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Jan. 25, 2025
SoberNotMature - Episode 153 (The 2nd Door On The Left)
This week, Mike and Bill are at it again. Sobriety and nonsense, together in perfect harmony.
Mike started out with his reading and it was about this life that we have today. When we got sober, we needed to drop whatever we thought we had planned and let this new way of life happen. It can be hard to navigate at times, but well worth it. We had a good talk.
Then we continued with family, being lucky versus fortunate, acting and reacting in a sober way, Joe and Charlie, disliking certain people (how do we deal with that), the hard Steps and asking for help.
And Mike helped Bill out with a car dilemma.
Enjoy the episode.
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Transcript
00:00:01.41
Bill
all right everyone welcome once again to another episode of sober not mature and uh yeah we just uh might just try it out a new microphone and uh yeah that didn't it didn't work out but uh i'm sorry about that but uh yeah i know that that probably didn't cap off your week too well right because you said you had a you had a long day and a long week i'm guessing right
00:00:18.90
Mike
Nah, whatever.
00:00:24.53
Mike
I did.
00:00:26.88
Bill
Yeah, you know what? um I don't know. It's like the beginning of the week. I was fucking crazy tired today um For whatever reason well, I know I actually went out and hung out with the kids a little bit My daughter and son-in-law last night my grandson But I'll tell you about that my grandson when I first got there and stuff and I don't have to go up to Prescott until I can't be there until four and it's only a two-hour drive So if we're gonna hang out and go to I don't know, some botanical garden or something tomorrow, but, um, yeah, so I get to see him again.
00:00:55.45
Bill
So I was up a little bit later, but, uh, I dunno, I've been, I've been tired all weekend, nothing out of the ordinary, but yeah, I guess I'm right there with you with a long week. So, but, um, yeah, I mean, like, I don't, I don't have anything like Snappy to say this time.
00:01:02.47
Mike
Uh-huh.
00:01:08.17
Bill
I don't know. It's it's just, it, it, it kind of is what it is. I'm like, that's fucking Friday already, man. I couldn't be, couldn't even believe it was Friday.
00:01:13.02
Mike
It is. It's Friday.
00:01:14.09
Bill
Yeah.
00:01:15.31
Mike
Right. At least it's, you know, it wasn't a below zero here today. So that was good.
00:01:21.09
Bill
Yeah, you know, I was listening again, morning show, Milwaukee and all that stuff. I think it was still like fucking three degrees or something like that. And when I was hanging out with Brian and Kimmy last night, Brian's just like, he goes, I don't think he goes, it hasn't been above zero.
00:01:33.65
Bill
And cause I mean, they're, you know, Appleton, you know where it is. It's not that far north, but far enough, you know, it's 10 degrees, five, 10 degrees colder than the Milwaukee area.
00:01:35.79
Mike
Right. Right.
00:01:41.41
Bill
um He's like, it's crazy. He just had this, he had this look ah of just discussed on his face, you know? But I told him, I said, i said you're going to hate this. But I'm like, i got I've gotten fucking soft in a week and a half, well, two weeks.
00:01:53.36
Mike
Right.
00:01:54.20
Bill
um It was 50 degrees like at night. It cools down. well Probably it's in the low 40s in the morning. I mean, i I have a winter coat on sometimes. I put gloves on.
00:02:03.70
Mike
refer
00:02:04.27
Bill
I go outside and I'm fucking freezing.
00:02:07.16
Mike
Hmm.
00:02:07.38
Bill
And I'm like, that's ridiculous because
00:02:09.65
Mike
Yes, it is.
00:02:10.78
Bill
but same thing when I went when I spent time in Florida years ago I was there for I don't know three days and then they had a cold snap down there again 40 degrees not a cold snap you know for me i I was fucking freezing it took me like three days to get used to Florida weather and it's stupid I don't I mean ah it's fine I mean the weather's been great it's mid-afternoon you know like probably between one and like four it's fucking great and then you know the temperature drops again but I mean it's it's nice there's no fucking snow it's not below zero and then I again I'm figuring it's ridiculous for me to be cold I shouldn't be but you know again you get kind of used to it so so there but uh
00:02:20.25
Mike
Right.
00:02:24.94
Mike
since instance
00:02:47.17
Mike
Right. So there. Yeah. I mean, it warmed up to like 20 degrees today. I was all, this is nice.
00:02:55.13
Bill
Yeah, we're going when we we're going to the Grand Canyon on Monday, and I think it's probably gonna be, there's a chance for a frozen mix tomorrow in like Prescott and the Grand Canyon area, and then same thing on Monday. um Same thing, probably it may it might warm up into the 50s, but I think when we if if we go early enough, which I think we will,
00:03:14.92
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:03:15.06
Bill
um It's probably gonna be you know could be cold and you know God only knows snowy sloppy spitty Whatever weather and again in front of a big fucking hole, so I'm guessing the winds gonna be Gonna be yeah a thing you know, but I don't know.
00:03:20.87
Mike
Yep.
00:03:28.12
Bill
It's a fucking Grand Canyon. So what what the fuck, right?
00:03:30.39
Mike
Right. Yeah, it'll be cool.
00:03:32.56
Bill
Yeah, it will I mean and I don't know however long Ali lasts and stuff like that I don't think we're gonna be there who knows I don't I don't know how you know deep into things we're gonna get but I mean whatever man
00:03:41.68
Mike
Yeah. You're not going to write a burrow down into it.
00:03:46.09
Bill
I don't think so. I don't think I'm gonna ride any asses on and Monday.
00:03:50.07
Mike
Bummer.
00:03:50.69
Bill
Yeah, I know. And I was talking to a couple of people. They're like, oh, make sure you hike down to this. I'm like, first of all, it's it's the fucking January. you know and And I said, on top of that, I said, you know my grandson's gonna be there.
00:03:58.71
Mike
Right.
00:04:01.81
Bill
I'm like, I don't know how much you're gonna be able to do. I don't really give a fuck, quite honestly, because I've never been there.
00:04:05.67
Mike
Right. Mm hmm.
00:04:08.00
Bill
And i just just going and i mean I want to do more than the Chevy Chase thing you know when he walked up and do, do, do. OK, let's go type of thing. But um i don't I don't care about you know going and exploring all over the place.
00:04:15.66
Mike
Right.
00:04:20.30
Bill
It's just to be there. I'll go back at some point. you know So just ah just to be part of that whole experience and stuff, I think it's going to be cool.
00:04:24.13
Mike
Right.
00:04:29.75
Mike
Absolutely.
00:04:30.36
Bill
All right, man. So um I don't know. do Do you have a reading? Do you feel like a reading?
00:04:35.08
Mike
Yeah, yeah well, i my feelings don't matter.
00:04:36.19
Bill
getting
00:04:39.05
Bill
Okay. Do you, uh, yeah, can I don't have another word. I don't have another word.
00:04:41.89
Mike
he
00:04:42.18
Bill
So I guess, I guess we're doing, I guess we're doing a reading.
00:04:45.22
Mike
We'll do a reading it was actually today's I thought it was pretty good. So here we go right out of God grant me ah January 24th, let's see we'll be willing to read we we must be willing to Get rid of the life we've planned to have Damn, I can't see either.
00:04:48.22
Bill
Oh, good.
00:05:08.77
Mike
This is lovely. Here we go. I Take two. Are we recording yet?
00:05:14.56
Bill
What? No, no, we didn't, no, we haven't, we never recorded.
00:05:15.30
Mike
What?
00:05:17.55
Bill
It's fine, go ahead, go ahead.
00:05:18.18
Mike
Okay, cool. All right, here we are. January, what?
00:05:20.25
Bill
Wait a second, wait, wait. Welcome everyone to another episode.
00:05:23.95
Mike
okay
00:05:27.06
Bill
Okay, go ahead, now we're recording.
00:05:27.83
Mike
All right. Now we're ready. This is the good one. All right. We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned so as to have life that is waiting for us. Joseph Campbell, he was an author and philosopher and yeah, that kind of thing.
00:05:44.49
Mike
All right, over and over we tried to drink or use in ways that wouldn't hurt us or those we loved. The harder we tried, the more out of control we became. Recovery asks us to surrender and accept. We surrender to the reality that we were powerless over our addiction and that our lives were unmanageable. In order to step into our new life, we have to let go of this life we had wanted and the life we had planned.
00:06:12.12
Mike
we step into our we step We step into a life our higher power has waiting for us. We must accept that there is nothing back there for us. We must look forward with anticipation. Prayer for the day. Higher power, help me live the life you want for me. Help me to surrender my will and life over to your care.
00:06:34.95
Mike
Today's action, those pesky pesky actions. I will spend some time today reflecting on what type of life my higher power wants for me. I will then ask myself, am I working with my higher power or against my higher powers plan for me?
00:06:52.30
Bill
All right, so first of all, there's a lot of days that I'm kind of like, oh, hey, you know, bits and pieces read it this morning, blah, blah, blah. Clearly I was tired this morning. um Seriously, when you started reading that, I'm like, that was today.
00:07:06.49
Mike
Yeah, it was today.
00:07:07.77
Bill
I was, ah again, I got to bed probably about an hour later than I would have lightened that, would like to, but would normally get to bed.
00:07:13.71
Mike
Right.
00:07:13.92
Bill
And um I woke up and I'm like, oh fuck, am I tired?
00:07:16.14
Mike
assassin
00:07:17.12
Bill
But seriously, I i remember it's like ah like a fade in and fade out. I barely remember any of that. but um So the action part of it, so the the life, read that last part again, what was the action?
00:07:22.79
Mike
Right. All right. ah Spend some time today reflecting on what type of light life my higher power wants for me.
00:07:35.38
Mike
oh Then ask myself am I working with my higher power or against my higher powers plan for me?
00:07:42.14
Bill
Okay. So I think, and I could be wrong, but I think we know what, what kind of life that, you know, this thing, whatever this thing is, the program or whatever it is wants for us.
00:07:50.76
Mike
Mm-hmm, right
00:07:51.69
Bill
I think we know that part or at least we should. Um, but do you think, are there times when you're working against it or do you think you're always working with the flow of of what this, what this thing we do should be?
00:08:05.97
Mike
Um, you know, I think, uh, I think for the most part I'm working with the flow. Um, hi flow.
00:08:13.69
Bill
yeah
00:08:14.50
Mike
How are you doing? and
00:08:16.14
Bill
I don't even know why fucking start laughing that I don't know why the fuck did that sound funny working with the ah flow Go with the flow Right
00:08:22.03
Mike
The flow go with the flow, man. Um, right. Yeah. I pretty much, I i believe I am. Um, you know, and clearly when I'm not, um, things don't go very well. So that's a fairly good indicator. Yeah. Um, well, you know, for the most part, I do believe I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
00:08:44.24
Bill
Yeah, and you know what, I i don't, I was going to say I don't know if, that I would know if I was, but that's wrong. That's not the right way to say it. I don't think I pay attention to the fact that I'm working with the flow um until if something goes wrong or I'm feeling out of sorts or something like that.
00:08:56.05
Mike
Right.
00:08:59.29
Mike
right Exactly.
00:09:02.05
Bill
you know Then I'm like, what the fuck am I not doing? It's not even what ah what am I doing? It's what am I not what am i not doing?
00:09:06.71
Mike
ah hu Right.
00:09:08.14
Bill
you know um Why did I get irritated at whatever this thing is? Why did I overreact it? I mean, reacting is one thing, but I i fucking know what I'm overreacting to.
00:09:18.96
Bill
um But you know here's here's the good part, all said and done, and maybe this is just my comfort, you know the the comfort thing of it is that um i i know when I know when I'm acting a fool.
00:09:31.01
Mike
right
00:09:31.58
Bill
you know and i know what i'm acting out of sorts i know what i'm acting out of the character that that i not only want to be but i feel that i should be based on all that we were taught you know So um yeah, I guess that's a good part, but I think again, for the, for the most part, yes.
00:09:48.25
Bill
But I mean, I don't know if there's gotta to be times if our, if our natural state is to be, you know, fucking idiots and the fuck around and, you know, degenerates and all this sort of things, there's gotta be moments when we're, when we're not going with the higher flow.
00:09:52.63
Mike
Right. Right.
00:09:58.15
Mike
right
00:10:03.03
Mike
Yes.
00:10:05.37
Bill
at least I would think so, right? But dumb yeah, I mean, I don't know. I guess it's ah it's a good thing that neither one of us are going, oh God, yeah. Every every couple of days I'm against the flow or whatever it is.
00:10:17.13
Bill
I mean, that's at least a good part.
00:10:17.41
Mike
Right.
00:10:18.47
Bill
But so a couple of things that I wrote down um and it talked about the the life that is waiting for us. And I was like right in the beginning and it made me think about, the you know I don't know, we've we've talked about this briefly, but You know the whatever our idea was when we when we first got into this whole thing You know like at the Keating Center and you know, we're learning some stuff and doing whatever um I don't know.
00:10:36.53
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:10:41.79
Bill
I mean we talked about the fact I think that neither one of us had any fucking clue The light that was waiting for us, right?
00:10:49.51
Mike
Right, exactly. Yeah, i I had no idea how great it's gonna get.
00:10:58.50
Bill
Right Yeah, and even in those you know those those moments of, I don't know, whenever you got a bad moments or you know down moments or whatever the case is, challenging moments, you know it it it is.
00:11:10.60
Bill
It's ah but one way or the other. I mean, we've got the we've got the tools as we always talk about it. And again, we we know when we're kind of fucking up or fucking around or whatever the case is.
00:11:19.04
Mike
right.
00:11:19.24
Bill
ah But the next thing I wrote down was surrender and accept. um Maybe that's another good question to ask. And I haven't thought about that in a while, but So again, early on at the Keating Center, how long do you think it took before you surrendered to this thing and accepted the life that you really needed to live?
00:11:39.99
Mike
Um, I mean, pretty early on, um, you know, I, well, I mean, yeah in my story, you know, when I went, um, yeah, I think I need some fucking help.
00:11:50.04
Bill
Right. right
00:11:52.52
Mike
You know, um, I accepted the fact that I couldn't continue on the way I was. I knew that. Um, so it was kind of yeah whatever, you know, whatever fucking you people tab for me to do, I'm going to do.
00:12:08.00
Mike
Um, Yeah, you know, a big part of the reading kind of why I wanted to do it today was, um you know, letting go of the old life, I think was kind of the key to the reading for me.
00:12:21.37
Bill
Right.
00:12:21.39
Mike
um You know, I mean, just that last line in the first part, you know, ah looking forward with anticipation, fuck that. um I didn't like that part. you know I can't look forward with anticipation because that's expectations and that's only going to lead to resentments because it's not going to work out the way I want or I expect, which I think is kind of the point of the reading. um Going with that flow and not being in charge and and
00:12:52.04
Mike
letting things happen the way they're supposed to happen, I think is the key to, you know, finding this happiness and having a better life and having a new life. Um, I don't know. Shit.
00:13:02.87
Mike
I don't know. I didn't know how the hell I was going to get to where I'm at, but here I am. Um, you know, I sure as hell don't know how I'm going to get to the next step phase, whatever the hell that is.
00:13:07.49
Bill
all right
00:13:13.83
Mike
And I have no expectations for that. Um, but you know, just other than thanks Marty trusting in the process.
00:13:21.91
Bill
right
00:13:21.93
Mike
Um, and you know, knowing that no matter what happens, it's going to be okay. Um, that faith part, um, other than that, you know, right. Letting go of the, what I thought was going to happen and letting go of what I think is going to happen.
00:13:35.84
Mike
I think it's the whole point of the reading, you know, other than they tried to wedge in that, you know, expect whatever.
00:13:40.13
Bill
Right.
00:13:42.45
Mike
Fuck that. I don't expect anything, man.
00:13:43.33
Bill
Right.
00:13:44.99
Mike
I, I, other than it's going to be okay, you know, but how that takes shape and form.
00:13:48.00
Bill
right
00:13:50.81
Mike
I have no idea, which is good. I shouldn't know. Cause like you said, you know, when we first walked into the Keating Center, we didn't know the fucking how good it was going to be. Um,
00:14:01.32
Mike
And I still don't know how ah good it's going to get. You know, maybe it's only going to get a little bit better and that's fine too. Um, but I do know again, trusting in the process that it's going to get a little bit better. It's going to be better than it is now. And right now it's pretty fucking good. As long as I keep doing what I'm supposed to do.
00:14:20.38
Bill
Right, and you know, it's it's funny that um the, and I only wrote down like four things in that, but the the last two things I wrote down, let go of the life we had planned, exactly what you said.
00:14:30.12
Mike
Right?
00:14:31.51
Bill
And then I wrote down the statement, look forward with anticipation, because I wanted to talk about that. um It's fucking weird sometimes. It's not even sometimes.
00:14:42.30
Bill
It's weird a lot of times the fact that, you know, same reading, get granted all that stuff, but you and I have the same mindsets. I wasn't sure what to think about that statement, but I'm glad you brought it up, because the reason I wrote, as soon as you said it, I'm like, really?
00:14:54.41
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:14:54.97
Bill
I'm like, okay, I gotta write that down.
00:14:56.77
Mike
see
00:14:57.04
Bill
And then the action was after that. That's why I had you reread the action or asked you to is because I was busy writing down that look forward with Ed's information.
00:15:04.06
Mike
ah Right, right Yeah, mm-hmm
00:15:05.66
Bill
But yeah yeah, you know, the, you know, how good it's going to get and the the whole thing of, you know, letting go whatever, I mean, again, the life that we had planned or whatever life we had for ourselves. um But they yeah, the same thing is that I, man.
00:15:21.58
Bill
It doesn't it doesn't even matter what we talked about this before it the things in in all the sort of things you know material things or or money and yeah we both you know I'd like a couple of more things I'd like a little bit more money.
00:15:32.74
Bill
um As a side note I'm gonna have you help me solve a car dilemma probably in the second half of the episode so.
00:15:38.81
Mike
Alright. Right.
00:15:40.55
Bill
So I already wrote that down but I need your help but I figure fuck it we might as well do it on here.
00:15:45.02
Mike
i
00:15:45.03
Bill
um But, um yeah, I mean, I don't know and I you know I think about it. And I'm like okay so again how good is it going to get. Okay.
00:15:53.84
Mike
right
00:15:54.38
Bill
um I mean just getting our lives back getting our mental health back.
00:15:55.75
Mike
Mhm.
00:15:58.41
Bill
getting our physical health back you know early on, um you know at actually being you know a solid employee, starting to rebuild these relationships, um making the moves and the the positive job changes and all these different things and you know they these growth items and in all these different things that happen over these years.
00:16:00.32
Mike
Right.
00:16:18.22
Bill
And then you know I think to myself, I'm like, what the fuck else could, what what more in life could I want? you know And when what I tell you about last night, when I when i stopped over by by the kids, this goes along with this, or that goes along with this.
00:16:24.39
Mike
Right.
00:16:31.39
Bill
you know um But yeah, whatever it is, I mean, worst case scenario, even if I relatively speaking for me, stayed on kind of an even plane, first of all, lived for another 10 years, you know, and stayed even on an even plane.
00:16:43.60
Mike
Sure.
00:16:46.88
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:16:47.02
Bill
That's a fucking win. Okay.
00:16:48.24
Mike
Oh, fuck yeah.
00:16:49.33
Bill
Because rather than, you know, it at this age, God, if it was any way in the world that I would have found a way, and these are the biggest air quotes, quotes again, I can find, to control my drinking and maintain my life for these past almost 15 years.
00:16:59.65
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:17:04.16
Bill
At some point, I'm guessing that over the next, I mean, you and I are at a critical age, I mean, or age is, you know, and we are like, listen to to Mark Maron, side note, Bill Byrd, did you listen to any of that this week?
00:17:09.91
Mike
Right.
00:17:16.41
Mike
Now.
00:17:17.00
Bill
okay it's uh they both they just sit there and talk the entire episode kind of about their craziness and their neuroses it's pretty fucking funny but um but mark at one point he's like he goes i'm fucking old you know because i don't i gotta get i what yeah whatever it is and i'm thinking about that i'm like god damn yeah we're fucking old too you know so so that part of it this is the time of you know you watch people
00:17:24.17
Mike
Right.
00:17:29.16
Mike
if
00:17:33.12
Mike
Yeah.
00:17:37.97
Bill
that are our age that haven't taken care of themselves. And a lot of people are the declining in health, they look like shit, you know, all these different things. I'm not saying that I looked up, I'm not spry in any way, shape or form, physically, mentally.
00:17:49.88
Mike
Right.
00:17:53.03
Mike
sir Oh yeah, definitely.
00:17:53.88
Bill
I'm not the best looking dude in the room or anything like that. But I think I look a little bit better than I would have had nice if I would have stopped drinking, you know. So again, you know how good is it gonna get? Fuck it, i like you said, I don't know. you know but But again, whatever whatever happens in these next tomorrow or the next day or the next day, I love the fact, the number one, trust the process, that's a great thing that Marty taught us. um But I love the fact that you said um you know that ah regardless of what happens, you know it's gonna be okay.
00:18:23.79
Mike
Right.
00:18:24.71
Bill
And that's that in itself that you don't seriously, you you want to talk about like a physical wave of comfort coming over me.
00:18:24.83
Mike
Yeah.
00:18:30.75
Bill
I was just like, God damn. I'm like, yeah. Yeah.
00:18:33.68
Mike
Yeah. Yeah. No matter, you know, whatever good, bad, or indifferent, whatever fucking happens, it's going to be all right.
00:18:39.70
Bill
Right.
00:18:40.37
Mike
Yeah.
00:18:40.86
Bill
Yeah. I don't, I don't know how the fuck it's going to work out, but it will.
00:18:43.12
Mike
Nope. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I I'm glad I don't know how it's going to work out. Cause if I had a clue, if I thought I knew how it was going to work out, I'd be screwed managing my own life.
00:18:53.15
Bill
Yeah. I fuck it up. I know I would.
00:18:56.39
Mike
ah
00:18:56.69
Bill
yeah Yeah. and And in other words, like I just said, we'd fuck it up. I know I would be like, like, Oh, this is the end result.
00:19:00.80
Mike
Oh yeah, absolutely.
00:19:03.84
Bill
Oh, I'm fine. And then I'd fucking fall on my face on the way to this, to whatever this perfect, this perfect, you know, next, next step was, but, but yeah, I mean, seriously, like literally when you said that, I was just like, God damn, that was, it was really comforting to me to, although I know it, you know, but, um, just, you know, these things have to be set out.
00:19:08.87
Mike
since
00:19:20.78
Mike
Right.
00:19:22.72
Bill
These things have to be set out loud for me.
00:19:25.42
Mike
Occasionally, right.
00:19:26.07
Bill
Yeah. whether whether I say it to myself or I have you say it or it or it is said, quote unquote, out loud in a reading, um I need to hear these things all the time because I fucking forget.
00:19:32.43
Mike
Right.
00:19:34.95
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:19:36.03
Bill
And that's the thing when you were reading all that stuff, I thought about this whole you know this whole thing of me forgetting to be grateful sometimes. So sometimes even though things have gotten this good, I forget how good it is.
00:19:44.06
Mike
Right.
00:19:49.10
Mike
ah Right.
00:19:49.30
Bill
you know And I'm fucking living it.
00:19:53.06
Mike
Exactly.
00:19:53.13
Bill
you know
00:19:53.62
Mike
Oh, well, yeah, that's, you know, the best time to forget how fucking great it is.
00:19:58.19
Bill
I know, I know.
00:19:58.98
Mike
That's all right.
00:20:00.43
Bill
Right, right. That's what I was saying, you know, whatever it was a couple of weeks ago when I had, you know, mapped out, I mean, it was last week, I don't know what the fuck it was, you know, mapped out all this, all this shit, you know, for the next, you know, few weeks and stuff.
00:20:10.99
Bill
And I did it again, I just, you know, moved ahead a couple of paydays and stuff. And, you know, my money's tight over the next, you know, probably month, you know, but again, all the fucking bills are paid. January, I knew because majority of these trips that I booked,
00:20:24.08
Bill
Even though, I mean, everything's paid for, I was able to finance some of it. So the biggest chunk of the the payments, like the monthly payments or the chunks of these things I had to pay for um were in January.
00:20:35.16
Bill
And the first two legs of my trip, Oklahoma City and Albuquerque, those are already paid for, um you know, because they were, i by the time I booked them, they were paid for, ah relatively speaking, and in a month of each other, you know, or within a month.
00:20:41.42
Mike
Right.
00:20:49.58
Bill
So, I mean, that's two trips that were paid literally in full, and so I had to absorb that plus other ones and this and that. But the whole point is, I'm like, I had to sit back and really, as you and I were talking, I'm like, well, what the fuck's wrong with me?
00:21:01.44
Mike
here
00:21:02.76
Bill
I'm out here, I'm doing some stuff, you know and um this this botanical garden that we're gonna go to, i one of the nights I was here, second or third night, I know where it is, because I drove over there, because I thought that there was an area where I could park and like catch the sunset going across this wide open area.
00:21:18.15
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:21:18.57
Bill
But I get over there couldn't find a place to park so I fucking missed the sunset So um but Kimmy's like she sends me a thing and I'm like I'm like I know where that is and I just told her I'm like just how much of the tickets I said I'm I'm having a great time, but I'm like I try to kind of watch my money here It's like 30 30 bucks or something said a big deal But I mean if it was gonna be like 75 bucks or something gonna be like yeah I'm gonna fucking pass on that you know, but it's 30 or 32 and you know hanging out with them and it'll be nice but I I don't know but again yeah that's the main thing is that yeah I literally I forget how good not only that it can get I just I fucking you know forget that it is good
00:21:21.87
Mike
Ah.
00:21:34.68
Mike
Right.
00:21:40.00
Mike
Right. Absolutely.
00:21:52.52
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:21:55.33
Mike
Yeah, exactly. And you know what? The sun said, even though you did miss it.
00:21:59.63
Bill
Yeah, it did and and you know, you know what even if the world didn't stop because I miss the sunset and here and here's the other thing too, you know, I didn't get fucking pissed off about it because Even um as I as I pulled up, you know just driving I mean I saw the Sun in the glow and it was still beautiful You know, I just didn't I didn't get the stop and and just stare You know, I'm like, ooh, okay.
00:22:00.54
Mike
Imagine that.
00:22:16.62
Mike
Sure.
00:22:20.76
Mike
he
00:22:23.77
Bill
You know, and it was just this is like the first place that I've been that all these other places I do that I'll look for, you know, best place for a sunset wherever I'm at and usually there's, you know, two or three places that you get recommendations on. Like in the Ozarks they said literally this this restaurant parking lot but I went into a bank parking lot is where I've gotten those pictures when I was in the Ozarks.
00:22:43.17
Bill
you know And you can just pull into this you know fucking bank. They're not open. You just pull into the parking lot and park wherever.
00:22:46.53
Mike
Right.
00:22:47.64
Bill
And it's this whole overlook at one of the sections of the lake and it's fucking beautiful.
00:22:49.00
Mike
Yeah.
00:22:51.93
Bill
you know But um yeah, that was the only thing, but I'm i'm guessing that they meant you know while you're at the botanical gardens, while you're on the property and you're you you know youre then you got your space and you could see it, but I don't know, it's still it's still nice.
00:22:52.30
Mike
Nice.
00:23:00.78
Mike
Yeah.
00:23:04.75
Bill
you know but um So did I mention the homeless people in Albuquerque?
00:23:09.23
Mike
You did not.
00:23:11.52
Bill
Okay, so um there's ah there's a number of them here too, but again, warmer warmer weather and stuff like that.
00:23:14.60
Mike
Uh-huh. Sure.
00:23:17.24
Bill
um Albuquerque, man, there was a ton. Again, around the you know highway on-ramps and off-ramps, by the bridges and stuff like that, the tents and a ton. you know And same thing or same thing around around here, ah but I mean, I haven't kicked around as much here.
00:23:27.28
Mike
Yeah.
00:23:32.42
Bill
um I mean, in Albuquerque, I was driving all around, going to those different places, but um I mean, I suppose, I mean, if warmer areas, I know out California, there's a lot more, you know, of the the homeless population.
00:23:40.66
Mike
Well, right.
00:23:44.74
Bill
I mean, nobody, it sit it's, I don't know, I'm sure it's a blight, you know, from a community standpoint, but, you know, I'm not saying that it's so it hasn't, you know, affected anything I'm doing, I just noticed it and it just, again, put two and two together, warm weather and why not, you know, I mean, if that's,
00:23:48.46
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:23:58.93
Bill
I mean, if you're gonna be, I mean, again, if you're gonna be without a home, um I wouldn't wanna do it in you know fucking northern Minnesota.
00:24:02.53
Mike
Yeah.
00:24:05.95
Bill
you know
00:24:06.15
Mike
No, right. Yeah. Downtown Cleveland. Not the best spot.
00:24:09.94
Bill
Yeah, or downtown Milwaukee, you know, we're all the, I was fucking that whole tent city was, you know, a handful of years ago and I fuck man, they were there, they were there in the wintertime. And I'm like, God damn, I just, again, I feel for, for the people and, um, but, um, I don't know if it just, I, that just popped into my head.
00:24:25.44
Bill
But, uh, so but ah speaking of homeless people, it has nothing to do with this reading, right? But, um, anything else about the reading and, uh, you know, I mean, I know you said the main points, obviously you just kind of highlighted, but, uh, anything else?
00:24:36.59
Mike
Yeah. No, just, you know, be grateful, man. Be grateful of the shit you have. And and remember that, you know, when all that long ago, we didn't have this stuff. We didn't have this life and we worked for it, but you know, yeah, here we are.
00:24:51.25
Bill
Right.
00:24:51.54
Mike
And we sure as hell didn't expect it and yet. Here it is. And we have it. Um, so don't expect anything, you know, down the road and you're probably going to have even more.
00:25:01.11
Bill
Right. Yeah, it's, it is. ah And you know, again, I mean, 15 years is 15 years or almost, you know, 15 years. But um I mean, I, I could remember, you know, that stand on a fucking port step at the at the Keating Center, like it was yesterday, you know,
00:25:16.44
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:25:16.96
Bill
um And, you know, you look back at it again social media is what it is but um I do I still I like the fact that all those things that I those little sayings and quotes and things like that that I posted, you know when I that first year, you know, because ah right after I got on Facebook you know that first year because I
00:25:32.73
Mike
Right.
00:25:36.69
Bill
I just I reposted one or shared one just the other day and I can't remember what it was but um I mean that those things bring me back to to those times and I'm really glad you know that I don't really have any there's nothing in my in my memories
00:25:41.76
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:25:52.50
Bill
can i guess i if i look back you know i even when when i don't know when when i know when roughly the time obviously larry passed away and uh obviously when uncle john passed away and that sort of thing you know but there's nothing that pops up again thankfully on my on my facebook memories that uh it's like oh fuck i'm
00:25:59.25
Mike
Sure.
00:26:09.29
Mike
Right. Yup.
00:26:12.59
Bill
just so glad i didn't get on facebook until after i got sober
00:26:15.62
Mike
Right.
00:26:17.48
Bill
Yeah, because I'm sure there'd be <unk> be plenty. There'd be plenty of those ick moments. All right, so yeah you wanna hear my my grateful moment of what I was talking about with ah with my grandson.
00:26:27.61
Bill
So, cause again, like it it literally ties right in with this with this quite quite honestly.
00:26:28.29
Mike
Yes.
00:26:32.26
Bill
But so um the the short story was, ah and I had mentioned obviously, I think I mentioned on here, not that fucking matters, but you know I was meeting a friend of mine from California out here and she ended up having to leave on Tuesday because a family member wasn't in health issue, blah, bla blah, blah.
00:26:45.25
Mike
Mm
00:26:48.36
Bill
I mean, she wanted to get back and completely understandable obviously.
00:26:48.61
Mike
-hm.
00:26:51.08
Bill
And I'm glad she was able to,
00:26:51.67
Mike
Right.
00:26:52.97
Bill
work it out to, you know, change your flight and and get back there. You know, because you and I were going to record, originally we were going to record yesterday, obviously Thursday, Kimmy and Brian got in, I don't want to say late, it was 738 o'clock on Wednesday, so I knew I wasn't going to see them then, wasn't going to see them on Thursday, Friday I was going to, you know, run her back to the airport and stuff, and we were going to get together on Saturday.
00:27:00.09
Mike
Right. Mm.
00:27:07.11
Mike
Uh-huh.
00:27:15.11
Mike
Right.
00:27:15.38
Bill
So after all said and done, you know I talked to a little bit on Wednesday night and then you know told her and then I'm like, I said, hey, what do you got going on tomorrow? Blah, blah, blah. So as it turned out, Kimmy's sister, Peyton, who is, hi Peyton, if you're listening, one of our, I think, one of our followers, I know, and I think she still listens to us, but you know so Peyton, you're all right, even though I give you a lot of shit.
00:27:37.42
Bill
yeah
00:27:37.65
Mike
Wow.
00:27:38.38
Bill
Yeah, I do.
00:27:38.44
Mike
All right.
00:27:39.28
Bill
I give her a lot of shit. She's a lot of fun though. So they were picking her up for dinner and I said, don't worry about anything for me for dinner. But it was like 7, I don't know, it was like 7.15 or something like that by the time I get over there.
00:27:51.68
Bill
And then I'm living on central time. It's like, ooh, with my hand, I'm like, that's 8.15, whatever.
00:27:54.40
Mike
Mhm.
00:27:56.08
Bill
And I'm like, I'll probably hang for an hour. you know but So I get there and knocked on the door and Kimmy opened up the door and you know kind of gave her a hug. And then Ollie was standing behind like the kitchen counter, I think. But um he saw him and he's like, grandpa's here. And then he comes literally fucking Hall's ass. And it's a smaller place. Hall's ass, arms up, you know kind of out in front of him, you know just runs over to me for me to pick him up right away and then gave me a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek. And that's what I was just talking about.
00:28:28.60
Bill
what the fuck more?
00:28:29.96
Mike
c
00:28:31.77
Bill
I mean, honestly, you know what what what can what more can I ask for? I'm sitting there, I'm like, i'm like dude, you just made my day, you made my week, you made my month.
00:28:38.99
Mike
Hehehehehe. if
00:28:42.31
Bill
And when Brian had had kind of a migraine, so he was laying down and they came out and he said that when they told him that that they were gonna see me when they were out here, he got all excited that he was coming out to to see me.
00:28:53.80
Mike
Mm-hmm. Nice.
00:28:56.65
Bill
And I'm like, I'm like, again, I'm like, really? And then, you know, and this is, this is when I say to myself, what the fuck did I do to deserve this?
00:29:04.40
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:29:07.25
Bill
Not a goddamn thing, nothing.
00:29:08.40
Mike
Great.
00:29:09.00
Bill
You know, all I did, you always joke about this shit. You know, I read some books, I read it books, some books every day, did some steps.
00:29:16.90
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:29:16.97
Bill
I'm a good human being. I've gone to some meetings, try to be nice to people.
00:29:19.90
Mike
Great. Mm-hmm.
00:29:22.70
Bill
And again, that's what I get.
00:29:25.52
Mike
Yup.
00:29:27.84
Bill
It's fucking mind blowing, but didn't have to fight him for a picture.
00:29:30.11
Mike
Absolutely.
00:29:32.04
Bill
I was sitting down and well, first of all, Kimmy gave him a little thing of milk and I was sitting in this chair and he says up and I was thinking he wanted me to get up so he could sit down and Kimmy's like, Kimmy's like, no, he wants you to pick him up.
00:29:42.72
Bill
I'm like, oh, so yeah. So I picked him up. So he he's picking up and drinking his milks while he's sitting on my lap. And, um, you know, I said a little bit later, I'm like, uh, I said, I said, can we take a picture?
00:29:53.49
Bill
He's like, yeah, so he hops up on first time I've never had to, you know, argue with him for a picture.
00:29:59.54
Bill
It was just, it's fucking wonderful, you know?
00:30:01.29
Mike
Yeah, absolutely.
00:30:03.08
Bill
So again, I can't, I don't know if I can't again, how how can you plan that? How can you again?
00:30:07.96
Mike
Yeah, I can't.
00:30:09.03
Bill
No, but just nothing, nothing, nothing.
00:30:09.67
Mike
Yeah.
00:30:13.08
Bill
All right, so um one of the things that I wrote down, I guess maybe this goes along with it too, and I had no idea what obviously what the reading was going to be. This came from, I don't know if it came from one of the readings, but I think it did.
00:30:24.85
Bill
I didn't make a note of it, but the terms, I'm sorry, not the terms, the words lucky versus fortunate. Okay.
00:30:32.06
Mike
uh-huh
00:30:32.83
Bill
Do you ever um say either one for yourself? Like say you're lucky or fortunate. And what do you look at? Each one is that what's the difference between being lucky and fortunate?
00:30:44.08
Bill
Do you ever think to yourself, Hey, I'm a lucky guy or unfortunate or which one do you use? and And what do you think the difference is?
00:30:50.81
Mike
Um, I, well, there is no difference really. Um, between the two, they're just, yeah, you know, shades of gray. Um, uh, do I use those for myself? Um,
00:31:06.57
Mike
Not really. I mean, I really don't. I'm, you know, am I lucky? that Shit. I don't know. No, I'm not lucky. um I'm not fortunate. I have some absolutely wonderful things in my life. um You know, yeah, you know, the grandkid running at, yo you know, happy to see you. um I don't know.
00:31:30.16
Mike
You just said you had nothing to do with that other than, you know, right. So ah yeah, that's it right there, man. No, it's not lucky. It's not fortunate. It is what it is.
00:31:41.13
Mike
We fucking showed up, you know, um, but we showed up doing the right thing, which, um, you know, isn't what we're supposed to be doing.
00:31:52.88
Bill
Right.
00:31:53.76
Mike
Yeah. We're supposed to be drunken idiots. Um,
00:31:59.14
Bill
Hey, the yeah the the the part for Drunken Idiots, the second door on the right down there.
00:32:03.78
Mike
Yep.
00:32:04.01
Bill
and's That's sorry and sir head's where you belong.
00:32:04.19
Mike
Hi. That's where you belong. This room over here.
00:32:09.13
Bill
yeah You people.
00:32:10.50
Mike
Yeah. Right.
00:32:11.86
Bill
yeah
00:32:11.93
Mike
Um so you know yeah we did we don't we consciously and you know um and work hard to not be that and um yeah we get this fucking wonderful shit around us um that's that's neither lucky nor fortunate nor miraculous uh it's just um yeah you know byproduct of doing the next right thing man it's fucking a it's beautiful
00:32:37.25
Bill
Right.
00:32:39.64
Bill
Yeah, and it's kind of what i was but I was thinking. And I don't i don't know why I didn't, usually I'll put a note on here where it came from, but um it might've been one of the readings.
00:32:47.65
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:32:49.93
Bill
i just I just, I don't know.
00:32:50.51
Mike
Sure.
00:32:51.43
Bill
Again, I literally don't remember anything from God grant me this morning. So I think I was still asleep during the first, you know, whatever that was, half hour that I was up.
00:32:56.37
Mike
Uh huh.
00:33:01.03
Bill
But, um and yeah, I mean, I never consider my, I don't believe in luck. That's first thing.
00:33:06.93
Mike
Right.
00:33:07.79
Bill
And, um you know, fortunate to be, ah maybe it's, ah I would take a stretch sometimes and say fortunate, but what I think about though is that, you know, that we, if there is such a thing, take away, I was just going to say if there's such a thing as luck, because I um i don't like the word luck.
00:33:25.23
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:33:25.90
Bill
wherever we ended up is because we did work, right?
00:33:28.91
Mike
Right.
00:33:29.15
Bill
Rather than, you know, things were handed to us as far as the instructions and the guidance, but not as a just giving a shit.
00:33:39.48
Bill
It's like, okay, you can have all this stuff, but here's a here's a box of Legos. You got to put them together. You know, and don't worry, there's instructions.
00:33:45.16
Mike
Right.
00:33:47.91
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:33:48.46
Bill
There's 164 pages instruction manual. It's going to show you exactly how to build this house. And then when you get hungry, you can bake a cake because that recipe is over year two.
00:33:57.13
Mike
Right.
00:33:57.58
Bill
Um, but I don't know. I mean, fortunate that we lived, I don't know, maybe just luck of the draw.
00:34:02.25
Mike
ah Right.
00:34:02.97
Bill
I mean, again, I don't, I don't know. I mean, you can, you can look back at all that shit and try to split hairs and figure, you know, like we talked about, you know, that the time space continuum, if we would have taken a left turn here versus a right turn, where the fuck do we end up?
00:34:12.82
Mike
Right.
00:34:15.33
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:34:16.13
Bill
You know, I don't know.
00:34:16.28
Mike
Well, that's just it. I mean, choices and consequences is when it comes down to, um, you know, we make a choice and then we end up with the consequence of that choice.
00:34:20.57
Bill
Right.
00:34:24.75
Mike
Um, and yeah, you know, you can call it luck. You can call it whatever coincidences. I mean, yes, clearly there's lots and lots of stuff that we have no control over and, um, you know, but affect us to a degree, but I mean, really comes down to the choices we make and, and,
00:34:35.92
Bill
Right.
00:34:43.84
Mike
but where that leads us. you know God knows we've made plenty of bad choices and that led us places. and We've made a couple of good choices and that led us other places. And that's kind of all it is, man. you know That's it.
00:34:57.98
Bill
Right.
00:34:58.56
Mike
And the stuff, yeah, you know, the, and the stuff, you know, right.
00:34:58.59
Bill
That's a good time. Well, I'm sorry, go ahead.
00:35:01.50
Mike
The, the, the outside stuff that, you know, does sort of affect us. Um, it's, it's our choice to react to it one way or another and what we do with it. Um, so it, it all comes down again, again, all it comes down to personal responsibility and you know, every choice that we make has a consequence and we have to take full responsibility for the choices that we make.
00:35:23.82
Bill
Right. We're responsible for the good and for the bad.
00:35:27.81
Mike
Yes, we are.
00:35:29.03
Bill
yeah And I was gonna say, this is a good time for this little clip.
00:35:36.52
Mike
That's right.
00:35:39.30
Bill
Yeah, again, I keep forgetting that's that's up there, but you said, yeah, this you know we make bad choices. I'm like, oh, oh, that's why I almost interrupted you. I didn't mean to interrupt it. I normally wouldn't know, but i get I got too excited there.
00:35:49.56
Mike
she
00:35:49.76
Bill
I was gonna use the...
00:35:51.25
Mike
you can just Just hit the fucking button, man. It's fine.
00:35:53.67
Bill
yeah but you know I try to be respectful of my friend over there. you know yeah um but But yeah, i mean I agree with you.
00:35:56.81
Mike
Yeah, whatever.
00:36:01.11
Bill
It just it's it was weird, and and I like the way you said that too, that i mean all of this is choices and consequences. I like that. you know Because you can end up with ah with a good consequence. you know It's like you know good things can happen from every choice we have.
00:36:11.34
Mike
Sure.
00:36:14.57
Bill
there It's the action and reaction type of thing. you know that's
00:36:17.08
Mike
Absolutely.
00:36:17.90
Bill
Every action has a reaction and we're we're all we're always out there.
00:36:19.58
Mike
and since Yes, we are.
00:36:21.11
Bill
This is all about action. You know, we're so we're always out there actioning So so there's gonna be some shit that's gonna go, you know, maybe a skew every once in a while But I believe we've talked about the fact that even if shit goes wrong, we know how to deal with it, right?
00:36:37.77
Mike
Right. Yep. Absolutely.
00:36:38.74
Bill
Haha
00:36:39.02
Mike
Ha ha ha ha
00:36:39.71
Bill
yeah
00:36:42.46
Bill
And then, you know what, this is kind of funny, all these things are kind of tying together, these these things I wrote down this week. um When did acting sober and reacting in a sober way become more natural to you?
00:36:55.57
Bill
Because we just talked about the whole, when you said that you know this is not our natural state in my head, i'm like I'm like, Jesus Christ, right below this, I wrote this fucking thing down.
00:36:59.77
Mike
All right.
00:37:04.26
Bill
you know so when did uh that's the first part i got another part here but what did when did acting sober and reacting in a sober way become more natural for you do you think like this time coming in it is ah it's a program of honesty
00:37:14.28
Mike
Um, tomorrow. No. i'll be Um, yeah you know, again, yeah, that is true. And it is, you know, hopefully tomorrow will be a more, but, um, add more natural shit. I don't know. Maybe seven, eight years into this thing.
00:37:45.88
Bill
Yeah, and I mean, that's probably, I'm looking at that and I'm like, that's probably not a joke either.
00:37:51.17
Mike
No, no.
00:37:51.32
Bill
I mean, cause I was gonna like, in my head as you were just talking, I'm like a year, I know how I was acting, I get a year, two years.
00:37:56.28
Mike
No.
00:37:58.28
Bill
I did some shit at two years, three years.
00:38:00.20
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:38:00.84
Bill
yeah I mean, three years is when I just moved back to, you know, Wisconsin. And I was still, you know, um I don't want to say hiding in meetings, but was freaked out if I was going to miss a meeting, you know, um and, you know, a three and a half year sober, um you know, and and walking into a hotel room, that first fucking hotel room I was in in Wisconsin.
00:38:04.95
Mike
Right.
00:38:08.82
Mike
Uh huh.
00:38:13.16
Mike
Sure.
00:38:17.26
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:38:17.90
Bill
And then, you know, they do it at the front desk. Did I ever tell this story in here?
00:38:21.68
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:38:22.30
Bill
If I did, not get it it's worth repeating because I thought I was doing so well. And I was.
00:38:26.97
Mike
Right.
00:38:27.09
Bill
I didn't, I didn't relapse, you know, that don't worry about it.
00:38:28.73
Mike
yeah
00:38:29.44
Bill
I've been sober and relapse.
00:38:31.36
Mike
Uh-huh.
00:38:31.61
Bill
But um the company I was working for was based out of Madison, Wisconsin, and we had offices in one office in Geneva, Illinois, and then a couple in in Wisconsin, three in Wisconsin.
00:38:42.22
Mike
Right.
00:38:43.61
Bill
So the first training trip I took, I was there for about a month, and me and the other trainer went down to this place in Beloit. and um nice hotel this whatever it was a specialty hotel iron but know is iron something it wasn't a chain hotel but um you know i get it walk into place and it's fucking beautiful and they get some sort of a they got some sort of a corporate deal so as i mean a highline hotel and kind of a just nice
00:39:10.49
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:39:10.76
Bill
and you know check it in whatever and the guy's like oh here's your room key and here's the key to the mini bar I'm like yeah I'm good and he said he goes you sure I'm like yeah I said I'm good um I've got because I had a 12-pack of soda i'm like I got my soda here I'm i'm fine
00:39:18.65
Mike
Right.
00:39:24.57
Mike
Right. I got a 12 pack with me already I'm fine.
00:39:28.05
Bill
Yeah, I got my, I got 12 pack of doctor. You know, I'm good.
00:39:30.63
Mike
Yep.
00:39:31.46
Bill
Yeah, I got my pepper with me. I'm i'm good. I'm all right. So, um you know, I'm thinking that was a big deal for me.
00:39:37.75
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:39:37.94
Bill
You know, first time in a hotel and being presented with that, you know, and I'm like, I felt good about myself, you know?
00:39:41.44
Mike
Right.
00:39:44.07
Bill
So I walk out to the room, I look in and I see the minibar with the, it's the cabinet, you know, with the lock on and I'm like, aha, you know? And um I go to put my soda in the fridge and it's fuck, it's full of wine and beer.
00:39:57.46
Mike
Yep.
00:39:58.94
Bill
And I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? So it um it wasn't completely full, but there was a lot, you know?
00:40:05.17
Mike
Right. Yeah, it's a nice start.
00:40:06.55
Bill
some Oh, it it would have been, yeah, well but I looked at it, I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ, you know?
00:40:10.04
Mike
Yeah.
00:40:12.61
Bill
But you know, I just, I put my soda in the fridge and I shut the fucking fridge and I'm like, nope, I got my soda. The front, the front, whatever line in is mine, the rest of it's not. I don't like wine, the rest of it's not mine.
00:40:21.83
Mike
Right. Right.
00:40:25.30
Bill
but um yeah it's just uh i don't even know how i get onto that you know i that that part it oh i'm not not acting in a acting or reacting in a sober way i did you know but yeah god you easily i i know i i did some weird shit at five years you know so i probably did some weird shit this week god fucking i don't know
00:40:33.60
Mike
right
00:40:39.54
Mike
Right. Yeah. Oh yeah. Right. Of course. Yeah. I'm sure I did a couple of things today.
00:40:48.63
Bill
But the the second part of my statement, and maybe this will give us both a little bit of a break, was basically when did you instinctively start doing the next right thing most of the time I wrote down?
00:40:57.41
Mike
Hmm. Right.
00:41:01.82
Bill
yeah
00:41:02.79
Mike
Um, yeah, you know, that's, that would be around the, you know, a year and a half, two year mark starting to starting to get that rhythm down of, ah oh, this is what I have to do. Not that fucking, not that first thought.
00:41:12.09
Bill
yeah
00:41:14.78
Bill
Right, but that's that's why I said i got I got a second statement here because you and I are kind of both but sort of beating ourselves up with the first sentence.
00:41:18.74
Mike
who
00:41:21.63
Mike
Yep.
00:41:21.86
Bill
instead' be We're in the year, you know we're in the literally just last week and that we haven't acted, necessarily reacted, but then it's like most of the time, oh oh shit, yeah, year and a half, two years, I'm good.
00:41:31.13
Mike
yep Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, starting to, that muscle was starting to get a little strong and they said okay, this is what I have to do, it seems a little more right, yeah.
00:41:42.84
Mike
Don't have to take the three, four beats to go, oh shit, wait, no, i yeah it was one beat. This is, oh, wait, you want me to, oh, right, this.
00:41:48.38
Bill
Right.
00:41:52.51
Mike
Yeah, that's right, I need to i need to do it this way, because yeah, that other way didn't work out too well for me.
00:41:58.98
Bill
Yeah, and that and that's the thing. you know It's that it's it is it's that that instinctive part where you just don't where you don't think about it as much anymore.
00:42:05.72
Mike
Mm-hmm.
00:42:05.96
Bill
um And once again, i mean with ah with all this you know kicking around that I'm doing, every place that I go, I notice, um and you know this Phoenix has got some strip clubs, so I'm noticing strip clubs, I'm noticing liquor stores, I notice bars, um all these fucking things.
00:42:16.27
Mike
Sure. Mm-hmm. Yep.
00:42:20.67
Bill
Every fucking time, I'll just be driving down the street, and I'm not even trying to, and in my head, I'm like, i'm like bar, bar, bar, bar, bar.
00:42:20.70
Mike
Yeah.
00:42:25.03
Mike
No. Mm-hmm.
00:42:28.84
Bill
You know, yeah, there's that another one.
00:42:29.07
Mike
There's one. There's one. There's one.
00:42:31.49
Bill
There's another one.
00:42:31.51
Mike
Well, uh-huh.
00:42:32.17
Bill
There's a strip club there, too. There you go.
00:42:33.99
Mike
Hey.
00:42:34.19
Bill
Oh, I'm sorry, a gentleman's club.
00:42:36.42
Mike
Ah,
00:42:39.21
Bill
So what what do you think? I mean, that you know, so do strip clubs. I haven't been in the strip club since I've been sober. No, I haven't.
00:42:45.12
Mike
enough me neither.
00:42:45.57
Bill
I was just trying to think. I'm like, no, I haven't.
00:42:47.20
Mike
I've been to a couple of burlesque shows, but yeah.
00:42:47.61
Bill
um
00:42:51.17
Bill
But a you know, if you decide in a strip club would be a bad place for me to hang out anyhow.
00:42:52.83
Mike
Right.
00:42:55.71
Mike
Yeah.
00:42:55.76
Bill
It's just it's fucking pointless.
00:42:56.58
Mike
Well, yeah, they're all goddamn 12 years old up there.
00:42:57.15
Bill
It's a waste of money and all that stuff.
00:43:00.25
Mike
So, you know, that doesn't work either and anyway.
00:43:00.96
Bill
yeah Right.
00:43:02.90
Mike
Ah, look, attractive children. Yay.
00:43:06.01
Bill
But, dumb so that the, could you, do you think you there, do they still have like the drink minimum? I mean, I'm guessing it like, could you just go in there and buy a couple of sodas or you have to buy, if you bought soda, are they 20 bucks a piece?
00:43:11.71
Mike
i
00:43:14.18
Mike
I'm well, yeah, probably.
00:43:16.55
Bill
You know, I don't know.
00:43:19.74
Mike
Yeah, probably. i I don't know.
00:43:21.38
Bill
right
00:43:21.89
Mike
Right. Yeah. I've been wanting either since I've been sober health. I hadn't been in one couple of years before I got sober. So, right.
00:43:29.88
Bill
Yeah, I don't remember the last, I don't remember the last time. It was probably, I mean, shit, don i told you I told you that, Dawn and I used to go to strip clubs with some, with friends, you know, every once in a while.
00:43:35.04
Mike
Oh yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah.
00:43:37.55
Bill
It was fun.
00:43:38.51
Mike
Yeah, yeah, I'd go with girls, and you know, whatever, and you know, sometimes my relationship would be up on stage. So that was that. um Yeah, right.
00:43:46.67
Bill
Hi there. yeah I need, I need a bottle.
00:43:49.52
Mike
Um, yep, yep, exactly.
00:43:50.82
Bill
like You know, go shake your ass over there a little bit. That dude's got money.
00:43:57.78
Bill
But yeah, I don't know. I don't know why that popped into my head. I don't know. Again, acting, acting sober, reacting sober, blah, blah, blah.
00:44:03.03
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:44:04.11
Bill
But yeah, look at all those things kind of wrapped together nicely. And once again, just so everyone knows, we we don't plan any of this shit.
00:44:11.76
Mike
No.
00:44:12.82
Bill
I just write down these fucking things to pop off the top of my head. And then, you know, Mike, Mike sometimes ah doesn't even have a reading ready. Or if he does, he just picks whatever he feels like. it' so And so we never, we never know.
00:44:21.08
Mike
Right. Exactly. Yeah.
00:44:23.98
Bill
All right, so um I don't know, what do you think? looking Looking at the time. Hey, it's that time already, huh?
00:44:27.15
Mike
Mm-hmm. It is. Oh, not that time. It's that other time.
00:44:32.32
Bill
No, right.
00:44:32.95
Mike
Right. All right. We'll be back with more, uh, whatever the hell this is right after these words from our sponsors.
00:44:49.30
Bill
All right, everyone. Welcome back. Yep. Whatever, whatever, whatever this is.
00:44:53.92
Mike
Whatever.
00:44:54.68
Bill
Yeah, I know. And that's, that's kind of how we've been leading into these breaks lately is like, well, we don't even, again, I had nothing snappy to start out with, you know, nothing, I don't know, whatever the fuck we're talking about. I think we had substance here at the first, you know, half of the episode.
00:45:06.64
Mike
Sure.
00:45:09.61
Bill
I don't know if it was any good, but we had, we had, we had substance.
00:45:10.82
Mike
Right. It is, is a substance. I don't know exactly what kind, but there it was.
00:45:14.11
Bill
Yeah. yeah it's got It's got some substance to it, that's for goddamn sure.
00:45:16.84
Mike
Yep.
00:45:19.80
Bill
So um I'll get to my card dilemma here in a little bit, but I got a couple of couple other things.
00:45:20.08
Mike
ah
00:45:24.55
Bill
So real quick side note, um in ah sober friends, they talk about Joe and Charlie, the tapes every once in a while.
00:45:29.75
Mike
Mm hmm. Right. Sure.
00:45:34.44
Bill
are you Did you ever listen to Joe and Charlie tapes sir or no?
00:45:38.22
Mike
Long, long time ago, I listened to a few. I mean, long before I got sober, you know, this time for real.
00:45:41.15
Bill
Okay.
00:45:44.80
Mike
Yeah.
00:45:45.01
Bill
Right.
00:45:46.74
Mike
I was dry a few times and heard a couple of tapes. Yes.
00:45:50.42
Bill
Okay.
00:45:50.50
Mike
So I am, I'm familiar with them.
00:45:52.38
Bill
And I don't think just so everyone knows, ah if nobody knows that Joe and Charlie are just fucking Google it, you can look it up. There are a couple of guys that were a couple of sober guys from years and years and years ago, and they would do, you know, these literally tapes, you know, on ah tape, these recordings or record these, you know, talks about you know sobriety in the big book, I'm guessing an AA and all that stuff.
00:46:03.42
Mike
Uh-huh.
00:46:07.14
Mike
Yeah.
00:46:10.13
Bill
And, um,
00:46:10.25
Mike
Right. Yeah. Podcasts before podcasts.
00:46:12.80
Bill
Yeah, exactly, you know, so um I don't know that I've ever listened to it. I think probably my dad probably brought it up, I'm guessing, you know, at that timeframe.
00:46:19.35
Mike
Sure.
00:46:21.21
Bill
But I mean, you know, he got sober. Oh, his, some again, side note, side note, his sober anniversary just passed this week, January 21st, and he would have been, again, well, as I went back and a Facebook memory came up, unless somebody spilled alcohol on the gravesite over there, he's still sober, so.
00:46:29.97
Mike
Oh.
00:46:34.38
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:46:38.22
Mike
Yeah, I yeah.
00:46:40.11
Bill
so So he's got 44 years as of the 24th, so.
00:46:43.34
Mike
Yeah, that is right.
00:46:44.90
Bill
Yeah, what' have is that fucking amazing? I mean, he died at 29, 29 years, but yeah, it would have been 44. But um I mean, again, back in the 80s and stuff like that, um I think that's, Joe and Charlie, I don't know if they were still around, but they were around for just years and years.
00:46:57.34
Mike
Yeah.
00:46:58.92
Bill
So um again, the guys, Matt and all these other guys, they do, there's these meetings that they do, and they'll listen to these tapes, like over, I don't know, somewhat godly amount of time, 15 or 16 weeks or whatever, and play tapes and discuss and blah, blah, blah.
00:46:59.34
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:47:09.31
Mike
Right.
00:47:13.44
Bill
and you know I mean literally it reminded me of I've never listened to Joe and Charlie but I'm like what I wrote down was I mean we just had when we had Jim Betty you know he was our he was the Keating Center Joe and Charlie which ah again you know that's and we talked about the guy this this dude came in to do group and um it was the big book on tape and it would just sit there and fucking he'd come in with his fucking boombox and his cassette tapes and
00:47:21.25
Mike
Right. Yeah. He was. Yeah.
00:47:40.51
Bill
play the goddamn big book we talked about it too I know we had discussions about it too didn't we but I mean did we part of his group though was discussing what we were listening to am I right or wrong or that I can't remember was it really gotta couldn't remember a longer just
00:47:43.25
Mike
Yeah, we've, we've talked about them, right? Yeah, we have. Yeah.
00:47:50.98
Mike
Mm hmm. Um, yeah. And at the end after, well, cause it was like two fucking hours of that shit. Um, yeah, it was an hour and then we took a break and then we went back in and listened to some more and then we discussed a little bit.
00:48:02.96
Bill
oh
00:48:05.24
Mike
Well, yeah he would talk a little bit and then his little Tony dude, his buddy would talk and then, uh, yeah. And then we discussed a little bit, but it was mostly listening to that droning, awful reading of the big book on fucking cassette tapes.
00:48:20.59
Bill
Yeah, and that that dude, and i um I'm convinced to this day that that dude was, there was something wrong with him, his little sidekick.
00:48:27.21
Mike
Oh yeah.
00:48:27.23
Bill
um I mean, I don't know if he was a serial killer or a child molester or whatever he was, but he was things a fucking weirdo, you know?
00:48:30.92
Mike
oh Yeah. He is a greasy little fuck. Yes, he was.
00:48:35.88
Bill
Oh yeah. Yeah, and even the fact that I wasn't the most upstanding citizen at that time, but still I'm looking, I'm like, like that dude looks fucking dangerous.
00:48:42.17
Mike
Right.
00:48:45.02
Mike
To somebody.
00:48:48.23
Bill
Yeah, and I don't know whether whether he's dangerous to me or he's dangerous to whatever it is. He just see he wasn't fucking right.
00:48:53.17
Mike
sir Right.
00:48:54.13
Bill
But um no, and that was just a just kind of a side note because i they talk about it all the time and I i i don't think I've ever asked you if you'd listen to him. So I just i don't i don't think I have.
00:49:01.49
Mike
Yeah, i've I've heard a couple of them. Like I said, you know, probably fucking 20 years ago, but longer than that. Shit. 25 years ago.
00:49:09.92
Bill
Right.
00:49:10.01
Mike
God of old.
00:49:13.05
Bill
Yeah, I mean, it's a you know yeah when I can literally,
00:49:15.26
Mike
Oh shit. Longer than that.
00:49:18.21
Bill
Oh, it had to have been.
00:49:19.11
Mike
Right. Yeah. Cause it's 20, 25 now. So yeah. And I sure as hell wasn't sober in the year 2000.
00:49:27.01
Bill
Yeah, so um yeah, it blows my mind when I can literally go back and I'm like, I mean, 30 years is is a realistic distance back when I did something, you know?
00:49:35.16
Mike
Mm-hmm. Yeah, right.
00:49:36.46
Bill
It's like, I don't know, fucking 30 years ago, it's like, no big deal, 30.
00:49:38.48
Mike
Help.
00:49:42.13
Bill
ah Jesus Christ.
00:49:43.89
Mike
Help.
00:49:45.38
Bill
But um I mean, well, shit, I mean, take a look at our kids. I mean, you know, ah our daughters are, you Amber's gonna be 40, Kimmy's 37.
00:49:48.38
Mike
Right.
00:49:52.73
Mike
Right.
00:49:53.71
Bill
Yeah, she's 37, Amber's what, 30?
00:49:56.60
Mike
She's 38. Yeah. 38, she'll be 39.
00:50:00.21
Bill
Yeah, I mean, yeah, we've got almost 40-year-old daughters.
00:50:00.84
Mike
Yeah.
00:50:03.94
Mike
Yeah.
00:50:04.11
Bill
I gotta, you know, so yeah, there's age, there's age there.
00:50:04.83
Mike
Right.
00:50:08.78
Mike
Yup.
00:50:11.36
Bill
All right, um one more here, not one more, but I got another thing here. All right, so keep it simple. This might've been for the last couple of days.
00:50:22.05
Bill
It was talking about having,
00:50:25.96
Bill
keep it simple for Keep it simple for talking about having hates. Okay, so this is me voice texting.
00:50:30.98
Mike
Ah yes. Yeah.
00:50:32.28
Bill
but let me just let me Let me read this. I'm just gonna read it exactly as it came out, okay?
00:50:35.24
Mike
Hehehe.
00:50:36.90
Bill
Keep it simple for talking about hates for people, places, or things. But anyhow, the the action was listing out um the hates and praying for those people, places or things.
00:50:49.28
Bill
um So my question to this whole part was, have you ever used prayer to alleviate any things that you, um you know, and I know we talked about these days, I mean, either one of us, you know, are hating on things, but not not a fan of the word, but so things that use prayer or or anything of that nature to alleviate things that you highly dislike to that sort of thing.
00:51:04.80
Mike
Right.
00:51:09.79
Mike
Mm hmm. Oh, yeah, definitely. I mean, that was, you know, that was a tool that was given to us pretty fucking early on, man. and You know, you got a problem with somebody, you don't like somebody, you don't like what they're doing.
00:51:20.93
Mike
Pray for them. yeah Fuck you.
00:51:26.80
Bill
Right.
00:51:27.03
Mike
But, but God damn it, it works. um Yeah, you know, I've used it. I've used it. yeah Somebody pisses me off, whatever they're doing, they're acting the way I you know I think they shouldn't be, whatever the fuck that means.
00:51:41.94
Mike
um yeah know or ah They're clearly clearly doing something wrong. um Yeah, pray for them, because that's that's the only the only thing I can do.
00:51:50.17
Bill
Right.
00:51:53.41
Mike
you know Again, that's the powerlessness, man. It's you know a not a goddamn thing I can do about it except go, hmm, hope they stop doing that. um But yeah.
00:52:01.55
Bill
Right.
00:52:02.84
Mike
i So yes, I have used that, um you know, people I have problem with, whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Hope their lives are better. Hope they get happier. You know, and, and fuck, I, I guess I kind of mean it, you know, right.
00:52:13.11
Bill
I know, I know.
00:52:18.47
Mike
You know, but it it does, it's, it's that exercise again, you know, this is an atheist kid, you know, praying doesn't fucking do shit except the exercise of doing it makes me better.
00:52:29.82
Mike
Cause I'm focusing my energy in a better way. So yes, you know, I, I have, and it does. And yeah, there you go.
00:52:39.55
Bill
hi I have it, it does, it's so yeah.
00:52:41.50
Mike
Yep, yep.
00:52:42.01
Bill
So yeah, fuck y'all.
00:52:43.55
Mike
Fuck you.
00:52:44.88
Bill
So fuck you, there's your fucking answer. um But yeah, and I know I've told this story before, but it's ah it's the best it's the best one that I have, because it's the first time that it was thrown into my face.
00:52:58.21
Bill
And I mean, I've used it obviously since then, but being in the in that group room, really fucking new, a couple of weeks maybe,
00:52:58.67
Mike
very Sure. Uh-huh.
00:53:06.34
Bill
um if that that we were in there two three weeks we were all just fucking raw and Whoever was leading the group. It's like start talking about this thing. What makes you bad and think of that person What did they do and you know get all of us just?
00:53:20.80
Bill
Fucking fuming then is like thou pray for him like but what what the fuck?
00:53:24.28
Mike
Yeah,
00:53:26.96
Bill
you know and and I said this before you know, I mean my My number, the the problem, the person who was a problem in my life, which she wasn't, was my ex-wife Dawn, you know?
00:53:39.81
Mike
Of course.
00:53:42.43
Mike
Right.
00:53:42.51
Bill
And um she did nothing. She did nothing but have grace for me um and actually care about me more than I could ever care about myself.
00:53:51.30
Mike
Of course.
00:53:51.61
Bill
um You know, at that time, hopefully not. Well, I think she still cares about me, but I think I care about myself a little bit more.
00:53:56.59
Mike
Uh-huh.
00:53:57.36
Bill
um but But she was the cause of all of my problems. Of course, in this...
00:54:00.16
Mike
Oh, I know.
00:54:01.15
Bill
this you know that that was That was a semi-joke, because I had i had
00:54:02.18
Mike
Oh, i I'll never forget my you fucking ridiculousness in its supreme form. I won't use that dishwashing liquid. Fucking moron.
00:54:16.76
Mike
Semi my ass. You are serious, man.
00:54:19.11
Bill
Was I, I, you know, I, I joked about, so, cause here's the thing.
00:54:19.32
Mike
Yes, you were.
00:54:22.71
Bill
When, um, my daughter's mom's name is Pam. Okay. And would you know about, um, when, when Dawn and I got together in this, I, I, I fucked with her with it. Um, she had, she bought non, this non-fat cooking spray.
00:54:35.69
Bill
It was Pam.
00:54:35.98
Mike
Yeah, yeah, right.
00:54:36.96
Bill
And you know, we're doing something whatever and I just, you know, she's using it. And I said, I said, how could you even do that? She's like, what? ah How can you do that? How can you buy that? She's like, what are you talking about? She's got this thing in her hand. I'm like, that's my, you know, that's my ex wife's name. I'm like, that hurts me. like I was completely fucking with her. She had this look on her face. That's what I said. I mean, if I said, I'm not doubting you because I was all out of my fucking head at that, obviously, by the time I got sober.
00:55:01.78
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.
00:55:03.34
Bill
But I used the whole Pam thing, you know, obviously, when, you know, with Dawn, it was fucking funnier than hell. You know, but the the point was is that I with the with this whole prayer thing to begin with, because again, first of all, she wasn't the problem.
00:55:18.36
Bill
And I said this a million times, um but I started off, you know, like, kind of like, I i pray for Dawn.
00:55:18.71
Mike
Of course not.
00:55:24.26
Bill
that That was how I would start.
00:55:24.43
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:55:25.65
Bill
And then you know now to this day, almost 15 years later, um both of my ex-wives are part of my prayers and i and I pray for them and I pray for their health and their and their happiness.
00:55:29.59
Mike
Right.
00:55:32.91
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:55:36.69
Bill
you know um And I do that every single night.
00:55:37.12
Mike
Right.
00:55:40.34
Bill
you know And these are two individuals that I care about deeply as human beings.
00:55:40.71
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:55:44.73
Bill
um And I do, I want them.
00:55:46.27
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:55:47.07
Bill
yeah I do mean it.
00:55:48.37
Mike
I know.
00:55:48.38
Bill
you know, you know, and I but I really I really mean it with them, you know, but um yeah, it's it's even harder.
00:55:49.41
Mike
Right. Yeah.
00:55:54.44
Bill
I don't even know that I that I make a conscious effort necessarily as much these days of I just I don't get I'm trying to think I don't really get pissed off that much of people anymore, you know.
00:56:04.04
Mike
Right. Yeah, exactly. yeah Well, you know, anybody that's going to piss you off to that extent, ah you don't have in your life. I'm the same way.
00:56:12.51
Bill
Right, right.
00:56:13.43
Mike
Right. Yeah, exactly. I'm not nobody that's going to make me feel that I won't allow anyone that's going to make me feel that way to be a part of my life. So that's a problem solved.
00:56:24.38
Bill
Right. And you know, the the thing that I, um and when I heard this years ago, and we talked about it i'd here, and it's still fucking irritates me to think about it. But um people who irritate me, I had to look at those people and figure out what part of me is in that because that's what's irritating me.
00:56:34.96
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right.
00:56:39.19
Bill
And that that makes me bad too.
00:56:41.18
Mike
Right.
00:56:42.40
Bill
um You know, but it's a it's an easy way to I still they still may fucking annoy me um You know, but again, I don't have to I don't have to spend a lot of time with those individuals Sometimes I don't know why people get under my skin um You know, but I sit there and I do I try to figure it out um every once in a while an individual that irritates me reminds me it'll take me a minute and But it'll remind me of somebody from my past that got under my skin in a certain way.
00:56:43.86
Mike
Right.
00:56:54.11
Mike
right
00:56:59.16
Mike
Mm.
00:57:06.58
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right?
00:57:08.57
Bill
But it's still, that doesn't fix it because if that person was in my life when I was sober, it's still the same fucking thing.
00:57:10.45
Mike
No.
00:57:15.40
Bill
What's wrong? What did what did I do?
00:57:17.06
Mike
Right. Why am I allowing this person to be in my life?
00:57:20.88
Bill
Yeah, number one, that, but also what is in this person that that's the mirror in me that I don't like, because that's usually what it is, you know?
00:57:20.94
Mike
Yes.
00:57:25.76
Mike
Mm-hmm. Of course.
00:57:28.32
Bill
So, um you know, yeah, you're but you're right, though. I just don't i don't get that, I just don't get that angry to the to the point of people where I have to pray for. you know
00:57:37.89
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:57:38.38
Bill
um I understand the concept, you know but I realize that all these you know fucking, there's these fucking morons out here that I don't want anything to do with um have no effect on my life.
00:57:40.24
Mike
Sure.
00:57:46.09
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:57:49.03
Bill
you know And I'm not gonna allow them to you know to rent space at any part of my being, let alone my brain.
00:57:49.37
Mike
Right.
00:57:54.93
Mike
Mm hmm.
00:57:56.11
Bill
You know what I mean? But that's a good point when you said, yeah, those people aren't in your life anymore.
00:58:00.47
Mike
Oh, yep.
00:58:01.26
Bill
right that's ah That's a fucking great point. um This one, ah all right, so this one just kind of crossed my head. And again, I have no idea why. So outside of the first three steps, OK?
00:58:13.97
Mike
Uh-huh.
00:58:14.86
Bill
Which step for you was the most difficult, do you think, um to grasp onto, come to grips with? um I don't want to say master, but you know what I mean? Just to kind of get a hold of.
00:58:26.44
Bill
And the reason I say outside of the first three, because I think for they're they're so critical. They have to happen, and even if they're tough. um you know And I think therere the first three could be hard for everyone, just because you're right at the beginning.
00:58:36.88
Bill
but Does that make sense? I mean, any of the other steps that you might have struggled with is kind of what I'm thinking.
00:58:42.09
Mike
Sure. Um, I mean, well, you know, clearly the easy one to go for is four, right?
00:58:47.53
Bill
right
00:58:50.25
Mike
Um, but not, you know, um, from six and seven, man, you know, let go of the shit that, you know, letting go of the things that quite frankly gave me comfort, um, which were my bad fucking habits, you know, my bad attitudes, my, my.
00:58:55.92
Bill
right
00:59:09.50
Mike
bad focus on the world. Um, yeah, letting go of that shit, changing that stuff, realizing I have to, to let it go, to not be that person anymore. Um, that's, you know, that's tough. You know, that's, that's who I am. Again, back to the, hi, I'm a drunken idiot. Um,
00:59:30.30
Bill
second door for Second door on the right.
00:59:30.37
Mike
yeah That's right. That's my room over there. What the fuck you mean? I can't go in there anymore. ah That's where I'm all my all my friends are in there.
00:59:38.65
Bill
All my friends here and there.
00:59:42.78
Mike
My stuff's in there. That's it's where I'm comfortable. of
00:59:49.31
Mike
Right. Um, yeah, ah you know, yeah, just six and seven, man, you know, character defects. Fuck. What do you mean? They're not defective. That's, that's just my character. Um, and then, and yeah, letting that go and changing that becoming fundamentally a different person than I was always. Um,
01:00:13.23
Mike
Yeah, you know, and again, but those steps that we have to, you know, work every day that we kind of a lot of times forget about six and seven, and they're hugely important.
01:00:24.15
Mike
um You know, I'm still still working on them, kids.
01:00:24.17
Bill
Right.
01:00:28.82
Mike
of But, you know, thankfully, the defects of character are fewer and lesser and yeah, you know, but yeah, those are the those are the tough ones for me.
01:00:41.34
Bill
Right?
01:00:41.36
Mike
You know, um, and, and again, the, you know, the eighth step, um, was, uh, you know, also tough cause, you know, again, all these people that I have to make amends to, but also have to forgive, um, which is a big part of the eighth step.
01:00:59.44
Mike
People that I don't want to forgive. Um, that I have to, to move on to nine and move on to 10 and 11 and 12. Um, the good shit. Um, yeah, you know, forgiving people that did me wrong. And clearly I, you know, we've talked about it out here. My eighth step was everybody.
01:01:19.12
Mike
um You know, there's my list every person I have ever met and come in contact with in any way whatsoever That's my eighth step.
01:01:20.09
Bill
Right.
01:01:23.38
Bill
yeah You know what, I laugh at that every time because I'm just, I'm kind of irritated that I didn't think of that and just saying, fucking everyone.
01:01:27.65
Mike
oh I Know I owe all of these people an apology I'm sorry that you had to beat me Right
01:01:42.98
Bill
I mean, that, that would have been so much easier, you know, to do that list.
01:01:45.26
Mike
yeah
01:01:47.03
Bill
Just be like, yeah, fucking everyone. I fucked them all up, you know.
01:01:49.76
Mike
Right. sir But again, you know, of that there's people on that list. and and you know i Yes, I joke, but I did make the list. um you know and everyone was on it.
01:02:03.41
Mike
um But yeah, you know again, people that hurt me, people that, you know yeah and I retaliated, that I have to apologize for retaliating for them hurting me. That's fucked up, but that's how you get rid of all that stuff.
01:02:13.96
Bill
Right.
01:02:16.14
Mike
That's how you let it go and and truly move on with your life. um So yeah, that one's not too fucking easy either, but definitely worth the work.
01:02:24.73
Bill
Right. And you know, the, uh, um, in quite on a six and seven, I mean, I, I didn't even understand them, you know, when I was, uh, by the time I, um, you know, started working with Joe, you know, as a sponsor and I was like fucking two and a half years sober, I, at that point, I didn't fucking understand that I wasn't done with him, you know?
01:02:35.40
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:02:38.38
Mike
Right.
01:02:42.28
Mike
Well, you didn't get it all done that hour after you did your fifth step.
01:02:46.05
Bill
Of course I did. I, yeah that you heard my story.
01:02:47.53
Mike
Right.
01:02:48.19
Bill
I was in a lake.
01:02:48.63
Mike
Yes.
01:02:48.96
Bill
I so i stood there.
01:02:49.37
Mike
Yeah, me too. Right. Exactly. Right. You know, it's right there in the book.
01:02:52.13
Bill
Yeah.
01:02:52.90
Mike
You go and you to do you do you think about it for about an hour and you're done.
01:02:56.92
Bill
hey
01:02:56.96
Mike
La la la.
01:02:58.36
Bill
Yeah. So like, like I said, I mean, I was, I was a year and a half outside of that.
01:03:02.30
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:03:02.38
Bill
Um, and I still didn't get it, you know, so, I mean, easily because the, though, those, uh, those two steps that I look at them, I still look at them as kind of one, they blend, you know, together, um, you know, but yeah, six and seven, because to this day, I mean, the, to your point,
01:03:04.12
Mike
Right.
01:03:11.27
Mike
Mm hmm. Yeah.
01:03:17.34
Bill
My, my defects my character defects. i'm I'm of the opinion that they will never go away, you know I just, I get to keep them at bay, you know, every, you know, every day, you know by doing the right things, and they still you know they peek out and see through the pores and.
01:03:23.66
Mike
Right.
01:03:26.29
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:03:32.40
Mike
Oh, absolutely.
01:03:33.34
Bill
all that stuff on a fucking daily basis. you know So yeah, that's those are the that was the hard one um you know or hard ones for me.
01:03:35.51
Mike
Yeah. yeah
01:03:40.40
Bill
you know it's And I'm trying to think about step four, I think frustrated me more than anything because I wanted my sponsor to literally give me instructions. He just kept telling me, read the book, read the book, read the book.
01:03:51.78
Bill
and I mean it was in the book on how to do it, but um I didn't get it.
01:03:53.83
Mike
Sure.
01:03:55.11
Bill
You know I didn't understand what to really what to do um You know step five scared me walking in and burying my soul But I mean that was a relief once we got it done, but yeah, you're right making an amends I mean ah so many of my You know it's again.
01:03:59.68
Mike
Uh-huh. Right.
01:04:10.19
Bill
I guess theoretically in my head. I was just kind of like I there's a ton of fucking people I had just everyone I fucked with and You know, but I never had, um thankfully, i nobody ever yelled at me, nobody ever walked away, nobody ever slammed the door in my face.
01:04:15.52
Mike
Right.
01:04:21.76
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:04:24.21
Bill
um They could be what I thought was going to be uncomfortable conversations. um Majority of them happened naturally. I didn't have to like sit down with somebody.
01:04:32.84
Mike
Sure.
01:04:33.46
Bill
You know, a few people, um you know, my my daughter's mom, my old boss, a couple other people, I literally told them one good friend of mine that I spent a lot of time with years ago that I worked with.
01:04:44.82
Bill
I mean, I said these words, so I'm like, I owe you a conversation.
01:04:48.11
Mike
Mm-hmm.
01:04:48.17
Bill
And then we ended up having a conversation type of thing. but
01:04:50.78
Mike
Right.
01:04:50.98
Bill
um so i guess that was as formal as i got but um but yeah i mean it's uh with i without a doubt you know six and seven when i thought about that i'm like i think i i know what mine are but you know because again they they never find i mean all the steps never end but six and seven i think are the ones that um they are they're fucking they could be challenging and tricky you know
01:04:53.09
Mike
Mm-hmm.
01:05:06.51
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
01:05:13.11
Bill
So, but yeah, so there.
01:05:15.83
Mike
to
01:05:16.84
Bill
That wasn't that wasn't as bad as asking you one time what your favorite step was. He got fucking mad.
01:05:24.49
Bill
That was so great. That was so great. um This one's always a good one for you. And I think you've i think we've answered this question before, but, um and I know you've gotten, well, I'm not gonna answer for you.
01:05:35.67
Bill
So when, again, first first kind of stroll it in, you know, happily into the Keating Center, you know, as you get settled in.
01:05:38.74
Mike
Mmm. Uh-huh.
01:05:43.13
Bill
and you're getting settled in. ah When did you become comfortable with asking other people for help?
01:05:47.40
Mike
Mmm.
01:05:49.13
Bill
How long did it take for you to be maybe comfortable? that I'm gonna leave comfortable in there. I'm gonna so i go leave the word.
01:05:55.30
Mike
Mm hmm. Tomorrow.
01:05:58.73
Bill
Wait, didn't we, have Deja Vu?
01:06:03.23
Mike
Right. so You know, ah again, ah working those muscles, it's easier, but I'm never going to be fucking comfortable asking for help. Never, you know, I'm, you know, super, I was super fucking comfortable asking you for shit and, you know, making you do things for me.
01:06:12.30
Bill
Right.
01:06:21.39
Mike
Um, but actually truly asking for help and, and, and, and having to take that help and, you know, which, because when we ask for help today, we're not asking for things.
01:06:33.02
Mike
We're not asking people to do things for us. We're asking for directions on how to do things ourselves. And, um,
01:06:41.51
Bill
Right.
01:06:42.76
Mike
Yeah, I'm never going to be fully comfortable with that. Cause you know, fuck, I still, still don't really know how to completely do that. Um, you know, again, better at it. And, um, that muscle is stronger. So it's easier than it was, but I'm never going to be comfortable. Oh, can you help me? yeah I'm having trouble with this in my life. Can you give me some advice? Fuck that.
01:07:10.30
Bill
right Yeah, can I, oh and this is kind of a, and I didn't think about this beforehand, but so do you think, and if we looked at this, like, um I don't know, if you're looking at a graph, so when you first came in, you're on the bottom, you know, you're not asking anyone for help.
01:07:24.77
Mike
yeah
01:07:24.84
Bill
And then the amount of help, you know, goes up. So it obviously climbs up to this, almost like this crescendo where you're, I mean, this uphill thing, we're always asking for help. And then do you think it's gotten less over the years?
01:07:35.32
Bill
And I don't want to say the comfort part, but where you need to ask for less help. And then to that point thinking, fuck it, I really don't want to ask now because I feel like I know, not that I know everything, but you know I should know some shit these days, right?
01:07:44.57
Mike
Right. Mm hmm.
01:07:47.88
Mike
Right. Yeah. well Yes, absolutely. Um, you know, yeah, there's, I need less help today, but hopefully. Um, so yes, I don't have to ask for it as much. Um, yes. And there are things, you know, I, I have worked out, um, I won't say figured out, but I have worked out, um, to do things easier way, things that work better for me, um, in this thing called life. Um,
01:08:15.78
Mike
Yes. So yes, I need less help. So I don't have to ask for it as much, but, um, you know, I also have to remember, I don't know fucking everything. And, um, they're, they're certainly, you know, in this moment right now, no, I don't, there's nothing I need help with.
01:08:33.24
Mike
Um, but there will be, I know that, and I have to remember that.
01:08:33.39
Bill
Right.
01:08:36.67
Mike
And I have to remember that, you know, you know, what fucking got me this far. asking for help, taking advice, doing what is suggested of me. And, um, when I hit that Rocky patch again, cause I will, um, yeah, I've kind of remember that what got me this far is going to get me past that as well.
01:08:57.39
Bill
Right. Yeah. And I think that, uh, the, the only thing that it's easier for me to ask for, for help these days is with physical things, you know, because I, um, I, uh, I've, like I, I dunno, I, I know my, for the most part, um, I was going to say, I still, I get fucking jumping all, I was climbing on rocks and shit all last weekend, you know, and, you know, carefully, but, uh, I'll tell you about that in a minute, but so, um, I'm,
01:09:06.04
Mike
Right.
01:09:20.34
Mike
right
01:09:25.43
Bill
more apt to ask for help if I lift something, carry something, do stuff like that.
01:09:28.78
Mike
Right.
01:09:29.81
Bill
Because I don't i know for a fact, if i if I hurt myself even a little bit, it's going to take a long fucking time to heal.
01:09:32.61
Mike
Right.
01:09:36.48
Bill
And it's it's probably going to be something like a back or a neck muscle or an elbow or just you know my pinky.
01:09:39.79
Mike
right
01:09:41.97
Bill
And I use that. you know I mean, I don't know what for, but you don't yeah you know't you don't know what you use it for until you hurt it.
01:09:43.83
Mike
Hey. Uh-huh.
01:09:47.80
Bill
And you're like, oh, fuck. that That helps do this. like Hang on to something.
01:09:50.73
Mike
Uh-huh.
01:09:51.56
Bill
like God damn it. Um, but yeah, so, so last weekend, this, uh, this trail that we went on and it was, um, it was funny when I was looking at the pictures, I'm like, like, God, these all look the fucking same, but they kind of does.
01:09:53.35
Mike
Right.
01:10:02.68
Bill
I mean, it's, it's a desert ish area. It's not out in the middle of nowhere. It's kind of at the back of this. You drive back through this subdivision and stuff like that. Then this whole open air is very cool. um just I mean it beautiful in a different way but um still Albuquerque and I was telling Brian about this the other the other day I told him i'm like you guys got to get out there said go out in the fucking desert I'm like the the hills and shit I'm like I can't even describe how beautiful that shit is um different than than this this was more just kind of like this I don't know it was just more bland but still very cool you know
01:10:33.91
Mike
this
01:10:34.52
Bill
But it was these rocks that we came up on. um And that was the whole point of this trail is these like hieroglyphics type of things that they have.
01:10:41.69
Mike
Right.
01:10:41.72
Bill
And there's an area you're kind of up on top and um actually the, she didn't want to climb down there. She's like, yeah I got a knee thing and an ankle thing.
01:10:47.97
Mike
Hey.
01:10:49.72
Bill
I'm like, I do too, but I'm going anyhow. So yeah, but but I watched, I'm looking, I'm watching people how they're walking down and watching people get, so you get down and it's this, It's actually right at this time of year, you know, it's like a dry riverbed. But if it I mean, if it rains like crazy, I probably just fucking beautiful with the water running through. But you know, you can walk into that's where you know, you kind of walk it down in this dry riverbed. So, you know, the again, being kind of careful because it's, you know, there's smooth rocks and whatever. And ah I wanted to get up closer to these like hieroglyphics with these rocks come up and it's like these
01:11:21.39
Bill
Kind of slippery areas. I swear to God. I sat there for probably Two three minutes and I'm looking I watch a couple of people. I'm like, okay I see how to get up there, but then in my head I'm like, but how the fuck do I get down, you know?
01:11:32.59
Mike
Mm-hmm Sure
01:11:33.97
Bill
So I'm like once I get up there It's you know what I mean sometimes climbing up someplace a little bit easier than coming down It's easier to have your feet go off from under you But i'm being I mean I made it up. I didn't die it didn't fall, you know, so all that stuff but um Yeah, that's what I was saying. I'm a little bit more careful, but sometimes I sit there and I assess my risk. And it's gonna fail me at some point, I know that. But, you know, hopefully not not fatally, but I don't think I take that that deep of a risk. but I don't know it just it just kind of crossed my mind again with ah you know asking for help and stuff like that and um I don't know when it it was hard you know to begin with especially you know you're asking some you know some grown man to be your sponsor you know you're asking you know all these we lived with a bunch of fucking guys and that's all you had to go it's all you had you know to go to if you needed something was you know one of these you know fucking strangers basically um we did we had to do things together we had to get help and we had to work together and
01:12:15.04
Mike
Right. Yeah. h
01:12:30.89
Bill
ah But that's the whole point. I mean, all of that all that sober living facility was it was teaching us how to how to be human beings, um but also teaching us how to work together as a team, which, you know, all invaluable shit, you know, just completely invaluable shit.
01:12:32.27
Mike
Yeah.
01:12:35.83
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:12:40.18
Mike
Right.
01:12:43.17
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:12:44.26
Bill
So, okay, but yeah, like you said, tomorrow.
01:12:49.01
Bill
That kind of made me laugh, but nothing kind of it didn't make me laugh. All right, so you want want to hear my card dilemma?
01:12:54.56
Mike
Sure.
01:12:55.06
Bill
speaking of Speaking of needing help, I do. I need a little bit of, I'm trying to get this out. I was talking to Kimmy about it a little bit and I'm just, I'm trying to get some, I don't know, opinions. I don't know if I'm looking for guidance. I don't know. I might end up doing this stupid thing one way or the other, but I'm trying to, I'm trying to figure out.
01:13:09.31
Bill
So here's, here's what I do. And I've talked about this a lot, you know, on here that I run shit by people because I don't trust my own brain sometimes and I don't trust my own impulses.
01:13:16.60
Mike
right
01:13:19.43
Mike
Mm-hmm.
01:13:19.47
Bill
Okay. um but I'm gonna give you the scenario and then i I would like some feedback. I'm not even gonna ask for guidance, feedback, how's that?
01:13:27.27
Mike
Okay.
01:13:27.93
Bill
Okay, so when I was in Albuquerque, i I stopped at the store and I was going out to, when I went out to the Rio Grande, ah took pictures of sunset out there. It was just one night after work.
01:13:38.81
Bill
And I had stopped at this this place and I came up and started my car in this morning light came out of my dash and said, check power steering system. And I'm like, well, that's kind of weird in my, of course, my steering wheel wasn't turning, you know?
01:13:52.16
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:13:52.93
Bill
The car started and running and blah, blah, blah. So I'm like, well, that's not fucking good.
01:13:57.27
Mike
Right.
01:13:57.39
Bill
So turn the car off, um let it sit for 30 seconds, started it again, and it was fine. Light wasn't on, steering works, whatever.
01:14:03.18
Mike
Hmm.
01:14:04.52
Bill
So again, at that point, I'm like, that's kind of weird. um I'm going to look it up when I get back to the place, blah, blah, blah. So mindful of it for a couple of days and forgot about it.
01:14:11.39
Mike
Sure.
01:14:12.15
Bill
When I looked it up, I really wasn't getting, I was getting a lot of sporadic answers about what it might be, but nothing solid.
01:14:17.09
Mike
Right.
01:14:18.14
Bill
So I'm like, you know, forgotten about it. So from alque Albuquerque, drove all the way out here. And then when, again, when my friend was here, she was kicking around, or she's like, you know, while you're working and stuff like that, she's like, I want to go, you know, kind of kick around, whatever, like, I don't care, use my car, you know, what do I care?
01:14:33.28
Mike
Right.
01:14:34.18
Bill
I told her a couple of things. I'm like, there's nothing wrong with my car. She's like, you know, anything weird out of it. I said no, but you know, a couple of little things. I completely forgot that that happened.
01:14:42.66
Mike
Right.
01:14:43.45
Bill
And I wouldn't have let her drive, not let her, I wouldn't have had her drive it had, I remembered that because
01:14:47.62
Mike
Sure.
01:14:48.27
Bill
again the power steering goes out when i'm driving it i know what to do you know um so i'm working and then she called me and i was on my break so it's like you know central time three o'clock but obviously two o'clock here you know sitting outside and uh you know just kind of catching the sun for a minute
01:14:52.02
Mike
Right.
01:15:04.89
Bill
and she's calling I'm like pillow and she's like you so working I said oh just on a break real quick and she's like well here's what happened I got back into the car and I'm like ah fuck me and she's like what is that does this happen before and I'm like literally I just remembered and then I felt fucking terrible right so um I said turn off the car this and that's that worked fine hasn't happened since that was Monday I've only driven it twice you know since then
01:15:10.54
Mike
Mhm.
01:15:27.14
Bill
But um then I start getting a little bit more solid answers about what this is. It's it's more than likely it's a module. This module's basically in the car but by the right kick panel dry or passenger side under the glove box.
01:15:39.02
Bill
Take all this shit down. I don't have the tools or the time to even get it.
01:15:42.21
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:15:42.93
Bill
Main thing, I don't have the tools. and yeah Literally, you got to take all this shit off. And I'm like, oh my God. And then on top of it, trying to get a module, you know two, 300 bucks, whatever it is.
01:15:47.63
Mike
Right.
01:15:51.64
Bill
So I'm like, well, fuck, I gotta to take it someplace if I get that done. That's a thousand bucks, maybe 1500, who even fucking knows? But then the next step, if it's not that, it could be the power steering rack, like a whole rack opinion thing.
01:16:04.12
Bill
Then you're talking like a couple of grand, two, three grand, right?
01:16:07.16
Mike
right
01:16:07.81
Bill
So I'm like, okay. So I start looking around um and I kind of jokingly said I'd like to get like an SUV or something like that.
01:16:16.32
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:16:17.01
Bill
So looking at a Carvana, which is where I got my car, kind of SUV that I want, which would be inaccurate. I can't afford that anyhow. The pricing is just a little bit out of range.
01:16:23.72
Mike
Right.
01:16:24.93
Bill
The payments would be in godly. um On top of that, what Carvana would give me on my trade, my car is worth like three grand that I owe more on it. So I'm a couple of grand, I'm two, three grand under on my car.
01:16:32.63
Mike
Right.
01:16:35.77
Bill
But here's my dilemma here. Okay, so there's a, um they don't make the TL anymore. They make what's called the TLX, which I've eyeballed before. I've looked at them, they're nice cars. um Basically my car, a little bit more sleek, same room, because I did all the research to see how much room I would have for what I'm doing, right?
01:16:50.64
Mike
right
01:16:52.01
Bill
um Trunk space is like a half a cubic foot bigger back seats the same if not a little bit bigger. um The ceiling heights a little bit lower that doesn't bother me because I don't, I don't care about it. Leg room might be a little bit less for a taller person but that doesn't bother me for what gap for what I'm doing. Everything else is kind of equal right.
01:17:10.31
Bill
um So all said and done, but I mean, it's like my payments gonna jump, right?
01:17:13.91
Mike
Right.
01:17:14.61
Bill
um And Carvana, if you do everything through them, and I know why they do it, people get lazy and they end up paying a higher interest rate because they're you're paying a higher interest rate based on the convenience of them bringing everything to you, doing everything, and it's it is what it is.
01:17:28.73
Mike
Right.
01:17:29.27
Bill
But same thing I did last time, three, four months, I refinanced my car. I've refinanced this one twice, actually. I've refined that refinanced it out of carvana within a few months.
01:17:38.46
Mike
Right.
01:17:38.61
Bill
I refinanced it again. You were there the one time, you you and I were going someplace. It was just like a year or so ago, I refinanced it to get a better rate.
01:17:43.24
Mike
ah Right.
01:17:47.51
Bill
um But so here's the deal.
01:17:49.23
Mike
Mm
01:17:49.52
Bill
Here's what I'm looking at. And this is the thing I need, if nothing else, um opinions, you know?
01:17:53.93
Mike
hmm.
01:17:54.72
Bill
So if, if it's just the module, if the power steering goes out, I'm going to be driving around fucking fighting this thing for fucking ever.
01:18:01.67
Mike
Right.
01:18:01.77
Bill
um You know, cause I'm out in the middle of nowhere for the last couple of weeks. um But God only knows how, where I can get it fixed. Is it going to be 1,000, 1,500? That's one thing. Okay. If it's the rack and pending, that's going to cost more than theoretically what the car is worth on a trade in.
01:18:15.77
Bill
Okay.
01:18:15.81
Mike
Right.
01:18:16.44
Bill
So there's that. And then the other thought pattern that that I add to this is that, you know, the car's been fine for me. Thankfully, knock on wood or whatever. I don't believe in all that superstitious shit, but um all in all, it's been good.
01:18:28.15
Bill
I've had minor things happen to it. Got a couple of, you know, isms with it. So I'm like, okay, the car's got almost 160,000 miles on it. How long would I do? Blah, blah, blah. What's it going to be worth? So I'm trying to map all this shit out financially, right in my head, doing the math.
01:18:40.54
Mike
right
01:18:41.52
Bill
um but But if I do all this, um then you know the car payment goes up for a couple of months at a minimum, probably three, four months.
01:18:49.96
Mike
h
01:18:51.31
Bill
um it's it it's It would stretch my budget a little bit, but I mean um um looking at i i can afford it. um But it's it's a considerable increase to begin with. um And then I'm like, okay, well, that fucking sucks.
01:19:03.06
Bill
but what's the alternative so i'm trying to map this out on paper in my head trying to figure out what the right decision is and i've been toying with this this idea since tuesday you know i've got acarp you know kind of picked out it's a 2015 it's got 92 000 miles on it okay which for an accurate again mine had 78 when i bought it
01:19:05.51
Mike
Right. Right.
01:19:23.89
Mike
Right.
01:19:24.26
Bill
that I'm not worried about. um you know But all said and done this and that, I checked on the insurance. My insurance, weirdest fucking thing, my car insurance, would actually go down by like 30 bucks a month.
01:19:30.79
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:19:34.87
Mike
Hmm.
01:19:35.59
Bill
Fucked up.
01:19:35.71
Mike
The newer car, right.
01:19:37.47
Bill
Yeah, and I'm like, okay, is it yeah, maybe replacement, cost i whatever it is, it's yeah just weird, you know?
01:19:42.13
Mike
Right.
01:19:42.73
Bill
um you know So all all said and done, it's just a matter of if I if i do this, it's gonna it's gonna hurt a little bit. It could even affect a little bit of this travel that I do for the first few months, because then I look at the work thing.
01:19:52.94
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:19:54.43
Bill
Once I start making a little bit more and more money, all this stuff evens out, which should, again, can't bank on it, but should happen in the next you know three to four, maybe six months at the most, okay?
01:20:00.30
Mike
Right.
01:20:04.50
Mike
Right.
01:20:05.39
Bill
So I'm just one of those things. um I'm afraid of something. I'm afraid of having to put two, three grand into this car that I have. I'm afraid of something happening yeah technically while I'm driving.
01:20:15.72
Bill
I'm not going to crash the car probably.
01:20:17.66
Mike
Right.
01:20:19.10
Bill
you know Honestly, if I crashed the car and it totals it and I don't get hurt, then it's paid off.
01:20:22.36
Mike
Mm-hmm. Sure.
01:20:23.47
Bill
So I mean, I'm i'm in better shape. So I don't know. Let's not put that out there.
01:20:27.41
Mike
All right.
01:20:27.90
Bill
But you know what I mean? When I'm looking at all these things and I don't know, I'm not sure what the, I don't know which way to go with it. What, what the better risk is.
01:20:33.90
Mike
Mm-hmm.
01:20:35.30
Bill
Both of them are a risk.
01:20:35.60
Mike
Right.
01:20:36.72
Bill
I don't know which better risk there is to take. So thoughts and opinions, my friend, Mike.
01:20:39.54
Mike
Right.
01:20:41.98
Mike
Um, my thoughts and opinions are yes, you're going to have to take a little bit of a hit, but a big part of your life right now is traveling.
01:20:51.11
Bill
Right.
01:20:51.44
Mike
And, um, I think, you know, the, the peace of mind of having a reliable vehicle under your ass, um, is, um, probably worth the extra cost, you know, that maybe you'll have to cut back a little bit in the short run. But again, um, you know, yeah, I mean, yeah.
01:21:11.83
Mike
You know, you're you're driving out there in the middle of fucking nowhere, man, middle of the desert, middle of, you know, what happens if it's, you know, it's July and you're in the middle of the fucking desert, man.
01:21:22.93
Mike
Um, you know, and your car's is not running and you're there for several hours waiting and yeah.
01:21:25.18
Bill
Right, right.
01:21:29.47
Mike
Um, I don't know, man. I mean, personally, like I said, a big part of your life right now is dependent on having a reliable vehicle. And, um,
01:21:40.81
Mike
you know, throwing good money after bad. um i Yeah, I dump the one you have and get a new one, new-ish one, new-er one, and take the hit for the peace of mind.
01:21:47.88
Bill
Right.
01:21:51.18
Bill
Yeah, and that's a right and you know And the thing of it isn't, here's the problem is that i don't I don't trust myself as far as, especially when, and everyone is listening, this is literally my my dilemma with shit, because it's I'm not spending, I'll i'll blow and waste $100, I have no issue with that, you know and look back and be like, fuck, I shouldn't have done that.
01:22:08.22
Mike
Sure.
01:22:11.59
Mike
Right.
01:22:12.47
Bill
You know, and it's not even on stupid stuff, but you know what I mean? Um, you know, but when, I mean, this is a, it's a lot of money and I'm trying to man, I'm, I'm trying to be responsible, but yeah, to your point, I just, I don't trust my brain to, so, you know, it like Kimmy's like, she's like, Oh, getting a new car is always great.
01:22:26.22
Bill
I'm like, that's not new. And she's like, no, but getting a different car. I'm like, I know, but that's the thing I'm trying to make sure that I'm not, that i'm it's I don't want to make this emotional, you know, I want, I want it to be logical.
01:22:34.55
Mike
Right.
01:22:37.09
Bill
That's why I'm trying to look at it. All these circumstances, I'm not trying to, I can't say it, you know, a doomsday over here versus a, you know, this is a better doomsday.
01:22:44.34
Mike
Mm-hmm.
01:22:45.80
Bill
What's the lesser or two evils type of thing.
01:22:46.55
Mike
Right.
01:22:47.43
Bill
But yeah, that's, yeah, that's a good point. And I didn't even think about that, you know, having the fucking car break down in the middle of a desert.
01:22:52.57
Mike
citizen Right, or the mountains or whatever.
01:22:55.14
Bill
Yeah. Right.
01:22:57.37
Mike
Gee, I happen to, you know, it crapped out of me right in a nice little spot where I can't get cell service for fucking two miles, which is nothing when you're driving.
01:23:01.40
Bill
Right.
01:23:06.98
Mike
It's two minutes, but yeah, if you got to walk it,
01:23:06.97
Bill
right
01:23:11.43
Bill
Yeah.
01:23:11.58
Mike
On the side of the freeway and it's dark out and yeah Right.
01:23:11.64
Bill
and Right.
01:23:16.22
Mike
There's all kinds of shit, man You know again a big part of your life right now is contingent on having a reliable vehicle Yeah Right
01:23:24.11
Bill
Yeah. And the, the cell service thing, that's, that's no, that's, that's no fucking joke because, uh, I'd been, I, I've driven out, remember where I was the one time I just kept driving on this fucking road.
01:23:34.77
Bill
I'm like, well, I put Google up and it's just spinning the maps and where I got to go. I'm like, I'm like one way or the other, I'm just going to keep driving. Even if I got to turn around, cause I had no cell service, I'm coming off, coming down out of this fucking mountain.
01:23:43.60
Mike
Right.
01:23:45.68
Bill
and I said, I think I'm going to the right direction, you know, but unlike sooner or later, it's going to catch the map and then wherever I am, I guess I'll go from there.
01:23:47.59
Mike
ah so
01:23:52.49
Mike
Right.
01:23:52.93
Bill
You know, but yeah, there's ah that's that's a real that's a real thing, you know?
01:23:55.74
Mike
Yeah. Five minutes doing, you know, 70 miles an hour is yeah. One thing, you know, if you got to walk that shit, it's right.
01:24:05.73
Bill
Yeah, that takes a little bit of time. Okay. Well, yeah. And then the, cause then, cause I'm looking around too, I'm like, I, I wouldn't have gotten it even if I would have made this decision on Tuesday, it wouldn't have been time to get it here.
01:24:17.76
Mike
Right.
01:24:17.89
Bill
ah But I mean, Carvana actually delivers up in the Prescott area and it's at a point now where technically if I, if I made a decision over the next, within the next day or so, I think I could get it by like Thursday or Friday.
01:24:30.27
Bill
um you know If not, I would have to you't obviously look towards Albuquerque, but I've looked at, or not Albuquerque, Amarillo, um but I've looked at all the places and the the one vehicle that I've kind of eyeballed can be delivered to any one of these three places.
01:24:37.30
Mike
yeah Sure.
01:24:43.98
Mike
sure
01:24:44.02
Bill
you know for I think that whatever the shipping is, one's free shipping, one might've been a little bit more of, I don't know, whatever the fuck it is, but it's all doable. It just depends on you know where I might be type of thing.
01:24:52.35
Mike
Mm hmm. Right.
01:24:54.68
Bill
Okay, well, again and again, and I mean that 100% seriously, i don't I don't trust my fucking brain, I just don't.
01:24:55.59
Mike
Yeah.
01:25:00.93
Mike
Yeah.
01:25:01.43
Bill
um I don't trust my brain with making these decisions and um I don't even know what the right thing is to look at at the time. And again, again, for everyone out there, I'm a 56 year old man with you know almost 15 years sobriety, I can't fucking figure it out, but I think that's, I don't mind, I'd rather do,
01:25:20.18
Bill
I'd rather do what I just did now, um, than just do the fucking thing.
01:25:22.02
Mike
Yep.
01:25:24.06
Bill
You know, it's like that, that mean that says, Hey, I need your advice that God, fuck it.
01:25:24.65
Mike
Right.
01:25:27.30
Bill
I already did this stupid thing. You know, I mean, and and then you're like, because, you know, when you, again, this this car is that it's a little bit more expensive than the one that I have clearly. Um, you know, but you know, you're talking about, I mean, there's, there's a year, years of commitment here to this thing.
01:25:42.97
Mike
Right.
01:25:43.60
Bill
And, you know, I always look ahead. I'm like, Oh, down the road, y'all pay a little bit more on it. I've never fucking done that with a car. You know, I just pay it out until I trade the goddamn thing in, you know, but, uh, I dunno.
01:25:54.64
Bill
So, okay. Well, you know what? Thank you.
01:25:57.14
Mike
Yeah, no worries.
01:25:57.15
Bill
Out of, out of all the things you've ever done for me, that might be the most important one right there.
01:26:00.40
Mike
yeah
01:26:00.60
Bill
So.
01:26:03.51
Bill
That's not true, that's not true. It's just the just the most critical one. It's only the most important one. It's just the one that's actually affecting my life at the moment, so.
01:26:10.90
Mike
Sure.
01:26:12.26
Bill
But, well, thank you. No, I mean, seriously, that that that helps. i yeah i feel I feel better. I think I've been, um in my head, I haven't slept that well over the last couple of days. And I think that's that's probably been, even though, again, 10 step, I clear my head the whole bit.
01:26:25.18
Bill
I think it's been in the back of my fucking mind because, and probably for exactly what you said, because this is, I literally didn't really look at it that way, you know, about like a car completely fucking break it down.
01:26:25.38
Mike
sure
01:26:35.60
Bill
I'm just like, man, I'm gonna have to fucking fight the power steering for a minute. Jesus Christ. the fuck's wrong with me yeah well there's yeah i went again yeah
01:26:43.67
Mike
I don't know.
01:26:46.27
Mike
You just, you just pretty much explained it right there. So there you go. Go back and listen to this podcast. You'll know exactly what's wrong with you.
01:26:52.68
Bill
Yeah, I will, I will tomorrow, I will tomorrow anyhow. Okay, so real quick, let's end let's end on a fun note.
01:26:57.57
Mike
All right.
01:26:58.06
Bill
You wanna laugh at me? This'll be kind of funny. So um you have you have a ah sprayer on your sink, right? One of the ones that comes out of the sink?
01:27:05.35
Mike
Yeah. yeah
01:27:06.31
Bill
Okay, so this, um surprising. you know Some of the places I've been having, some don't, some are built into the faucet. Those are kind of cool. ah so Kathy has one like that. A lot of the newer faucets have them.
01:27:16.04
Mike
Sure.
01:27:16.31
Bill
But this one has, and again, it's nice. This house has been wonderful. I had no issues whatsoever except for this one thing. So I forgot about it last week, but it was the first Sunday I was here when I was about to sit down and watch the Packers lose. I had, I don't know if I made lunch, whatever it was. I had something in the sink and I used the sprayer the day before. It wasn't a big deal, no problem. And I had rinsed out the sink or done something. It was using the sprayer on both sides of the sink. And I put the sprayer back in. And right as I'm doing that, it's not even clicking.
01:27:50.06
Bill
But as I'm putting the sprayer back, of course, the faucet's still on and it's spraying across the kitchen. and um And again, you know this happened in a matter of 10 seconds, right?
01:28:02.13
Mike
Sure.
01:28:03.01
Bill
um But when it finally clicked, I turned the faucet off, I'm like, what the fuck? So I took the sprayer and I put it back in the sink and turned the water on the sprayer stuck, right?
01:28:07.92
Mike
Uh-huh.
01:28:11.60
Bill
So what it did, it it it got the coffee pot, it got the counter, it shot across to the to the cabinets of the other part of the kitchen.
01:28:14.84
Mike
Mm-hmm.
01:28:19.72
Bill
I mean, I'm like, fuck, water all over the floor. And I'm like, all I wanna do is watch a fucking game.
01:28:25.48
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:28:26.90
Bill
So I'm sitting there and I'm taking a goddamn thing apart, trying to figure out where it's sticking. Couldn't figure it out. I'm like, so this is Sunday. I'm like, whatever. I'm just dealing with it. I can deal with, you know, cause now when you turn on the water, it just, it doesn't come out of the faucet.
01:28:37.42
Mike
It's on the sprayer, right?
01:28:38.59
Bill
It comes out of there. Yeah. It just comes out of the sprayer. It's fucking stuck. And I look underneath and I'm like, goddamn, I'm looking up how to disconnect it. It's this whole goddamn thing. You gotta have a plug. And I'm like, fuck, I'll just call them tomorrow.
01:28:49.80
Bill
They can figure it out.
01:28:50.85
Mike
Uh-huh.
01:28:51.22
Bill
So um in the morning, I mean, it's all that night, you know, whatever I'm doing, I'm filling out my coffee, but everything's with the fucking sprayer.
01:28:55.27
Mike
True.
01:28:57.60
Bill
It's a little bit of a pain, no big deal.
01:28:59.31
Mike
Mm-hmm.
01:28:59.59
Bill
um But I get up in the morning and I don't remember what I want to rinse something out and turn the faucet on because I put the sprayer down so it's pointing into the drain so I don't forget.
01:29:09.53
Mike
Right.
01:29:10.65
Bill
yeah know It literally haven't sprayed me in the chest when um but I'm standing there. And then the faucet works fine. I'm like, oh, okay. So it must have been stuck and then slowly overnight unstuck itself.
01:29:20.67
Mike
Mm hmm.
01:29:21.59
Bill
So I just haven't used it the rest of the time I've been here.
01:29:23.08
Mike
Right.
01:29:23.93
Bill
But i I'm like, fuck it. I'm not dealing with the host with that. I'll let her know when I left and, or when I leave, I had messaged her earlier today.
01:29:28.14
Mike
Right.
01:29:30.93
Bill
And since just side note, just so you know, I said, I think that the sprayer head needs to be replaced.
01:29:31.71
Mike
Mm hmm. Right.
01:29:35.30
Bill
because I knew I'd let somebody know. But um yeah, it's just it's fucking I've never had that happen before. And you know when you put your sprayer back, usually a lot of times your faucet's still on. So again, it doesn't it never even crossed my brain.
01:29:44.49
Mike
Sure.
01:29:47.10
Bill
well I couldn't figure out what was happening but water all the way across the fucking kitchen. I'm just like, motherfucker. So so that was the that was that that was the end part, I think.
01:29:57.35
Bill
That that was it. That wraps up this that wraps up this episode of ah Bill's Car Problems, Bill's Bitching, and Bill's Spray Themself.
01:29:58.43
Mike
All right.
01:30:04.51
Mike
Right. Exactly. Well, that's funny because I just had to replace mine in my kitchen and and you, and you know what, man, it, um, that little head thing comes off.
01:30:08.73
Bill
Oh really?
01:30:13.44
Mike
You don't have to replace the hose and where it connects under the sink and all that stuff.
01:30:17.47
Bill
Right.
01:30:18.07
Mike
Yeah, you just take the top part off and put a new one on. It's pretty damn easy.
01:30:22.35
Bill
Oh, yeah. Well, i that's what I did when I was trying to figure this out. I took that whole piece off and then the the part that um the actual nozzle that the spray comes out of that that comes off too.
01:30:33.39
Bill
And then the whole thing comes apart.
01:30:34.04
Mike
Yeah.
01:30:35.31
Bill
And that's where you can see inside where the actual spray nozzle is.
01:30:39.06
Mike
Yeah.
01:30:39.15
Bill
So I had the whole I had the not only the the whole head off of there, I took apart everything. I'm trying to unstick. I was trying to unstick the piece on the inside.
01:30:47.74
Mike
yeah
01:30:48.31
Bill
Like so could get it stuck.
01:30:49.58
Mike
No, I mean, they're cheap. They're yeah. They're fucking 10, 15 bucks.
01:30:53.74
Bill
Right. Yeah.
01:30:54.30
Mike
Yeah.
01:30:54.44
Bill
That's what I, that's why I told her. I said, I said, Oh, you probably just got to replace the sprayer head itself. And yeah, she'd be fine.
01:31:00.60
Mike
Nope.
01:31:00.68
Bill
So, but they got, it's kind of funny. You know, the fact that you are, I've,
01:31:04.20
Mike
Yeah. I don't know. Like a couple of weeks ago, something like that. It was, yeah.
01:31:07.02
Bill
I've never had to, never had to replace one. I've had them in so many different places I've been in and the house we were in all that stuff.
01:31:13.20
Mike
All right.
01:31:14.59
Bill
Never had one go back ever.
01:31:18.70
Bill
All right. So on that note, uh, what the fuck you think we, are we done yet?
01:31:22.24
Mike
Yeah, I believe we are through.
01:31:24.47
Bill
all right
01:31:25.39
Mike
All right, well, thank you everyone for listening to another episode of Sober Not Mature. As always, be kind to each other, be good to each other and go out there and do something nice for somebody else this week and don't tell anybody you did it.
01:31:39.57
Mike
Now, from the bottom of my heart to the depths of my soul, from the beginning of time till the ends of the earth, always and eternally, fuck you.
01:31:52.00
Mike
Now kids, now it's that time. It's time for you to fuck off. Then keep fucking off. Keep fucking off till you get to a gate with a sign on it saying, you cannot fuck off past here. Climb over that gate. Dream the impossible dream and keep fucking off forever.
01:32:12.22
Bill
Yes.
01:32:15.26
Bill
I do always like that part. You're like, oh yeah, it's time. It's time.
01:32:19.90
Mike
out
01:32:21.22
Bill
Well, we get started a couple of minutes, and i'll again, I'll say later, quote unquote, but not a big deal. it's you know still it's It's early by me, not by you. but
01:32:28.86
Mike
Nope.
01:32:29.81
Bill
I'll tell you what, you know i got I got one more week in the old mountain time and it's it's still, it's a little fucking weird, like pizza night. you know i mean I get done at you know two o'clock, I'm eating dinner at 3.30 in the afternoon.
01:32:39.60
Mike
Right. Like the old man that you are.
01:32:43.89
Bill
Yeah, but I mean, I again, like I said, I mean, seriously, I eat when I'm fucking hungry. It just it is what it is.
01:32:47.66
Mike
Right.
01:32:48.93
Bill
You know, I'm i'm up early and, you know, eat lunch at eleven thirty and all these different things. It's weird ish. But um I'll tell you what, out of everything, this podcast recordings Mountain Time fucking rocks.
01:33:02.76
Bill
Cause I mean, you know, I'm well, it takes it. The upload speed here is a little bit slow, you know, so it took me, it took me a little bit, took a little bit of a slowness and uploading that the files back and forth, but so it took me a little bit longer than maybe normal quote unquote.
01:33:17.14
Bill
But, um, yeah, I like, I like it done at an easy time. So, all right. I think, uh, I think we're good and I, you know what, I love you brother.
01:33:25.06
Mike
I love you too.
01:33:26.56
Bill
We'll talk soon.
01:33:27.38
Mike
We shall.
01:33:28.84
Bill
Bye.
01:33:29.53
Mike
Bye.
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