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Dec. 21, 2024
SoberNotMature - Episode 148 (Mistletoe Belt Buckle Holiday Extravaganza)
This week we have the sort of Holiday Edition of the podcast. Or is it the anti Holiday Edition?
Mike started out with his reading and it was about how to deal with the Holidays as people in recovery. Or quite honestly, on any day. There are simple things that we need to do every day to stay sober and that is what we talked about. It was a good conversation.
Then we talked about wild meat, being part of problem, what have we done good this week, scary feelings, overcoming obstacles and learning from them and normies.
There was a also story about drug seeking behavior.
Enjoy the episode.
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Store www.sobernotmatureshop.com
Transcript
00:00:01.63
Bill
all right everyone hey hey god hey god welcome to another episode of sober mature do you think we'd be or is there any copyright violations for the circus music go ahead can you do it there we go this is how our night's going so far uh okay so all right bring to bring down bring down the circus music what is it the saber dance you said
00:00:27.89
Mike
public The Saber Dance.
00:00:32.24
Bill
Okay. I know what it is, but I guess I didn't i didn't know what the name of it was, but okay. So everyone who has been waiting patiently for the, yeah, no, I'm just saying for, cause I have been promoting this throughout the week.
00:00:39.54
Mike
All two of us hell we talked to him for what about 15 minutes
00:00:45.77
Bill
The, uh, the gentleman, Robin Larry from recovery unfiltered the, uh, the podcast, um, we're scheduled to come on tonight. Um, we had tech. Okay. Yeah, actually, ah yeah, we were 15, 20 minutes, whatever the case was. um Technology things, they're what they're going to try to do, not that it really matters ah for anyone else out there, but they want to record while we're recording. The studios didn't mash. We're going to figure it out. We're going to do it again ah to make it right. um But yeah, so um it's it's us.
00:01:14.83
Mike
Yeah, right. We'll get back to them next year.
00:01:17.96
Bill
Yeah, exactly, because yeah cause you and I are going to record. We're recording next Thursday, right? You and I?
00:01:24.23
Mike
Uh, yeah.
00:01:25.62
Bill
Okay, cool. I just wanted to, um, that was kind of like, please, because seeing as I, cause I, you know, I'll get into the whole reason for that in a little bit.
00:01:27.70
Mike
yeah
00:01:32.31
Bill
We, now we got fucking time. I could, God, I got a lot of stuff I could talk about just fucking.
00:01:34.75
Mike
Right. Yeah, we got it right. No, actually we don't. Cause, uh, you know, we're already 26 minutes into this. No, wait, we're not.
00:01:42.24
Bill
Yeah, I should have just started recording that fucking our little fucking mess and on the way in.
00:01:45.19
Mike
Yeah.
00:01:46.48
Bill
That would have been kind of funny. But but anyhow, no. um mike to mike's Mike's exact words after when Larry finally texted me, he's like, oh, you guys just go ahead. And he's like, he goes, God, because those guys sound like fun once we can get them on.
00:01:57.85
Bill
So um I think we will.
00:01:58.03
Mike
Right.
00:02:00.03
Bill
It's going to be it'll be a great conversation. It'll be a lot of fun. And you know they they're they're working on their end at just whatever it is. Studios didn't match, and we're going to figure out how to they will figure out how to get it done.
00:02:11.83
Bill
Cause you know what? We know, we know how our shit works.
00:02:13.97
Mike
it look Clearly we're high.
00:02:15.87
Bill
Yeah. Yeah. So, so Robin, Larry, if you're listening, remember, keep it simple, man.
00:02:19.97
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:02:21.40
Bill
It's okay. It's okay. But, um, so I got a couple of questions cause in, in the, uh, while we were waiting, I brought up the the song, the whole Heinz ketchup commercial thing with, uh, um, anticipation, Carly Simon.
00:02:33.88
Mike
Right, right.
00:02:34.16
Bill
And I, in all the, you and I, Mike and I have known each other, right?
00:02:37.59
Mike
Wait, no, hang on.
00:02:38.00
Bill
Mike?
00:02:39.91
Mike
ah Carly Simon or Carole King? God damn it, now I'm fucking out. See, I'm all confused. Hang on a second, now.
00:02:47.97
Bill
Okay. Yeah. You can, you can look it up, but then I'll, I'll say what I was going to say and the, the point that we got on and then we can correct ourselves and talk about Carol King, if that's who it is. Um, but you know, so the, the song we figured out, it's a ketchup commercial, the anticipation, anticipation, make any way, blah, blah, blah.
00:03:03.97
Mike
Okay, so I was right, it is Carly Simon.
00:03:04.02
Bill
And. Okay, so yeah, Mike said Carly Simon and it's, I mean, we talk about music a lot. You know, usually it's about people you hate. Um, and that's how, how our conversations come up.
00:03:13.34
Mike
ah
00:03:15.35
Bill
So almost timidly, cause I do like Carly Simon. I'm like, do you like Carly Simon? And your answer was, Oh,
00:03:21.28
Mike
Well, i I was thinking of Carole King, so it didn't actually apply. That's why I confused myself.
00:03:27.12
Bill
oh okay.
00:03:27.69
Mike
um Right, yes, Carly Simon is good too.
00:03:27.99
Bill
Okay.
00:03:30.72
Mike
It's a wonderful line in WKRP, my favorite TV show of all time, ah where ah Venus and Johnny go, hey, let's go back and look at Carly Simon album covers.
00:03:30.82
Bill
Okay.
00:03:42.70
Bill
Yeah, you know what you know what's funny is i I think, and I don't know if it was when you and I were at the record store, but um i bought um I bought a Carly Simon record.
00:03:53.35
Bill
I have it not here with me, but I have it. And yeah, when you when you look at the cover, I'm like, my God damn, she she's kind of fucking hot.
00:03:59.00
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right? Then she generally takes those pictures when it's cold out.
00:04:02.07
Bill
and that was ah
00:04:04.96
Bill
I, number one thing I noticed, I'm like, oh yeah, she's pretty too, but Jesus Christ. Yeah, and she's ah she's happy to see me and I was happy to see her too.
00:04:13.50
Mike
Stand up and salute.
00:04:15.05
Bill
Yeah, hi there. ah But um yeah, so that was the kind of a little bit of a side conversation that we had. But back to the basics here, we will have them on, not tonight, it is what it is. And yeah, we're gonna move on.
00:04:26.63
Bill
But you know, here's the fear is a funny part. um when we have a guest on for every once in a while, I wouldn't print off, you know, the sheets that I have. It's usually a couple of sheets, whatever it is, and I got plenty of shit all the time.
00:04:37.71
Bill
But um then I started printing them off even when we had a guest so I could make, you know, either way, I might want to make a note about something or, you know, kind of a note to myself as we're talking. um And then it's turned out, you know, a couple of times we've had guests that I have had the sheets because guess what?
00:04:52.04
Bill
I fucking need them now, you know.
00:04:53.48
Mike
Aha.
00:04:55.90
Bill
but um so in in all this little rambling that we've done over the last literally five minutes now thank you very much did you grab your book by chance or do you want to do it see i was trying to kill a little bit of time but uh you know just kind of peeling back the the curtain for everyone i was also hopefully giving you time to grab your book because i think you want to do a reading maybe yes
00:05:03.94
Mike
It's sitting next to me.
00:05:15.94
Mike
Well, I mean, I guess we have to now, don't we?
00:05:19.13
Bill
Well, you know what, here's the thing. Here's the funny part. So did you listen to, um, in another side note, Mark Barron's podcast with the, uh, uh, she's a tick tock sensation newer one from Monday, Bobby something or other.
00:05:30.81
Mike
No.
00:05:32.17
Bill
Okay. So he said, um, and I listened to it and it was interesting. She's in her late twenties or something like that, but. um You know blew up on tiktok this and that has this podcast that she started off kind of making fun of the whole Whole thing but part of what she was talking about.
00:05:46.28
Bill
She's like she goes. It's she goes part of me She goes I really like you know doing things for my myself and this and that but she goes every once in a while Be nice to have a boss and and not so much pressure um But mark mark was saying that he goes.
00:05:55.75
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:05:57.58
Bill
Yeah, but like every once in a while It's nice that he goes, you know, you don't have to ask anyone what to do, you know And that's what I was just it reminded me of when you said we have to I'm like we don't fucking have to do anything
00:06:01.95
Mike
Right.
00:06:05.55
Mike
Mm hmm. No, we don't have to.
00:06:08.71
Bill
We have we have you know what nobody's the boss of us god damn it, but but But yeah, it's ah it's you know, I would love a reading though I think it's it's always a wonderful way to to kill some time if nothing else and you know what god damn it now that we've Disappointed our listeners by not having you know like
00:06:08.98
Mike
Right.
00:06:12.98
Mike
That's right. Well, I could I i could hit a button here and go away.
00:06:24.23
Mike
yeah
00:06:31.00
Mike
by We've disappointed them by showing up.
00:06:35.13
Bill
Yeah, by by just having it be us again, it was, huh, it's fucking you again. This is like, you know, getting a film strip. I have to walk in and see a goddamn film strip on, I don't know, whatever the fuck.
00:06:43.01
Mike
Right. Substitute teacher. Right. Yes.
00:06:45.10
Bill
Yeah.
00:06:45.45
Mike
They, did they load up the film strip and yeah, exactly. All right.
00:06:49.12
Bill
Yeah, when you're expecting something fun, right?
00:06:51.12
Mike
Hmm. All right. Well, um, this was actually, uh, actually I saw you posted this one, uh, day or so ago, right?
00:06:58.29
Bill
Oh.
00:07:01.07
Mike
Uh, it's the December 9th and, uh, since it is, uh, Christmas week, um, business I've already said on here, I am not participating and I'm not, i but what the hell?
00:07:15.70
Mike
All you motherfuckers out there probably are. So this is December 9th and we may have done this one last year, but fuck you, we're doing it again.
00:07:25.69
Bill
Right.
00:07:25.94
Mike
All right, here we go. ah One reason that I don't drink is that I wanna know when I'm having a good time, Mary Aster. Wait, Nancy asked her. I don't know, some asked her. All right, um and I didn't look her up, because I wasn't planning on reading this. All right, here we go. I believe she was an actress. All right, like a million years ago. Holiday seasons can be dangerous times for us at addicts. We gather more often with family and friends, and in some of these groups, people drink alcohol. They offer us alcohol.
00:08:04.88
Mike
They look as if they're having a good time. It's tempting to join in the drinking. However, it's time to remember why we don't drink.
00:08:17.73
Mike
We won't drink, even on holidays, unless we want back all the things that went with our drinking or using. What were those things again? Ah yes, embarrassing scenes, apologies the next day, waking up in strange places, losing the car again, hangovers, arguments.
00:08:38.53
Mike
Now we can actually enjoy the holidays and use them as a chance to connect with people we care about. We can create meaningful rituals and celebrations that add joy to our holidays and create good memories. Prayer for the day, higher power, help me to enjoy the holidays as a special special spiritual time to enjoy my own relationship with you, with myself and with the special people in my life.
00:09:08.25
Mike
Today's action, those pesky actions. Today, I will make a list of things to do to celebrate the season. These could include taking the children in my life, caroling, lighting the Hanukkah Menorah each evening, or connecting with the people I love. It's important to stay in touch with my sponsor because this time of year won't always be easy.
00:09:34.35
Bill
All right, so so let's look at it this way. Since you're boycotting the Christmas holiday, let's just look at this as a holiday could be anything.
00:09:39.03
Mike
Yeah.
00:09:42.20
Bill
It could be a holiday weekend, whatever. This is, it's kind of like, um let's treat this as a power greater than yourself. We're just gonna say a holiday circumstance, right? How about festive festive situations?
00:09:51.50
Mike
yeah Festivus, get out the aluminum pole.
00:09:54.68
Bill
yeah Well, let's see, that rolls us back into the holidays, which you don't wanna do.
00:09:58.62
Mike
Yes, right.
00:09:59.18
Bill
So we'll just say a festive occasion where there could be alcohol involved because we run across those throughout the year anyhow.
00:10:05.23
Mike
Right.
00:10:06.15
Bill
But so, I mean, a couple of things.
00:10:06.63
Mike
right
00:10:08.32
Bill
And um and I do know, I guess, on ah we talk about this every time a holiday weekend comes up, whatever it's been, it doesn't have to be you know this thing.
00:10:14.47
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:10:17.09
Bill
And I've got a question, hang on one second, I'm gonna...
00:10:18.85
Mike
me
00:10:20.86
Bill
I need to write this down real quick, because this keeps passing over and through my brain, and I'm gonna ask, okay, I'll ask it in a minute, but, um so every single time there's a holiday, 4th of July, Labor Day, Memorial Day, blah, blah, blah, what the fuck, Cinco de Mayo, anything, anything like that.
00:10:23.07
Mike
All right. Hmm. All right. Arbor day. Yeah.
00:10:41.20
Bill
um We say, just another day, but you say it even better, you know right?
00:10:44.58
Mike
Yep.
00:10:46.60
Bill
Just another, whatever.
00:10:46.95
Mike
Yeah. It's just another day, right? One day at a time, man. It's, it's just another day. Um, you know, again, the seasonal parade, I'm really feeling it this year.
00:10:57.50
Mike
Um, yeah, the, you know, the, the, the societal pressures of, you know, you have to celebrate this as important. this It's not. It's another fucking day. It is, you know, and I mean, if it means something to you on a deeper level, cool.
00:11:10.97
Mike
Go celebrate it, man. That's what this, you know, that's what the reading was talking about. And that's great. You know, do it if you could do it and and and make better for.
00:11:21.63
Mike
the people around you, therefore it's better for you. Great. Do it. I, you know, I, I can't this year. So I'm not. Um, but yes, it is just another day. And Hey, guess what? The 26th boxing day will be just another day. Um, if you're Canadian, it means something to you British. Um,
00:11:44.60
Mike
Right. You know, and then same with, you know, we'll, I'm sure talk about it next week, but you know, the big new year's Eve, amateur hour, um, all that, you know, it doesn't matter.
00:11:51.42
Bill
Right.
00:11:53.78
Mike
And then guess what? It's going to be the second of you January and you know, either you're going back to work or you got an extra couple of days off or whatever, man, you know, it's again, just another day.
00:12:06.50
Mike
one day at a time. I do the same shit every day to keep myself sober. I will do it on the 24th. I will do it on the 25th and I will do it on the 26th more than likely.
00:12:16.96
Mike
I know I did it today on the 20th.
00:12:20.12
Bill
Right, and if it's the, um I don't know, the 10th of March, I would assume your plan where I can throw things ahead, but on the 10th of March, if you make it that long and you haven't drank yet, you know or gone completely out of your fucking mind more so, um I'm guessing you'll do the same thing that you did today.
00:12:25.69
Mike
Mm hmm. Right. Right.
00:12:39.22
Bill
At least that would be your intention, right?
00:12:41.45
Mike
Yeah. Well, it's what I did on the 10th of March last year and the year before the year before that.
00:12:42.27
Bill
Yeah.
00:12:44.95
Bill
Right.
00:12:47.09
Mike
Right.
00:12:47.84
Bill
in the year before that. year Let's count them back.
00:12:49.37
Mike
Yeah.
00:12:49.98
Bill
Fuck, I think we got enough years in there. but you know and that And that is really the point, but I but i get it. In this year, I don't know, even the last, ah probably the, and we were talking about it last week.
00:13:02.78
Bill
you know it's it's been It's been a number of years since the the entire family, and you included have got together, was you know Johnny's and we're out Cleveland.
00:13:08.85
Mike
Right. Right.
00:13:11.04
Bill
We used to do all that big thing.
00:13:11.58
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:13:12.20
Bill
And that happened for a number of years, and it was cool.
00:13:12.95
Mike
Right. Yeah.
00:13:15.10
Bill
you know and I didn't really care that it was that it was Christmas. We did that 4th of July weekend the one time when everyone got together.
00:13:22.25
Mike
Right.
00:13:22.62
Bill
We did that, you know, Kylie's graduation. Yes, that was for a reason, but everyone came here.
00:13:24.63
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:13:27.26
Mike
Right.
00:13:27.32
Bill
You know, so the coolest part was, yes, the event and congratulations to Kylie and whatever the fuck all we're doing around any place at any time, but it's just, you know, big gathering of people, you know.
00:13:31.53
Mike
Yeah.
00:13:36.75
Mike
yeah
00:13:36.83
Bill
um But the, you know, so it's been a while for that, but the the thing of it is, like this year, um Christmas Eve, I'm driving up to Wisconsin. I'm going to have lunch with my kids, you know?
00:13:47.45
Bill
And Kimmy and, or I'm sorry, Kimmy and Ollie are coming down. I think b Brian's got to work. Derek and Katie have something going on, I think with her grandmother or grandpa's house, whatever it is.
00:14:00.06
Bill
So they're like, you know, can we do it a little bit earlier? We're going to, you know, meet up in Fond du Lac, which is like an hour from Germantown. Cause I said, well, that make it easier for Kimmy.
00:14:05.67
Mike
Right.
00:14:07.33
Bill
And she's like, you got to drive and like, I don't give a fuck. because I don't, you know?
00:14:11.25
Mike
Right.
00:14:12.02
Bill
um You know, but I need to leave here at like fucking seven o'clock in the morning on Christmas Eve to facilitate all this.
00:14:18.42
Mike
Uh-huh.
00:14:18.70
Bill
And I'm like, well, shit, it's it's still a fucking work day for some people.
00:14:21.72
Mike
Right?
00:14:21.98
Bill
It could be a three hour.
00:14:22.50
Mike
I'm working.
00:14:23.41
Bill
Yeah, it could be a three hour fucking drive, you know, rather than two hours or two and a half or two and a half hours.
00:14:25.62
Mike
Right?
00:14:29.17
Bill
um But you don't have to think of it as I'm going to have lunch with my kids.
00:14:32.54
Mike
Yep.
00:14:32.64
Bill
And yes, it's Christmas Eve because everyone's available, but it could have been a random Sunday in May, you know?
00:14:35.75
Mike
Mm-hmm. Yeah, exactly.
00:14:39.54
Bill
but But I mean, I get it. The the point though is that um I completely understand that there's a lot of people that first year, you know, we've talked about, you know, we did, we made specific plans.
00:14:48.77
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:14:49.97
Bill
We talked to specific people. We had, it was very forefront in our mind of what we did around this. You know, we went through all, you know, we got sober in April.
00:14:57.77
Mike
Right.
00:14:57.81
Bill
So all these fucking holidays, think about it, people, all the holidays between April and the end of the year, there's a fucking lot of them, you know? And we went through those all in the first you know nine months. um you know But the biggest thing is for anyone out there, it's just another day.
00:15:07.30
Mike
Right.
00:15:10.52
Bill
Mike already said it, always says it.
00:15:11.77
Mike
Yeah.
00:15:12.52
Bill
um Always have a plan. you know Whatever that plan is, have one. um take Take somebody with you if you can that's sober.
00:15:15.98
Mike
yeah
00:15:18.46
Mike
yeahp Yep, yep.
00:15:19.12
Bill
um Drive yourself you know so you can fucking leave if you need to. Even if you need to say, oh I'm really not feeling good and fucking go. um But here's the thing that that kind of gets me and, you know, temptation to join in and is one thing that's on us, you know, but the the offer us alcohol, okay, here's my opinion.
00:15:35.00
Mike
but yeah Absolutely. Mm hmm.
00:15:42.91
Bill
If you are in a place where you have to be afraid, or even concerned that somebody will offer you alcohol, you're in the wrong place.
00:15:46.50
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right.
00:15:51.48
Mike
Right.
00:15:52.13
Bill
Okay.
00:15:52.50
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:15:52.56
Bill
That's it. You know, because if, if you're there, if you're at a place where people don't know what your deal is, you're already putting yourself in a weird circumstance.
00:16:00.52
Mike
Right.
00:16:00.91
Bill
Um, I mean, yeah, I've had work events and whatever. It's none of their fucking business that I have to, you know, obviously, you know, just, yeah, I'm good.
00:16:03.67
Mike
Sure.
00:16:08.48
Bill
That's, that's my answer.
00:16:08.66
Mike
Yeah.
00:16:09.32
Bill
I'm good.
00:16:09.58
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:16:10.39
Bill
You know, fine.
00:16:11.11
Mike
Yeah.
00:16:12.42
Bill
You know,
00:16:12.47
Mike
Yeah, exactly. I mean, you know, I say I don't drink, you know, and that and it's usually that's enough.
00:16:18.95
Bill
Right.
00:16:19.76
Mike
Yeah.
00:16:20.51
Bill
Yeah. And it's, ah and that's the other thing too. And I know we've talked about it, but it doesn't, you don't have to, it's nobody's fucking business. If you don't want it to be, I guess that's the biggest thing, but, um, whatever you want to say, I mean, Mike says, Mike says, I don't drink what I always said, you know, somebody's, Hey, you can I grab you a beer?
00:16:27.76
Mike
see Yeah.
00:16:34.42
Bill
Could I grab you a drink? I always, always, always to this day, I'm like, now I'm good. Or I'll grab a soda or I'll tell them specifically what I want.
00:16:41.38
Mike
Right.
00:16:41.51
Bill
I'd like a water, I want a soda, then I go with them to make sure I'm getting a water or a soda.
00:16:45.67
Mike
Right? Mm-hmm.
00:16:47.23
Bill
I don't let somebody go get me a fucking drink ever, you know?
00:16:49.62
Mike
right.
00:16:50.81
Bill
I don't know what the hell somebody's giving me.
00:16:52.48
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:16:52.51
Bill
Not that they're doing it on purpose, but, you know, somebody could make a mistake, you know?
00:16:55.98
Mike
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I believe we've talked about personal responsibility on here once or twice. And yeah, exactly. That's part of it too.
00:17:06.22
Mike
Yeah, so I'm responsible to make sure my beverage is something that I can take into my body.
00:17:14.04
Bill
right Yeah, and you know, I always go back to Jody and James's wedding, you know, when I'm drinking Diet Coke and, you know, I set it down. I was taking it everywhere with me because it's just in a plastic cup, you know, um and I set it down once or maybe twice.
00:17:23.78
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:17:26.54
Bill
And I'm like, oh, fuck, I got to go get a different one because I don't know, you know, I i don't know that that's mine.
00:17:27.52
Mike
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Right.
00:17:32.05
Bill
You know, i I think this is where I left it.
00:17:32.33
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm.
00:17:34.80
Bill
You know, but once again, it's it's
00:17:35.61
Mike
Is that my shade of lipstick on it?
00:17:38.51
Bill
Yeah, you know, that's a good point. I could have just worn my purple, my purple lipstick.
00:17:41.58
Mike
Hmm.
00:17:42.03
Bill
Oh, I should have worn my glow in the dark lipstick because at the, you know, the reception time lights go down a little bit, you know.
00:17:46.40
Mike
Right. period Now it's a party.
00:17:49.00
Bill
um But yeah, it is your reason. It is. It's, it's, it's our responsibility, you know, to make sure that that we're in a good circumstance.
00:17:54.96
Mike
Yep.
00:17:57.32
Bill
But the the main thing is, is yes, holidays can be whatever they are. but um I don't know that if nothing else that anyone can take from this this rambling that we've done the last ten minutes is that you know i mean you don't you don't have to go mike said that before but the biggest thing is is that um you don't need to make a big fucking production out of it you know just because everyone's out there ripping and roaring and doing whatever they they're doing
00:18:17.73
Mike
Right.
00:18:20.64
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:18:21.33
Bill
um You do not have to be involved. you don't If it's a big deal, it's because, again, personal responsibility. We put ourselves in the circumstance for it to be a big deal when it didn't need to be.
00:18:27.88
Mike
Yep.
00:18:31.99
Mike
Right.
00:18:32.94
Bill
right
00:18:33.17
Mike
Yeah. And if it's going to be that big of a deal, sit it out for a year, man. If you're not ready for it, sit it out. So you will be ready for it the following year.
00:18:42.85
Bill
Yeah, exactly, yeah.
00:18:43.58
Mike
Yeah.
00:18:44.13
Bill
And you know, the other thing too is if you got, I don't care if you've got, you know, 30 days or, you know, or 3000 days, you know, you don't want to go into December 26 with one or zero, you know, you're you're starting, to you know, day day December 26 doesn't need to be your day one, fuck day one, whatever, whatever you've got, three weeks, 30 days, 30 years, um you work for every goddamn one of them, don't don't start over just for some stupid fucking holiday.
00:18:44.13
Mike
You know, right.
00:18:56.65
Mike
Yeah.
00:19:01.90
Mike
Yep.
00:19:10.96
Mike
Right, Santa Claus.
00:19:13.47
Bill
but Yeah, fucking Santa Claus made me do it.
00:19:16.29
Mike
who That's right.
00:19:17.93
Bill
The fat man made me drink.
00:19:20.64
Mike
The elf on the shelf fucked me up.
00:19:24.48
Bill
I was triggered by the elf on the shelf.
00:19:28.18
Mike
Bastard.
00:19:30.40
Bill
Fucking mastered. But yeah, no i be i mean that that reading in general though, that reading literally, if you took out anything that that even, it's it's kind of like the steps, you know the whole thing with alcohol's not in any of the steps except for the first one or the word alcohol.
00:19:42.32
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:19:45.72
Bill
um you know If you took out you know the holidays or whatever, that that reading could be, you could read that every fucking day and that's how we could we could or should live our lives, right?
00:19:45.76
Mike
Right.
00:19:49.52
Mike
Yep.
00:19:52.88
Mike
That's exactly, that's why I'm not feeling bad about not participating this year. It's just like, you know, it's another day, man. it It is truly the way I live my life. I'm not blowing smoke up you people's asses.
00:20:03.93
Mike
Not in this case anyway.
00:20:04.24
Bill
Right.
00:20:07.25
Bill
Right. And you know, and that's, and that's the thing too, is that, uh, I mean, it's, it doesn't matter what it is, whether it's, whether it's Christmas or, or anything like that. If you, if you don't feel like you don't participate and you don't fucking have to, you know, again, we started off the podcast with this in the first few minutes.
00:20:15.76
Mike
things Right.
00:20:20.58
Bill
Nobody's the boss of fucking us when we have to.
00:20:22.67
Mike
That's right.
00:20:23.32
Bill
For that sort of stuff at least Yeah, yeah there is there is some fucking freedom and that shit isn't it there So but uh, but yeah, yeah count up until you know, we had planned this whole um You know get together the Christmas Eve things.
00:20:25.45
Mike
Freedom, baby.
00:20:30.24
Mike
Aha.
00:20:37.92
Bill
I was just asking the kids. I'm like, I didn't know what everyone was up to and I Um, you know, like I said, Kimmy and Brian doing their thing.
00:20:40.70
Mike
Sure.
00:20:43.16
Bill
And, uh, so we decided on the, um, and I think I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, at least a couple of weeks ago that we decided to do it, but, um, hadn't even thought about where to eat. and So this morning got me to fucking take it to shower and washing my hair and of course my balls.
00:20:57.40
Bill
And, and I'm like, I'm like, Hmm, I gotta figure out where to go to eat.
00:20:58.06
Mike
Hmm and the hair on your balls Right
00:21:02.31
Bill
I gotta wash all the hair, you know, the hair between your ass cheeks a little bit. um But, you know, having figured out where to eat, so I just looked up, I'm like, yeah, hamburger joints, because you could usually get some decent you know hamburger restaurants. Just found this random restaurant, but it looks kind of nice, you know, nothing out of the ordinary. but um not super expensive, but you know, you probably 10 to 12 to maybe $13 burgers.
00:21:26.38
Bill
Like when you and I went to that, uh, when you were up by me and we went to that, that bar restaurant that I told you that, uh, yeah, it was a burgers like that, you know, Wisconsin, whatever that place was.
00:21:30.89
Mike
Yeah.
00:21:33.11
Mike
Right. Yeah. Right.
00:21:35.66
Bill
And again, yes.
00:21:35.67
Mike
Well, with that place, we went in Akron that time.
00:21:38.95
Bill
Yeah.
00:21:39.23
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.
00:21:39.77
Bill
You know, where there, yeah.
00:21:40.05
Mike
It was a bar, but yeah, but they had really fucking great hamburgers.
00:21:41.28
Bill
it
00:21:44.82
Bill
Yeah, and they're 12, 13, 14 bucks for a hamburger, but they're worth every fucking every fucking penny of them.
00:21:46.61
Mike
Yeah.
00:21:49.93
Mike
Yeah.
00:21:50.58
Bill
you know So that's what we're gonna do. And like I said, you know I gotta to leave it on some of Godly hour. What the fuck do I care?
00:21:55.01
Mike
yeah
00:21:55.42
Bill
I get to hang out with my kids and I found ah Ali a couple of things and chipped in on another big gift for the for him you know with Kimmy and Brian.
00:21:55.45
Mike
Right. Mm hmm.
00:22:01.31
Mike
Cool.
00:22:02.99
Bill
and And that's a, that's a fun part. Now I just say, I get asked the kids, you know, literally I, in a text message, I'm like, so do you guys want anything for Christmas?
00:22:08.92
Mike
yeah Right.
00:22:11.21
Bill
I'm like, if you do let me know, you know, so can you let me know something for her bride and Brian and Derek and Katie to get back to me and I'll fucking figure it out. Um, Derek and I were talking about that when we were up there, um, got together for Thanksgiving and I, I've done, well, you know, I've done, it I did it with him for years, you know,
00:22:26.70
Mike
Right.
00:22:27.13
Bill
um He would, he and I would get together around Christmas. um He would, he'd come out to Ohio and we'd we'd make a day of it.
00:22:32.29
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:22:33.50
Bill
You know, we'd go off for lunch and I'd take him shopping.
00:22:34.94
Mike
Right.
00:22:35.76
Bill
And that's what we started doing after Dawn and I split up.
00:22:36.09
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:22:38.42
Bill
And I asked him, I'm like, have you liked that all these years? He's like, oh my God, yeah. He goes, that's great. And you know, it's a part of me. I'm just kind of like, oh my God, that's so fucking cool.
00:22:46.16
Mike
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
00:22:47.64
Bill
You know?
00:22:47.70
Mike
I mean, I, it's actually, I guess I'm boycotting the holiday, but, um, Monday, the 30th, um, I've already made plans with my granddaughter and Chris, my girlfriend, and you know, we're going to go down.
00:23:00.45
Mike
My granddaughter and I are going to go down to a city hall and kidnapped my girlfriend and we're going to go out for the day and yeah, go shopping, do a little shopping, maybe see a movie, go ahead and get a good dinner.
00:23:10.95
Mike
Yeah. That's, I'm going to celebrate that, you know, on the 30th of December.
00:23:13.43
Bill
Right.
00:23:17.11
Bill
right and again it does it's just another fucking day but you're gay you know you get together get together with your girls you know and that's what uh that's what matters but yeah it was just one of those things where i mean when when i started doing that with Derek i mean honestly you know it's this just even to this day i mean i i knew he liked it but
00:23:19.75
Mike
It is. Yep. Absolutely.
00:23:35.05
Bill
I don't know that we'd ever really talked about it, but literally like a month ago, like you enjoy the ego. So he goes, yeah, he goes, I liked it a lot. You know, I'm like, Oh, that's cool.
00:23:41.96
Mike
Cool. Right.
00:23:42.83
Bill
You know, cause it was just like, we'd go into, you know, whatever it was target or whatever store he wanted to go into.
00:23:43.01
Mike
Yeah.
00:23:45.49
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:23:46.87
Bill
And like, okay, you know, he got, what was it? 50 bucks or 75 bucks, whatever. I gave him a dollar amount of like, whatever you want.
00:23:52.47
Mike
Right.
00:23:53.72
Bill
That we're doing math as we're going through and he's like those can I get that line? I don't care this that and the other we usually went over whatever it was but You know, but I mean sometimes it would just like he's like this is all I want that I'm like, okay Well, I guess I'll bank the other 20 bucks for whenever you want something else, you know and it it wasn't about the the cool part was and It had nothing to do with the fucking money, you know, and and I liked that I yeah, and that's exactly what it was and I it's the first time we went to Applebee's and um you know he's like he goes I'm gonna get a I'm gonna get a steak and I'm like maybe a fucking steak for lunch it was on like the two for two for twenty thing and he goes he goes why not and I'm like yeah why not and I'm like you know like two years sober at the time I'm like yeah I could have a fucking steak for lunch if I want a goddamn steak for lunch
00:24:00.01
Mike
Sure. Right. Yeah. Right. It's the time. Mm-hmm.
00:24:26.09
Mike
it ah hu Yeah. Why the fuck not? Right.
00:24:45.83
Bill
and But I, you know, it took a 10 year old to convince me to, or 11 year old, whatever he was, he's like, he just looked at me, just, you know, completely honest that, well, why not?
00:24:48.38
Mike
he Right.
00:24:53.75
Mike
Right.
00:24:53.87
Bill
I'm like, well, fuck, I don't know why not.
00:24:55.16
Mike
ah Throw convention out the window.
00:24:57.35
Bill
I'm like, shit, yeah, we could have good a steak for breakfast from God. Yeah. Get up it with eggs, you know?
00:25:02.65
Mike
Right.
00:25:03.52
Bill
So, all right.
00:25:03.63
Mike
see
00:25:05.54
Bill
So back to, back to the reading, anything, anything else in the reading? I mean, uh, I, I do enjoy the reading. I really do, even though it's, it's holiday driven, but anything else?
00:25:11.58
Mike
Right. Now that's, that's, that's it, man. It's just another fucking day on the calendar and guess what? The 26th will be as well.
00:25:21.37
Bill
Right, yeah, and just make sure that you got the same number of days plus one when it when it hits the 26th.
00:25:28.55
Mike
Yup.
00:25:28.60
Bill
That's the most important thing. stick Stick to what we do, right?
00:25:32.10
Mike
Right.
00:25:33.51
Bill
All right, so my my side note question, this has to do with Easter and and I never, I never, I'm not religious.
00:25:35.73
Mike
Hmm.
00:25:39.64
Bill
Did I ever mention that on here before? yeah
00:25:43.22
Mike
I don't know. Did I ever mention I was an atheist?
00:25:45.77
Bill
Yeah, once once maybe, I think.
00:25:47.84
Mike
Okay.
00:25:48.07
Bill
Yeah. um And I'm, um ah you know, again, the best agnostic, but pretty, pretty solidly in that in the middle. Cause I don't know what the fuck I believe in.
00:25:53.93
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:25:54.67
Bill
Um, but the whole thing with Easter, the he is risen. Why is it not?
00:25:59.11
Mike
Yeah.
00:25:59.88
Bill
He has risen. Do you know?
00:26:02.62
Mike
Uh, well, I mean, yeah. Cause I used to believe in that crap. Um, I mean, I mean, uh, I say that out loud on a podcast.
00:26:09.76
Bill
yeah
00:26:12.31
Mike
Um, no, because it's present tense. It's it's right. He is still risen and is still happening. It is still the savior. It's it's happening. It's as relevant today as it was 2000 years ago.
00:26:25.56
Mike
If you're into that sort of thing.
00:26:27.51
Bill
Okay, so why can't we say he be risen? He be risen.
00:26:30.11
Mike
you You can. Please do.
00:26:31.87
Bill
Okay, that would be the same thing.
00:26:32.74
Mike
With your stake.
00:26:34.96
Bill
I'm gonna hate you to stay kind of Easter as he be risen, okay.
00:26:38.76
Mike
He be risen.
00:26:42.78
Bill
I just, he done be rizzed.
00:26:42.96
Mike
He done rise.
00:26:47.23
Mike
yeah
00:26:50.13
Bill
uh blasphemy and i love it i fucking love it but no i seriously it's ah i don't even know what made me think about that but i've never understood that it doesn't make any fucking sense it's bad grammar um and i i suppose that now that you explained it to me i i get it sort of but um i don't know i like i like he be rizzed he done be rizzed
00:27:07.47
Mike
Yeah. He got Rizz with the sizz.
00:27:15.62
Bill
ah yeah damn that's funny it is funny okay Okay, that I think that ends our blasphemy part of the podcast at least as far as no I Was gonna say at least for the moment.
00:27:22.04
Mike
Oh, damn.
00:27:25.97
Bill
I mean we never we never we never fucking Right.
00:27:26.94
Mike
Okay. It's straight far.
00:27:30.12
Bill
We never fucking promised that but um All right, so ah this this has nothing to do with sobriety. I don't think, um maybe it would, depending on and where you've had this, but this was on the morning show, probably a few weeks ago.
00:27:39.97
Mike
Hmm.
00:27:43.16
Bill
So they have a ah guy on there. They've been friends with for years. The guy's name is ah Joel Clayfish. He's on like national wildlife and hunting shows and things like that. And I know you and I, that's not our thing.
00:27:54.21
Bill
But what he does, though, is he'll come into the studio every once in a while, you know, kind of promoting a show, but he's also he's friends with the guys, you know, so that's that's the other thing. But he'll always bring in some sort of ah food item, you know, it's usually like a like a pot roast or whatever.
00:28:09.96
Bill
it's iny But he doesn't tell him what it is. He's like, you know, so he's not only a a hunter, but he's this wild game chef also, you know, so um they've had um crane.
00:28:17.26
Mike
right.
00:28:22.01
Bill
I think no. Crane? No. What am I thinking of?
00:28:24.40
Mike
I don't know.
00:28:25.46
Bill
Loon. Loon?
00:28:26.44
Mike
Okay.
00:28:27.35
Bill
That's apparently is supposed to be like ribeye steak or something like that.
00:28:30.96
Mike
Right.
00:28:32.11
Bill
You know, they've had all these different things. They've had alligator, they've had snake, they've had all these different things.
00:28:37.06
Mike
right
00:28:37.44
Bill
And you know, it's everything that I've heard, obviously, how it's prepared, blah, blah, blah. But it just made me think about it. ah you, man in the world, it's just a serious question.
00:28:45.68
Mike
Yes.
00:28:45.73
Bill
I mean, what's the the oddest or most, I don't know, out of the way, like wild game or meat that you've ever eaten? It's just curious from my end.
00:28:52.56
Mike
Um, I mean off top of my head, probably alligator. Um, I dunno. Yeah. I mean, when I was in Japan, there was like little tentacles on the pizza.
00:29:04.03
Mike
That was interesting.
00:29:04.91
Bill
Are you shitting me?
00:29:06.16
Mike
No. Yeah.
00:29:06.92
Bill
Oh.
00:29:07.60
Mike
is Right.
00:29:08.58
Bill
Oh. Oh.
00:29:10.36
Mike
Um,
00:29:13.30
Mike
that
00:29:14.57
Bill
oh no
00:29:15.91
Mike
yeah Yeah. Um, a right.
00:29:18.16
Bill
i think i I think I give up our pizza tradition that that that's the only way that pizza came. Oh, God damn, okay.
00:29:24.61
Mike
Yeah. Um, yeah, that that's what comes to mind. You know, uh, yeah, probably alligator and little tentacles on my pizza.
00:29:34.77
Bill
That's just fun it's fucking terrible. But um I don't think I've had, I don't really think I've had anything out of the ordinary except for, um I mean, I've had, you know, octopus, I think in, whatever, calamari, no, calamari is squid, right?
00:29:36.82
Mike
Yeah.
00:29:44.18
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:29:48.19
Mike
Right? Yeah.
00:29:48.98
Bill
Okay, so I've had squid, non-octopus. My dad, um one time years ago, and this might have been, I could be wrong, but I, ground round pops into my head they had uh wherever we went he had a shark steak and he's like this is fucking fabulous i think i had a little taste of it and it did i mean it was it was good you know i don't remember exactly what okay and then um venison i mean i've had i've had venison you know a couple of times but not even that was even um
00:30:05.01
Mike
Yeah. Yeah. I've had shark, right? Oh yeah. Right.
00:30:17.36
Bill
Everything that I that truly is how I think how it's cooked because the couple of times I've had it I think I've had you know, like venison sausage and like beef jerky type of thing from people um But mom dated a guy when we were in Pittsburgh um this guy that first first time we ever had it and when when he made it and Apparently and we we talked we had talked to people after that because I I didn't like it.
00:30:20.81
Mike
Mm hmm. Right.
00:30:39.98
Bill
It tasted like really fucking gamey and Um, you know, but I think it was for everything that I understand it was probably how it was prepared because it shouldn't taste that way.
00:30:40.00
Mike
Right.
00:30:48.56
Bill
You know, especially a a good piece of Venice and you shouldn't be able to fucking tell, you know?
00:30:48.75
Mike
Now, Yeah, right. Yeah. Uh, venison bison I've had, uh, shit. I don't know. Yeah. A lot of crap, but squirrel.
00:31:01.20
Bill
ha
00:31:01.86
Mike
I had a crazy alcoholic roommate for awhile when I was living in California. This dude, I lived in his house. I rented a room. Yeah. And he would make squirrel.
00:31:09.43
Bill
Really?
00:31:09.55
Mike
It was, he was Wisconsin or actually Wisconsinite, um, whatever the hell you people are.
00:31:13.63
Bill
Cheese head.
00:31:14.33
Mike
Yeah, exactly. She's head motherfucker. Um, yeah. Pollock from, from Wisconsin. Um, but yeah, he would go out hunting and get squirrels and he'd make them sometimes.
00:31:19.84
Bill
Right.
00:31:24.95
Mike
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
00:31:26.07
Bill
So was it, I mean, terrible, decent, or OK?
00:31:28.28
Mike
Uh, no, no, this little chickeny little, uh, yeah, you know, rabbit-y, you know, whatever I've had rabbit too.
00:31:35.17
Bill
Right.
00:31:35.69
Mike
Yeah. You know, it was fine. He did it with like cream mushroom sauce and yeah, it was good.
00:31:41.05
Bill
Interesting. But um yeah, I don't know. I mean, it's, ah it's, it's just one of those things where like bison, I see that in the, that's in the grocery store. You know what I mean? They have bison in the grocery store, but again, that had nothing to do, but you brought it around because you had an alcoholic friend.
00:31:48.49
Mike
Oh yeah.
00:31:54.31
Bill
So look at what we do.
00:31:54.96
Mike
Yes.
00:31:55.23
Bill
Everyone we, you know what?
00:31:56.03
Mike
yes
00:31:56.31
Bill
We, we didn't plan that.
00:31:58.18
Mike
yeah Well, okay, he was a drunk I don't know, you know, he was he had to call himself an alcoholic and I don't think he ever did but um Yeah, he was definitely Yeah, we gave we gave each other a run for our money.
00:32:07.61
Bill
Okay.
00:32:11.50
Mike
So yeah We kept up with each other he kept up with me So I'm gonna go ahead and I don't know limb and say yeah, he was one of us I never saw him do
00:32:19.96
Bill
Yeah, and unless ah less he le he could stop on a dime or something like that. But if nothing else, you like you said, he said, but like you said, it nothing else, he was a drunk. So there there it is.
00:32:28.60
Mike
Yeah.
00:32:29.29
Bill
we We brought it around to alcohol in there.
00:32:30.84
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:32:31.93
Bill
So, okay, again, that was just very, just had nothing to do with anything. So, um all right, so God grant me, um what am I doing?
00:32:42.27
Bill
This is from a while ago, God only knows. God grant me only knows. bo
00:32:48.77
Bill
What am I doing so that I will not be part of the problem?
00:32:53.67
Mike
a
00:32:53.81
Bill
Ooh. Should I read that again?
00:32:56.74
Mike
that' Sure. Why not?
00:32:58.80
Bill
What am I doing so that I will not be part of the problem? Mike.
00:33:03.40
Mike
Right. Bill, you know, of staying sober, being a sober person, being a you know, trying to do good of and not necessarily to get good.
00:33:04.54
Bill
Right.
00:33:17.67
Mike
i Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, doing all this shit that these people taught me to do, so I'm not a part of the problem. I don't fucking know, man. My life is unmanageable.
00:33:30.28
Mike
The fuck do I know? I don't know. I'm just doing this shit these people told me to do. Apparently it's working, but I don't know.
00:33:41.98
Bill
Every once in a while, those are the questions I and i never expected. some of i do Some of my questions I asked just to fuck with you, but this wasn't one of them. ah But i I got the same result. I got even better than that.
00:33:52.35
Bill
Because you started answering it in your head. I know you're like, what the fuck kind of question is this? What does this have to do with anything? I don't fucking know.
00:33:58.18
Mike
I don't know if I knew I'd have done it a long time ago.
00:33:58.84
Bill
What am I doing? and then
00:34:02.98
Mike
I don't know.
00:34:04.86
Bill
then you go off with this fucking mini rant and i just it's it's just it's so mild because you're trying to be trying to answer the question honestly but also getting frustrated ah
00:34:14.69
Mike
sure Right. Cause I can't fucking lie. Well, gee, Bill, I'm, mean you know, I'm being an upstanding to paying my taxes and, you know, mowing my lawn and I don't fucking know, man.
00:34:26.34
Bill
yeah And that you know what that might have been why I why I wrote it down because I looked at i'm like I don't fucking know either, because really it's just I mean the only thing that I can that I can do to not be part of the problem is just not be part of the problem but what does that mean you know, and it's just if I if if I see I.
00:34:31.63
Mike
for
00:34:38.48
Mike
Right. Right.
00:34:42.71
Bill
but Maybe put it this way, if ah if I'm thinking about this, like right off the top of my head is it, um I think we know the right thing to do. We know what the next right thing is.
00:34:50.88
Mike
Right. and see
00:34:52.64
Bill
And maybe in order to not be part of the problem, we just got to keep doing the next right thing.
00:34:56.92
Mike
Yes.
00:34:57.21
Bill
Stay in our own lanes, try to make our little quarter of the world a better place. and you know but But again, what are we doing specifically?
00:35:01.05
Mike
see I fucking know, man.
00:35:03.44
Bill
I don't know. I don't know oh fucking know.
00:35:06.44
Mike
ah You know, these cheap little fucking slogans, man.
00:35:06.60
Bill
bit
00:35:09.15
Mike
That's all I know.
00:35:11.29
Bill
ah Well, here's another one like right below it. What have you done for the good of AA or for the good of the recovery community today or this week?
00:35:20.44
Mike
I don't fucking know.
00:35:21.92
Bill
yeah say Okay, same answer.
00:35:24.34
Mike
Yeah, pretty much. I don't know. I showed up at my meeting, you know did my little crap, entered the money we took in, seven steps shit into the book. I don't know. I talked to another drunk, said, you know yeah, I understand.
00:35:37.96
Mike
Here's what I do. oh yeah Again, that's the shit that they told me to do. I don't understand it.
00:35:44.05
Bill
Right. Well, you just make it easy. did Did you hurt anyone this week on purpose?
00:35:49.57
Mike
No.
00:35:50.51
Bill
Okay, there you go. I mean, that's ah that's probably the easiest way to answer that question.
00:35:53.13
Mike
Yeah, right.
00:35:54.50
Bill
And again, like as as you started talking, I'm like, God, that's the easy answer. I didn't i didn't intentionally, I don't i don't know, um maybe I did hurt somebody this week, but I sure as fuck didn't try.
00:36:01.62
Mike
Hmm. No, right.
00:36:04.14
Bill
you know And if the fact that I don't know that I hurt somebody is probably not, I don't know, that's probably a good thing because I think I i know better.
00:36:09.16
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:36:10.80
Bill
I know if I hurt somebody this week.
00:36:12.03
Mike
Right.
00:36:12.24
Bill
you know so
00:36:12.69
Mike
I certainly knew before I was, I was trying to fucking, I hurt.
00:36:18.32
Bill
Right.
00:36:19.44
Mike
I'm going to make you hurt too.
00:36:22.40
Bill
Right. Yeah.
00:36:23.19
Mike
So I won't be alone in the world in my pain.
00:36:26.97
Bill
Right. Yeah. Misery is, isn't that what they say? Misery loves company, something like that.
00:36:30.38
Mike
I believe so. Something like that. Yep. I must be happy because I don't want any fucking company.
00:36:37.19
Bill
Yeah, hey exactly. like you know it I got one more thing and then we'll take a break, but I'll tell you about my take my trip coming up too, because I was thinking about that.
00:36:43.26
Mike
Alright.
00:36:46.74
Bill
I want to have a lot of alone time necessarily.
00:36:46.78
Mike
Mm
00:36:48.64
Bill
I'll have a lot of fucking car time coming up. but um Okay, this one I wrote down recently, and I kind of like this one, so I guess we'll we' see what you think about it if you get pissed off at this one too.
00:36:50.97
Mike
-hmm.
00:36:55.32
Mike
Alright.
00:36:59.74
Bill
All right, so when you first got sober, um were you afraid to start feeling things again? Or maybe as you started feeling things again, did that that you know scare you or or anything like that?
00:37:11.78
Bill
I hope that, and I know we we kind of joke, you know sideline joke about you know feelings or whatever, but um but you know i mean did you were you afraid to i maybe start opening up and feeling things again?
00:37:17.30
Mike
Uh huh.
00:37:22.79
Bill
Or or did any of that you know kind of either scare you or startle you or just, I don't know, anything like that?
00:37:28.65
Mike
Oh, absolutely. Scared me, made me uncomfortable. Um, all of that, right. You know, trying to ram that shit down all those years. Um, you know, and again, not that, not that I'm all that touchy feely today.
00:37:42.88
Mike
Um, Chris is laughing her ass off right now, listening to this. Um, no, no, no, no, no.
00:37:47.20
Bill
she's there tell her i said hi oh oh damn it okay anyhow hi chris hi chris
00:37:49.44
Mike
When she's listening to this, uh, yeah, there you go. Yeah. I was going to say, just fucking say hi. Um, What do you need me for? um
00:38:01.38
Mike
But yes, yes, of course. um How was I gonna handle it? What was I gonna do? All these feelings are gonna flood in. and you know the The amazing part was, wasn't all that bad. um And again,
00:38:15.38
Mike
part of this program taught me um that my feelings weren't all that important. I'm not all that important. So when I did have feelings, I knew that they weren't all that important. And what is important is my actions and doing, as we said, the next right thing, all that good crap. And um yeah, so ah yes, I was afraid. Yes, I was uncomfortable.
00:38:39.76
Mike
But guess what? I walked through it. Didn't fucking kill me. And now I get to not worry about it so much.
00:38:48.16
Bill
Yeah, and you know what, um I don't know that, i don't I don't think any of that stuff really, I don't think I had pre-set thoughts about that or you know preconceived notions about it.
00:39:00.28
Bill
I just think that as these things, you know these these things just kept kind of like hitting me, but because there's always something that you haven't done sober.
00:39:00.63
Mike
Right, right.
00:39:08.80
Mike
right right
00:39:09.48
Bill
To this day, I mean, we've been we've been sober a bit, we've done some things, but
00:39:12.32
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:39:12.67
Bill
you know, there's always going to be something that pops up and you're like, well, fuck me, I didn't think about this, you know, um you know, whatever the case is, it could be something as simple as, you know, you go into a concert at, you know, whatever it was, four months sober or, um you know, I mean, the first time I i went and played golf sober, I went to, we went to a football game, you know, things like that, you know, but
00:39:16.14
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:39:24.19
Mike
Right.
00:39:30.17
Mike
Right.
00:39:32.41
Bill
um like When you talk about like romantic feelings, getting into a relationship, maybe having your heart stepped on a couple of times, or perceived stepped on, um you know not knowing how to deal with that, not knowing how to deal with you know a death, i mean anything like that.
00:39:35.16
Mike
Mm hmm. Out. Uh huh.
00:39:46.19
Mike
Right.
00:39:46.55
Bill
These are all fucking feelings, obviously, but um you know i just I don't know i say as they came up.
00:39:48.82
Mike
he
00:39:51.86
Bill
i I know there's probably three things right off the top of my head that happened you know, I don't wanna say to me, but happened as I was going along this process that I called you on. I'm like, this fucked me up and I don't know why.
00:40:04.64
Bill
You know, in two of them, I think I was when I was in Wisconsin. You know, cause I remember actually calling you, others, you know, obviously when we could do it face to face, but you know, I'm like, you know, three, four years sober and something pops up.
00:40:07.40
Mike
Right. Right.
00:40:13.60
Bill
I'm like, what the fuck, man? I'm like, wait a second. I get all this stuff that I know how to do and like all the sudden I just got literally got fucking tripped by this thing.
00:40:22.13
Mike
Right?
00:40:22.68
Bill
It made me want to drink ever, you know thankfully, but um yeah, it's it's weird because I mean, it's not that I, I don't know when I've talked about it before, especially on the romantic side of things.
00:40:23.28
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right.
00:40:33.16
Bill
I i didn't have a, um I had on or off. I didn't have any word in between, you know I was either like, nah, I didn't care about somebody or I fucking love you and I want to die for you.
00:40:36.98
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:40:43.75
Bill
you know
00:40:44.15
Mike
Right.
00:40:44.44
Bill
yeah there was no there was no way between i mean it's just like oh man i love you you know um which is unhealthy it's just fucking it's it's terrible you know um but i mean all that stuff you know feelings just for again for other people and but it is it's it's tragedies it's it's happiness being able to feel joy and truly feel you know joy with somebody and i mean i'm talking about family or grandkids or whatever it is did you did you see that picture that i posted with ollie in santa claus
00:40:51.11
Mike
Yeah, right. Yeah.
00:41:02.42
Mike
Right.
00:41:05.30
Mike
he Sure. Right. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was a good one.
00:41:14.92
Bill
ah I don't can you send me that ah fucking sly ass look on his face and then when i text her i'm like i'm like this one because she sent me a she sent me one where he was hugging santa.
00:41:25.79
Bill
Because last year we went to that place and where it was in wisconsin um he was freaked out by senate just cry i didn't wanna sit on his lap he did but um you know freak it out.
00:41:31.82
Mike
Right. Mm hmm. He forced him.
00:41:36.16
Bill
Yeah, he did to get a picture. But I mean, Kimmy, I think Kimmy and Brian said with him, they got a picture, whatever, actually got a good one last year.
00:41:40.94
Mike
Right.
00:41:42.90
Bill
But um this year that Kimmy sent me the first picture of just, he went up and he he he was fucking hugging Santa.
00:41:46.80
Mike
Right. What's up, old man?
00:41:48.84
Bill
Yeah. And then the, that when I saw that picture, I'm like, oh, that's, that's the one. And she goes, yeah. She goes, that was literally right after he asked, he told Santa he wanted cookies for Christmas.
00:42:01.43
Bill
That's what he wanted. I was saying, I said, what do you want for Christmas? I just thought want cookies. so So that was, that was his, I want cookies for Christmas.
00:42:05.17
Mike
Cookies.
00:42:07.94
Bill
Look, I'm like, it's just fucking, just fucking perfect.
00:42:08.71
Mike
Nice.
00:42:10.44
Bill
I loved it. But, but you know, that sort of thing to be able to, you know, I mean, literally fall in love with, I mean, I love that kid to begin with, but you know, to just fall into it, just as deeper sense of emotion for this picture, you know,
00:42:18.26
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:42:24.15
Mike
Right.
00:42:24.98
Bill
I mean, all those things I ah can't I just I don't know. um That fucking moon, you know, we say it all the time, you know, thanks, Heidi.
00:42:29.57
Mike
Yeah, right. Yep.
00:42:33.03
Bill
um You know, the moon, the sunset, I just had a Google pictures. Do you ever have Google pictures pop up on your phone saying memories and I'll show you a bunch of similar pictures or anything like that?
00:42:40.76
Mike
Uh, yeah, it's yeah, yeah.
00:42:44.45
Bill
OK.
00:42:44.86
Mike
it
00:42:46.12
Bill
Go ahead.
00:42:46.86
Mike
No, no, I'm just, yeah, it's happened a couple of times.
00:42:48.27
Bill
Oh, OK.
00:42:49.40
Mike
I like go with the fucks of shit and then close it, but yeah.
00:42:51.64
Bill
yeah So it happens actually quite a bit, and I usually don't open them because it's just the random, they're just a set of pictures of the same like similar type of thing.
00:43:02.52
Bill
um But one that came in today, and I just i i think i I went to clear it, and I think it popped open when I cleared it, and it was um it was all, it was called the, ah they labeled it the magical hour, okay?
00:43:14.78
Mike
Mm.
00:43:15.65
Bill
So all like sunset pictures.
00:43:18.48
Mike
Right.
00:43:19.10
Bill
And I'm like, holy fuck, I got a ton of sunset pictures. And a lot of them are not, they're not just, they're from like the place I used to live in Germantown because from that, the balcony where you were there, you know, you get that, yeah, that nice little sunset over the pond, especially at this time of year when the leaves were off, you'd get really nice sunsets.
00:43:29.30
Mike
Yeah, right, yeah, the pond, right. Mm hmm. Right.
00:43:37.37
Bill
But, you know, with that and the, you know, just the places I've been traveling and I was just like, like Jesus Christ I said I sat there and watched it whatever it's you know 30 seconds, but I'm like meize ah you Stupid fucking pictures that just reminded me of that when I said that fucking moon.
00:43:51.20
Bill
I'm like Jesus Christ that that's me That's that that's the guy I am now you know so and I'm fine with that I like that I like looking at it stuff and I like enjoying and and gazing and taking in the beauty that nature has to offer so I
00:43:54.82
Mike
Yeah.
00:44:04.82
Mike
Right.
00:44:05.57
Bill
Yeah. None of you out there like it. Fuck y'all. I think that's two weeks in a row.
00:44:08.05
Mike
Right.
00:44:11.10
Bill
I think going into a break that I said, fuck y'all.
00:44:12.32
Mike
see
00:44:13.26
Bill
So maybe that's going to be my new thing now. Fuck y'all.
00:44:15.65
Mike
Ooh.
00:44:17.95
Bill
yeah
00:44:18.69
Mike
All right.
00:44:18.95
Bill
Anyhow, break time.
00:44:19.59
Mike
Yeah. Got apparently you said, fuck y'all.
00:44:20.65
Bill
but
00:44:23.09
Mike
So it's yeah we'll be back with more sober, not mature right after these fucking messages.
00:44:36.36
Bill
All right, everyone. Welcome back. he' These fucking messages. I like that.
00:44:42.92
Mike
All right.
00:44:43.19
Bill
See?
00:44:43.82
Mike
Send that right out to the sponsors.
00:44:47.96
Bill
Yeah, I just, I do. I like it. It's, you know, part of me, I was thinking at one point, I'm like, God, I wonder if it'd be easier. Cause I could do it. I mean, I could drop a, you know, like a prerecorded thing in there that says, you know, cause I mean, a lot of podcasts do that.
00:45:01.12
Bill
You know, Oh, we'll be right back through to think of it. I'm like, no, why would we ever want to do that?
00:45:03.51
Mike
Sure.
00:45:05.46
Bill
It's I it's because it's a big, it's, it's fun for me not knowing what the fuck you're going to say.
00:45:05.59
Mike
I don't know.
00:45:09.44
Mike
Right.
00:45:11.86
Bill
So I would, I would never want to do that.
00:45:12.11
Mike
right I don't know what the fuck I'm going to say either. It's fun for me.
00:45:18.25
Bill
I know, but that's, ah yeah, it is, it's a lot of goddamn fun. All right, so just real quick, kid, I'm gonna tell you, well, I can tell you two things. So I had i had a a doctor's visit this week, that's one thing I wanna tell you about, but so this trip I got covered up, yeah, it's a week from, yeah, a week from today, well, like technically. So a week from today at about, what time is it, yeah, about seven hours I'll be leaving whenever it is.
00:45:44.21
Mike
Die.
00:45:44.51
Bill
um Because, yeah, the first place I'm going to, so I'm going to Oklahoma City for a week, then um Albuquerque, I'll tell you about that, that almost got messed up this week.
00:45:53.32
Mike
Make sure you make a left turn.
00:45:55.68
Bill
Kathy said the same thing, I'm like, I'm not left turning, I am there. um So Albuquerque, and then Phoenix for two weeks, and then Prescott, and I gotta figure out, I think I'm looking at, I think I said this before, but Amarillo I'm looking at, and then maybe somewhere around Branson or Ozark's area on the way back, just, ah But anyhow, like it's like seven weeks of shit.
00:46:14.82
Bill
I still got to book the last two, but, um, I mean, it's, uh, you know, kind of watching the weather is going down there. It's funny cause it gets, it gets a little warmer through Oklahoma city and Albuquerque. And then obviously warm and Phoenix, then colder again in Prescott, a little bit north and in Arizona.
00:46:26.59
Mike
Mm hmm. All right. Right.
00:46:29.10
Bill
And then we're going to go, um, cause Kimmy and Brian are going to be out there. So we're going to go up to the grand canyon one day. I took off whatever that last Monday of January or one of those Mondays and last week of January.
00:46:38.89
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:46:39.41
Bill
we Good. We're going to go up to the grand canyon. Um, but, uh, yeah, I mean, just, it's like I say, I mean, a lot of, a lot of driving again, but I mean, everything is all, is all set up.
00:46:42.40
Mike
Cool.
00:46:48.98
Bill
But then two nights ago, um, right. Literally, right. As I'm about to go to bed, I get this message from the host for the, the place I had booked in Albuquerque. And, um, again, it's like quarter after 10 at night or something like that. I'm just about to go to bed, you know, and she's like, Oh, by the way, she goes, just so you know, there's been an issue with the, with the internet service and guests are saying a little spotty wifi, blah, blah, blah. Um, we're going to try to get a fix, but basically what they're telling us is that, you know, with the holidays, they don't know if they can get a fix by the time you get out here.
00:47:18.63
Bill
Oh my God, fuck me, you know, because she's like, but we have this other place. Take a look at this. And I look at it and it's a, it's a trailer, you know, but, um, nice. Don't get me wrong. Looking at from the outside and inside really nice.
00:47:30.46
Mike
Uh-huh.
00:47:30.58
Bill
Um, but I'm like, I'm looking, I'm like, Oh, it's a fucking trailer park. Number one, even though it looks nice as a trailer park, God only knows.
00:47:33.88
Mike
No.
00:47:36.67
Bill
But then no washer and dryer, you know, which is kind of kind of a big deal for me.
00:47:38.26
Mike
Yeah.
00:47:40.29
Bill
The only place that I will accept not having one is when I'm when I'm in Osage Beach where I stayed at that condo because um I like the place is comfortable. It's right up at the end of the driveway. It's fine, you know, um but other than that, I just paid I vowed myself.
00:47:51.40
Mike
Right.
00:47:54.11
Bill
I'm not doing it. I I don't want to run around some random town looking for a laundromat, you know.
00:47:59.36
Mike
Right.
00:47:59.72
Bill
um So I told her, I'm like, you know what? I said, I got it early morning. well We'll figure it out tomorrow. So back and forth, this and that. She's got like four different properties. The rest of them are booked. And I'm like, I ah i can't. um I said, I want the same amenities that I had and blah, blah, blah. So now I'm like, OK. She's like, well, you know I'll go ahead and cancel it, get you a full refund. I'm like, OK, cool. So I'm like, go ahead and cancel it. Then she comes back later that day. She's like, well, just go in and and cancel it. So I look and I knew better.
00:48:25.72
Bill
because based on her policy, if I would have canceled it, it would have given me a 50% refund. Then I would have had to try to chase for the other one. you know she I would have to go through support. do i It could have been done, but I'm like, I'm fucking with that.
00:48:37.28
Mike
Right.
00:48:37.83
Bill
So I'm telling her, I'm like, you know can you just go ahead and do this? She's like, you know you you need to contact Airbnb support. So she's really cool up until this point, until now she doesn't want to cancel.
00:48:45.13
Mike
Right. Yeah. Until she wants to keep half your fucking money for nothing.
00:48:48.95
Bill
well no she didn't she told me she's like I'll give you a refund but you got to do it I'm like she's so she's telling me to go through Airbnb support and I'm like you know what this needs to be done in like the next 15 minutes I got something to do but you got to do because I said I now I have to find another goddamn place
00:48:52.30
Mike
Yeah.
00:48:55.73
Mike
yeah
00:49:04.40
Mike
Yeah, right.
00:49:06.44
Bill
Because I'm doing this on purpose. I'm driving 12 fucking hours the first leg of the trip to get closer So I don't have to drive that far on the rest of them and I'm like now I got the breaking bad shit I want to do when i'm I'm like no I need Get this fucking figured out.
00:49:13.15
Mike
Right.
00:49:18.76
Bill
So finally, um I mean she still hadn't done it. I messaged her like this is kind of disappointing I said, I'll call Airbnb. She's like I'm on with them now this and that so I'll said and done it's getting refunded It's gonna take a little bit. I've already got another place booked thankfully um but he yeah, it's this this like split level condo um in a different area of Albuquerque. So I got it all set a little bit. ah It's about 50 bucks or 60 bucks more for the time I'm going to be there. But um part of me was like, I mean, again, so the reason I made the point is saying like right before I go to bed, because you know how partially I could be if I wanted to, um you know, like going to bed on on that figure, what the fuck am I going to do?
00:49:54.85
Bill
but thankfully you know kind of going back and i was pretty proud of myself because i went to sleep right away because literally using what what we do um and just being like you know i can't do anything i can stay up for another the two hours trying to figure this fucking shit out but i'm not going to do it i'll get it done tomorrow it'll be fine and you know what i got it done the next day a little frustration um you know but i got it done and i got to sleep and i'll get another place
00:50:10.78
Mike
Right.
00:50:17.61
Bill
You know, um, but yeah, I mean, the, the only good thing I got to look at it this way there, the place that, um, that I rented, it's, I think it'll be nice.
00:50:17.96
Mike
Yeah.
00:50:24.40
Bill
it It looks really nice. It's kind of cool. Um, it's like this, uh, I dunno, the input is like some artist type of thing you'll see it. I'll take pictures of it. Shit like that.
00:50:31.09
Mike
Sure.
00:50:31.44
Bill
Obviously when I get there, but, um, looks nice, you know, it has everything I want to need. Um, you know, but the other thing too, I was honestly all said and done it even to begin with, I thanked her, you know, I said, thank you for letting me know.
00:50:43.91
Bill
Cause I said, if I would have gotten there, that would have would have fucked me up. I mean, what am I going to do?
00:50:47.03
Mike
Right. Yeah.
00:50:47.84
Bill
You know?
00:50:48.65
Mike
Yeah. Right. Yeah. Get in there and you don't have fucking internet to do your job to pay for this shit.
00:50:54.84
Bill
yeah that would ah That would have been a fucking, it just a fucking problem. Just an absolute fucking problem. But um I mean, no, seriously, I'm i'm looking i'm looking forward to it. I think it's gonna be, I don't even think, I know it's gonna be a lot of fun, but um just to, again, a mild hiccup, first time that's happened where somebody's had to cancel on me. But what I was starting to think on her end, I was thinking that wondering if, and I don't know,
00:51:16.68
Bill
um if that, I don't know if it's it looks bad, some on her record, if, as an Airbnb host, but what ended up happening is, so she called them, told them what the problem is, Airbnb called me to confirm, and she's like, yeah, your host explained everything, you're cool with it being canceled.
00:51:32.30
Bill
I said, yeah, the internet won't work. She's like, yeah, she explained everything, we're all good, they're doing a full refund. you know So it was all fine, but i um I think she was worried about getting some sort of, had to a bit.
00:51:40.51
Mike
Bad rating. Right.
00:51:42.80
Bill
Yeah.
00:51:43.36
Mike
Yeah.
00:51:43.58
Bill
You know, I'm like, I'm not going to fucking put a bad rating on it. I mean, ah thank you oh for not, you know, just going to fuck them, you know?
00:51:47.88
Mike
Right.
00:51:51.07
Mike
Yeah, exactly.
00:51:53.85
Bill
But um I don't know. It's again, I'm looking forward to it. So yeah, but I am.
00:51:57.42
Mike
Yeah.
00:51:57.62
Bill
But thank you.
00:51:57.76
Mike
Shit. Seven weeks, man.
00:52:00.30
Bill
Yeah.
00:52:00.34
Mike
That's going to be cool.
00:52:01.55
Bill
Yeah. It's yeah, I'm leaving the 28th and I mean, I won't be I should be back here. I think on February 15th, I think.
00:52:09.48
Mike
Yeah.
00:52:11.03
Bill
And then um the next weekend, I got to go up to Wisconsin, not have to.
00:52:11.23
Mike
All right.
00:52:18.11
Bill
I get the i get to go up to Wisconsin and babysit for Ali on the 22nd.
00:52:18.12
Mike
Hmm. You get to. Yes.
00:52:24.05
Bill
So Kylie's birthday and a few days after after a year or so.
00:52:25.05
Mike
Nice. Yup.
00:52:27.55
Bill
um But yeah, so I'll be up in, up in Wisconsin after that. The, and I think, I think I'm just going to do like an up and back that weekend. I'll probably, it's, I mean, all of a sudden it's all going to get paid for. It's all, I get, I get shit spread out everywhere as far as how it's getting paid for.
00:52:40.81
Bill
It's all good, but um it's an expensive trip, you know?
00:52:42.61
Mike
Right.
00:52:46.21
Bill
I mean, all said and done, but um you know, I fuck it.
00:52:46.40
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:52:48.96
Bill
I mean, that's what, that's the whole point of the shit. That's what this, it's what I, it's what I want to do. And it is, it is what it is.
00:52:53.84
Mike
That is the hobo lifestyle.
00:52:56.86
Bill
That is brought to you by the modern day hobo.
00:53:03.50
Bill
But no, it really, it is. It's what I wanna do and I can afford it. I just needed to, like I said, needed to wait a couple of weeks to book those, the last two, obviously because, but just again, the way, it's easy enough. I get to spread things out and I've got it all worked out. I made sure, I literally, I sat down one couple of weeks ago and I wrote down like budgeted with everything with my upcoming pay and what I think I'm gonna make in commissions.
00:53:29.46
Bill
out until like February and just put it all all down on paper, ski scratch and whatever and making sure because I'm like, I can't, I can't, I can't fucking guess, you know?
00:53:31.32
Mike
Right. Right. Yeah.
00:53:39.71
Bill
um You know, I mean, I don't have, ah i i mean I'm at a level right now where all of this is paid for and all that can be paid for, but I i don't have like, eh, I'll figure it out money.
00:53:50.44
Mike
Right. Standing in the middle of the Grand Canyon and I don't know what to do next.
00:53:58.30
Bill
Right, and and that's the thing too. I mapped out everything I did on Google Maps where you can like add a stop, add a stop, and add everything. So I know in roughly where I'm gonna come back, so I know how many miles it's gonna be and figured out my gas mileage and all that stuff.
00:54:11.01
Mike
Right.
00:54:13.01
Bill
I figured fucking everything in there. you know because again well but again I mean it's for you know seven weeks in all this fucking driving we're talking like six or seven hundred dollars at gas you know so I mean it's not just like yeah it's 50 bucks here and there it's you know it's it's a lot of fucking money
00:54:16.07
Mike
Why aren't you responsible?
00:54:25.21
Mike
Right. Oh yeah.
00:54:33.04
Bill
So yeah, it's it's responsible, but yeah, it took a little bit of time. Oh, by the way, and i that's that's Bentley, um kyle yeah Kylie's home for for Christmas, so she's gonna be home for a couple of weeks, but yeah, she got home, I think shortly after when we were trying to trying to get get Robin Larry set up, but yeah, I'm looking out the window and Papa John's just pulled up, so apparently Kathy and Kylie just ah just ordered pizza, so yeah, now the fucking dogs are barking like crazy, but it's all good, it's all good.
00:54:39.15
Mike
Ah, right. Uh-huh.
00:54:57.92
Mike
he It is.
00:55:01.07
Bill
But um I'll tell you about my doctor thing in a minute. Let's get back to more sobriety stuff, okay?
00:55:05.17
Mike
All right.
00:55:05.97
Bill
Don't worry, i'm not I'm not dying yet.
00:55:08.07
Mike
All right.
00:55:09.68
Bill
yeah like Okay, whatever. um Okay, oh yeah, this is this is one I wrote down a while ago and I really wanted to, I've been waiting to read this one and I kept forgetting. So this is from a day at a time, from a little bit ago, but it was talking about success in one of the readings recently.
00:55:22.30
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:55:24.72
Bill
um And again, from the book, A Day at a Time, um it basically, My question to you, Mike, um how do you define success?
00:55:32.71
Mike
Yes.
00:55:36.14
Bill
let's Let's start that. That's like part one. And then how do you define it today versus when you first got sober?
00:55:38.86
Mike
ah hu
00:55:41.98
Bill
Let's say versus when you were younger. But let's just say in general, like today, how would you define success?
00:55:46.18
Mike
Hmm. Um, I define success as peace and serenity and all the rest of it can fuck off.
00:56:01.13
Mike
You know, no, seriously, I mean, um yeah, I'm i'm ah relatively successful um because yeah, you know, the bills are, you know, do I have everything I want? Fuck no. um But, yeah you know, I got a roof over my head, the bills are paid and I'm comfortable in my own skin. It's fucking, I'm successful, you know, far more successful than I ever thought I could be.
00:56:25.79
Bill
right
00:56:26.30
Mike
And, uh, that's pretty goddamn cool. That's, that's how I define it. You know, and and again, not, not hurting anybody.
00:56:31.67
Bill
Right.
00:56:32.76
Mike
Um, you know, the, the people that are in my life, I seem to be relatively, relatively happy around me. Um, wow.
00:56:45.49
Bill
yeah Just fucking with you.
00:56:46.94
Mike
isn' It relatively, I'm not fucking insane.
00:56:49.16
Bill
Oh, wait. ah Okay.
00:56:50.19
Mike
What?
00:56:50.48
Bill
Relatively. I'm sorry. I didn't hear the relative.
00:56:51.46
Mike
Yes.
00:56:52.30
Bill
I didn't hear the relatively part. Got it. We're good. Go on.
00:56:57.15
Mike
I'm not making anybody miserable around me. How about that?
00:57:00.83
Bill
Check, check, check.
00:57:01.76
Mike
Cool.
00:57:02.53
Bill
I'll co-sign that.
00:57:03.05
Mike
Yeah. Yeah. That that's success to me. Yeah. Yeah. Would I like to have a better car? I like my house a lot. Um, you know, better car, uh, you know, more money in the bank.
00:57:15.63
Mike
Sure. That'd be great, but it's not going to make me any happier. Well, I probably would, but, um,
00:57:24.32
Mike
No, not really. It, you know, I'm pretty fucking, I'm as happy as this old miserable bastard can be. And that's pretty fucking good.
00:57:33.40
Bill
So how about, um would there be a difference between like what you define as success now versus when you first got sober or?
00:57:40.07
Mike
Oh yeah. but Jesus Christ, man.
00:57:41.12
Bill
Okay.
00:57:42.23
Mike
You know, pulling my pants up. i
00:57:46.61
Bill
ah yeah You know what, yeah, let's go back. ri listen Listen to episode three if you don't understand that reference.
00:57:52.32
Mike
see Right. Yeah, I mean, that was a goddamn success. you know um You know, waking up in the morning, not completely miserable. um Yeah, you know yes, it was little tiny things then. It still is. It's still little stuff. um But yeah, I never thought I'd get to where I'm at and that's cool, man. It doesn't matter. Yeah, success back then was you know not killing the motherfucker in the bunk bed next to me. That was that was success. um Yeah, you know staying at the fucking Keating Center another goddamn day. That was a success. Not picking up a drink. Hey, that one's still today.
00:58:30.74
Bill
Right.
00:58:30.84
Mike
Um, well, well, um, yes, of course it's changed that the peace and the serenity are a hell of a lot deeper today than they were back then.
00:58:40.52
Bill
Right.
00:58:40.65
Mike
Um, which is, yeah, I'm fucking I'm a goddamn success. I'm a king of the world.
00:58:49.31
Bill
Yeah, and you know and we I think we were talking about, that maybe a couple of weeks ago, we were talking about that early sobriety thing. you know and um And I think it was a along the lines of you know whatever we hoped we have or thought we would have or envisioned or whatever the case is.
00:58:55.11
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:59:02.03
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:59:03.64
Bill
And um yeah, I mean, God, when we first went over to the three-quarter house, and even when we first got into the three-quarter dorm, you know just from the regular dorms, being able to be out you know until 11 a.m.
00:59:10.55
Mike
Mm hmm. Right.
00:59:17.05
Mike
11 o'clock 11 p.m.
00:59:19.46
Bill
You know, which, yeah, I mean, ah and again, I mean, all, all stuff being, you know, little things, but like I said, when I was at, you know, that, that first job I had, that first real job, when I, ah that first day, when I got an hour lunch and I'm sitting there, you know, eating my lunch out for a fucking hour, you know, just sitting there eating for an hour.
00:59:24.59
Mike
Oh.
00:59:27.51
Mike
Uh huh.
00:59:33.82
Mike
Right.
00:59:37.31
Bill
And I'm, you know, I'm getting paid a decent wage again at that point.
00:59:39.76
Mike
Right.
00:59:39.95
Bill
And you know, I mean, I had more money then than I, than I knew what to do. Percentage wise, I had more money then than I do now.
00:59:44.92
Mike
he Oh, yeah.
00:59:46.63
Bill
I mean, far more money.
00:59:46.76
Mike
Great. Oh, absolutely.
00:59:51.09
Bill
You know, but it's, but again, you know, these, these things go up into, uh, I guess to go back to the success part, I love the fact that you just said peace and serenity because that, I mean, that is what it, what it's all about.
01:00:03.15
Bill
And.
01:00:03.59
Mike
yep
01:00:04.37
Bill
You know, and like you said, you know, the people around us and that, you know, I joked about it a couple of weeks ago, if you want to know, want to know about my program acts by ask my ex-wives, ask the people around me, ask the people close to me.
01:00:12.21
Mike
if ah hu
01:00:16.90
Mike
well
01:00:18.25
Bill
Because those are the people, if my recovery is fucked up, I probably don't know it.
01:00:22.42
Mike
ye see Well, we have a bit of history of lying to ourselves and yeah convincing ourselves that things are okay when they're certainly not.
01:00:25.43
Bill
More than likely, I'm not gonna know it, but somebody else will. you know
01:00:32.84
Bill
Right?
01:00:37.23
Bill
Right, but um yeah, I mean, it's just, um I don't know, it's it is one of those things that I, in these days, you know, same thing, you know, with the money thing, having a little bit more money, having a little bit more of, or of whatever.
01:00:50.92
Bill
I mean, granted, yeah, I mean, if I had, if if I was just, you know, leveled up a little bit from, you know, from what I'm making now, um you know, i I could go more places and and do more things, you know, but I mean, it sounds like I have it bad where I'm sitting here at Kathy's house, you know,
01:00:50.91
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:01:03.69
Mike
No.
01:01:05.92
Bill
Um, it's not, it's not that like, Oh God, I have to be there for, you know, the only time I get anxious, not because of where I'm at, but it's where I want to be, you know, it's, and that's only because of things I want to, I want to see and be a part of.
01:01:09.59
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:01:15.40
Mike
Right.
01:01:19.78
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:01:19.96
Bill
It has nothing to do with, with where I'm, you know, laying my head here, you know?
01:01:23.96
Mike
Right.
01:01:24.62
Bill
Um, but, um, I don't know. Yeah, it's not, and I, I look around at, um, you know, like we had talked about, you know, people, you see people in, you know, from high school, you see people from this and that it's all, see all the social media, fucking garbage and whatever the case is.
01:01:38.51
Mike
Right.
01:01:39.53
Bill
And that's what it is. It's, it's fucking garbage, you know?
01:01:42.26
Mike
Yeah.
01:01:43.03
Bill
And I don't, I don't want that, you know, like for instance, you, you love your house.
01:01:47.19
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:01:48.05
Bill
I don't want a house right now.
01:01:49.46
Mike
Right.
01:01:49.88
Bill
You know, I have no desire.
01:01:50.19
Mike
Right.
01:01:51.83
Bill
I, if somebody said you can have this beautiful house, but you have to stay here, wherever here is, I'm like, keep your fucking house.
01:01:56.93
Mike
Mm hmm. Right.
01:01:59.48
Bill
I don't want it. I don't want it right now. You know, but, um, do you see that, uh, do you see the guest on there?
01:02:01.05
Mike
Yeah.
01:02:06.93
Mike
No, yeah, look at that.
01:02:09.07
Bill
Huh?
01:02:09.63
Mike
I wasn't looking at my screen, but now I am.
01:02:13.70
Bill
Yeah, and it wasn't it wasn't wasn't there before, so I wonder if they're trying trying to fucking figure this shit out again.
01:02:13.88
Mike
What the hell?
01:02:18.59
Mike
a I don't know. Well, we'll see if somebody pops in here while we're doing this.
01:02:25.83
Bill
yes if they If they do, they do.
01:02:26.26
Mike
there Yeah.
01:02:27.87
Bill
But um but yeah so um but I don't know. i mean ah it just It was an interesting...
01:02:33.82
Mike
And now they're gone.
01:02:36.56
Bill
But it was it was just an interesting thing to me, you know, that just the idea of, because I really didn't know. um i don't If somebody said, you know, at the time that I wrote that down or or put that in my in my notes, um I don't know.
01:02:50.29
Bill
I mean, success, what what society deems as success, I want no part of, you know, for the most part, you know.
01:02:54.05
Mike
Hmm. Nope. Right.
01:02:58.17
Bill
I mean, granted, I mean, um ah successful, i I suppose could be defined, like you said, the people and be a good good person and corner of the world and all those sorts of things. I think that anyone could agree, hopefully, that that's me and a successful human being, if nothing else, you know, but everything else, man, fucking chasing around.
01:03:11.48
Mike
Right.
01:03:14.84
Mike
Hmm.
01:03:15.53
Bill
And um I don't know, I just, ah i'm I'm really happy with, if nothing else, I'm, like you said, comfortable with with me, you know?
01:03:23.82
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.
01:03:26.72
Bill
which is weird.
01:03:27.88
Mike
Which is fucking amazing. Yeah.
01:03:30.26
Bill
Amazing and really fucking weird.
01:03:33.23
Mike
Yeah. well Clearly not our natural state.
01:03:36.99
Bill
Right, right. Yeah, and it's just, ah i yeah like I said, I had a couple of people every once in a while have said to me, you know, with this whole traveling thing, and I think, well, again, Heather, our friend Heather from Cleveland, you know, had asked me a couple of questions about whatever it was, a month or so, a couple months ago, and she's like, oh, you know, I'm just, ah
01:03:51.90
Mike
Right.
01:03:54.07
Bill
almost not jealous, but she said, I'm just, you know, I want you doing all these travels is something I want to do and blah, blah, blah. And I, however, I mentioned it and I, you know, I said something about, about work or whatever. And she's like, Oh, she's like, Oh, you're still working.
01:04:05.13
Bill
I'm like, yeah, I'm still working.
01:04:06.65
Mike
yeah.
01:04:06.71
Bill
I'm like, you know, cause I, I think to begin with, uh, if I'm, if I'm not, she was saying, you know, she's like the, what you guys have built with the podcast or whatever. I don't know if she thought that we built something that was self-sustaining, but it's it's It's not, it's not at all.
01:04:19.96
Mike
do
01:04:21.60
Bill
And that's ah that's the one thing. So quick side note, we we'll have to talk about this probably at some other point, but I was but talking to Kathy about this the other night, and I'm like, yeah, we might have to have a business meeting at some point because, you know, just um like this, like our our web store, for instance, you know, I mean, it's it's fine.
01:04:22.89
Mike
Mm.
01:04:30.78
Mike
Yeah.
01:04:36.93
Bill
um I like the t-shirts and all the sober, not mature stuff and whatever, and um that is what it is.
01:04:40.76
Mike
Right.
01:04:41.89
Bill
But, you know, the, like coffee, for instance, I mean, we didn't, we had so much coffee this year. I don't think it paid for itself.
01:04:47.11
Mike
Right.
01:04:47.15
Bill
um Look at all the recovery books. I think we've, we sold one book, you know, this, this entire year.
01:04:50.86
Mike
Uh-huh.
01:04:52.83
Bill
um And again, all these things, it's nice to have up there, but there is, there's an expense. There's probably, I don't know, there's, there's two in a minimum $2,000 worth of money that's spent on a yearly basis with this thing, which is not a big deal.
01:05:05.52
Bill
And I'm not saying is a complaining part of it, um you know, but you know, just where this is not a money maker.
01:05:08.07
Mike
Right.
01:05:11.74
Bill
I mean, you and I know that, but
01:05:13.11
Mike
Yeah.
01:05:14.15
Bill
um You know, cause, cause again, Mike and I literally it at one point when, when we sat down and we set up this whole, yeah, when we set up and it did this whole business thing and we do, I, we, we sober, not mature is a business, you know?
01:05:18.32
Mike
And we're certainly not shaking it.
01:05:27.57
Mike
and sir Right.
01:05:28.30
Bill
um And it's, it's me, it's Mike, it's, it's our sister Kathy. And, uh, and I remember you saying at one point you, you said to me, you're like, you're doing all the fucking work. She's like, we make, you make a lot of money. You can give me 10% of it.
01:05:38.57
Mike
Right.
01:05:39.18
Bill
Have you gotten your check yet, Mike?
01:05:40.42
Mike
No, I have not.
01:05:42.75
Bill
and And once again, let's just let's just recap here. That was 10% of profits, I think, right, right?
01:05:46.63
Mike
Uh-huh. Well, yeah, right. Yeah, of course.
01:05:49.80
Bill
yeah because you haven't gotten a check, you haven't gotten a bill either. you know I mean, it's just, and not that i not that today that that I should have said that, I didn't mean that.
01:05:53.65
Mike
Right.
01:05:57.11
Bill
That that came out really, really bad. I didn't mean that that way.
01:05:58.90
Mike
Yeah, I and i took it that way.
01:05:59.79
Bill
That was a that was a complete joke, because i didn't i that I didn't mean it that way. Okay, good. As soon as I said that, I'm like, fuck, I didn't mean that.
01:06:07.23
Mike
Uh-huh.
01:06:07.63
Bill
But um but these little things that, I mean, a lot of these these things that we're spending money on were these little brainchilds that I had anyhow. you know And you know yes most of them didn't fucking work and it's fine.
01:06:14.30
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:06:17.81
Bill
you know um But,
01:06:17.90
Mike
Right.
01:06:20.36
Bill
the things that the thing of it is is that all this stuff makes it makes me happy too you know i i love the fact i love our websites even if even if this shit doesn't sell someday they might you know um the podcast website i mean that's a given i mean we have that would have to have it but
01:06:25.21
Mike
Yes.
01:06:28.23
Mike
a
01:06:31.05
Mike
Right.
01:06:35.45
Mike
Right.
01:06:36.29
Bill
Um, but then you've got little things to go along with that. You got the domains, you got the emails, you got all these different things, nothing wrong.
01:06:41.28
Mike
right
01:06:42.24
Bill
You know, cause again, you take two grand over 12 months. It's not a big deal, you know? Um, you know, but my whole point with, uh, with, with Heather was, you know, first of all, I laughed when she thought that we were self-sustaining. So that's number one, but I'm like, Oh, fuck.
01:06:53.95
Bill
I said, I know I'm doing all this stuff. I'm working. I get to work remote. And she's like, she's like, Oh my God. She's like, that makes me feel so much better. She goes, I was, she goes, I was kind of judging myself and where I'm at in life. And I'm like, I'm like,
01:07:03.21
Mike
yeah Oh, please judge your life against ours you will feel just fine
01:07:08.00
Bill
yeah Yeah. And I'm like, do not do that. Cause then she's like, she's like, I'm, I'm trying to do this. I think I'll get at my house paid off in this number of years. I'm like, you keep doing that.
01:07:16.45
Mike
Hmm.
01:07:18.33
Bill
You know, I'm like, fuck, I'm just, I don't have anything and I'm just out spending the money that I have on doing this stuff, you know?
01:07:18.53
Mike
Right.
01:07:23.51
Mike
Right. Yeah. I mean, you no um I'll be dead before my house is paid off.
01:07:26.97
Bill
yeah
01:07:28.90
Mike
So that's fine.
01:07:30.10
Bill
Right.
01:07:30.23
Mike
Right.
01:07:30.89
Bill
Right.
01:07:30.93
Mike
30 year more. You gave me a 30 year mortgage. Haha. Suckers.
01:07:35.92
Bill
But you know the point of it is that goes back to the whole success thing. you know She's doing what she's what she wants that makes her really happy, especially with her son and the traveling they do.
01:07:41.80
Mike
h Right. Right.
01:07:45.20
Bill
I'm doing what I'm doing that makes me happy. You're doing what you're doing.
01:07:47.11
Mike
Right.
01:07:48.05
Bill
That I guess really to to kind of sum it all up, that's what the success is. you got Each one of us has to do what we need or want that makes us happy, right?
01:07:53.61
Mike
Absolutely. Right. Yeah, right. I'm you know sitting on my ass and not going anywhere is what makes me happy.
01:08:01.09
Bill
yeah Right. And literally, like I said, I mean, I, I, I get antsy doing it. I never used to, I never used to be, I never used to fucking go anywhere, you know?
01:08:08.28
Mike
Mhmm.
01:08:09.34
Bill
But I mean, that's the point. I think that's why I'm enjoying this so much. And it it has nothing to do with my, I'm not, I had a, I think a wonderful childhood. Yeah. Mom and our dad, a little fucked up by dad, dad's alcoholic and this and that.
01:08:19.47
Mike
Mm.
01:08:21.39
Bill
They had their moments. Okay.
01:08:22.52
Mike
Sure.
01:08:23.00
Bill
but wonderful memories about us going camping as a family and doing some things like that.
01:08:25.82
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:08:27.39
Bill
We never did these, we never went out to these national parks or any of these places like I'm going now, um which again, I didn't know what I was missing.
01:08:31.31
Mike
Right. Mm hmm.
01:08:35.50
Bill
So i didn't I wasn't like, I'm like, God, I wish I would have done that.
01:08:35.68
Mike
Sure.
01:08:38.97
Mike
Uh huh.
01:08:39.52
Bill
We were a camping family. That's what we did. you know It was fine.
01:08:41.51
Mike
Right.
01:08:42.58
Bill
um But now I get to do i get to do the the reason I'm enjoying it so much, I think, is because I never got to do this shit before. you know
01:08:49.39
Mike
Right.
01:08:50.10
Bill
no 56 years old like a fucking kid going. Oh look at that sunset And I get to go see where meth was cooked on TV Yeah Right right yeah, it's ah um did I tell you I'm watching Breaking Bad again Yeah, it was just
01:08:54.85
Mike
he
01:09:01.64
Mike
Yay. I already saw that in real life. Now take preparing for your trip.
01:09:14.82
Bill
Yeah, I mean, literally, I'm like, ah it's just all this different stuff. When I figured out I could do it, I'm like, like, I can start watching. I can so start seeing some of these places again. And Albuquerque, the sum because I mean, a lot of that show literally was shot out there.
01:09:26.44
Mike
Right.
01:09:27.23
Bill
And I'm like, ah it's kind of beautiful. i'm I wish I was there longer. It's only, you know, I basically get one day that Sunday that I'll get to do it. Maybe Saturday if I, if I get there right on time, but either way, it is what it is.
01:09:36.89
Mike
Right.
01:09:38.57
Bill
So, um,
01:09:39.51
Mike
Could do the Mark Maran tour too. I mean, that's where he grew up.
01:09:43.16
Bill
Yeah, you know, I knew that, but I don't know.
01:09:44.31
Mike
You went to high school and shit there. Yeah.
01:09:46.22
Bill
Yeah, ah he talks about it a lot. um And he said, you know, when he's back there, he said that recently, when he was back there, he was visiting his dad.
01:09:48.22
Mike
Mm-hmm.
01:09:52.20
Mike
Mm-hmm.
01:09:52.73
Bill
And he was just saying, he goes, I mean, I guess, yeah, he goes, I really like it here. He goes, I was he talking about moving back there, I think, ultimately, or something like that.
01:09:58.35
Mike
Yeah, for a while.
01:09:59.43
Bill
Yeah.
01:09:59.72
Mike
He's one of us. He talks a lot of shit.
01:10:02.60
Bill
Yeah, I talked about moving to New York and he's like, ah, I'm just gonna be one of those old men out there complaining or carrying around something or blah, blah, blah.
01:10:06.48
Mike
Right.
01:10:10.10
Bill
It was just pretty, it was really funny.
01:10:10.43
Mike
ah
01:10:13.47
Bill
Okay, so. oh 24 hours, let me see if this even makes sense. Nothing can be too great.
01:10:25.24
Bill
Nothing can be too great to be overcome or if not overcome, then used, okay? This was a little while ago if I'm looking at it on my on my sheet, but this is from the 24 hour book, so let me repeat that.
01:10:37.06
Mike
Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Sounds like it.
01:10:40.89
Bill
Nothing can be too great to be overcome or if not overcome, then used.
01:10:47.60
Mike
Right.
01:10:48.30
Bill
and but yeah How do you decipher all them them fucking words?
01:10:51.93
Mike
Yeah. Well, I mean, basically if you can't beat it, then learn something from it. I've died. That's how I take it. Right. You know, I mean, yeah, some shit can, it takes a while and it's hard and whatever, but you do overcome it and there's some shit that you cannot overcome. Um, so you need to learn from it. Like maybe alcoholism.
01:11:13.83
Bill
Right.
01:11:17.48
Mike
Nope. Can't beat it, but did learn a few things. Um, yeah, i've that's pretty simple, right? Some shit you can overcome some shit.
01:11:27.98
Mike
You can't, if you can't, you better fucking learn something from it.
01:11:31.49
Bill
Right.
01:11:32.18
Mike
Yeah.
01:11:32.94
Bill
Yeah. And it it is kind of a, it is kind of a lot of words for that. If you can't beat them, join them type of thing, you know.
01:11:36.74
Mike
Yeah. Yeah. Pretty much. Well, I am now not joining them. If you can't beat it, learn something and you know,
01:11:42.20
Bill
Oh yeah. Yeah. I learned from it. Yeah. Not joining.
01:11:43.39
Mike
Right.
01:11:43.72
Bill
Yeah. See that's it.
01:11:44.35
Mike
Yeah, I enjoyed it.
01:11:44.52
Bill
That would be the best.
01:11:45.77
Mike
Yeah. Tried that didn't work.
01:11:49.89
Bill
Yeah, that's, that's the opposite of what we're trying to do. But, but yeah, I mean, and there is, I mean, God, I can think of, uh, well, you know, I don't know how many goddamn things, you know, the same thing things, things we're talking about just a little bit ago, you know, these things that pop up that, you know, there's always something new that, uh, that we don't know or have an experience and don't know how to deal with, um, you know, sober.
01:12:00.55
Mike
Right. Mm hmm.
01:12:08.99
Bill
And like you said, I mean, it's, um, if we don't, if, if you run into something that's that fucks you up a little bit and you don't try to learn from it, either overcome it, if you can't learn from it, um, then you're us, man, we're fucking done.
01:12:23.54
Bill
Right. I mean, it's
01:12:24.02
Mike
Yeah, right, toast.
01:12:27.48
Bill
Toast. But yeah, it's these challenges, you know, life life on life's terms, I think somebody said once and all those sort of things. But I don't know, that was just one of the ones I kind of randomly came across. this This was one other one I saw towards the, this was from a long, long time ago, because I heard this, I think I heard this on either, maybe it was from, I guess it was from one of our followers. So this goes way back, we even talked about, or even I don't think mentioned the word normie in a while.
01:12:55.81
Bill
But um this is kind of an interesting look at this, but I wanted to kind of get your opinion. So I think it was one of our followers, and again, from a while ago, when when the individual first got sober, they said they looked at that term, um you know kind of deciding on what they were, am I a normie or am I this or am I that? ah like So when the person um you know first got sober, the fact that this person was not a normie,
01:13:21.12
Bill
made them feel like they were to begin with, almost like it was a negative, like they they were less than by by not being a normie.
01:13:25.12
Mike
Hmm. he
01:13:28.43
Bill
I mean, I don't know that we've talked about that specifically. I've never felt that way, but did did you ever feel that way, figuring that you were, I don't know, less than because you weren't normal or whatever was perceived?
01:13:32.77
Mike
Right.
01:13:38.61
Mike
No, fuck no. I felt, I thought I was better then because I wasn't a normie.
01:13:42.33
Bill
Oh, God, that's right. ah you yeah I forgot about a couple of weeks ago, you drank better than everyone else.
01:13:47.93
Mike
That's right.
01:13:48.03
Bill
God, who am I?
01:13:48.76
Mike
God damn it.
01:13:48.91
Bill
the
01:13:49.19
Mike
Yeah, of course I'm better than a normal person. Fuck. Who wants to be normal? Look at me.
01:13:56.42
Bill
Right.
01:13:56.68
Mike
Um, no, but I mean, I do understand it, right? You know, I have this affliction, um, yeah, a disease, whatever.
01:14:04.39
Bill
Right. Right.
01:14:07.77
Mike
Um, yes, I have an allergy to drugs and alcohol. Um, I'm not a normal person. I don't metabolize them like a normal person does.
01:14:18.88
Mike
Um, yeah, I bad. No, never less than probably better than, and now no neither.
01:14:23.29
Bill
right
01:14:27.28
Bill
Right and definitely more humble.
01:14:27.30
Mike
i'm I'm not better or worse than a normal person. yeah I'm a little better. Uh,
01:14:36.06
Mike
right. Of course. I'm the humblest. Okay.
01:14:39.98
Bill
Well, and I'm, and I'm trying to think to begin with, because, uh, I mean, well, it's been what over the last, I don't know what year, year and a half that I, that I opened up on, you know, social media.
01:14:48.10
Mike
Hmm. Sure.
01:14:50.78
Bill
Um, and I, and I didn't do it because of, you know, there's a lot of, a lot of reasons, but to, to begin with, um, I think probably when I, I don't need to think probably when I, when I first got sober and and stuff like that, I, I wouldn't have.
01:15:04.65
Bill
I think if I was in a circumstance to say it openly um to people who were not part of us, you know not not us, um I think I would have felt, not Shane, but um definitely would have felt different, maybe a little bit less than to begin with.
01:15:12.68
Mike
Right.
01:15:17.44
Mike
Mm hmm. Sure.
01:15:18.84
Bill
you know and maybe And I'm trying to think, it probably even goes
01:15:20.09
Mike
Right.
01:15:22.43
Mike
Stigmatized.
01:15:23.67
Bill
Yeah, and and I think not just, even just because of the stigma, I think it even goes back to the point where, you know, like when Kathy was, well, Kathy and mom were taking me out the detox and, you know, I was asking Kathy, I'm like, what are mom's sakes?
01:15:32.64
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:15:35.92
Bill
I'm like, oh, you know, I turned out to be like Dan. i so I saw what a disappointment he was to her and and all those sort of things.
01:15:41.43
Mike
Right.
01:15:42.22
Bill
And now I was that person. So maybe, and I wonder if, and I think it probably was part of that.
01:15:44.09
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:15:46.89
Bill
You know, I saw the the the extreme negative of what being an alcoholic was and could be.
01:15:52.43
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:15:52.62
Bill
um you know And now I was that, you know?
01:15:54.77
Mike
Yeah.
01:15:56.06
Bill
So I don't know if, i and I know, I mean, now I'm like, I'm fine with it, but I think to begin with, I probably felt that little bit of a ah less than these days.
01:15:56.85
Mike
Yeah. Right. Mm hmm. Sure.
01:16:05.96
Bill
And again, i'm I don't, I'm more open about it now, but I don't, I still don't stand on top of a roof and just yell out who I am and everyone I meet walk up, a hey, Bill, alcoholic, hey, yeah Bill, alcoholic, hey, how you doing over there?
01:16:09.23
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:16:12.14
Mike
Right.
01:16:15.11
Mike
Hi. Hey.
01:16:19.23
Bill
I don't drink, you know why?
01:16:19.60
Mike
Yeah.
01:16:20.23
Bill
I'm a raging fucking alcoholic, hey.
01:16:21.64
Mike
yeah
01:16:22.91
Bill
You got 14 years, though. Rock on.
01:16:24.61
Mike
Right.
01:16:25.30
Bill
Have a great day.
01:16:26.98
Mike
ah I'll burn your fucking house down.
01:16:28.94
Bill
Yeah. Hey, you fuck with me and I start drinking. You're fucking done. Hey, have a great day.
01:16:32.89
Mike
he
01:16:35.35
Bill
But I don't know, I mean, I guess i I've never been, I've had, I think I've had, I know I have, you know, self-esteem issues over the years, you know, when I've been, you know, in my younger years and things like that, I've certainly found myself in the last, you know, 14 and a half or almost 15 years, but, um you know, there's there's still that part of me, you know, I can i can have it within me.
01:16:43.77
Mike
who
01:16:51.31
Mike
Mm hmm. Sure.
01:16:55.00
Bill
I mean, I don't i don't dwell on it as much, i but but again, this goes back to, the fucking revelation I had, you know, whatever it was, a ah couple of months ago, that that my base point is, fucking, I'm a piece of shit, and I got it with these mood swings, you know, that I have, that I, and literally, ah two, three months ago, so it was over the summer while we were doing this.
01:17:03.89
Mike
Mm hmm. Right.
01:17:15.73
Bill
that I finally clicked, I'm like, well, Jesus Christ, I'm down here, all this is me, you know?
01:17:20.43
Mike
right
01:17:21.05
Bill
The reason I have fucking mood swings is because I need to need to pick my fucking ass up all the goddamn time.
01:17:26.60
Mike
Right.
01:17:26.68
Bill
I gotta to go i gotta to walk up the escalator every a goddamn time, you know?
01:17:29.45
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:17:31.56
Bill
It's just dumb.
01:17:31.89
Mike
Right. Yeah. Right. But yeah, of course, I mean, yeah, when your, your baseline is liar, cheat, thief, selfish and self-centered self will run riot.
01:17:44.93
Mike
Yes. Yes. That is our baseline. So, you know, yeah, when we do take that honest look at ourselves, but you know, again, like any inventory, man, it's, we got to remember the good shit too.
01:17:48.34
Bill
Right.
01:17:57.16
Bill
Right.
01:17:57.15
Mike
Otherwise, otherwise we're fucked with that as well. So yes, we have to remember what pieces of shit we are, but we also have to remember, you know what, I'm still doing the work and I'm still trying to that makes me a better person.
01:18:08.89
Mike
My actions don't reflect what a piece of shit I am.
01:18:12.82
Bill
Right.
01:18:14.89
Mike
And that's ah that that's kind of what this all this is. right you know I act like, act as if, that's my favorite one. you know i still do i mean you know i i am comfortable in the fact that i'm always gonna be a liar cheating a thief you know but like i say man i'm a liar that tells the truth i'm a thief that doesn't steal and i'm a cheat that plays by the rules you know and that's fine it's what i am it's who i am as long as i don't allow myself to
01:18:23.03
Bill
Mm hmm.
01:18:45.26
Mike
Let those instincts that the fourth step talks about fucking run my life. You know, I let these principles run my life. I'm okay. I got a shot. I'm i'm not a piece of shit. Even though deep down I am because that's what I am.
01:18:55.58
Bill
Right.
01:18:59.59
Mike
Selfish, self-centered, wound, feel good all the time and fuck you. That's who I am, but. I don't act that way anymore. And so, yeah, so then I, you know, that's all that matters.
01:19:07.31
Bill
Right.
01:19:11.27
Mike
You know, ah like said a million times, man, you know, my thoughts are still all fucked up, but my actions aren't and that's all that matters.
01:19:16.85
Bill
right well and you know it goes back to the we're not active active alcoholics anymore you are not and you're you're still a piece of shit you're just not an active piece of shit yeah which is as soon as you said that i'm like that's awesome man we're we're both pieces of shit we're just not active we're not active pieces of shit
01:19:22.12
Mike
Mm hmm. Yep. Right. Same thing. Exact same shit. Yeah. Right. Right. Yep.
01:19:35.82
Mike
I'm an alcoholic. I'm just the sober one. Right?
01:19:38.44
Bill
Right. Well, and that's that goes back to the whole point of, you know, when any time somebody says I'm recovered.
01:19:39.28
Mike
Yep.
01:19:44.27
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:19:44.44
Bill
No, you're not. Well, I mean, OK, if you want to be, that's fine.
01:19:46.52
Mike
Okay.
01:19:47.50
Bill
Be recovered.
01:19:47.65
Mike
That's fine. Yeah.
01:19:48.50
Bill
You know, i I'm not.
01:19:49.90
Mike
Nah. Nope.
01:19:50.78
Bill
I get I get to get up every fucking day and read some fucking books. I get to put these principles of my life every fucking day.
01:19:53.77
Mike
Mm hmm. Yup.
01:19:56.74
Bill
I got to be a decent fucking person.
01:19:58.36
Mike
Yup.
01:19:58.81
Bill
Refer back to these goddamn steps.
01:20:00.59
Mike
Yup.
01:20:02.28
Bill
Do this stupid thing every fucking week.
01:20:03.86
Mike
Yup.
01:20:04.66
Bill
you know i mean i have to do all these things that i gotta kind of work every day to be like okay here you're doing well you could do it but you know the funny part when you're talking about when you mentioned inventory um once again it's been a long time since i've done my 10 step and uh you know Hannity um even semi-negative stuff and you know i i mean um i've said it before you know work work is challenging there there's part of me that i would
01:20:06.61
Mike
Mm hmm. Yeah. he
01:20:26.59
Mike
Right.
01:20:27.64
Bill
i would it I've been around the collection business long enough, I know what the deal is, but you know at this point in my life, sometimes it'd be nice not to have to you know fucking struggle for income on a deal, not struggle for it, but it'd be nice to not have to work so fucking hard.
01:20:30.34
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:20:38.57
Mike
Mm hmm. That would work. Yeah. Yeah.
01:20:43.41
Bill
to make my money but you know what, it's, it it affords me to be able to do what I do in this next level, um and quite honestly, um even if it takes whatever it is, it takes a couple more months to work up to this next level.
01:20:44.22
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:20:49.39
Mike
Yep.
01:20:56.03
Bill
um I will give that level, you know, six months, if I'm still, you know, to a point where if I if I'm not physically happy with what I'm doing that I'll casually start looking for something else because
01:21:03.38
Mike
Mm hmm. Right.
01:21:06.26
Bill
that goes back to a two I'm not unhappy with my job. um I think I could be again back to this piece of serenity shit that you were talking about.
01:21:09.59
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:21:14.10
Mike
Right, right.
01:21:15.05
Bill
I don't mean I fuck fuck around when I said that but you know back to this piece of serenity I'm not um I'm not completely at peace with my job and I'm not completely serene with my job but
01:21:16.88
Mike
I know. Yeah.
01:21:22.89
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:21:25.19
Bill
it isn't It's an end to my means of doing what I want to do right now.
01:21:29.20
Mike
Yo.
01:21:29.51
Bill
And i I don't hate it. This is literally, this is the first job that I've had since I've been sober. And i'm there I'll be there a year coming up on coming up in February. He's coming up on a year. um but The first job I've had since I've been sober that I haven't at least casually started looking for a job after the first six or eight months.
01:21:46.47
Mike
Right.
01:21:47.38
Bill
First one in 14 fucking years, you know?
01:21:49.44
Mike
Right.
01:21:50.10
Bill
And again, I didn't have bad jobs. I just wasn't, I knew i knew it wasn't for me, you know?
01:21:54.22
Mike
right
01:21:54.75
Bill
um But the thing of it was the other jobs, all these things aside, the fact that I got to work in this and that, I mean, if yeah everyone so whoever's got to work, fine.
01:22:02.47
Mike
Yeah.
01:22:03.12
Bill
But I mean, the the things, you know, I've got to do this job every day to do what it is. It's kind of a grind, it's kind of minuscule, it's whatever. I'm not above it, but it is what it is, you know? um But this is the first job I've had that's had true foreseeable growth.
01:22:19.35
Mike
Right Yeah Yeah
01:22:20.12
Bill
You know, and even even companies like when the company I worked for Madison, I loved it there. But once that one manager came in, I got shut down, you know, as far as my growth, I had know i had no place to go, none, you know?
01:22:31.39
Bill
And I'm like, well, fuck. Because, and that's when I was more, I mean, you know, 10 fucking years ago, I was all fucking corporate in my head. I wanted to grow. Now I just want to grow to the point to one level up, make some more fucking money.
01:22:42.46
Bill
So I don't have to, so that I can have, hey, not do it whatever I want money, but a little bit more, you know?
01:22:42.88
Mike
Nope.
01:22:49.03
Mike
Nope. Yep. Never going to have fuck you money, but you know, I'll take a little fuck it money.
01:22:53.02
Bill
No, yeah, I don't, i who knows? I mean, you don't never say never, but i've done I'm not banking on the fact that I'm ever gonna have you know you know just fuck you money. I don't i don't think that's gonna happen, but I could have, ah you know hey, fuck me money.
01:23:02.77
Mike
Yeah. Nope.
01:23:07.77
Mike
Yeah. Right.
01:23:08.54
Bill
I could have that kind of money, but like, oh, wow, look at that, fuck me.
01:23:09.93
Mike
Yeah.
01:23:12.59
Mike
hey
01:23:12.60
Bill
yeah All right, so real quick, I'll tell you about my, let's wrap it up here. You wanna hear about drug seeking behavior again?
01:23:20.77
Mike
four
01:23:22.00
Bill
No, so I had, a um ah I've talked before about sinus infections. I don't get them that often, but what when I have one or I'm getting one, I know what it is.
01:23:26.52
Mike
who
01:23:29.93
Bill
you know um That's the only cold, and I thought about it the other day.
01:23:30.51
Mike
Right.
01:23:33.15
Bill
Literally, I have not been sick at all this calendar year, which is crazy to me.
01:23:35.60
Mike
Mm
01:23:38.92
Bill
So I usually get at least a mile cold, but I haven't, which is surprising to me.
01:23:38.95
Mike
hmm. Right.
01:23:42.46
Bill
um Um, but I felt it coming on the stuffiness and felt it. I mean sinus pressure or whatever I didn't have it the full thing, but it was coming and i'm like i'm i'm leaving here in a matter of at that time, whatever it was it was last sunday that I That I get on the appointment.
01:23:55.18
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:23:56.63
Bill
I'm like, okay in two weeks i'm leaving I I gotta to get this fucking taken care of you know I can't be traveling and end up with a sinus infection trying to fucking deal with it
01:23:58.64
Mike
Right. Right.
01:24:04.08
Bill
um So I called the doctor I'm like I do I I've said this before and it's it's a fucking antibiotic So I am technically I know the words to say to get an antibiotic um But I also know I know my body and I know what the thing is I I get if I get a sinus infection It's once every couple years and when I get one I fucking know it, you know
01:24:04.95
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:24:18.56
Mike
Right. Right.
01:24:24.53
Bill
So, get on with this one doctor. Do the whole thing. $45 for the copay and I'm waiting 10 minutes. Guy pops on, tell him the whole thing. Sign his pressure. This is this and there was a slight language barrier ah with the gentleman. He's nice enough to begin with and but slight language barrier and then he's like, blah, blah, blah. I'm going to prescribe. He think he said the word prescribe. Prescribed this. I'm like, well, wait a second. What is that? And he said, basically, he goes, I'm going to send you my notes about what to do and I'm like, well,
01:24:53.46
Bill
What am I doing? you know I said, are you calling it a prescription?
01:24:55.39
Mike
Ah.
01:24:57.26
Bill
He's like, no. He goes, you're going to treat it as a cold. You're going to let it sit for a number of days. And I'm like, um like wait a second. I said, just just let back up here. you know I said, i just I want to ask a couple of questions.
01:25:08.42
Bill
And I started asking him, I said, here's what the deal is and here's what happens. I take i use sinus spray on almost a daily basis because I've been told to. because that's what prevents my sinus infection.
01:25:19.20
Bill
So you don't get buildup. And I said, it's been since I started to get the symptoms. Today is day nine. I've been told to wait seven to 10 days. at Today's day nine.
01:25:28.97
Mike
Right.
01:25:29.20
Bill
And he's like, if you don't like my my recommendation, talk to another doctor and end of the video.
01:25:32.24
Mike
Mm.
01:25:34.54
Bill
And I'm like, are you fucking
01:25:36.77
Mike
Right.
01:25:38.47
Bill
Kidding me. Cause at this point, I mean, it wasn't like I was like, go give me my antibiotic or whatever.
01:25:44.05
Mike
right
01:25:44.14
Bill
Fuck you. I'm trying to tell the talk to this guy and ask questions. So go back in at this point. Now it's like 45 minutes into it, right? You know, and, uh, go back in, try to do an appointment or no, I'm like a half hour in.
01:25:57.70
Bill
And they're like, Oh, you just had an appointment. You can't do another one, but you can do a consultation. I'm like, fuck. So get on, you got to hit this number and you call and blah, blah, blah. So another 15, 20 minutes, I get on with this person with a consultation, right? So go through all this different stuff. And I tell her, I'm like, I'm like, I understand where any doctor is coming from, you know, with the way society is and stuff like that. I understand there's drug seekers out there, but.
01:26:20.54
Bill
tell me somebody who's gotten high off of, you know, an antibiotic. I'm like, I'm like, I get it. But I said, I also know me. um I said, if he doesn't want to prescribe it, I'm like, I don't know what to say.
01:26:27.14
Mike
right right yes
01:26:29.59
Bill
But I'm like, I've i've already waited the time for him, done exactly what I've been told to do by physicians. She's like, okay, let me I'll put you back in the queue. I understand. I put you out with another doctor, blah, blah, blah. thank you so again wait my 10 minutes get out with the doctor then he's like okay verify the addresses to that and he said so you're in wisconsin i said no i'm in indiana he goes well you gotta you gotta be on with a doctor that's in licensed in indiana i'm like the lady rescheduled for me i did it when i signed in home address wisconsin but you gotta tell them where you physically are so if they have to prescribe something
01:26:57.35
Mike
Uh huh. Right.
01:27:01.97
Mike
Sure.
01:27:03.57
Bill
So he's like, um and I had to pay another copay going in.
01:27:05.81
Mike
Uh huh.
01:27:07.98
Bill
So now I'm 90 bucks in and ah in an hour into this, right? yeah And then he's like, he goes, I said, I told him, I'm like, i'm like is there any way can you put me out with another doctor? He goes, I can't.
01:27:18.83
Bill
But he goes, I won't charge you for it. He goes, I'm going to cancel it so you won't be charged. I'm like, OK. So back into the consultation, somebody else on the phone, she's like, okay, so you're in Indiana, blah, blah, blah.
01:27:29.74
Bill
Finally all said and done, get the last doctor on the phone. And I said, I laid out everything that happened. He goes, I could see all the other notes. um He asked me a couple of questions, specifics about whatever I was feeling.
01:27:40.75
Bill
He goes, I'll i'll subscribe to the antibiotic. And I said, thank you. um He goes, not a problem because if you've you've already done all the things that you should have done in the last whatever. And I said, that's what I was trying to ask the doctor to begin with.
01:27:49.76
Mike
Right.
01:27:52.97
Mike
right Right.
01:27:54.07
Bill
So then I tried to get my second copay back, right?
01:27:55.06
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:27:58.89
Bill
Because I got charged by the first guy that hung up on me and the second guy, so again, 90 bucks. So customer service, this, that, and the other thing. So again, slight language barrier. And this was the funniest one. It's like, okay, we'll put it in.
01:28:10.11
Bill
I see what happened. Blah, blah, blah. I'm going to request a refund and you should get your refund in four to five days. And I said, did you say four to five days? she's like no up to 45 days and i said really i said it's 45 bucks is not gonna break me but i'm like really and she said it could be and i said oh my god and i said i'm ah i'm not mad i said this whole thing has just been i said i'm two hours into this whole thing now
01:28:21.84
Mike
Uh-huh. Right.
01:28:38.86
Bill
It's been just this this fucking comedy of just fucking errors. And then she's like, she's like, oh, I completely understand. And she's like, okay. She goes, anything else I can do for you before we hang up? And I said, yeah, don't take 45 days to send me my buddy back. And I swear to God, she laughed. And she's like, she's like ah I promise you I'll make a note.
01:29:00.09
Bill
And literally two days later, they it was refunded. It was so funny.
01:29:03.02
Mike
Nice Right
01:29:03.81
Bill
But yeah, you know, and it's again, and i the only the only person i got I got mad at was a guy that hung up on me. I'm literally ah sitting there, I'm like, you're fine. And I get it. therere It's...
01:29:14.84
Bill
some It's volume. That's the only way these doctors are making any money doing it.
01:29:18.81
Mike
he
01:29:18.89
Bill
And literally before that, I'm talking like the the second after you hung up on me, I got an email with his notes. So it's like, okay, you know, email number one goes out to this dick.
01:29:25.48
Mike
Uh-huh.
01:29:28.69
Bill
Email number two goes out to this dick.
01:29:29.47
Mike
Yup.
01:29:30.77
Bill
He probably didn't want to take the extra five minutes that he would have to take to write a script.
01:29:34.77
Mike
Right.
01:29:36.72
Bill
I'm like Jesus Christ. But you know what? um Guess what? i've been I've been on the antibiotics since you know Sunday and I'm good. I'm fine.
01:29:44.14
Mike
yeah Right.
01:29:44.25
Bill
It did it. It actually worked. I i don't have a cold or a sinus infection anymore. Imagine that.
01:29:48.93
Mike
Good. Well, good.
01:29:53.77
Bill
the the the
01:30:00.43
Mike
Of course.
01:30:00.87
Bill
um it's it's in my nature ah it's in it's in my blood
01:30:02.89
Mike
see Right.
01:30:07.49
Bill
But yeah, yet again, it's just like, I was thinking about it as I'm doing it as a guy hung up on me. I'm like, God, you guys treat me like a fucking drug seeker. It's a goddamn antibiotic. It's it's a moxacillin.
01:30:16.14
Mike
Yeah.
01:30:18.44
Bill
It's good for you know fucking Vicodin.
01:30:21.18
Mike
Right.
01:30:21.68
Bill
Ooh, my back hurts. Doc, Doc, it hurts when I do this.
01:30:25.27
Mike
Don't do that.
01:30:26.04
Bill
Exactly, exactly. so All right, um anything else?
01:30:27.51
Mike
Yep.
01:30:30.96
Bill
You all good?
01:30:31.68
Mike
I think we're all good.
01:30:33.19
Bill
Okay, well, it's your turn then, motherfucker.
01:30:34.72
Mike
All right.
01:30:36.24
Bill
yeah
01:30:36.89
Mike
Well, thank you everyone for listening to another episode of sober not mature. So always be kind to each other. Be good to each other. Go out and do something nice for somebody else this week and pretend you're Santa Claus.
01:30:48.81
Mike
All right. Now from the bottom of my heart to the depths of my soul, from the beginning of time till the ends of the earth, always in eternally, fuck you.
01:31:00.10
Mike
And now it's time kids. It's time. It's time for you to fuck off. Then keep fucking off. Keep fucking off till you get to a gate with a sign on it saying, you cannot fuck off past here. Climb over that gate, dream the impossible dream, and keep fucking off forever. Ho, ho, ho.
01:31:21.84
Bill
A whole bunch of hoes.
01:31:26.17
Bill
That was good. That was good of you too. Pretend like you're Santa Claus, see?
01:31:28.97
Mike
Sure.
01:31:29.19
Bill
A little bit. Throw in some spirit out there for for people. You know, thinking of thinking of people other than yourself.
01:31:32.06
Mike
Yeah, yeah.
01:31:34.22
Bill
I like that, so.
01:31:34.52
Mike
Yeah, I try.
01:31:36.50
Bill
Yeah, but as you were doing the wrap-up, you know, literally, I know I kind of joke around sometimes saying, hey, we did some good work tonight, whatever, like, i any, any more, I have no fucking idea of anything we say anymore.
01:31:39.41
Mike
Hmm.
01:31:45.47
Mike
Nope.
01:31:46.28
Bill
Makes any sense to anyone or helps anyone.
01:31:47.89
Mike
Nope.
01:31:48.08
Bill
So just curiosity. If anyone out there is listening out of you, you know, handful of people or whatever to listen, just give us a, ah give us a thumbs up or something like that.
01:31:50.44
Mike
Yeah.
01:31:55.86
Bill
Is any, are the words coming out of our mouth making any sense?
01:31:56.19
Mike
Hmm.
01:32:00.81
Bill
I didn't want to say they're helping people. Are they making any sense? having fun. You're laughing at me because I'm a drug seeker, laughing at Mike is he, he hates, you know, he hates the holidays.
01:32:06.72
Mike
ya Hates Christmas.
01:32:10.95
Bill
yeah
01:32:11.22
Mike
Bah-ho-bug.
01:32:12.40
Bill
Yeah. But you know, the, the meme with the whole Grinch, they're like, you know, the Grinch didn't hate Christmas. He hated people, which is understandable.
01:32:17.64
Mike
Right. Hmm.
01:32:20.28
Bill
So give it a little thumbs up and, uh, you know, one of the, one of the wind column for the Grinch. So, all right, man, again, I have no idea what we, what we talked about, if it makes any sense or if it's good work or bad work or just, uh, just nonsense for an hour and 32 minutes, but, uh, it is we're, we're, we're doing the fucking work.
01:32:25.69
Mike
Yes. Nope.
01:32:34.89
Mike
It's work. It's all that matters.
01:32:40.05
Mike
That's right.
01:32:40.76
Bill
All right, man. Love you, brother.
01:32:42.31
Mike
Love you too.
01:32:43.52
Bill
Talk to you soon.
01:32:44.76
Mike
Yup.
01:32:45.67
Bill
Bye.
01:32:46.39
Mike
Bye.
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