, fucked up things for us to laugh at, but it, it, you you got a laugh editor.
01:14:42.89
Mike
he
01:14:49.92
Bill
It's, I mean, it's, it's the point.
01:14:49.97
Mike
Oh, yeah.
01:14:51.12
Bill
It's a fucking point, but, um, but yeah, yeah the, the, the comparing part and.
01:14:52.39
Mike
and Yeah. I've still done more heroin than you have. okay Yeah.
01:14:57.90
Bill
Yeah, well, name any drug on the planet you've done more, even if you've just you know dabbled you know or even just had had some fall into your mouth or or slide up your nose or in your vein for just even by accident, you've done more than me.
01:15:01.00
Mike
Yes, I have.
01:15:05.43
Mike
Right.
01:15:08.98
Mike
right Yeah. I fell on a syringe. I swear officer.
01:15:13.03
Bill
Right. But um yeah, the comparing part that, and I know, I mean, I did it even, I was comparing myself to my my dad when he got sober. I was comparing, you know, looking at, I mean, all the, all the people that, you know, speaking of that, I'll say, I don't know.
01:15:27.15
Bill
Okay. So when we were in the, when we first get into Keating Center, there might've been, um I don't know, maybe one or two other people
01:15:29.99
Mike
Hmm.
01:15:34.37
Bill
there were straight up boos. I know that, um, I think the dude that came, the American airlines guy, he came, he was a boozer.
01:15:35.83
Mike
Right.
01:15:40.26
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.
01:15:42.27
Bill
That was later in the, so was that later in the summer? No, he was, he was while we were still in the dorms.
01:15:45.19
Mike
No, he was pretty early. Yeah, it was pretty early.
01:15:48.10
Bill
Um, so him, and then, um, I think Jeff, the Pete's friend, Jeff, I think Jeff was just a boozer.
01:15:52.84
Mike
Right. Yeah.
01:15:56.19
Bill
Um, there might've been, Oh yeah.
01:15:57.22
Mike
Scott. air Air Force Scott, I think he was just a boozer.
01:15:59.51
Bill
Yeah.
01:16:01.87
Bill
Yeah, I think you're right. I think you're right. But there was, I mean, again, but out of 50 guys, what do we just aim for, you know, including me five, maybe, you know, and
01:16:08.29
Mike
Yup. Yeah. Well, which is, yeah, exactly. It's just the way things are.
01:16:13.41
Bill
Right, but it was it was just, it was so funny that um when I remember sitting down with with Phyllis and she's like, you know, how how much do you know about about drugs? I'm like, yeah, you know, not a lot.
01:16:24.20
Bill
She's like, you're gonna know, you're gonna end up, you're gonna you you'renna learn more than you ever wanna know about them.
01:16:25.41
Mike
You learn. okay Yup.
01:16:30.24
Bill
But she's like, it's not a bad thing because you might be able to help people if you you know what to what to you know what ah but you're looking at and know what to recognize and and all those sort of things.
01:16:37.81
Mike
Right.
01:16:38.89
Bill
And I'm just kind of like, you know, fucking glazed or I'm like, okay, whatever, man. but um But everyone, i mean all of our all of our close friends you know have done, um even the chicks, God, you hear some of their stores, I'm like, like you were you were fucking crazy.
01:16:45.91
Mike
Right.
01:16:50.15
Mike
Yup.
01:16:53.58
Bill
Marry me.
01:16:54.94
Mike
Right.
01:16:55.69
Bill
you know I mean, shit at the time, I'm like, where the fuck were you when I was all fucked up? We would have had a great time.
01:16:59.55
Mike
Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.
01:17:03.18
Bill
but um But no, I mean, it just, and and looking at that, and and to begin with, I know for a fact, hearing in some of the stories, like, ah, I didn't do that, and I'm like, ah, because I remember hearing that, and I actually, I took that to heart, you know?
01:17:11.73
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right.
01:17:15.51
Bill
And I don't think completely you know right away, but um it just, it didn't matter, like you and I have talked before, that you know the the life that you lived, good, bad, or indifferent, the life that I lived, same thing, good, bad, or indifferent,
01:17:18.43
Mike
Sure.
01:17:24.79
Mike
Mm-hmm.
01:17:28.20
Bill
um whether I did or didn't or whatever you did or didn't and all the way through.
01:17:31.56
Mike
Mm-hmm.
01:17:33.65
Bill
There we are, meeting up on the same fucking doorstep at the goddamn gaming center.
01:17:34.72
Mike
Yeah.
01:17:37.34
Mike
Yep.
01:17:39.56
Mike
Yup.
01:17:41.63
Bill
It's like, it just reminds me, it's like taking taking a thousand different like little windy tracks and all of them going to the same tube but and they just, all all these marbles fucking run into the gaming center.
01:17:46.73
Mike
sir yep Yep. Yeah.
01:17:51.96
Bill
Like here's all the boys, here we are. ah But um yeah, I don't know, it just, there's there's so many things there that when when we first, again, first that that that newness, I mean, it just, sometimes I look back and I'm, I don't know, it's ah it's it's a feeling of, it's nostalgic, it's a relatively good way, but every once in a while, i when I think back on some of that stuff, my stomach hurts, you know?
01:18:12.99
Mike
Mm hmm. Yeah.
01:18:18.24
Bill
And and I and I don't mean that in a negative way I mean that in the best way possible because it it hurts because thankfully Somewhere in this fucked up brain of mine still after all these years all these years, but after after this whatever amount of time I mean I can still feel the you know, the hurt the pain whatever whatever I felt that going in there is what I can still feel that and it's that's mind-blowing, you know, I Know it is
01:18:22.71
Mike
Right.
01:18:34.19
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:18:40.18
Mike
Yeah, it's good. Yeah, it's when you forget that shit, there then you get in trouble.
01:18:45.29
Bill
Yeah, when you look back and you're like, like, God, that Kidding Center was a lot of fucking fun, wasn't it?
01:18:47.60
Mike
Eh, wasn't so bad.
01:18:51.79
Mike
Oh yeah, good times.
01:18:51.90
Bill
We just, I mean, all the time. It was never any bad times.
01:18:55.21
Mike
No, never.
01:18:55.55
Bill
When you walked in the door, you felt great, right?
01:18:57.48
Mike
Yeah, absolutely.
01:18:57.84
Bill
That was all fucking all good.
01:18:58.24
Mike
Yeah, top of the world, Ma.
01:19:00.98
Bill
Top of the world, Ma.
01:19:06.07
Mike
Everything's on fire around me.
01:19:08.14
Bill
right
01:19:08.19
Mike
Yep.
01:19:10.52
Bill
All right, so I get one other one that was like right right in the same area. um So we always talk about you know bad days versus bad moments. And you know maybe we can explain at least our mindset on that, you know bad days versus bad moments. But um how do you define what would be, a I guess, a good day? Do you have a definition of you know what what a good day might be for you? I mean, is there a roadmap hey
01:19:37.47
Mike
um Everybody leaves me the fuck alone.
01:19:42.34
Mike
all That's me. um that Shit, I don't know. Yeah, you know, it goes fairly smoothly. ah Yeah, you know, maybe I get to help somebody in there somewhere, but not too much.
01:19:55.47
Mike
um I don't want to spend all fucking day helping somebody.
01:19:59.50
Bill
right
01:19:59.72
Mike
Um, but yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Just, you know, mellow. I don't know a good day. Uh, you know, spending time with people I give a shit about is always good.
01:20:11.68
Mike
Uh, even though I don't always admit it. Um, yeah, yeah, you know, helping somebody being with someone that makes me happy and I can make them happy at the same time.
01:20:23.19
Mike
That's fucking pretty wonderful.
01:20:25.24
Bill
Right.
01:20:25.22
Mike
um It's rare, but it's wonderful.
01:20:28.54
Bill
Right. yeah
01:20:30.55
Mike
You know, I'm grateful when it happens. um yeah you know i Good day, bad day. I don't know their days, man. i did Again, it comes back to why me?
01:20:41.08
Mike
Why the fuck not? I mean, it's it's good and bad. Yes.
01:20:44.43
Bill
Right.
01:20:45.20
Mike
Yeah. You know, any day, well, I'm sober and and not completely miserable. It's kind of hand in hand. Yeah, it's a good day.
01:20:54.75
Bill
Yeah, and it was again, i think i think i wrote that I think I wrote that down because i um I thought it was kind of a ridiculous question.
01:21:03.32
Mike
Right.
01:21:03.41
Bill
you know But not, not it again, I don't mean that, maybe that's not the right way to put it, because it's I think it's really, the fact that we don't, the reason I wrote that down in talking about the bad days versus bad moments and that is because if if we don't believe in bad days, only bad moments, then I think my mindset was, and I don't even know when I wrote this down, but
01:21:20.88
Mike
Right.
01:21:25.19
Bill
can i Can I really define well what's a good day? you know Because all of my days I need to find, because you're the one that said that, you need to find whatever's going on.
01:21:29.60
Mike
Right.
01:21:33.57
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:21:35.63
Bill
you you Still, you can find some good in that day.
01:21:38.52
Mike
Yeah, absolutely.
01:21:39.20
Bill
Even if there's, out of your 24 hours, 23 hours and 58 minutes, we're all bad moments. You know, you better find two minutes is a good shit in there, you know to keep your head on straight But um, but yeah, I mean it's uh, I I didn't even I don't even know maybe a day that The only thing that I could think about as you were saying all that stuff again being around helping people 100% I agree with all of that do what I did today was you know, it was a good day Being around family being around my kids being around you being around anything like that going to a meeting the things that we did all those things you know, but maybe just
01:21:51.54
Mike
Right. Yep.
01:22:04.19
Mike
Hmm.
01:22:08.35
Mike
Right.
01:22:12.83
Mike
Yeah.
01:22:17.42
Bill
A day that I don't hurt anyone.
01:22:19.50
Mike
Right.
01:22:20.10
Bill
you know A day that I don't fuck anything up.
01:22:20.10
Mike
Yeah.
01:22:22.72
Bill
you know it Well, completely.
01:22:22.82
Mike
Yep. Well, um, yeah, right, right.
01:22:26.87
Bill
Completely.
01:22:26.99
Mike
Completely. Yeah. Right. Yeah. dead Too bad and whatever. Right. Yeah. I mean, again, it's all going to happen. And okay.
01:22:33.53
Bill
Right.
01:22:34.11
Mike
So I, I, fine. I hurt someone briefly and and lightly, but I caused, I inflicted a little bit of pain because that's what we fucking do. Okay.
01:22:44.63
Mike
Then what did I do?
01:22:45.98
Bill
Right.
01:22:46.08
Mike
Did i I continue? Did I stop? Did I go back and try to fix it? Did I try to take a little bit? I'm never going to take it away. That toothpaste is out of the tube. But but did I try to make it better?
01:22:57.79
Mike
You know, right, yeah. that's That's all we do, man. You know, yes, I'm gonna inflict a little pain. and I'm gonna make somebody uncomfortable. It's, you know, not every day and not to the degree that I used to, but that's gonna happen too. But I, can I fix it? Can I make it better? Can I not do it again tomorrow in the same way? You know, all that shit, man. Trying to make ourselves better. That's, yeah.
01:23:22.18
Mike
Yeah, they're they're all good days, man. They're all good days.
01:23:24.20
Bill
Right.
01:23:24.90
Mike
They're all bad days. They're all good days. They're all bad days. They're days.
01:23:29.11
Bill
It's yet again, another one of those subjects. Yes and no.
01:23:32.17
Mike
Yes, exactly.
01:23:35.13
Bill
You know, it was, it was funny. It just made me think about it. And I think it was Thursday. Cause I mean, I, I didn't, uh, I had off today, so I wasn't working, but, um, was it?
01:23:40.73
Mike
Mm-hmm.
01:23:42.09
Bill
Yeah, it was. It was yesterday. Um, I had, uh, in, it's been, it's been a weird week. It's been a slow week payment wise. And I know this is why I ended up feeling this way towards this thing I'm going to tell you about, but.
01:23:53.18
Mike
Hmm.
01:23:53.57
Bill
um You know, just there, it's weird. our The short story, and I mentioned it before, I think our new business is down a little bit, so you know our routes and our inventory is a little bit lower. So you're kind of scraping through ah a little bit more. I'm still you know kind of pacing. Up until like two days ago, I was still pacing, and then my payments dropped off a little bit for a couple of days. So a little bit of stress in the back of my head about that. Plenty of time to fix it, but still.
01:24:16.37
Bill
You know, and then and I had a couple.
01:24:16.74
Mike
Right.
01:24:19.31
Bill
I just had a couple of fucking winners that I ended up talking to.
01:24:19.66
Mike
Hmm.
01:24:23.79
Bill
and I mean, he's the type of people that that are so fucking stupid and so fucking obstinate.
01:24:28.98
Mike
ah yeah Right.
01:24:30.14
Bill
And and I can't say, oh, my God, shut the fuck up.
01:24:34.11
Mike
Mm-hmm.
01:24:35.23
Bill
I'm like, do you hear yourself? Do you you hear the fucking bullshit that's coming out of your mouth?
01:24:41.90
Mike
Right.
01:24:42.39
Bill
you know And this one lady, she's in the car with her husband and she's just like, hi remember i remember about and then she'd ask me a question. I go to answer. She's like, did you hear me? But she's in her car, um you know like Bluetooth.
01:24:53.29
Bill
And i'm like I'm like, you're clearly having trouble hearing me. I'm like, I don't mean to keep interrupting you. And she's like, well, I'm in my car. And I said, I understand that. So I, you know, and then, then she's going on and on and on. And I said, I don't want to interrupt you. i and i and i not Then she stops and she's like, are you still there? I'm like, Oh my God. And I said, yes, I was waiting to make sure that you were, you had completed your sentence that because I don't want to interrupt you.
01:25:18.22
Bill
And she just, she was a fucking treat sarcastically.
01:25:18.25
Mike
Right.
01:25:22.32
Bill
And it was like coming right up to break time. And I just, I walked outside of the fucking patio, i was sitting there on my phone for a minute. I'm like, I can't even do this. I said, I just need to fucking like, just fuck these people. I'm like, I'm getting all fucking riled up.
01:25:33.74
Bill
I'm like, what the fuck? These people mean nothing to me.
01:25:36.56
Mike
right
01:25:36.89
Bill
But but I mean right now this this fucking bitch is under my skin and I knew why Now it guess what guess what boys and girls this went back to fucking fear because You know might my payments are down and I'm like I got time for this fucking bitch I don't have time for you yelling at me about some nonsensical shit I want to talk to somebody that at least has sense enough to talk through something to possibly fucking pay me
01:25:49.16
Mike
Right. Right.
01:25:57.70
Mike
Mm-hmm.
01:26:01.89
Bill
you know so it is it is fear of financial insecurity you know and i'm like so i knew what it was that i finally took a deep breath i'm like fucking either way i'm glad i get four days off or three days off i'm sorry i i'm heading into a three-day weekend so i took it to that this sucks for a minute over here but here's my pay here's my my payoff coming in about you know two hours from now at that at that time but yeah it was i was i haven't been that lit up by by somebody
01:26:05.37
Mike
Right.
01:26:20.73
Mike
Right.
01:26:24.34
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:26:25.85
Bill
Or by circumstance of work in a while, um but again i ah like as I thought about it sit down said I'm like kind of fucking fear again It's that fucking fear It's it it does it's it's baffling to me, but it's also you know comforting what I could figure it out I wish I just think about it right away every goddamn time everywhere I go I should just have fear written on the wall in front of me Why do you have that sign that says fear shut up?
01:26:32.30
Mike
Well. Right. Mm hmm. Yeah.
01:26:51.76
Mike
Right.
01:26:51.80
Bill
none Your your goddamn business
01:26:56.85
Bill
ah So yeah, it was, oh, let me let me end on something funny here, okay? I forgot, I was gonna tell you this to begin with. So again, I stayed here before, I mentioned that.
01:27:05.75
Mike
right
01:27:05.86
Bill
It's got a sliding door going out to the going out to the a balcony or patio.
01:27:09.33
Mike
Okay.
01:27:09.96
Bill
That's actually a balcony technically, but it's on the first floor.
01:27:12.94
Mike
and go
01:27:13.01
Bill
so It also has a lot of people with sliding doors, open in a lot of places I've been, a lot there'll be a piece of wood that you could put in there, obviously block it, um you know, so people can't get in.
01:27:21.16
Mike
Yeah, right.
01:27:23.50
Bill
This one has this, it's actually like a ah doorstop, like this long doorstop, the the width of the one screen door, or one door that doesn't open, and it's on a hinge, you know, and it's meant to be that way for these clearly, so you just ignite, you put that over, it fits into a little slat, then you're good.
01:27:41.61
Bill
So, um, I don't think about it, you know, except for, you know, when I'm going to put it down at night when I go to bed.
01:27:48.87
Mike
right.
01:27:48.92
Bill
So I walked, I think I had, uh, I think what it was, I was, I was going to go to bed and I, I got, I don't know, I think I locked it and put that down and then got on the computer for a minute.
01:28:00.12
Bill
I'm like, I'm going to go out and hit my vape one more time. So I lifted it up and clearly didn't lift it up all the way. So I walk outside and I shut the i shut the door to the the glass door and all of a sudden I hear thump.
01:28:13.99
Bill
And I look back and I looked forward, I looked back, I'm like, I couldn't comprehend the fact that what happened. um It fell down.
01:28:22.56
Mike
Yeah.
01:28:23.17
Bill
And I'm like, I know I can't open the door, but I go and open the door. I'm like, what the fuck am I going to do?
01:28:27.34
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:28:32.08
Bill
Now, again, thankfully, I'm on the first floor. So I opened up the gate. I walked all the way around the building. And the good thing is, is there's a keypad. This isn't one of those places that I have to have keys for.
01:28:41.61
Mike
Right. ahha Right.
01:28:43.81
Bill
um and Just but let myself back in. But so the first place that I stayed at here, I was up on theoretically the fourth floor, because that the first one is like basement level.
01:28:49.25
Mike
Right.
01:28:53.81
Bill
um But I mean, if I was three floors up, the only thing I could have done is yell for somebody, hey! Go around to this door.
01:29:04.46
Mike
Right.
01:29:05.26
Bill
the key code is, and I went in to give somebody the fucking key code to open up and fucking walk in here and open it up.
01:29:06.95
Mike
Hmm.
01:29:11.65
Mike
Yeah.
01:29:12.25
Bill
Am I gonna climb down?
01:29:13.80
Mike
Right.
01:29:15.30
Bill
But I was just like, I'm like, are you fine? i I've never, first of all, never had that happen. But thankfully I was on the first floor and thankfully there's a keypad, but I'm just, I'm shaking my head. I'm like, I gotta write this down for the podcast.
01:29:29.22
Bill
Yeah, so I locked myself up, but it was for literally about two minutes, so.
01:29:33.61
Mike
All right.
01:29:34.86
Bill
But yeah, freaked me out, definitely. but
01:29:36.63
Mike
So a bad moment.
01:29:38.85
Bill
Yeah, yeah that was a that was a fear moment. It would have been a fear if I was you know three floors up. But I was just like, ah just it took me, literally, I stared at it for about 10 seconds just not even believing that it happened.
01:29:44.15
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:29:52.23
Bill
It's like a fucking movie. you know The fucking idiots go in into the bank vault that shuts or they go into the freezer you know and the door shuts.
01:29:53.99
Mike
Right.
01:29:58.53
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:29:59.25
Bill
And it's like, Jesus Christ.
01:30:00.05
Mike
Yep.
01:30:00.41
Bill
I'm like, I'm that guy now.
01:30:04.58
Bill
All right. Um, I just figured I'd end on a light note. Let's, do you want to keep talking? I don't, we can go for a record tonight. Yes. No, no.
01:30:10.58
Mike
I don't think so.
01:30:12.10
Bill
I don't think so. We got as fucking around. I get, you know what? Even though I get to sleep in a little bit more tomorrow, I just, uh, I'd like to get this done and relax for a few minutes. So you know what?
01:30:19.38
Mike
Yeah.
01:30:20.24
Bill
It's your fucking turn.
01:30:22.02
Mike
All righty, well, thanks for everyone.
01:30:25.42
Bill
yeah
01:30:26.64
Mike
Thank you everyone for listening to another episode of Silver Not Mature. So always be good to each other, be kind to each other, go out and do something nice for somebody else this week and don't tell anybody you did it.
01:30:39.79
Mike
and From the bottom of my heart to the depths of my soul From the beginning of time till the ends of earth always and eternally Fuck you and now it's time. It is time kids It's time for you to fuck off then keep fucking off Keep fucking off till you get to a gate with the sign on it saying you cannot fuck off past here climb over that gate dream the Impossible dream and keep fucking off forever
01:31:11.46
Bill
hey I do like the fact that you kind of mix that, mix all that shit up now. It makes me laugh because it begins with the yo, all right.
01:31:15.91
Mike
Uh-huh.
01:31:18.84
Mike
yeah
01:31:19.64
Bill
I was just about to mute. I couldn't help but laugh at that. And then yeah, the ending part, again, you mix up a little bit of your voice levels and I don't know what the fuck you're doing, but it makes me laugh.
01:31:27.30
Mike
I try. I don't either.
01:31:31.52
Mike
That's what I'm doing.
01:31:31.62
Bill
but Yeah, exactly. So yeah, I don't know. i Either I have to i have to you know have to have some shit happen to me this week so I got stories or I get ah i could really start paying attention to my readings and make more notes this week because um I checked off ah quite a few items on this list this week, but it's okay.
01:31:47.91
Bill
You know what? The thing of it is, don't worry everyone.
01:31:50.98
Mike
hey
01:31:51.08
Bill
will havep We'll have something to talk about next week.
01:31:53.55
Mike
We'll run our fucking mouths about something stay tuned we'll talk about whatever
01:31:56.09
Bill
yeah And you know what, regardless, we're we're gonna fill up a fucking hour and a half every goddamn time, given we're talking about, I don't know, whatever. All right, man, I think, yeah, that's, you know what, there's not really an always or never, but we're always gonna talk about whatever.
01:32:15.98
Mike
Whatever.
01:32:17.14
Bill
All right, man, I love you, brother.
01:32:18.53
Mike
I love you too.
01:32:19.64
Bill
You can talk to you soon.
01:32:21.16
Mike
Bye.
01:32:22.39
Bill
Bye.
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