SoberNotMature - Episode 154 (A Steady Diet Of Cheese)

00:00:01.64
Bill
All right, everyone, welcome once again to another episode of Sober, Not Mature. And yeah, i got some I got some stuff to talk about tonight.

00:00:13.28
Bill
I got a couple of news stories we have. I got a big thing I wanna talk about too that I think is big for us.

00:00:18.20
Mike
Mmm Right

00:00:18.44
Bill
But to start out with, right before I'm gonna send the link to Mike to start the recording, I just kind of rub my eye a little bit. you know It's late in slate the day whenever I wear contacts. my contact and it does it every once in a while if it dries out fucking rolls up in my eye you know so it's not like it just needed to be fixed i mean i gotta basically i gotta look down and you gotta push on the top of your eyelid because it it does it rolls around to the not all the way up but i mean it's sort of you know three quarters up on your eye you know and uh when do that then my eyes are watering

00:00:53.71
Bill
And I get stuffed up. It's almost like you sneezed about 70 times. So that's why I first get on here. I'm like, shit, I'm stuffed up too. I'll explain that in a minute. And I'm like, God damn.

00:01:02.30
Mike
All right.

00:01:02.48
Bill
So the only good thing I know, and it, uh, it, thankfully it doesn't happen that often, but man, it, uh, when I first started wearing contacts, the first time that it happened, um, fucking man, I didn't know.

00:01:03.38
Mike
You fucking fall apart, man.

00:01:18.63
Bill
I had no idea what to do and then I just started I learned how to how to get it out of there but it freaking me out I'm like where's my fucking contact it wasn't you know was it wasn't in there and I'm like and I could feel it I'm like fuck it's back in my head which technically to a certain extent it is but now I know how to I know how to fix it so so there

00:01:40.92
Mike
right.

00:01:41.75
Bill
But um yeah, you know what? It's ah it's been a week. I got to explain that too. And I'll but explain it a little bit. I've been kind of a little bit wigged out this week. But it just, everything feels, I don't know, it's kind of, I'll explain it.

00:01:52.75
Bill
But patsa it's been a week and it's only fucking Thursday. Yeah, so we're ah we're recording a day early because I, and I'll explain that a little bit later too. We get to get, probably get to some more positive stuff before I start going through all that shit, right?

00:02:08.68
Mike
Sure, I guess. I don't know, right.

00:02:10.17
Bill
But, real Real quick though, and this is this is some good stuff. So are you sitting down and are you sitting up straight right now?

00:02:17.51
Mike
No, I mean, I'm sitting down, but.

00:02:21.20
Bill
So um apparently we have new listeners, okay?

00:02:25.23
Mike
Ah, hi.

00:02:26.39
Bill
So this past episode, yeah, exactly. Well, hi, hi there. you If you're new, thanks for thanks for joining in and listening to my contact story, because this is what we do.

00:02:36.42
Mike
Yeah, this is it.

00:02:36.45
Bill
But um

00:02:38.91
Bill
So last episode, so obviously last week and then the week before, we've had twice as many plays. And then I was looking back, we had like, I don't know, like 300, almost 400 plays over the last, I don't know, like seven days or 10 days.

00:02:52.49
Mike
Really.

00:02:53.14
Bill
And it's kicking into other episodes too.

00:02:54.70
Mike
Hmm.

00:02:55.54
Bill
So we don't do this very often, but um seriously, if If you are new-ish, if you've just been listening for a couple of weeks or something like that, um email us, okay?

00:02:59.98
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:03:05.69
Mike
Yeah.

00:03:06.22
Bill
I would love to know two two things. First of all, email address, it's simple, info at sobernotmature.com, okay? If you're in your car, you don't wanna write it down, go to our website, sobernotmature.com.

00:03:20.48
Mike
Right.

00:03:21.11
Bill
and a little bit down it's right in there you click through you click through on our instagram page too again so we're not but sure yeah seeing a pattern here pretty easy um but i'm really curious um where people are from or where they how they heard about us you know because this is the

00:03:29.68
Mike
Right.

00:03:36.97
Mike
Right.

00:03:40.35
Bill
Things have been down over the last year or so, you know, from where they were to begin with, you know, we kind of, we had a little bit of an uphill and peaked and then, you know, came down a little bit, not a big deal, but um I don't think I've been doing anything differently, you know, with social media stuff or whatever.

00:03:44.49
Mike
Right.

00:03:49.54
Mike
Yeah. Right.

00:03:55.35
Bill
If I have been, it's accidental.

00:03:57.31
Mike
Like everything else we do.

00:04:00.22
Bill
Exactly. So I'm just kind of curious. so I mean, um I mean, the sober curator just posted an article that I did, the Breaking Bad stuff. I don't know if that got some play, but I, I don't know.

00:04:07.53
Mike
Right. Yeah.

00:04:09.79
Bill
I'm just really, really curious to see how did, if you're new over the last couple of weeks or whatever it is, um please seriously email us. How the fuck did you find us?

00:04:18.50
Mike
Yeah.

00:04:20.70
Bill
You know, and, and stick around, you know, tell somebody else, but you know,

00:04:23.45
Mike
Right, all that good stuff, but yeah, definitely. Cool, well hey, that's, you know, I guess we're, I don't know, we're doing something. and

00:04:32.62
Bill
Yeah, I don't know, what whatever happened, literally the plays doubled on the last two episodes, you know, so, um you know, I looked at it, I thought it was something, because Spotify, I mean, I can look at the, on my phone, I can look at the app and the plays will fluctuate, sometimes it'll say this and then it's down, then it'll take a day or two to to kind of even it out on a particular episode.

00:04:50.56
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:04:51.03
Bill
So I just figured it was a glitch and I looked at, you know, two, three days in a row and I look back at the last episode, then I'm seeing the the trend that, you know, clearly it's been over the last few weeks and, or a couple of weeks at least,

00:05:02.20
Bill
and it's not just the newest episodes you can see the plays around the other ones too so anyhow some people have found us so literally seriously take a minute email us and just let us know um seriously how the fuck did you find us and we're not gonna do anything differently that's why i was just joking when i was joking when i said are you you know sitting up straight and whatever you know we have company

00:05:06.19
Mike
Yeah. Yeah. Right. No, no. far fur fur her her I guess I should put my pants back on.

00:05:27.57
Bill
Yeah, I don't know. It's just one of those things that I don't know if we tried, literally, if we tried to change something, we'd fuck it all the way up, you know?

00:05:34.45
Mike
Oh yeah. Right.

00:05:35.40
Bill
I mean, because anytime anything good happens to either one of us in real life um or certainly in podcast land here, um we've never really tried to to do anything.

00:05:42.47
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:05:45.09
Bill
It's just like, oh, that fucking worked. Oh, okay.

00:05:46.75
Mike
Well, okay.

00:05:47.40
Bill
i I guess, I guess we'll just do that.

00:05:47.68
Mike
Yeah. Right. Right.

00:05:52.49
Bill
But, uh, yeah, so like I said, I got, uh, I got a couple of things I think I thought heard or found a couple of, uh, news articles.

00:05:56.01
Mike
All right.

00:05:59.05
Bill
I think you'll, you'll find them using. So we'll get to those, but, uh, yeah, just some other things about the place I'm at and a couple of other things. And like I said, I was kind of wigged out this week, but I'll explain why. So anyhow, it's just, it's just life.

00:06:09.15
Mike
All right. ha

00:06:13.29
Bill
That's all I say. It's nothing, nothing bad, nothing fucking bad at all.

00:06:14.18
Mike
Yeah. Right.

00:06:16.22
Bill
You know, so.

00:06:16.40
Mike
Right. Yeah. Okay.

00:06:19.68
Bill
But I'm guessing um'm guessing you've got a reading, hopefully. Guess no.

00:06:22.73
Mike
I do. Yeah.

00:06:23.52
Bill
OK.

00:06:23.57
Mike
Yeah. Yeah. I got a reading actually. It's so well, all right. So we, uh, we talked about luck and fortune last week. Apparently some extra people heard that.

00:06:30.76
Bill
Yes.

00:06:33.05
Mike
Um, well, uh, today's reading in keep it simple. Talked about that. I was like, Oh, I read it this morning.

00:06:39.35
Bill
Right.

00:06:40.70
Mike
I was all, well, shit.

00:06:43.60
Bill
here

00:06:43.98
Mike
How about that? So ah yeah, ah you know, six, seven days later, six days later, ah kind of got an answer. Imagine that.

00:06:53.45
Bill
Right.

00:06:54.01
Mike
Yeah, stay out of the way and here we go. So, let's see. ah January 30th from Keep It Simple.

00:07:04.60
Mike
God, they hey sorry, hang on, man.

00:07:05.96
Bill
Right.

00:07:07.75
Mike
I'm getting, no, i'm my phone. um it I'm getting tons and tons of calls today for some damn reason. I don't know why. End of the month, they're trying to make their quotas or something.

00:07:19.15
Mike
but

00:07:19.60
Bill
right

00:07:20.28
Mike
Right. Um, yeah, I don't know anyone in safe New Jersey, so I'm going to go ahead and figure that's so what that is. All right. Back to this January 30th, uh, from keep it simple. Go and wake up your luck. A Persian proverb. We've been given recovery for this. We are lucky and we're grateful. Now it's up to us. We must accept our choices.

00:07:50.45
Mike
When we're afraid, do we choose to be alone or do we choose to go to an extra meeting? When we're not honest, do we keep it secret or do we admit it and try to be more honest? No matter what we choose, we're responsible for that choice. Through choices, we make our program either strong or weak.

00:08:12.16
Mike
We can choose to be lucky, or we can choose not to be. The choice is ours. Our addiction robbed us of choice. It taught us to blame others. Now we see ourselves as responsible. Prayer for the day. Higher power. Help me choose wisely. Help me to remember I'm responsible for my choices.

00:08:34.68
Mike
Action for the day those pesky actions today. I'll work at being responsible for my choices I'll see myself as one of the lucky ones so right so yeah Yeah, you know um right.

00:08:52.03
Mike
it's you know What is luck? Luck is the choice.

00:08:53.62
Bill
Right. Right.

00:08:55.12
Mike
The choices we make with it. We can choose to be lucky. Yes, we've been given this thing. um you know we yeah know We were in our 20s and our 30s and getting all fucked up.

00:09:08.01
Mike
We weren't we worked choosing to be lucky. We sure as hell weren't choosing recovery.

00:09:14.63
Bill
Right.

00:09:14.79
Mike
you know um I don't think we ever chose recovery. I mean, you know, I didn't.

00:09:21.77
Bill
I sure as fuck didn't.

00:09:23.18
Mike
Right. I know you didn't. Right. It was, it was, you know, it was the choice was continue on. I believe that there's a book I read somewhere that said we could continue on in our miserable, I'm paraphrasing, miserable lives, or we can do something about it.

00:09:39.56
Mike
Standing at the crossroads, that sort of thing.

00:09:42.45
Bill
right

00:09:42.69
Mike
Um, yeah. So, you know, what, what is luck? Luck is, is the fucking choices we make. We choose to be lucky. I choose to be sober. I choose to work my recovery.

00:09:56.07
Mike
That's the fucking luck.

00:09:58.46
Bill
right yeah and that's a that's a good and i read that this morning i think i kind i don't even know i i think i posted that um because that was today's i think i posted that you know um as as far as the the instagram post this morning but you know the the thing of it is and yeah it's you know making ah it comes down to making your own luck you know people have people

00:09:59.03
Mike
Yeah.

00:10:07.48
Mike
Yeah. All right. Right.

00:10:19.30
Bill
People talk about that all the time, you know, they always say, you know, hey, you make your own luck and blah, blah, blah.

00:10:20.88
Mike
Mm hmm. Hmm.

00:10:23.74
Bill
But, but it is, I mean, it's, um it's, it's a great way to look at it though, you know, saying that, I mean, we can make a ton of bad choices and have one lucky moment, you know, like you, I don't know, you want to scratch off or you, yeah somebody gives you a freebie on something, but whatever the case is.

00:10:34.82
Mike
Right.

00:10:38.46
Mike
Hmm. Right.

00:10:40.89
Bill
You know, you get what you think is luck, but you know, you're making all these bad choices. So you're, you're actually, you know, creating your own miserable existence, which is what we did for fucking years, you know?

00:10:45.14
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:10:52.00
Mike
Right. Decades.

00:10:53.31
Bill
Yeah. Whereas, whereas if you're, if you're doing the next right thing, and maybe that's the reason that luck is so, um, I don't want to say incomprehensible, but, um, just hard to really grasp onto to as a concept because, you know, the.

00:11:04.96
Mike
Right.

00:11:07.99
Bill
We know, I mean, you and I, and those of us in recovery that are working a path and working a program, we realize that you know if you continue to do the next right thing, shit somehow, some way fucking works out.

00:11:16.47
Mike
Right.

00:11:19.55
Mike
Yes, it does.

00:11:20.18
Bill
All the worry in the world, and when I tell you about my little wig outness this week, you know I was continuously telling myself, fuck, man, none of this shit fucking matters because I could do all this shit. you know

00:11:30.21
Mike
Right.

00:11:30.48
Bill
Um, and again, one way or the other, this shit works out, but, but yeah, I mean, um, luck. Yeah. Like, like we make our own luck was it is by, I love the fact that it, it talks about the choices you make positive choices.

00:11:42.57
Mike
Yeah.

00:11:42.80
Bill
You get positive results, right?

00:11:44.31
Mike
Yeah, absolutely. Right. Put yourself in situations and in circumstances and, and, you know, right. Every, every choice we make has a consequence, good and bad. And that's, that's really it, man. You know, I, I can choose to be places I shouldn't be, or I can choose to be places I should be. And, you know, if I choose to be somewhere I shouldn't be,

00:12:06.71
Mike
Probably some shit's gonna go down that I'm not gonna be too happy with, you know?

00:12:10.83
Bill
Right.

00:12:11.37
Mike
But if I choose to be someplace where I should be, I'm probably gonna be okay.

00:12:17.65
Bill
Well, and that said that goes back to the concept too of you know the whole higher power thing, you know um handing all this shit over our our you know our lives and our wills over to the the care of whatever.

00:12:25.17
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right?

00:12:27.25
Bill
you know what It doesn't mean that we just like, okay, whatever you are, you know or whoever you are, here's my stuff.

00:12:30.99
Mike
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

00:12:33.68
Bill
Okay, I'm gonna i'm kicking back and you know bring bring it to me.

00:12:35.67
Mike
Right.

00:12:37.65
Bill
I'm ready.

00:12:37.77
Mike
Yeah, exactly.

00:12:39.46
Bill
we We still have to get up and the the whole point that you and I talk about, that's talked about in the book and the meetings and all that stuff.

00:12:43.27
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:12:45.45
Bill
Number one, do the work. take the action you say that all the time you know those pesky actions you know um but it is i mean you can yes you can you can turn the wheel over you could follow this you could follow this path and and let things you know let things kind of go and flow and all that sort of things but

00:12:49.45
Mike
Yeah. hey

00:12:54.83
Mike
No.

00:13:02.80
Bill
We cannot just sit still. It's all you can sit back and just fucking wait for it.

00:13:04.96
Mike
no

00:13:06.59
Bill
And I like the way you put that, putting yourself in situations that are positive versus putting yourself in situations that are negative, you know?

00:13:11.72
Mike
Mm hmm. Absolutely.

00:13:14.42
Bill
I mean, yeah, I was in, I was in, I don't know, a fucking horrible part of town and I got my ass kicked. Oh, really?

00:13:19.94
Mike
Right. Yeah.

00:13:20.65
Bill
Really? That happened.

00:13:22.93
Mike
Right.

00:13:23.70
Bill
Yeah, you know I just ah i I don't know I was sober for you know 14 almost 15 years And I started going back to bars and guess what I relapsed did you really really yeah?

00:13:29.77
Mike
right Yeah.

00:13:33.26
Bill
You know I mean and again you you go to bars But you go every once in a while you go for a reason you go for a purpose You're not hanging out at a fucking bar every goddamn night You know so but so yeah you go to see a band every once in a while and when shit gets weird you fucking leave, right?

00:13:36.67
Mike
Right. Yes. No, I am not.

00:13:45.58
Mike
but Exactly. Yeah, right. Exactly. Well, I mean, you know, and again, situations, I don't let shit get weird around me. I'm there to for a purpose.

00:13:54.42
Bill
Right.

00:13:55.72
Mike
Exactly. You know, I've, I walked into a bar last week, walked into a bar, a drunk walks into a bar.

00:14:00.66
Bill
ah Drunk walks into a bar.

00:14:03.49
Mike
No, um, there's a local club here, um, called no class and, and, uh, they had, uh, put up, they printed up some hoodies and I wanted one. So I bought one and, and, uh, anyway, it came in and I had to pick it up last week. So I walked into a bar. There was no band playing. There was nothing going on. It was, it was a Thursday night. It was a fucking bar.

00:14:24.94
Mike
And I walked in and I walked over to the bar and said, Hey man, uh, got a sweatshirt in, uh, and she said, what's your name? Blah, blah, blah. And went back and got it. You know, I had to stand there for, I don't know, five minutes, maybe while she went in the back and got it.

00:14:39.98
Mike
And I'm just looking at the probably dozen people sitting there at the bar. And I just went, wow, glad I'm not you. And I got my sweatshirt and walked out.

00:14:47.81
Bill
Right.

00:14:51.53
Bill
Right.

00:14:52.08
Mike
Nope.

00:14:52.37
Bill
Yeah, and there was there was a couple of occasions that I remember when I first when I first moved back to ah Wisconsin, I think it was the first time I was down in in Beloit. And I think I don't know if I went to a meeting that that that night, but I remember walking And there was a couple of different restaurants.

00:15:08.94
Bill
So it was ah the first it was the first night I was there, which is ah which was a Monday. um Did my whole thing, did my work thing, blah, blah, blah. And I had this, I had it all planned out where I was gonna go grab something to eat.

00:15:19.43
Mike
Right.

00:15:19.69
Bill
And from where the hotel was, it was within walking distance of a couple of things, these quaint little restaurants downtown. um And I walked to the to the one, I think maybe I was gonna look up the menu and it's like, it's closed on Monday.

00:15:31.69
Bill
So I'm like, well, fuck man.

00:15:33.34
Mike
Right.

00:15:33.80
Bill
So then I'm looking around, and I mean, all these different places are these family type restaurants.

00:15:36.62
Mike
Mm

00:15:38.49
Bill
It was like two, um I said, all these places, it was a couple of them, you know, there were they were closed.

00:15:39.90
Mike
hmm. Right. The throbbing metropolis of Beloit.

00:15:43.66
Bill
And then, yeah, which, you know, again, the downtown area is not, you know, it's not super small, but it's definitely not fucking huge, you know?

00:15:51.30
Mike
Right.

00:15:51.80
Bill
um But then, you know, I find, you know, it's a fucking bar, you know?

00:15:56.27
Mike
Sure.

00:15:56.36
Bill
And I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ. Because now, again, at that point, you know, that's three years, a few months sober.

00:16:02.95
Mike
see

00:16:03.60
Bill
I was still you know very freaked out by that very, I'll say, against that. you know I didn't go into bars at all for any fucking reason.

00:16:08.73
Mike
Right. Yeah.

00:16:11.25
Bill
um So i you know I called up, I ordered my food, and had to walk in there and pick it up. But I made sure that they're like, it'll be ready in 20 minutes. And I waited 25, or almost 30 minutes.

00:16:21.72
Mike
Right.

00:16:23.53
Bill
I'm like, I don't care if it's a little bit cold. I don't want to stand in there.

00:16:26.11
Mike
Yeah, right.

00:16:27.02
Bill
And there was one other time that I that i ended up having to do that. I ordered food and got it from a place. and you know, to this day, I mean, well, today, if if that was the only place to eat, I wouldn't, I don't know, if I had someplace else to go, I'd rather go and watch TV than sit, and you know, a restaurant by myself, you know, so I would probably pick up my food and take it out anyhow, but

00:16:44.30
Mike
Right.

00:16:48.28
Bill
I don't know that I would order ahead I might just sit there you know by the door whatever play on my fucking phone you know I mean it doesn't bother me like it did you know 12 years ago you know but that's that's is what it is right it's the way it's hopefully supposed to be but um

00:16:53.11
Mike
Huh? Right. Yeah. Sure. Yeah, right.

00:17:04.74
Bill
But again, I have no desire to go, you know, hang out in the bar unless it's with, you know, a group of people for a reason. um You know, like when we went there, we went down to Dr. Bob's, you know, had food there, go with my kids.

00:17:14.45
Mike
Right.

00:17:17.02
Bill
I mean, we've had, you know, food in bar restaurants and, you know, sat in bar areas.

00:17:20.03
Mike
Sure.

00:17:21.09
Bill
And again, it's ah it's it's it's the purpose. It's the reason for being there. I'm there for a good reason, not a bad one. So it's, you know, it's it's not bad.

00:17:28.37
Mike
Yep.

00:17:31.90
Mike
he Right.

00:17:32.30
Bill
It doesn't affect me like it used to, you know?

00:17:35.31
Mike
Yeah, but exactly, but you know, right.

00:17:35.55
Bill
But.

00:17:37.83
Mike
Choices consequences. We're not, like you said, not going to go sit in a bar, just a fucking sit in a bar. Right. I mean, there's televisions everywhere. I have several of them in my house.

00:17:48.13
Bill
yeah

00:17:48.40
Mike
I, you know, right. Go watch a game or whatever and go be with the crowd and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, I mean, fuck the Keating Center is having a Super Bowl party this year, you know?

00:17:57.80
Bill
Oh, really?

00:17:58.52
Mike
Yeah.

00:17:59.03
Bill
Yeah.

00:17:59.11
Mike
Yeah. You know, I might stop in, I don't know. It's Sunday nights, my home group. I don't give a fuck about it either team.

00:18:03.88
Bill
Right.

00:18:05.35
Mike
So I'm going and doing my home group.

00:18:07.86
Bill
Right.

00:18:08.47
Mike
You know, there's probably going to be five people there, but, you know, and, uh, you know, three of them are going to be fucking newcomers from the sober house across the way. And that's why I'm there to have it, to have the door open beyond Superbowl Sunday.

00:18:18.97
Bill
Right.

00:18:21.92
Mike
So some guy who doesn't have any place else to go and it's freaked out and whatever. Yeah. Come sit in this church basement with us for an hour.

00:18:31.85
Bill
but Yeah, that that first year that we got sober, that's when that's when the Packers went to the Super Bowl. and ah we had that We had that little get-together, at you know obviously, at the three-quarter house.

00:18:36.01
Mike
Right.

00:18:40.28
Bill
and you yeah You had your meeting and you know you came back and hung out.

00:18:40.74
Mike
Yeah. Well.

00:18:43.35
Bill
and It was a handful of us, ah if anything, but it was nice. It was a lot of fun. it was something to You know, again, that first year sober, watching football games and getting together and having an event, you know, for the Super Bowl, because, you know, my fucking team was there.

00:18:55.19
Mike
Right.

00:18:58.31
Mike
see Right.

00:18:58.55
Bill
And, you know, I'm like, ah just, get well, it was so easy because it was the, they were playing the Steelers and everyone in fucking Cleveland hates the Steelers. So it wasn't, it wasn't a problem.

00:19:08.25
Mike
Yeah. ah

00:19:09.25
Bill
the only The only person that we knew that was a Steeler fan at that point that I remember is Pittsburgh Matt, who and unfortunately is no longer with us.

00:19:14.68
Mike
Right.

00:19:16.72
Bill
But but yeah, I remember him.

00:19:19.53
Mike
Right.

00:19:19.51
Bill
and He's like, oh, you fuckers, you know you just hate the Steelers. And I'm like, I've been a Packer fan for fucking years, man. So I'm like, he's like, you get a pass or whatever it was.

00:19:25.66
Mike
right

00:19:28.82
Bill
And he's like, oh, you other motherfuckers are just bandwagon jumpers. I'm like, I don't care. We got enough room. Hop on ho on over here.

00:19:33.15
Mike
Right. he Yeah, absolutely.

00:19:36.03
Bill
But yeah, that's kind of cool. I didn't know the kiddings said, oh, that's nice though. I mean, well, Christ, they got the, they have the space for it now. That's for God damn sure.

00:19:42.75
Mike
Right. Yeah. So that's going on. Whatever. Yep.

00:19:46.30
Bill
Right. and if I don't know. what I mean, I'll be in, I'll be in the Ozarks when, Oh yeah, excellent, this weekend, next weekend. and Yeah, I'm going to Amarillo, obviously, this weekend, and then I'll be in Lake of the Ozarks for the last last leg of this this mar marathon trip, but it's been good.

00:20:01.23
Mike
insist

00:20:02.42
Bill
I mean, the only thing is, I don't know if, i well, I didn't post any pictures of it, because I missed, I didn't go to the Grand Canyon on on Monday.

00:20:10.21
Mike
ah

00:20:10.58
Bill
because it was there was a chance of snow three to six inches here at least three to six inches in the Grand Canyon and I'm like I didn't know what I don't know how the roads are in between and I'm like it's fucking mountainous areas and whatever so I just I you know I got a hold of Kimmy and Brian because they went up and they stayed they stayed close to like literally five minutes away from the Grand Canyon

00:20:18.63
Mike
Hmm.

00:20:31.55
Mike
Right.

00:20:31.92
Bill
um I would have this would have been with no traffic and no weather issues five hours of driving back and forth, which I was more than willing to do.

00:20:38.10
Mike
Yeah. Sure.

00:20:41.18
Bill
but yeah

00:20:42.61
Mike
Yeah.

00:20:43.35
Bill
You know, and I'm like, it if, it would have been a different story if I, you know, I don't know, not that I would want to drive even, you know, five hours on roads that I know, but I don't know these roads are around here. I don't know what I'm getting into.

00:20:53.16
Mike
Right.

00:20:53.88
Bill
I'm guessing it's out in the open and mountainous and it wasn't that bad. I mean, there's been, it was probably a total six, seven, eight inches of snow in the area that I'm in over the, over this week. It's, it's melting off now, you know, but, um, you know, I'm just, I'm, I'm glad I i didn't take the chance, but, uh, um, I don't know.

00:21:10.15
Bill
I mean, it's pretty here, you know, it's no doubt you throw some snow around and

00:21:11.64
Mike
Right.

00:21:13.82
Bill
it's I mean, the whole area is fucking beautiful in place. I went last week and it was beautiful, but now I gotta find a time like that's a problem to get back out to you know Grand Canyon.

00:21:24.89
Bill
I want to go to Utah, southern part of Utah and Zion and all that shit anyhow.

00:21:25.32
Mike
Mm hmm. Right. Right.

00:21:28.33
Bill
So I don't know, I'll make it back. but

00:21:29.95
Mike
Sure.

00:21:30.83
Bill
But anyhow, um but yeah, so with the with the reading itself, kind of back to that, the the other thing that I wrote down is admitting our, I just wrote down stuff, because he was saying other things too in there, but um and that's the biggest thing.

00:21:38.96
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:21:43.22
Bill
I mean, when we've got, whether, and I thought about it in two different ways, you know, if we fuck up, obviously we gotta to admit that.

00:21:48.68
Mike
Right.

00:21:49.14
Bill
at step 10 shit, you know, which we which we talk about plenty.

00:21:52.10
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:21:52.33
Bill
um But I mean, also just admitting when, um I don't know when when shit's not right, when we're feeling funky, you know, or, um like I said, you know, I i was been waked out this weekend, I want to talk about it, you know, it was nothing that was sobriety threatening.

00:21:58.37
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:22:05.56
Bill
But, um you know, I just I

00:22:06.09
Mike
Right.

00:22:08.44
Bill
I've got a fucking forum here to talk about it. And it's, and it does, it's, you know, it's okay. How do you deal with weird shit when you're fucking sober? You know? So I mean, it's, it's all stuff to talk about, but, um, you know, I think that that's one of the, one of the hardest things that, you know, like you had said last week, number one, asking for help.

00:22:15.62
Mike
Right.

00:22:26.10
Bill
That's, that's there, but also just admitting that, you know, us people, you know, us recovering people, admitting that we're struggling, especially when we've got some time under our belt, right?

00:22:36.95
Mike
Right. Yeah.

00:22:38.05
Bill
You know, yeah.

00:22:38.79
Mike
Anytime. Right. Exactly. right you know Right. Admitting when you're struggling, you just stop right there.

00:22:44.86
Bill
Right.

00:22:45.07
Mike
It doesn't matter if you've got a fuck a week, a month, a year, or a decade. you know If you're struggling, and admit it and ask for some help.

00:22:52.69
Bill
Yeah, that's that's a good point. I guess I there there was no not even I guess there's no reason for me to qualify that because it doesn't matter. You know 15 minutes or 15 years. It's the same God.

00:23:00.85
Mike
Right.

00:23:01.23
Bill
You know you can still feel the same way. It doesn't.

00:23:03.69
Mike
Yeah.

00:23:03.89
Bill
It doesn't matter, but you know, I guess I was thinking in the in the sense of, but we talked about that that. you know just because we've got ah you know a few years behind us and in whatever the case is and if dealt with some shit, it doesn't mean, we well, first of all, we don't have all the answers, we know that, um but it doesn't eliminate the the fact that, you know hey, we can have, there's nothing wrong with, you know we're still fucking human.

00:23:14.76
Mike
z

00:23:18.12
Mike
Right.

00:23:26.23
Bill
you know

00:23:26.42
Mike
Right. Still fucking alcoholics and drug addicts.

00:23:31.56
Bill
Right.

00:23:32.88
Mike
Right.

00:23:32.89
Bill
yeah

00:23:33.64
Mike
You know, actually kind of. All right. So, i'll you know, our sister came and visited me a week and a half ago. Right. Yeah. You know that.

00:23:42.13
Bill
Yes, yep.

00:23:42.61
Mike
Yeah. So um she did. Kathy came up here and she was ah she had a birthday party to go to. And, you know, she texted me. He said, hey, you mind if I crash at your place?

00:23:53.45
Mike
You know, yeah. What the fuck? You think I'm Conrad Hilton? What the fuck? Go get a room.

00:23:58.29
Bill
right

00:23:59.29
Mike
No, of course always welcome. Anyway, so um we're sitting here Saturday night shooting shit about tons of stuff and whatever and um Some point she she She said that she Doesn't worry about us that she trusts the fact that we're gonna stay sober and my first thought was oh fuck don't say that I

00:24:24.66
Bill
hey

00:24:27.07
Mike
Right cuz I mean that's we can't we can't think that way, you know, right if We got this where of course we're gonna stay sober.

00:24:27.70
Bill
Right, yeah.

00:24:31.50
Bill
Right.

00:24:35.20
Mike
I'm sober forever. No, I'm fucking sober right now That's all I got it control of whatever. Um, so, you know again my first thought and I started to push back a little i was like Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, you know, um, but then I realized I said hey, no I stopped and i i I said, you know what?

00:24:52.87
Mike
Yeah, cool. That means that we're Doing what we're supposed to do that the people around us aren't worried about us You know, so that's good.

00:24:57.35
Bill
Right.

00:25:02.60
Mike
That was ah it was a very nice Wonderful thing that she doesn't worry about our sobriety.

00:25:09.88
Bill
Right.

00:25:09.93
Mike
That's great. That's fucking fantastic I hope everybody in my life all doesn't worry about my sobriety cuz I fucking do I I'm, you know, again, not, not, you know, I'm not freaked out.

00:25:26.39
Mike
Oh my God. I'm going to barely getting through today. No, no, no. I'm getting through. It's fried. I'm not worried about it. Like you said, shit's going a little, whatever weird, um, in your life.

00:25:36.98
Mike
And you said not sobriety threatening, right? Exactly. It's, you know, I can't imagine anything that would threaten my sobriety, but, but right.

00:25:45.26
Bill
Right.

00:25:47.78
Mike
But

00:25:50.07
Mike
But I don't know. and That's the thing. I got to be on guard because I'm shit. I don't know. I stub my fucking toe and it might fucking threaten my sobriety.

00:25:58.41
Bill
right

00:25:58.56
Mike
Hopefully, hopefully it doesn't, but it might.

00:26:01.83
Bill
Right. Well, and, and you know, what that's the the fact that you, is suited when you said that, um that when you said the Kathy said that too, again, this immediate, it's kind of like, that's really, and I'm like, whoa, you know, I mean, it's, it's, I have that immediate, emotional up and down, you know, and thinking, God, that's, that's fucking one whoa, that's whoa.

00:26:13.39
Mike
Right. Mm hmm.

00:26:23.15
Mike
Right.

00:26:24.46
Bill
That's, that's whoa, whoa.

00:26:25.51
Mike
Right. Exactly.

00:26:27.34
Bill
you know but But it is, it's nice to know, in and I think, um if I really think about it you know that it, I guess we can go back to what we talk about too, that when when we say we're gonna be someplace, people expect that we're gonna be there.

00:26:39.73
Mike
Right.

00:26:42.13
Bill
that just you know it's It's like, okay, it's that as long as shit doesn't go weird, the sun's gonna come up tomorrow.

00:26:42.34
Mike
see Right.

00:26:48.18
Bill
you know and as long as shit doesn't go weird you know the clock's gonna turn another hour you know in an hour from now all those different you just know they're gonna happen um you know so that part of it is nice because we've we've taken all that all that fucking grief and in pain and and worry that we threw

00:26:53.58
Mike
Mm-hmm, right, right Chaos and right all great we inflicted Right This he fucking dead

00:27:06.52
Bill
oh that we yeah where where's he and what yeah where where's he what's he doing um you know when if the phone rang shit what does he want now you know all type of thing um you know so we took yeah you see well did i tell you about it remind me about when uh i think i it's worth telling the story again in a minute but um about dawn when what kathy called her when i was a detox um But so but so we we thankfully we've done the work okay back to what we were talking about to take all that away and we've given people back you know this not even giving back we've given people this calm and this comfort which is wonderful you know but you said it best it's not there it really isn't maybe another way to put it it's it's not their their place to worry anymore it's their place to feel comfortable and it's our place to make sure that they continue to be comfortable

00:27:39.78
Mike
Right.

00:27:44.28
Mike
Mm hmm. Yes. Yes.

00:27:56.39
Mike
yes Mm hmm. Yup.

00:28:01.49
Bill
Yeah.

00:28:01.61
Mike
Exactly. Yeah. And it's our job to fucking worry about it.

00:28:05.92
Bill
Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. It's, you know, you don't worry about this shit. I got to worry about this shit every goddamn day.

00:28:10.31
Mike
out

00:28:11.19
Bill
So do you, you know, but with those, you, you people out there, you know, you family and your friends and you kids and you all you, all you people, um, yeah, that's a, that's no longer your responsibility, you know, to, to worry about us.

00:28:11.43
Mike
l

00:28:17.26
Mike
Right.

00:28:22.06
Mike
it Yes.

00:28:24.04
Bill
Um, hopefully you can, you can enjoy us most, most times, you know,

00:28:26.46
Mike
Yes.

00:28:29.06
Mike
Right.

00:28:31.84
Bill
But yeah, so the the the whole story with Dawn, and for everyone especially, let's go to the new listener. Dawn is my ex-wife, it's my son's mom.

00:28:38.90
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:28:40.15
Bill
If you listen back to anything, you hear about her a lot. We get along very well, I love her to death as a human being, blah, blah, blah.

00:28:46.28
Mike
Right.

00:28:46.46
Bill
um But when at the time it was leading up to me getting sober when I went into detox, the four years prior from the time we split to the time I went into detox, it was terrible on at all ends.

00:28:55.24
Mike
Mm hmm. Yep.

00:28:59.99
Bill
you know And she knew she knew I was bad, but she didn't know the extent of it and all that stuff.

00:29:00.60
Mike
Yep.

00:29:04.06
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:29:05.19
Bill
so um And she hadn't talked to Kathy since, you know, we had gotten divorced because, you know, of course I told all the stories and a weird shit happened and blah, blah, blah.

00:29:13.44
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:29:13.77
Bill
So there was this division that happens, you know?

00:29:16.72
Mike
Sure.

00:29:17.30
Bill
So when I went into detox, you know, I, I'm like, obviously I remember, I'm sure I said something, but you know, clearly Kathy had to call her. she called my work. Oh yeah, Bill's calling in drunk and he's yeah he's in detox basically so and then called don Dawn and you know Dawn told me afterwards and she might have told Kathy, but at some point later she thought that when when a phone call ki came in, she thought Kathy was calling to tell her I was dead, you know, and

00:29:29.69
Mike
and si

00:29:39.36
Mike
Yup. Yup.

00:29:43.55
Bill
And that is, God, even to this day, that's crushing, you know, even I know, but to even think about it, even think about it now, it's just that I can't I can't imagine getting that, getting that phone call and thinking that that's what that's going to be.

00:29:48.48
Mike
Good.

00:29:58.80
Bill
And, and you know what, um it's bad.

00:29:59.12
Mike
Yeah.

00:30:02.34
Bill
I did that to her, you know, and that's

00:30:03.51
Mike
Yes. Right. You created that whole thing.

00:30:05.93
Bill
Oh, it's fucking, yeah, it's horrible, you know?

00:30:06.11
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

00:30:08.75
Bill
And and seriously, you know, like you just said again, good, you know, that, I mean, 15, almost 15 years later, it it did, it, you know, kind of choked me up thinking about it.

00:30:13.03
Mike
Yup.

00:30:16.92
Mike
Well,

00:30:17.20
Bill
Because I don't, ah I mean, I suppose, somewhere deep inside of me back in, you know, at that timeframe, I didn't, I probably didn't, there was good in me that thankfully came out or was built upon.

00:30:28.83
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:30:29.14
Bill
um I wasn't trying to hurt her, but I didn't give a fuck, you know?

00:30:30.96
Mike
Right. Right. Yeah.

00:30:33.01
Bill
But shit, these days, man, I don't want people to hurt.

00:30:35.29
Mike
Right.

00:30:35.35
Bill
especially people close to me, you know people I care about, I don't want to hurt anyone on purpose. you know

00:30:40.21
Mike
Right. Exactly.

00:30:41.84
Bill
so

00:30:42.15
Mike
Where did the fuck that come from?

00:30:45.23
Bill
Wait, is that the book? Was that beating? I forget where I heard that from.

00:30:48.81
Mike
Yeah. Uh huh.

00:30:50.14
Bill
Note to self, look that up.

00:30:50.47
Mike
Right. who

00:30:54.34
Bill
But no, I mean, that that is wonderful. though that's That's great that she that she said that. And I and i mean, you know ah Kathy, I know you listen to these things, so thank you, really.

00:30:58.23
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:31:02.45
Mike
Yes.

00:31:03.01
Bill
um you know we We appreciate it. and you know it's It's nice, it's it's wonderful to hear that. But yeah, well all the worry is on this side of the table.

00:31:09.53
Mike
Yeah. Exactly. it

00:31:15.69
Bill
But yeah, I mean, I don't, say don't know I don't wake up you know every every morning worrying about it. It's just part of, but but man, you know, it's, I'm glad that I think about, you know, I think about my sobriety every day.

00:31:23.93
Mike
Yup.

00:31:26.10
Bill
I work on my sobriety every day. And um yeah, I mean, if if shit goes weird, you know, I still, I mean, we talked about this. I still think about it. I'm like, what if I was still drinking? This would be a great excuse, blah, blah, blah, all these different things.

00:31:35.66
Mike
he Oh, sure.

00:31:38.86
Bill
You know, these fucked up thoughts still come into our heads, right?

00:31:41.06
Mike
Yup. Absolutely. Yeah. Just talking to a guy at my own group last week, new guy, you know, and I was, and I, I think he had like nine months. Yeah. Cause he came up and got a chip from us and,

00:31:53.17
Mike
And yeah, I said, you know, dude, it's, it's, you know, it's never going to go away. You know, yes, occasionally I still want to drink. Absolutely.

00:32:02.82
Bill
right right yeah and it's a it's a huge difference it's uh you know i i think that and we've talked about this plenty you know people that people that say that ah you know it never crosses their mind or they never think about alcohol they never think about drinking that makes me really fucking nervous because i couldn't I couldn't imagine not not even having that.

00:32:03.20
Mike
I still occasionally want to get high. Absolutely. But I don't have to. And that's the difference.

00:32:20.83
Mike
Hmm. Right.

00:32:25.78
Mike
Yeah.

00:32:30.61
Bill
That's a reality you know that's there.

00:32:32.22
Mike
Yeah.

00:32:32.72
Bill
i mean no Relapse doesn't have to be part of recovery, but the fact that it could happen um is ah is a realistic thing to keep in mind.

00:32:35.50
Mike
Of course not. see Yeah.

00:32:40.71
Bill
you know it's like i mean There's a reason why I don't touch a hot stove because it fucking hurts.

00:32:45.81
Mike
Yes.

00:32:45.87
Bill
you know And, you know, there's a reason I don't do things that I used to do when I was 13 years old, because I know I'm going to either die or at least hurt myself.

00:32:53.19
Mike
he

00:32:54.86
Bill
You know, so I mean, same thing. I mean, I do these things so I don't I don't deal with that. You know, this whole this whole pain of going back into, you know, this alcoholic behavior, you know,

00:33:04.73
Mike
Right.

00:33:06.26
Bill
So I don't know, I just don't, I don't understand it. People can get through their sobriety happily with no issues and never have a thought about it. I don't get it, but hey, more power to you.

00:33:14.99
Mike
i Yeah, i okay exactly. And you know, but like we've said out here, man, I don't fucking believe them.

00:33:21.66
Bill
I don't either.

00:33:22.41
Mike
Cause right.

00:33:24.22
Bill
I don't either.

00:33:25.45
Mike
Cause I'm a fucking alcoholic and I'm not going to have an alcoholic thought. That's insane. Of course I am too.

00:33:31.86
Bill
Right.

00:33:32.34
Mike
It's what I am. Yes, but it's, it's what I do with that thought and how I handle it and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Follow the, the simple steps that have been suggested to me.

00:33:42.72
Mike
So I don't have to act on those thoughts.

00:33:46.34
Bill
Right. Well, and I, I mean, I quit, uh, I think about the other thing. Um, I, I quit smoking cigarettes. I still vape.

00:33:52.42
Mike
Right.

00:33:52.47
Bill
Um, but I mean, I quit smoking cigarettes. Um, it'll be two years and coming up. Yeah. Coming up in March, it'll be two years and. it's I'll tell you, there are I Jones more for a fucking cigarette than I ever did for booze.

00:34:05.73
Mike
he Right.

00:34:08.17
Bill
you know And I mean, I know it's I say only, you know but I mean, it's been almost two fucking years. you know It's a year and nine months or 10 months or whatever it's been.

00:34:14.16
Mike
right

00:34:17.81
Bill
um And it's seriously whether it's I'll be in a gas station it could just be when fucking ever and I'm like fuck You know, it doesn't mean that I I I smell people smoking, you know, I smell cigarette smoke I smell this I see people buying them.

00:34:24.42
Mike
hey she Right.

00:34:33.17
Bill
It's usually not that it's just that whatever it is. I walk it along and it's like God damn it. I want a cigarette, you know

00:34:38.71
Mike
Right.

00:34:39.48
Bill
And then I, I seriously swear to fucking God, think, God, I wonder if I could just, I'm like, Nope. I wonder if I could control my smoking.

00:34:47.72
Mike
Right.

00:34:50.16
Bill
What the fuck?

00:34:50.56
Mike
Try a little controlled crack smoking.

00:34:52.79
Bill
Right, yeah, and I mean, to me, to me at this point, I mean, this it is the same concept as if i if I had one cigarette, I'd be up to, up you know, whenever I was smoking before.

00:34:59.92
Mike
Mm hmm. Sure.

00:35:02.02
Bill
Granted, at the end, I was down to, you know, a handful, six, seven cigarettes a day. I was, I cut down a lot, um but I mean, I was also, you know, kind of weaving in the the vape in between, you know, so I would go back to what I was doing.

00:35:07.79
Mike
Right.

00:35:12.70
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:35:14.65
Bill
I know I fucking would, the same was same as with drinking, you know?

00:35:16.94
Mike
Right, exactly.

00:35:18.19
Bill
But I honest to God, I think, I can have just one cigarette. I can do it.

00:35:23.26
Mike
Right.

00:35:24.11
Bill
if I can fucking do it, yeah, yeah.

00:35:25.79
Mike
right

00:35:27.72
Bill
Jesus Christ, we're fucking.

00:35:29.03
Mike
Yeah, well, thankfully I still can.

00:35:31.35
Bill
Right. Yeah. And it's, it's just, it's not the, again, you know, I, I did it, i you know, i I talked about it here. I did it because I fucking forgot to buy cigarettes, you know, and then I'm like, well, okay, I guess I'm going to give this a shot.

00:35:39.27
Mike
Right.

00:35:44.17
Bill
You know, and I mean, I, I never would have thought about, I never ran out of booze. You know, I never forgot to buy booze, you know,

00:35:47.83
Mike
Right.

00:35:50.77
Bill
and it was it was on my mind for a long time to try to try to quit so you know but um i don't know tell me one way or the other i now just got it got out of my mind i'm trying to i don't not really actively but um i don't know the the vaping is just it's it's a it's just same thing it's just a fucking habit that's all that it is and it's it's not it's not a good habit you know but um it just turns out to be a fucking habit anymore but

00:35:51.31
Mike
Right. Right. Yeah, I know. Right.

00:36:08.08
Mike
Sure. No.

00:36:15.21
Bill
So, um, okay. So real quick, I finished up the, um, um'm I'm sorry, let me go back here. I reflect my page. Mike, anything else on the reading?

00:36:21.86
Mike
Yes. yeah No, I think we covered it. We create our own luck. That is right.

00:36:28.77
Bill
Right.

00:36:30.07
Mike
That is luck. Put ourselves in circumstances, make choices. And that's what luck is.

00:36:36.38
Bill
Yeah. There's nothing to do with, you know, just random acts of what the fuck ever. We gotta, we gotta be there to do the goddamn work as we say, right?

00:36:43.72
Mike
Exactly.

00:36:45.48
Bill
All right, yeah, so sorry about that. I didn't know we were talking about, or I was talking about a million different things than and we even got on tangents.

00:36:47.37
Mike
All right.

00:36:50.09
Mike
Yes.

00:36:52.22
Bill
Oh, I gotta say this too, speaking of a tangent, again, listening to you know another podcast and ah yeah, I'm not gonna say which one it is, but it doesn't fucking matter anyhow. um But ah so many podcasts out there, well, all of them you know have usually an agenda, okay?

00:37:03.85
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:37:07.10
Bill
you know And in a structure of sorts, except when um one of the things I like about, um Dax Shepard, although not a sobriety podcast, I mean, talks about sobriety things, blah, blah, blah. He's one that, um he bothers me in certain ways, but parts of, you know parts i for the most part, 75% of what he does, I like. um And he does, that one of the reasons he went even longer form than what he had planned on, he just ah admittedly said, he goes, there's no way in the world I can satisfy all my curiosities with any guest in an hour.

00:37:39.34
Bill
He goes, I know it because I can't do it.

00:37:39.67
Mike
Sure.

00:37:41.17
Bill
He goes, I can't stick. I can't stay on task. I can't talk about this. He goes, like we're going to end up talking about a lot of things that he goes, I'm going to have a whole list of things I want to learn about you. you know So that kind of the same type of thing.

00:37:49.49
Mike
Right.

00:37:51.87
Bill
But um again, this podcast I was listening to and they had this topic they were talking about. And then one of the hosts you know started saying, you know talking something like, boy, I know this is way off topic, but I'm thinking,

00:38:03.48
Bill
It just makes me laugh every time I hear somebody say that. um I mean, everything, what what is, okay, let me just stop for a minute.

00:38:11.82
Mike
yes

00:38:11.82
Bill
what is our What's our topic tonight?

00:38:14.02
Mike
Sobriety.

00:38:15.92
Bill
Okay, and if we end up talking about, like I'm gonna talk about wild pigs here in a minute. Does that have anything anything to do with sobriety?

00:38:22.17
Mike
Cool. out of about him no I don't know.

00:38:25.54
Bill
Eh, this is sober guy, sober guy that saw it.

00:38:27.04
Mike
what I Right? There you go. Right. all i I don't know about wild pigs. I know a lot about wild turkeys.

00:38:34.77
Bill
Hey, I know you do.

00:38:35.81
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:38:36.30
Bill
but dumb But so it just cracks me up because I mean, we're off on fucking tangents all the time. But so I finished up the Alex Van Halen book, which again, very, very good.

00:38:43.09
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:38:45.08
Bill
He did a really, I just think he did a really nice job talking about it. Once again, he ends, he doesn't really get into the the Hagar stuff at all. He hints to it, you know, that they went on to other successful things and whatever.

00:38:55.81
Mike
Right.

00:38:56.54
Bill
um The weird part is, and I didn't realize it until I think this last part of it, um

00:39:01.28
Mike
Mm

00:39:01.64
Bill
He talks very, very little about Michael Anthony.

00:39:05.48
Mike
-hmm.

00:39:05.53
Bill
um And he'll say Mikey every once in a while and this and that, but it's more about, you know, it was him and Eddie and Dave that he talked about. And and I know that Michael Anthony was, you know, obviously has been close with, you know, Sammy Hagar and all that stuff.

00:39:17.77
Mike
Sure.

00:39:18.44
Bill
And I wonder if there was a little bit of friction there. It it just seemed like he just didn't talk about it much.

00:39:20.84
Mike
Hmm.

00:39:22.92
Bill
He would he would talk about it, bring him up here and there, but this really, really just small percentage, you know?

00:39:28.17
Mike
Right. Well, I mean, I mean, you know, the book was about him and his brother and how the fuck are you going to ignore Dave?

00:39:28.99
Bill
um

00:39:34.38
Mike
So

00:39:35.13
Bill
Right. Yeah. Well, and he he did, he talked about, you could tell, I mean, all that and everyone, it was so public. I mean, the tension you know that went around with all that stuff, but it was it was kind of funny.

00:39:45.50
Mike
right

00:39:46.48
Bill
I mean, he went into a lot of a lot of fucking detail, but um you know it was things that you know obviously David Lee Roth would probably talk about because it you know people would fucking listen and he'd love talking about himself.

00:39:57.25
Bill
Anyhow, I didn't care if it was bad.

00:39:58.04
Mike
Right.

00:39:59.64
Bill
Um, but yeah, so the, what was your, what was your opinion of it? I don't know if I've ever asked you this, but the, uh, the album diver down, yes, no, or did you.

00:40:04.71
Mike
Uh-huh. Uh, I didn't, obviously funny. I didn't go very deep into that one. Um, I was, I was kind of moved on from Van Halen at that point.

00:40:14.50
Bill
Okay.

00:40:18.12
Mike
Um, uh, for me, the van Halen was the first three albums.

00:40:21.67
Bill
Right.

00:40:22.30
Mike
You know, yeah, you know, I mean, I, yeah, clearly the first one was just fucking groundbreaking and changed the fucking world. Second one was just kind of continuation of that. And I love women and children first.

00:40:34.39
Mike
It's one of my favorite albums ever.

00:40:34.70
Bill
Right.

00:40:35.71
Mike
But um yeah, and then, you know, I was moving on. I was getting into other stuff at that point.

00:40:42.10
Bill
Yes, I think fair warning was their fourth one right.

00:40:45.72
Mike
Right. Yeah, I believe so.

00:40:47.19
Bill
Yeah, he talked.

00:40:47.32
Mike
Yeah. Right. I mean, diver down was, uh, you know, I had pretty woman on it and that shit.

00:40:48.30
Bill
but Right.

00:40:51.65
Mike
I was, I, yeah, I was, you know, I was already off into iron maiden and motorhead and you know, yeah.

00:40:57.49
Bill
Well, the real quick on the fair warning thing, he said that there was, that's when all he was naming off all the hair bands, you know, the, the poisons and the Botany crews and all this sort of things.

00:41:02.59
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:41:05.68
Bill
And, you know, he said, basically that, uh, he said fair warning, um, was kind of the, their fuck you album to all the hair bands, you know, about this, is this is what, you know, a rock and roll band is.

00:41:09.45
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:41:15.75
Bill
It's not just getting up there and, you know, kind of glam it out. Cause he said, everyone was trying to be like, you kind of had their their blonde haired front man and I never thought about it but I'm like holy shit because they're all kind of a lot of people try to imitate you know whole David Lee Roth and his whatever his pageantry and blah blah blah right

00:41:24.50
Mike
Hmm. Right. Well, I mean, you know, Dave was fucking Jim Dandy. I mean, black oak, Arkansas, you know, right. So there's nothing new, but York and Jersey.

00:41:39.27
Bill
yeah But so the diver down is when when they came off, I think it was, yeah, with that might've been the fifth album if I'm thinking right.

00:41:46.05
Mike
Yeah.

00:41:46.20
Bill
But anyhow, the the point there is that, and I had heard about it before that first of all, um the studio forced them to get back in because they wanted to take a break because they had they had they had just been touring like motherfuckers for years and all worn out.

00:41:53.14
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:41:56.44
Mike
Right.

00:41:58.51
Bill
And then basically, I don't know, they they were off for like two weeks when they went back in the studio and got that done quickly, but weren't real happy with the studio. There was like, there's so whatever, there's is five covers on there, five or six, you know?

00:42:10.29
Bill
um But in my opinion, so when that album came out, that was, you know, kind of high school years for, you know, for me. um And it was it it was an album that, again, it's one of those location albums, you know, um I liked it, I didn't give a fuck that they were cover cover songs, it was still with Van Halen and I like a lot of them.

00:42:26.65
Mike
Right.

00:42:27.58
Bill
And I love little guitars, that's one of my favorite songs. And um so all these different things.

00:42:30.05
Mike
Right. Mm hmm.

00:42:31.71
Bill
But it was just he talked about How much they fucking hated it, you know, they hated every step of it because they didn't want to do covers They didn't want to do this shit.

00:42:35.81
Mike
right

00:42:39.23
Bill
They didn't want to just churn out an album um But i'm like, yeah, I don't know but he He said it ended up being one of their I think it was one of their best-selling albums Um, you know, it was because it turned a little bit more commercial although 1984 was there that was their number one selling of all time, you know, so what you get that was around that High school years anyhow, but I don't know

00:42:47.28
Mike
the

00:42:51.08
Mike
Right. Right. Mm hmm.

00:43:00.23
Bill
But if ah if anyone has the opportunity to to read the Alex Van Halen book, if you like Van Halen at all or anything about Eddie and all that sort of shit, I mean, it's good. And i again, I like the audio books because I can occupy time.

00:43:13.99
Bill
But you know it was it was good. I really enjoyed it. And he talked a lot about a lot of shit. you know They're just their background and their family and their dad and their mom.

00:43:20.74
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:43:22.11
Bill
And I don't know.

00:43:22.70
Mike
Right.

00:43:23.31
Bill
I've got a whole new appreciation for them as as individuals, even though I've always liked them as, you know, obviously as a band it just I don't know it was just it was pretty fucking cool so my two thumbs up for me on that one all right so hey what the fuck you know I think it what what do you think Mike do you think it's time it's not that time that time

00:43:29.20
Mike
Mm hmm. Cool. All right. Oh, yeah, I just.

00:43:44.65
Mike
That just glanced over. Yes, it is. All right. Well, we'll be back with more nonsense right after these words from our sponsors.

00:44:00.89
Bill
All right, everyone. Welcome back sponsor. All right.

00:44:05.48
Mike
Right.

00:44:06.44
Bill
But yeah, I was looking at that I'm like, yeah it is it is that time not that time as you said, the last time.

00:44:10.37
Mike
Not that time. Right.

00:44:11.86
Bill
yeah um But i'm I'm kind of curious about because I'm not going to put together the episode until tomorrow but a couple of quick things about here so I get here and it when I When I book a place I mean the internet's hugely important to me because of my work but also because of this and I know I need a certain amount of speed to do both. I need at least 100 megabits you know of so of download speed which most places have not an issue upload speed I've got to suffer with in some cases but um it doesn't have at least 100 it could be a problem for me on both levels.

00:44:43.25
Bill
um So, you know, first I get here and the fucking guy's out there and he's sweeping off the the front patio. His house is literally right next door, i kind of up on the hill, which I knew, but I'm like, fuck me.

00:44:50.15
Mike
Sure.

00:44:53.80
Bill
and All I want to do is just unload my shit. And I, it seemed like he might be that from the messages that he might be a talker, which is fine. So am I, but I'm like, I don't want to just, it's an Airbnb fucking leave me alone.

00:45:03.55
Mike
right.

00:45:04.88
Bill
I mean, just, I, I don't want to chat, you know?

00:45:05.17
Mike
Yeah, right.

00:45:07.83
Bill
But after, after all said and done, you know, I get in here, we're talking about the internet and he, the whole time I'm messaging him to begin with to verify all this shit, he's telling me, ooh, I've got business class internet, it's 300 this and it's blah, blah, blah.

00:45:19.73
Bill
Well, that's in his house, okay? So what he did was ran a cable down to here with a separate router, with a separate router,

00:45:26.54
Mike
Ah.

00:45:29.64
Bill
And this happened within this conversation, you know, that's, it gets like a hundred megabits. Okay. They said, you should hit it a hundred.

00:45:34.93
Mike
Right?

00:45:35.77
Bill
I'm like, as long as they had said a hundred, I'm fine. So I always get in here, every place I go, do the speed test on my phone first. And then I'll, I'll usually, if it's a question mark, I pull out my phone or my Chromebook so I can play, actually plug it into the ethernet cable and test it.

00:45:47.20
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:45:50.92
Bill
Well, I run the thing on, I run the speed test on my phone and it's like 50.

00:45:54.38
Mike
Yeah.

00:45:55.31
Bill
on my phone and I'm like, oh, fuck. So pull up a Chromebook, this and that, blah, blah, blah.

00:45:57.86
Mike
Mm

00:45:59.37
Bill
I hit it about 85 and I just, up i I messaged him and I said, can you do me a favor?

00:46:01.42
Mike
-hmm.

00:46:04.05
Bill
ah Maybe it was the next day. I said, I'll have him reset the router. Cause a router is not here. First place I've been in where I can't reset a router and I usually do it every day because clean out, you know, shit.

00:46:09.45
Mike
Right. Right. ah Right.

00:46:14.49
Bill
um But anyhow, so I thankfully haven't had any problems, but I'm like, fuck me, man. I'm like right on the verge. I hit it like 93 or 94. So it's right on the verge, but I thankfully I didn't have any issues, you know, so far this week with work.

00:46:25.76
Mike
Right.

00:46:27.16
Bill
But, you know, I'm like, I do this shit. I play in this shit. I asked these fucking questions. This guy, oh, it's 300 megabits. Bitch, this class. Well, you didn't tell me it ran a fucking router down to the goddamn house.

00:46:38.38
Mike
right

00:46:39.05
Bill
you know I would have thought twice about, seriously, I would have thought twice about renting in the place because you know again, it's important to me. But um yeah, um um I'd load my car the day that I get here and it was nice.

00:46:48.47
Mike
Oh,

00:46:49.97
Bill
It was nice-ish, a little bit cool, um you know probably in the 50s or whatever by the time I got here.

00:46:54.18
Mike
oh poor baby.

00:46:55.22
Bill
I didn't say cold, I didn't say cold. Um But uh, I mean it was nice out, you know, so you know, just kind of loading shit in and I look across the street and i'm like what the fuck I My brain didn't really calculate what I saw.

00:47:01.06
Mike
Right.

00:47:10.08
Bill
It looked like you've seen a lion king, right?

00:47:13.17
Mike
Yeah.

00:47:14.20
Bill
You know who poomba is He's the like the the wild boar wild pig whatever he is

00:47:15.71
Mike
Uh, which one is that?

00:47:20.19
Mike
Oh, okay. Yeah.

00:47:21.99
Bill
Yeah. So I'm like, what the fuck? i No shit. There was like eight of them. Okay. Just running up the street into the yard, the neighbor across the street is chasing him out of his yard.

00:47:27.55
Mike
Yeah.

00:47:32.12
Bill
And I'm like, what the fuck? So I looked them up and their call, I mean, they are, they're like wild, they're like wild pigs.

00:47:38.44
Mike
yeah

00:47:39.14
Bill
But, um, the name, let's see if you've ever heard of the name of, um, I'd never heard of this name before, but, um, J J A V E L I N a Java Lina.

00:47:52.35
Mike
All right. Nope. Never heard of it.

00:47:54.60
Bill
Okay, so um yeah, they're they're fucking around here. And ah that's the only ones I've ever, that's I haven't seen them since, but I'm like, Jesus Christ.

00:47:58.44
Mike
Yeah.

00:48:03.53
Bill
But I looked it up and they're, um I mean, they are, they're like wild pigs.

00:48:03.87
Mike
he

00:48:07.25
Bill
They're like, you know, yeah, if you ever spend time around Arizona, you're gonna see them, they're in the desert. They're like, ah you know, basically they keep to themselves. um If they're around yards and stuff like that, they're looking for, they dig into gardens or whatever, probably why the guy was chasing them out of his yard.

00:48:19.18
Mike
Sure. Right.

00:48:21.52
Bill
um But also that apparently their eyesight's really bad. So yeah yeah they're they're like, if you run across them, um it says the short end, it says, are they dangerous? Short answer is not intentionally. It says, because of their poor eyesight when escaping a potential threat, they seem they seem as if they're charging, but in reality, they aren't able to see you as they barrel through the brush.

00:48:42.99
Bill
So so if you're if you're in some like fucking brush area, they're running at you, they can't fucking see you, you know?

00:48:48.24
Mike
Ah, blind pigs.

00:48:49.93
Bill
Yeah, exactly. But I was just like, I'm like, Jesus Christ, all the fucking shit that I've, you know, and I've been, you know, I went to that trail and stuff like that. And I mean, all the, all the time I've been around this area of any area, I've never seen these fucking wild ass pigs, but I just like, I don't know. I've never heard of that. I've never heard of that word before, but yeah, so there are, there are wild pigs around here.

00:49:10.11
Mike
Alright. There's a few in Cleveland too, but we won't go into that.

00:49:15.04
Bill
Yeah, I was thinking about that. I'm like, yes, that's the wild pigs. And I'm not talking about the locals. Hello.

00:49:19.28
Mike
e

00:49:20.14
Bill
Hello. But no, it just, ah I don't know, kind of freaked me out. I was like, I literally, I had to look it up. I didn't know what to call them. I'm like, so I looked up wild pigs. I'm like, was there fucking wild pigs around here?

00:49:30.66
Mike
he

00:49:32.69
Bill
All right, so I had this note on here um from a couple of weeks ago when it when it first started coming out. So I wanted to get your opinion on what you thought about this. um And I'm sure you've heard about the Surgeon General warning. They're proposing putting a cancer warning label on alcohol products.

00:49:49.34
Mike
and Okay.

00:49:49.89
Bill
did you hear about that or no oh really oh shit okay it would have been um i got even up to a month ago so basically what they're kind of like the you know the warnings on you know cigarette labels and blah blah blah i mean the fact that uh you know alcohol has been linked to however many number of cancers and blah blah blah being carcinogens and whatever the whatever the thing is

00:49:50.99
Mike
Nah. Nah.

00:50:00.30
Mike
Sure.

00:50:08.33
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:50:11.10
Bill
So they're talking about putting these you know these labels on um you know alcohol products. I don't know what's got to go or what they have to go through to get it. It didn't happen, but the Surgeon General has approached it.

00:50:21.62
Bill
So I was basically just going to ask your opinion, what you what you thought about something like that. I mean, um does it matter? Is it good? Is it bad? Is it indifferent? I mean, what are your thoughts about having a fucking cancer warning?

00:50:31.29
Mike
I mean, well, clearly as an alcoholic, it's indifferent. Um, you know, I'm right as a smoker, it's indifferent. Um, I, right. Clearly, um, it's not good for you.

00:50:43.91
Mike
Um, but you know, lots of, you know, cheeseburgers aren't good for you every day.

00:50:47.33
Bill
Right.

00:50:48.07
Mike
Um, yeah, you know, I, I've, ah certainly wouldn't make any difference to me when I was drinking. Um, and it doesn't make any difference to me now because I'm not drinking.

00:50:58.78
Bill
Right.

00:50:58.83
Mike
Um, yeah. So, uh, I dunno, I guess if it's, I dunno, it doesn't really matter to me one way or another.

00:51:09.07
Bill
Right.

00:51:09.76
Mike
Yeah.

00:51:10.03
Bill
It just when, here's the thing when I, I think I saw, I don't know if I saw an article about it or if I just saw people starting to post about it.

00:51:18.19
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:51:18.50
Bill
And I saw it, you know, again, I mean, with our um Instagram page, I mean, we're basically follow all sober people and for the most part, I think, and all sober people follow us.

00:51:26.24
Mike
Sure. Right.

00:51:28.92
Bill
I mean, that's the things I see. um and you know people were posted about it kind of like the almost like hey it's about time and good for them and blah blah blah and this it's the milestone it's just and i'm thinking the the first thing i thought was i don't see it as a fucking win for anyone you know because those who

00:51:46.60
Mike
right

00:51:49.67
Bill
I don't know. Just look at it like everything you just said.

00:51:53.02
Mike
Yeah.

00:51:53.25
Bill
If if you want to smoke, you're going to smoke.

00:51:54.87
Mike
Yup.

00:51:55.24
Bill
you know If you want to eat you know fucking McDonald's every day, and if people don't know that fucking McDonald's is bad for you, um sorry.

00:52:02.41
Mike
Hmm.

00:52:04.37
Bill
i mean i don't know what to I don't know what to tell you.

00:52:05.36
Mike
Right.

00:52:06.97
Bill
If people don't know that eating fucking candy every goddamn day, I i eat ah i eat fucking ice cream every day.

00:52:10.51
Mike
Yeah. Mm hmm.

00:52:12.78
Bill
I know it's not good for me, but I like it.

00:52:14.17
Mike
Sure. Yes.

00:52:15.27
Bill
you know And i in the way I justify it is, ooh, I eat pretty healthy other than that.

00:52:21.45
Mike
Right.

00:52:21.66
Bill
And I do. I eat a pizza every Friday.

00:52:24.21
Mike
Right.

00:52:24.76
Bill
I don't eat any fast food. I haven't had any fast food in probably, I don't know, seven or eight years.

00:52:27.36
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:52:29.51
Bill
And I mean, none. you know Probably the fastest yeah the fastest food I've had was going to, I don't know, like and like an Applebee's or a Red Robin or something like that.

00:52:31.26
Mike
Right.

00:52:40.02
Mike
Right. Yeah. Right.

00:52:41.02
Bill
And yes.

00:52:41.38
Mike
The diner up the street from my house. Right. I eat there fairly regularly. Dimitri's. Right. You know, yeah, it's the neighborhood diner. and Right. It's not, you know, greatest, healthiest, but it's fine.

00:52:53.91
Mike
You know, get an omelet, get a burger, get whatever.

00:52:54.02
Bill
Right.

00:52:56.56
Mike
Sure. Exactly. Yeah.

00:52:58.60
Bill
Right.

00:52:59.12
Mike
But it's not, you know, the Chinese place around the corner, you know, it's

00:53:02.41
Bill
ah That we go to every time that I'm there.

00:53:04.34
Mike
Right. Exactly. You know, I mean, it's, it's, it's fine. It's not, I'm not going to eat it every day, but you know, right.

00:53:10.17
Bill
Right.

00:53:11.40
Mike
Exactly.

00:53:13.08
Bill
I just, I don't know. I mean, the way that I look at it is just kind of like, okay, fine. If if you want to go through, and I mean, you meaning the fucking government or surgeon general, or whoever the fuck wants to put labels on shit, um go ahead and do it.

00:53:27.07
Mike
Sure.

00:53:27.21
Bill
you know If I got to pay for it, then I got a problem for it with it because, and I know I will, and I know we will, you know somehow we're, okay.

00:53:29.89
Mike
Yeah. Right. Well, of course. Right. Well, yeah, would we pay for all of it. They don't have any of their own money.

00:53:37.46
Bill
right well and what ah again another podcast it was talking about this is a sober podcast saying and you know again this is a step in the right direction they're so glad that blah blah blah but then you know they're talking about that you know that the person had said that they they hope that they don't

00:53:37.63
Mike
It's all our money.

00:53:53.44
Bill
you know try to pay for it by increasing the price of whatever. So like a lot of the people, and this was the justification beyond it, the people that you know are purchasing it sometimes maybe that need it and blah, blah, blah.

00:54:04.53
Bill
And I and i get all those sort of things, you know that maybe they don't have the money to, and I'm like, okay, fuck it, no.

00:54:06.37
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:54:10.92
Bill
If you're gonna drink, fucking pay for it.

00:54:13.24
Mike
Right.

00:54:13.28
Bill
you know when you know The syntax, I never liked it, but you know when yeah what cigarette, they fucking Wisconsin went crazy on it when they did it.

00:54:15.98
Mike
Right.

00:54:21.20
Bill
you know cigarettes and booze um whatever it was they were like cigarettes were like two and a half bucks a pack and they went up to like five you know almost overnight and same thing with booze we i remember seeing booze take a jump like that they're like okay well fine you fuckers want to smoke a drink you're gonna pay for it and everyone kept doing it

00:54:27.07
Mike
Right. Right. Yeah.

00:54:37.35
Mike
Mm-hmm. Sure. Right exactly Yeah It's right.

00:54:40.97
Bill
But, um, I just, I, I don't know. I don't see it as being a, um, I don't know, people, people that are, that are saying that it's going to be some great thing and it's about time and and all that.

00:54:52.70
Bill
I just don't, um, no, no.

00:54:54.41
Mike
It's not gonna be a deterrent to anybody right? Yeah, it's just more crap in the way of nothing.

00:55:01.30
Bill
Right.

00:55:05.85
Mike
I Yes. Right.

00:55:07.50
Bill
but Whatever you were saying, sure.

00:55:08.08
Mike
I'm stroking out virtue signaling.

00:55:08.90
Bill
I agree with you. I agree with you.

00:55:11.58
Mike
Right. Exactly. Not really doing anything. Just look how wonderful I am.

00:55:16.28
Bill
Right?

00:55:17.00
Mike
Yes.

00:55:17.17
Bill
Yeah, I just, I don't, I fucking see the point. You know, if people ah people want to, there I mean, this isn't, you know, fucking 30 years ago, this is the internet.

00:55:20.51
Mike
Yeah.

00:55:25.69
Bill
If somebody wants to know how bad shit is for them, they can figure it out.

00:55:28.34
Mike
ah Right.

00:55:28.86
Bill
You know, you don't need a goddamn label.

00:55:30.23
Mike
No.

00:55:30.72
Bill
You know, you just don't. I just don't, I don't know. It it seems like a waste of fucking time to me, but if that makes somewhere some, it makes somebody feel better, fucking fine, fine.

00:55:36.58
Mike
Yeah. I guess. Right.

00:55:42.96
Bill
more More fucking power to you. If you feel better about yourself because you put a goddamn label on a and of fucking alcoholic beverage, then I don't know.

00:55:50.87
Mike
see Okay.

00:55:51.67
Bill
I don't know.

00:55:52.51
Mike
Right.

00:55:53.43
Bill
Find more fucking, again, more fucking power to you, right?

00:55:56.02
Mike
Right. Once again, doesn't affect me one way or another. Wouldn't affect me when I was drinking.

00:55:59.81
Bill
Right.

00:56:01.28
Mike
It doesn't affect me now.

00:56:03.77
Bill
Yeah. And it's, uh, I mean, seriously, more, it was more so that I was kind of, I was just kind of rolling my eyes at the fact that people thought it was, it was this great thing that, you know, that there was finally happening.

00:56:11.87
Mike
No, okay.

00:56:13.19
Bill
I'm like, really, really like, okay.

00:56:15.03
Mike
c Right. I don't know. The book I read said we're not supposed to be anti-alcohol.

00:56:20.81
Bill
Yeah. I know.

00:56:21.66
Mike
You know, right.

00:56:21.81
Bill
I know.

00:56:22.32
Mike
Those guys that wrote that book and put this, uh, alcoholic synonymous thing together. You got to remember they were fucking drinking their asses off when it was illegal.

00:56:32.27
Bill
Right.

00:56:32.91
Mike
Yup. Little thing called prohibition. They realized it was nonsense then and it wasn't going to do anything. And that's not what this is about. We're not anti-alcohol. We're just, we, yay.

00:56:44.50
Mike
You know, I'm, I'm, you know, again, I've, I've said it on here. It's been a while since I've said it, but you know, I think all drugs should be illegal regulated and and taken care of. So the shit's safe and you know, if people want to do them.

00:56:57.03
Mike
They're not going to fucking kill themselves unless they want to take it off to kill themselves, but it's not going to be dirty.

00:57:01.88
Bill
Right, but just real quick, you you just said that you hope all drugs are illegal, just so you know, you said the word, you didn't.

00:57:07.21
Mike
Oh, did I say that? All right. No, I hope all drugs are legal.

00:57:12.93
Bill
yeah When you said that, I let you finish it. I'm like, and let's just go, let's back this up because people are probably going, huh?

00:57:15.27
Mike
Right. Yeah. What? Yes. Well, they are.

00:57:21.43
Bill
Right.

00:57:21.62
Mike
Well, no, they're not. There's lots and lots of them that are legal and they should all be legal.

00:57:25.12
Bill
Right.

00:57:27.97
Bill
Right.

00:57:28.07
Mike
Stop the black market, stop the crime, make, you know, whatever, but that's just me.

00:57:33.63
Bill
Right.

00:57:34.06
Mike
And again, and again, either way, I'm not doing them.

00:57:34.11
Bill
No, I get it.

00:57:37.97
Mike
So doesn't fucking matter.

00:57:40.09
Bill
right yeah

00:57:41.96
Mike
Except I don't want the little old lady next door getting hit over the head. Cause somebody needs their fix.

00:57:46.99
Bill
Right, right.

00:57:47.59
Mike
Yeah.

00:57:49.20
Bill
Yeah, and that that is true, you know, because that's, you know, the, and it's, I don't know, it was my opinion for years that as soon as, um as soon as the government figured out a way to, you know, where they could make money, you know, off of a weed, it was gonna be legal and that's that's exactly what happened, you know, and I mean, these states are making millions and millions of dollars and in tax revenue, you know, off of, you know, weed being legal, you know.

00:58:00.45
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:58:03.30
Mike
Right. Yup.

00:58:08.09
Mike
No. Yeah.

00:58:10.64
Mike
Right. Yup. Absolutely. Yeah.

00:58:15.17
Bill
and exactly you know it's I mean the government's making money off of pharmaceutical companies that's why that business so is so fucking huge you know so yes soon as they find you know find a way to make money off of you know fucking heroin it's it's gonna be it's gonna be at the 7-eleven I'd like a big gulp in a small bag

00:58:21.23
Mike
Right.

00:58:29.99
Mike
Right. hey Right. but Exactly. But at least they'll know it's clean.

00:58:35.93
Bill
yeah And that is, I mean, i and I know that sounds ridiculous, but it is true. You know, you don't know what you're fucking getting off the street, you know?

00:58:43.83
Mike
Nope.

00:58:44.54
Bill
Gonna beat somebody up for it too, like you said.

00:58:47.17
Mike
Exactly.

00:58:48.91
Bill
All right, let me see here. This is one, God grant me recently. Today, when I do my, Today when I do my my step 10th step, weird.

00:58:59.93
Mike
Yes.

00:59:03.97
Mike
Hmm Yeah Oh sure

00:59:04.06
Bill
um I don't remember why, I think I must've changed words or I just maybe I fucking mumbled when I said it. Anyhow, ah today when I do my 10th step, I will take note of the areas where I need more practice working my program, okay?

00:59:19.70
Bill
So now in parentheses, I put kind of our side note question, is there an area of your program where you think you need more practice?

00:59:29.90
Mike
ah I would hope so.

00:59:31.90
Bill
All right, next one.

00:59:35.96
Mike
Um yeah, you know, um I'm I'm again centered on here before man. The **** empathy thing is uh is definitely something I need to work harder on but you know, and sometimes slowly.

00:59:49.56
Mike
Uh yeah. You know, giving a shit about what other people think, but not, you know, I don't give a shit what people think. That's kind of the baseline I'm coming from, but having to, you know, maybe a little bit, you know, work on it and find that balance and all that good stuff. But yeah, you know, there's lots of stuff I could probably, we could probably fill several of these podcasts up with things I need to work on.

01:00:15.59
Bill
Right, you want me to start for you? or i mean

01:00:18.37
Mike
Ah, take your old fucking inventory.

01:00:21.53
Bill
yeah You know, that's pretty much what I was waiting for. but But yeah, you know, and I thought about that, you know, when I when i wrote it down, again, I try not to think about these things too deeply, but um yeah, I mean, there's there's probably, I mean, we say it all the time, and I think this is hugely important, is that number one, we're not done, we're not experts, we're not, you know, finished, um we're not, you know, perfect at in any of this stuff.

01:00:26.52
Mike
Thank you.

01:00:45.99
Bill
So, um you know, I mean, easily, I mean, every part of my program but you know and still I mean I I struggle with patience that's my the biggest thing I struggle with patience as a probably my number one thing and I struggle with um freaking out about future events you know um and that's kind of this is my my waking out thing which I'll tell you in a minute um but

01:00:50.34
Mike
Right. Right.

01:01:02.69
Mike
Uh-huh.

01:01:10.83
Mike
z

01:01:12.40
Bill
I have a problem with that and I have to talk myself back and I have to talk myself down um from shit all the time. The patience thing, I just need to take a breath and I need to be, Jesus fucking Christ, have some goddamn patience, you fucking idiot.

01:01:22.52
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:01:25.43
Bill
And then I have no patience for myself. So, you know, I'm back to square one.

01:01:27.28
Mike
Right.

01:01:29.96
Bill
But, um I mean, that's just, ah that is, that's me. um And i I don't think, for the most part, I don't think I snap at people too often.

01:01:37.49
Mike
Right.

01:01:37.61
Bill
Or I don't think that people really know how impatient I am, just how really, you know, how just flared up and patient I am.

01:01:44.53
Mike
Sure.

01:01:44.54
Bill
But, um and that's a good, that's a good thing.

01:01:45.71
Mike
Well, that's good. Yeah. Right.

01:01:47.51
Bill
That's a good thing.

01:01:47.66
Mike
Absolutely. Right. That's the whole thing, man. You know, it's what, what, how you're affecting other people, you know, I mean, we try not to affect ourselves, but that's always a losing battle.

01:02:00.15
Mike
So, right.

01:02:00.37
Bill
Right?

01:02:01.03
Mike
It's all we can worry about is who my fucking causing discomfort to others. Cause I'm always going to cause discomfort to myself.

01:02:09.28
Bill
Right. Yeah. And I don't, ah I don't want to, I don't want to snap at people. I don't want to make people feel bad. And even though, you know, i't be in there's there's this, there's this part of me still, and we've talked about it, you know, that, that, I mean, talking somebody down and back in, back in the day and all that stuff, you know, you get this initial, it's almost like a high, you know, you know, thinking that you want an argument or being the, you know, whatever it is, you know, that dominant one in an argument, but it's never any fucking fun.

01:02:14.18
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:02:26.25
Mike
Mm hmm. Right. No.

01:02:34.02
Bill
and if it is it it is for about three minutes and and you're like you know if you got even even half a brain or half a conscience you're gonna fucking feel it you know so i don't want to do any of that but but yeah so that's my number one but yeah freaking out about things you know and um thinking too far down the road i mean yeah we've talked about i mean there's there's nothing wrong with planning and stuff like that but um

01:02:39.41
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:02:54.91
Bill
You know, just these, these, these tripping out or flipping out over, over future events. And, uh, it does in, in this weekend, I'll fuck it. I'll tell you real quick. So, you know, last week, obviously you and I talked down to hear the whole car thing Friday night.

01:03:07.98
Bill
I'm like, I'll get the process started. So I did, um, it kind of got everything rolling, you know, Friday night. Um, and so everything's kind of, you know, rolling stuff.

01:03:16.15
Mike
You didn't wait till Saturday.

01:03:17.90
Bill
Well, in, in here's the, the one.

01:03:18.29
Mike
Just the patience thing. Sorry, man, I had to do it.

01:03:22.70
Bill
And actually it it it didn't have anything to do with the patient's part of it. What it had to do with was when I could get the vehicle, because I, um when I was looking ahead, they were saying, you know, six to seven days.

01:03:29.04
Mike
Right.

01:03:32.84
Bill
And and I'm like, okay, when I did one, I did a quick search to begin with. And it's, it wasn't, it couldn't be delivered to Amarillo.

01:03:42.75
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:03:43.09
Bill
Okay. I would had to go to Fort Worth, which is, I forget the distance away, but it's stood just in a way I could, I would be able to do it.

01:03:48.77
Mike
Oh yeah. Yeah, that's a waste. Yeah.

01:03:50.53
Bill
Yeah, so I'm like, well, fuck, i need to I need to get on this now because one day turns it into possibly next Saturday, you know, and that that wouldn't have worked.

01:03:57.21
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:03:59.85
Bill
You know, so it it really was it was, I looked first because I'm like, I don't i didn't feel like doing it at Friday night after I did this.

01:04:03.11
Mike
since

01:04:05.81
Mike
Right.

01:04:06.21
Bill
it's Again, I get done early with this stuff now. Again, being in mountain time for the, you know, which is only two more days.

01:04:08.94
Mike
Right.

01:04:12.80
Bill
um So seriously, yeah but for once, it wasn't the impatience part, it was being prudent. you know so So I get all this stuff you know got get all stuff rolling, and you know so back and forth and everything's going along and blah, blah, blah.

01:04:17.79
Mike
I know. Right.

01:04:23.78
Bill
But then this's this it's kind of this little process where they're like, okay, get this if we need this, we need that. you know Then they're like, okay, we're looking at you know Friday and like, fuck. you know I'm like okay that's fine but I'm like what time on Friday because Friday is the last day of the month I can't I can't leave work early you know I'll get I can't you know then then finally they're like oh here's the time frame you know five to eight and I'm like well that works I'm like well fuck it if this all lines up and we're gonna have to you know do this recording so but anyhow

01:04:40.05
Mike
Sure. Right, yeah. Mm-hmm.

01:04:53.69
Bill
So once I start doing all this stuff, then I'm like, I'm like, well, fuck my car. Is it going to be okay? You know, my, my trade is that it could be able to be okay. What if this doesn't work?

01:05:00.48
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:05:01.24
Bill
What if that doesn't work? I'm like already the increase in the payment. I'm like, fuck in my, my month's going slow again. And what if I keep having, you know, slow months?

01:05:09.12
Mike
Hmm.

01:05:09.15
Bill
So I'm, I'm wigging myself out about all this stuff.

01:05:11.75
Mike
What if, what if, what if?

01:05:13.65
Bill
Exactly. And that's why I wanted to bring it up on here because here's the problem. Every fucking part of it goes back to what we, not we, what I figured out, you know, through here after you and I talking six months ago is fear.

01:05:26.04
Bill
Okay.

01:05:26.31
Mike
Right.

01:05:27.27
Bill
And it's all financial shit. You know, I'm afraid of my financial future. I'm fearful of what may or may not fucking happen.

01:05:33.44
Mike
Hmm.

01:05:34.13
Bill
And I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ. I slept like crap all this shit. And I'm like, I'm, Literally it at one point I sat and I talked to myself for like 15 minutes almost I'm like you kind of get your fucking head out of your ass It wasn't 15 minutes, but I'm like everything's gonna be fine I'm like I'm trying to talk because I tried I could usually talk myself through these things in and physically feel better but i was I was still kind of weird out about the whole stuff and then

01:05:48.84
Mike
he

01:05:57.29
Mike
Right.

01:05:59.90
Mike
Right.

01:06:01.24
Bill
Then the last thing that it is, it's like, okay, we need you know kind of like one more thing, verify your identity.

01:06:03.09
Mike
Mm

01:06:06.72
Bill
They're like, we need a copy of a lease, we need an electric bill, we need a heating bill, we need we need you know this and that.

01:06:06.85
Mike
hmm.

01:06:12.87
Bill
I'm like, that's...

01:06:13.61
Mike
Don't you know I'm the modern day hobo the Right Right, right Right

01:06:16.84
Bill
So that's from list one, okay, all these things. And then list two is, you know, copy your bank statement, a pay stub, cable bill, or not cable bill, cell phone bill, whatever. And I'm like, I don't have anything in fucking list one, you know? Oh, renter's insurance. I have renter's insurance, but it's it's basically, that's my my car and my renter's insurance is keyed into Kimmy and Brian's house, because it had to be at a piece of property.

01:06:40.71
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:06:41.13
Bill
Um, so I'm like, uh, this is like Wednesday, you know, or no Tuesday, whatever it was Wednesday, maybe even I'm like, fuck.

01:06:44.45
Mike
Uh huh.

01:06:48.31
Bill
So I'm like, okay, all I'm going to do, I'm going to put my pay stub and my, my bank statement.

01:06:53.53
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:06:54.30
Bill
And if something happens, I'll fucking figure it out.

01:06:56.97
Mike
Right.

01:06:57.21
Bill
They accepted it.

01:06:58.54
Mike
Yeah, right. Yeah. exactly ah Trust the process.

01:07:04.25
Bill
Oh, but again, it's list fucking one in list fucking two, one from here and one from here.

01:07:06.94
Mike
Right. this

01:07:09.76
Bill
I can read directions. I read directions these days, you know, but, uh, but still, I mean, you know, and it's everything set to have the car tomorrow.

01:07:11.50
Mike
Sure.

01:07:16.92
Bill
The only thing, you know, just to get, I gotta make sure the car starts and the power steering thing doesn't pop. You know, when, when the guy takes my, takes my trade and I'm fine, you know,

01:07:25.32
Mike
Yeah.

01:07:25.86
Bill
And I mean, they're not paying me enough fucking money for this car. If they get to spend 300 bucks to replace a module, that might be old alcoholic thinking, but fuck you and fuck everyone else.

01:07:29.87
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:07:33.79
Bill
Don't care.

01:07:34.08
Mike
Right, right.

01:07:34.39
Bill
you know I mean, because literally if I had the time and the tools to do it, I could order the part for 300 bucks. I could fix that module. I know I could do it.

01:07:41.78
Mike
Right. Yeah.

01:07:42.67
Bill
you know And I know what they can do it for. So I'm like, fuck them. like there They're low balling me on a goddamn car anyhow.

01:07:45.90
Mike
Hmm.

01:07:48.61
Bill
so

01:07:49.10
Mike
Right.

01:07:49.58
Bill
in that circumstance i don't do this very often but fuck zem um but yeah i mean it's gonna be fine but then you know it's kind of funny as i'm like like oh fuck i wonder is all my shit gonna fit in this car

01:07:50.99
Mike
hey Yeah.

01:07:58.06
Mike
Okay.

01:08:04.02
Bill
But i had done all I had done all that research. The only thing that I did, this is kind of funny, because you've seen it with a the shelf or the table thing thin table that I put my monitors on.

01:08:12.82
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right.

01:08:15.44
Bill
um you know that kind of That slides in and fits you know perfectly in the back of my trunk, almost in the slot right up by the seats.

01:08:18.98
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:08:22.22
Bill
And I took a picture or looked at pictures online and it looks like the the trunk on the the car I'm getting is cubic feet wise, about a half a foot, half a cubic foot bigger.

01:08:27.48
Mike
All

01:08:31.92
Bill
But I don't know if it's bigger in that area.

01:08:34.14
Mike
right.

01:08:34.16
Bill
I'm hoping that the wheel well is the exact same. Cause what I might have to end up doing is just, I don't know if I could take it apart or do something like that, but I'm like, oh, fuck it. That's the worst part. Everything else is going to fit, you know?

01:08:44.76
Mike
Right.

01:08:45.32
Bill
But dumb yeah, shit. I'm, I swear to fucking God, I had myself all, all just wigged out, you know, and I'm, it's all, it's all, it's, it's financial shit, you know, and I, have a I ever, I was going to say I ever write.

01:08:53.81
Mike
right Right.

01:08:55.66
Bill
I understand, you know, I, I do, I care about my finances and I plan on shit. I don't, I don't spend money fucking, you know, Willie fucking nilly all over the place.

01:09:03.75
Mike
Right.

01:09:03.89
Bill
Um, you know, but you know, one, one way or the other, I mean, the shit's going to work out. I fucking know it, but, um, this is kind of a big deal, you know, to me, you know, and it's a, it's a chunk of change and it's going to be a little bit more every month and and all that stuff, but, um, it'll all be fine, you know, but, um, man, I just, yeah.

01:09:09.30
Mike
Yeah. Yeah. Right.

01:09:18.61
Mike
Mm hmm. But in the moment, right? Yeah. Freak the fuck out. Cause that's what we do.

01:09:25.07
Bill
I know. And it's i and again, but everyone out there, you know um almost 15 years, i haven't I haven't gotten that shit under control. I don't know what to do to get that part of me under control, except for understand that you know first of all, I know what's going to happen.

01:09:35.63
Mike
Hmm.

01:09:39.84
Bill
you know i I know how to work through it.

01:09:40.32
Mike
Right.

01:09:42.07
Bill
um I don't let it ruin my day. um I mean, yeah, the worst thing that happened to me this week is possibly a you know I've had restless nights, restless.

01:09:44.08
Mike
Right.

01:09:50.84
Bill
My sleep has been restless.

01:09:52.71
Mike
Yes.

01:09:53.32
Bill
this entire week because of it. um But other than that, I mean, I didn't and didn't hurt myself. I didn't fucking drink over it. And that's what I said.

01:10:00.38
Mike
Right.

01:10:01.05
Bill
None of this shit. I never never thought for even a second, wow, I should drink over this.

01:10:03.74
Mike
Right.

01:10:05.45
Bill
I'm worried about how much money I'm gonna have. So maybe I should drink it all away.

01:10:08.88
Mike
Yeah. Problem solved.

01:10:12.08
Bill
Yeah, exactly. Well, you have to worry about the car now because you can't can fucking afford anything else anyhow.

01:10:16.50
Mike
Right. Exactly. You don't have to worry about the car because you're fucking dead.

01:10:20.89
Bill
Yeah, exactly, exactly. hey yeah So anyhow, but yeah, I think that would be that that kind of answers that question for me of what area of my program I need to work on, right?

01:10:32.18
Mike
right. Well again and and you know, it's just it's another one that you've gone through um You know, I'm sure you went through something very similar say Oh, I don't know five six seven eight years ago Whatever it was and you know this time wasn't quite as bad as the last time The next time won't be quite as bad as this time Yeah It'll still be bad.

01:10:54.13
Bill
right yeah yeah

01:10:57.31
Mike
It'll still suck and you'll lose sleep, but not as much as

01:11:00.76
Bill
I know it just, uh, yeah, it's just that, you know, again, the patience part, I accept, you know, it just, it's just me and I, I know how to, you know, sort of deal with it, but yeah, this, this, you know, fucking freaking out about future shit.

01:11:12.41
Bill
I hate that part. I hate not hate. Um, I'm not a real fan about that part of me and it's just, uh, I don't, I don't know what to do to complete.

01:11:17.38
Mike
right

01:11:19.96
Bill
All I can do is just continue to, to deal with it as it comes up. And like you said, trying to try to lessen the, you know, lessen the explosion that I have inside my brain every time. Right.

01:11:29.39
Mike
Right. yeah Yeah. Seems reasonable to me.

01:11:33.26
Bill
All right then.

01:11:34.54
Mike
yeah

01:11:35.96
Bill
All right, so I don't remember if this came from a reading, but it somehow came across my mind dealing with resentments. It might've come from a podcast. Do you remember, I mean, like, again, this time coming into the Keating Center, this run, do you remember how you were able to start letting go of resentments or even when or like working through resentments?

01:11:56.86
Bill
Do you remember was it a, I don't know, a slow process or does it even, any recollection about dealing or starting to to work through the resentments when you first got sober?

01:12:06.85
Mike
um but i mean he all I believe that starts coming around the eighth step. So, uh, what did, you know, year and a half, right?

01:12:17.05
Bill
Right, a year.

01:12:20.14
Mike
A year and a half working on two years. Um, yeah, yeah. A year and a half, probably starting to work through that. And I mean, um, as you alluded to, this was not my first rodeo.

01:12:32.68
Mike
So I did have some concept of it. I had, um, kind of, started working on some things, you know, long before the first time I went through some of this stuff. Um, so I, I kind of had some rusty, dull tools in my toolbox that I had to take out and polish up and sharpen and yes, and all that. Um,

01:13:01.04
Mike
So yeah, but again, um, that's, that's kind of a step ship getting to that point.

01:13:05.63
Bill
Right.

01:13:06.27
Mike
Um, I mean, yes, four step taking the inventory and finding out what those resentments are and stuff and all that and, uh, letting go of a lot of that crap in the fifth step. And, but yeah, you know, uh, didn't start truly working on it until yeah, about a year and a half sober working the eighth step and, uh, forgiving people that hurt me and all that good stuff, which we've talked about and, um,

01:13:29.62
Bill
Right.

01:13:31.59
Mike
I don't know. yeah Today, yeah you know we've talked about that too, man. you know Don't really have any resentments today. I have pity and I i wish that people would you know ah act differently and get their shit together and stuff like that, but and I don't resent them anymore. I just go, yeah, well, that sucks because they they're living that way. and I'm not and I wish they wouldn't, but not much I could do about it. Powerless. Yeah.

01:14:03.84
Bill
Yeah, and you know, what that's probably a good point. And I know when I but i wrote that down, I didn't really even you know have an answer in my head about about when that was. And I think about, um again, probably going back to Dawn, because she was that number one, even though it was you know it was manufactured in my brain, but still, you know that's what a resent yes's what a resentment is anyhow.

01:14:21.64
Mike
Sure. Well, as most of them are, right?

01:14:25.13
Bill
you know um But I mean, it's ah you know I think that slowly working, I'll say slowly working with her or try to work through her you know when when it came to things with Derek and stuff like that and you know getting ah for no better way to put it I'm not necessarily a fan you know she gave me grace I mean I people talk about that oh give him grace the but she did you know I mean she did you know and and I think that allowed me the fact that she came

01:14:39.51
Mike
Sure. Right. Yeah. Yeah. She did. Absolutely.

01:14:55.72
Bill
actually came into this whole process really soft with me um in a good way.

01:15:02.26
Mike
Right.

01:15:02.94
Bill
I think allowed me you know to to soften up um quicker. I don't know if that makes sense or not. you know

01:15:09.60
Mike
Yeah, definitely.

01:15:09.97
Bill
um

01:15:10.71
Mike
Well, I'm, she clearly, she gave you the rope and then you had to do with it.

01:15:13.83
Bill
Right?

01:15:14.74
Mike
What you did, you could fucking hate yourself or you could make a nice macrame plant hanger.

01:15:20.20
Bill
Yeah, right yeah and there was, I mean, when, what but like I said, when when I made my amends to her, I mean, a lot of it was in, it ended up being in a fucking string of emails, you know, um inadvertently, you know, but I think that that's what she was comfortable with, you know, and I wasn't about to say, no, we have to sit down and talk, you know.

01:15:32.09
Mike
Sure. Yeah. Right.

01:15:40.72
Mike
Right. you Right. Cause it's ah again. Yeah. Right. Cause that's what she was comfortable with. And guess what?

01:15:46.85
Bill
Right.

01:15:47.19
Mike
It's not about us. It's about them.

01:15:49.74
Bill
Yeah. And you know, I mean, she, she said some shit there, you know, it wasn't horrible stuff, but you don't really, um, she got defensive in there or, you know, kind of really stood her ground.

01:15:55.74
Mike
it Yeah.

01:15:59.37
Mike
Yes.

01:15:59.57
Bill
And that was kind of the funny part because I'm like, okay, so here's, you know, again, she's being, she's being raw with me, which I appreciated, you know, because we, we just didn't have that conversation, you know, through that, that four year period, um, you know, even the the year or so, cause they, you know, what would really clicked in the way she said that.

01:16:05.84
Mike
Right.

01:16:16.02
Bill
And when it started was, is when I first, I was going back to Wisconsin. a couple years sober and I made that first trip back to Wisconsin. um And I hadn't been back there since I was sober. So it was, you know, that was kind of a big deal um for me and and whatever.

01:16:29.22
Bill
But, you know, I, the way that email string started out was, you know, Derek had wanted me, you know, he said he wanted me to stop by the house. I had a hotel all and all this stuff. And I asked her permission.

01:16:39.53
Bill
I'm like, Derek said he wanted me to come by.

01:16:40.44
Mike
right

01:16:41.17
Bill
But I'm like, I, I told him I'd, I'd see what, you know, what, what was what type of thing. And, but I said, it's up to you.

01:16:46.10
Mike
Sure.

01:16:47.43
Bill
And she's like, I don't mind. She said, this and that. And and i said I said, well, you know we haven't we haven't really talked in really that that deeply over these.

01:16:56.04
Mike
the

01:16:56.12
Bill
It's been service conversations over the last couple of years.

01:16:59.23
Mike
right ah Right.

01:16:59.33
Bill
And in the email, I remember her coming back. She's like, well, she goes, you know even though there was a reason, which I'm not going to talk about openly on here, because I get some ears you know listening here and there. um But I said, she's like, well, you know We never really talked that much a handful of years prior to that.

01:17:14.83
Bill
I'm like, and that's a good goddamn point.

01:17:15.04
Mike
Right.

01:17:16.44
Bill
you know you know Even when we had the ability to, we didn't we didn't talk. So I'm like, OK, that's fair. you know um So that's when it all opened up. you know And she goes, you know she I forget all the things she said to me.

01:17:27.27
Bill
But I'll never forget you know that it was either in that time frame or or afterwards when she said that you know I will never, ever forget the things that you did.

01:17:35.72
Mike
v Right.

01:17:36.42
Bill
I forgive you. As long as you keep doing what you're doing, you know, but I will never forget the the things that you did.

01:17:41.61
Mike
Yup.

01:17:43.17
Bill
And I said, that's fair. What, what the fuck am I going to say? Really?

01:17:45.53
Mike
Right. Yeah.

01:17:47.16
Bill
You know, um, you know, and then, uh, you know, just, just telling me flat out, you know, that, you know, you don't get another chance, you know, you don't get a second chance. This is it, you know? Um, and and again, part of you be like, well, what the fuck man, everyone else gets a second chance.

01:18:03.84
Bill
But the other the other fun thing is when when I really noticed, um and it wasn't attuning my heart, I was actually being proud of myself, is when I noticed the growth that I had is when she came at me with a couple of things after overtime, you know, this is what I'm doing and blah, blah, blah.

01:18:18.40
Mike
Mm-hmm, right Right, uh-huh.

01:18:21.13
Bill
And I'm like, okay, that's cool. And I didn't argue about it whenever it was, you know, or this is what the deal is, you know, she kind of laid some shit on the line.

01:18:28.22
Mike
Yeah Right, yeah Okay Yeah being an asshole

01:18:29.02
Bill
So I normally would argue with her about, And I said, oh, that's cool. And she she was just either like, oh, OK. All right, I'm going to go now. You know, cause she didn't know how to, she, she was so used to me, um, fighting with her.

01:18:46.04
Bill
Oh yeah. Yeah. Being an asshole and fighting with her. She expected me to come back with something, which is what I always did, you know?

01:18:51.22
Mike
Right, sir.

01:18:53.67
Bill
And I was ah again, that those, those these little moments that that we come across where it's like, fuck man, you know, I'm, um I wasn't, you know, pat myself in the back, but I was proud of the fact that, that somebody else could clearly see the growth, you know?

01:19:01.83
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:19:06.28
Mike
Yes, right.

01:19:07.34
Bill
which is kind of what we were talking about. You know, you started off with, you know, kind of talking about this stuff with Kathy too. It goes along in the same lines, you know, which is, uh, I don't know.

01:19:11.75
Mike
Well, mm hmm.

01:19:15.19
Bill
It's, it's the fucking point, but it's every once in a while it's kind of, it is, it's kind of nice to hear, you know, but all, all the worries still on this side of the table.

01:19:20.52
Mike
Yes, absolutely.

01:19:24.01
Bill
So.

01:19:24.13
Mike
Yes, it is. he

01:19:27.14
Bill
All right, so enough of this fucking sobriety shit. You wanna hear some news stories?

01:19:31.07
Mike
Sure.

01:19:32.61
Bill
All right, so I came across two different things this week. um So the first one, and this is, again, this is so fucking funny. Let's get to the headline here.

01:19:44.79
Bill
Okay, this is not talking about Trump, okay?

01:19:47.94
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:19:48.15
Bill
A guy turned orange after eating nothing but cheese, meat, and butter.

01:19:55.46
Mike
Ah. Yup.

01:19:57.01
Bill
Did you hear about this?

01:19:57.96
Mike
Yes, I did.

01:20:00.01
Bill
Okay, so for anyone who didn't, I was fucking laughing my ass off.

01:20:03.84
Mike
Hmm.

01:20:04.04
Bill
First of all, it starts off a Florida man. In his forties that landed himself in a medical journal after crazy diet turn hands feet elbows a slight orange color they diagnosed him with something called in they they they kind of they did the phonetic version here xanthalasma okay.

01:20:11.20
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:20:22.36
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:20:23.68
Bill
It is when your cholesterol gets so high that fat starts building up under your skin. okay It causes yellow or orange deposits, usually around your eyes, but it can happen anywhere in your body.

01:20:30.31
Mike
Right. Yes.

01:20:35.54
Mike
Right.

01:20:39.43
Bill
um so yeah He was doing this extreme carnivore diet.

01:20:43.04
Mike
right

01:20:43.83
Bill
eating hamburger meat, cheese, and full sticks of butter, okay?

01:20:46.62
Mike
Hmm.

01:20:49.96
Bill
um He said he lost some weight, so that's a positive, um but when they checked his cholesterol, it was over 1,000, okay? anything over 200 is bad.

01:21:01.79
Mike
Aha. Right.

01:21:04.13
Bill
And I'm like, oh my God, Jesus fucking Christ. um And then it was just funny that this was from an article that was from some radio station. And they that must've been where they grabbed their morning show.

01:21:14.15
Bill
But the last line says, they didn't say how he's doing now. Hopefully he's had a vegetable.

01:21:22.99
Bill
Okay. So, um, and we don't necessarily, we have more female followers. They're not the guys don't do diets, but I know a lot of people out there, men and women, you don't get on these weird diets.

01:21:29.50
Mike
Hmm.

01:21:32.93
Mike
Right.

01:21:32.93
Bill
Um, stay away from, uh, from that the extreme car, stay away from just meat, meat, cheese, and sticks of butter.

01:21:36.88
Mike
Yes.

01:21:40.28
Bill
That that's a, that's a negative.

01:21:40.58
Mike
Hmm.

01:21:42.02
Bill
Okay.

01:21:42.68
Mike
Yeah. Okay. Wait, where's my pen at? I need to write this down.

01:21:47.10
Bill
Right.

01:21:47.51
Mike
Don't eat nine pounds of cheese a week.

01:21:51.80
Bill
Exactly. If I start turning orange, call a doctor.

01:21:54.06
Mike
Hmm.

01:21:57.80
Bill
All right, so this this last one, this is this is a Wisconsin story. um

01:22:01.87
Mike
Hmm speaking of cheese

01:22:04.01
Bill
ah Speaking of cheese, Waukesha, so when we were in, I talked about Waukesha enough. it's ah It's a town that I used to live in. It's a little south area of of where I used to live the last time, blah, blah, blah. But so Waukesha gym teacher accused of driving drunk and causing crash, okay?

01:22:23.51
Bill
Um, Jim teacher, uh, was so intoxicated. Oh, hang on one second. Yeah, we'll get to that in a minute. So when the teacher got to work on Friday, prosecutors say 52 year old, Randall, blah, blah, blah, was drunk.

01:22:38.60
Bill
um I won't say the the limit here at the time, but basically police were called to East Main Street and Waukesha, which is downtown Waukesha. Busy area, especially this time in the morning, 7.30 AM to investigate a hit and run crash. They say that this gentleman rear-ended another car and took off.

01:22:58.31
Bill
so So this guy says to the, to the person he needed to leave. He's like, I need to leave because I'm a teacher that I need to get to school on time. So the person took a picture of the, you know, the license plate, blah, blah, blah called the police.

01:23:11.67
Bill
So they show the front of his Jeep. I mean, it's fucking smashed, right? I mean, not bad smash, but it's yeah.

01:23:15.26
Mike
Right?

01:23:16.58
Bill
Fucking shit hanging off, blah, blah, blah.

01:23:16.65
Mike
Yeah, clearly.

01:23:18.16
Bill
Yeah, it's it's problematic, right? So um the officers basically, officers obviously went to the school, they you know ran the thing, went to the middle, he was a middle school teacher, um found his chief smashed in the parking lot, that was number one, saying he admitted driving his kids to school earlier that morning, and also admitted to the crash afterwards. I don't mean to laugh at this, but it's just that kind of a flashback type of thing.

01:23:45.94
Mike
Yeah, right.

01:23:46.96
Bill
They administered four different field sobriety tests um to him. They said he failed all of them, including counting and walking. um They say that yeah when he when he was in court, ah basically the his blood alcohol level was 0.40.

01:24:06.50
Bill
okay says people don't get to point four oh four oh overnight this is a judge saying this uh court commissioner most people are incapacitated and and don't make it technically speaking sir you could be dead at point four yeah and then the other thing you said the meter the meter said he was above

01:24:06.84
Mike
see

01:24:12.02
Mike
Right.

01:24:26.84
Bill
ah but it maxes out I guess on their breath, the breathalyzer at four, okay?

01:24:30.71
Mike
Yeah.

01:24:31.64
Bill
So quick side question, when when they tested your blood alcohol level when you went into the detox blood test, right?

01:24:37.12
Mike
Right.

01:24:37.77
Bill
Yeah, same as mine. Okay, so I yeah i was breathalyzed when I got my DUI.

01:24:38.88
Mike
Yeah.

01:24:41.69
Bill
I say only, I was only a 0.24 at the time or something like that.

01:24:43.35
Mike
Hmm.

01:24:46.78
Mike
Right.

01:24:47.59
Bill
um But just to recap, Mike, what were you when you went into detox?

01:24:50.81
Mike
0.42.

01:24:53.50
Bill
And would you want to know what I am, everybody? I was 0.44.

01:24:57.02
Mike
Yes, you are.

01:24:58.66
Bill
And both of us were were blood tested, granted. you know it's more It's a truer test, right blood test versus that.

01:25:04.35
Mike
right.

01:25:05.16
Bill
But neither one of us had had anything to drink for what, two, three hours at least?

01:25:09.97
Mike
Yeah, we just a couple hours. Yep.

01:25:12.72
Bill
and And yeah, we we were above. So this this guy is certainly playing in the in the same ah same field as us when it comes to that. um but But yeah, so this dude, um the I mean, i if I remember correctly, and I didn't read it the rest of the article, but not only got you know hit for you know ah the drunk of driving, the hit and run accident, the fleeing an accident, um but you know being intoxicated with a child because he

01:25:30.25
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:25:36.06
Bill
He fucking admitted that he ah drove his kids to school you know that morning. And I'm like, son, I'm a bitch, man. And he's 50 some years old. So you know he's in his our age range and and blah, blah, blah.

01:25:46.64
Mike
Yeah.

01:25:48.32
Bill
Again, 7.30 in the morning, I'm sure for, well, probably people listening to listening to this sort of thing are not surprised that somebody was fucking loaded at 7.30 in the morning.

01:25:51.29
Mike
No.

01:25:57.37
Bill
But you know your your all day, every day person is not gonna necessarily be you know fucking plastered at 7.30.

01:25:57.64
Mike
Right.

01:26:03.98
Bill
7 30 in the morning.

01:26:04.41
Mike
Right.

01:26:05.09
Bill
But yeah that's the first thing I, when I heard the point for i'm like this dude's been at this a one time thing.

01:26:10.68
Mike
Yeah, absolutely.

01:26:12.88
Bill
Yeah, he he drew was driving drunk but he was, you know, he he made it he literally made it to school, even though he hit somebody on the way

01:26:17.77
Mike
Yeah. Yeah, right. He wasn't doing it well, but he was doing it he you're Right

01:26:22.85
Bill
Yeah, he wasn't he wasn't doing a crisp, you know but he he got there. He did get there. And that's literally the first thing I thought of. Yeah, this this dude's a professional. He's been around a while. so But they you know they what they didn't say is that I didn't see if it was like a first or second. You get some of these dudes that you know, at that level, I mean, it's, it's, you know, number four, number five, whatever the deal is.

01:26:45.84
Bill
And, um, yeah, I don't know what his, what his deal was. But once again, as I, as I always say, and as we always say, um, we're not making fun of the circumstance. It's a bad deal, but it's, it's really hard not to fucking laugh and not to look at, you know, and see ourselves and, you know, in this guy, you could put either one of our names in that article and it would have been, yeah.

01:26:54.41
Mike
No.

01:26:59.81
Mike
Oh yeah.

01:27:03.10
Mike
Absolutely. You know, aside from the fact that he had a job and a car, ah right?

01:27:08.37
Bill
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, i I had a car and a job at the end. I mean, it's, you know, I mean, I wasn't doing it well, but, you know, I had.

01:27:16.10
Mike
all Yeah. Kind of like his driving.

01:27:18.94
Bill
Right. i mean But i I did. I had both of those.

01:27:20.11
Mike
You're doing it. You just weren't doing it well.

01:27:23.32
Bill
I wasn't again, that was the job that I never I never showed up. ah You know, never drew a sober breath inside of that building.

01:27:26.85
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:27:29.31
Bill
So, um yeah.

01:27:30.15
Mike
Right.

01:27:33.28
Bill
All right, but yeah, you know, honestly, I was thinking about it, you know, I got one more, one more day and I'm leaving, you know, I'm leaving it early, like 4am on Saturday so I want to get out. to I'm a real one, it's every bit of 11 hours plus I, again, you know lose an hour going back, get back into into what but is my real time.

01:27:49.81
Mike
Right.

01:27:52.41
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:27:53.27
Bill
um But I'll tell you one thing, you know mountain time has been weird only in the in the sense that, because I live on central time, that's where my well my work hours are.

01:28:02.27
Mike
Yeah.

01:28:03.27
Bill
you know So if I normally go to bed at 10.30, I'm in bed no later than fucking 9.30.

01:28:08.77
Mike
Right.

01:28:08.87
Bill
If I get up at 5 a.m., it's fucking four in the morning when I'm getting up. you know

01:28:11.82
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:28:12.42
Bill
um in the the great part though is when we record on friday nights and you know we're done at 6 30 and i'm i'm all set i mean even if it takes me a long time you know i'm done by fucking eight o'clock you know doing everything and i'm like that's a fucking dream you

01:28:24.80
Mike
Yeah, right, right.

01:28:30.34
Bill
You know, but it is, it's so I don't mind the mountain time thing. It's that not been any problem whatsoever. It's just, I, I have to think, you know, on a, on a Sunday or on a weeknight, what am I doing? Where am I going?

01:28:40.76
Bill
I gotta get to fucking bed, you know?

01:28:42.27
Mike
Right?

01:28:44.99
Bill
But yeah, so tomorrow, no, tomorrow, the next week I'll be in, I'll be in Texas again.

01:28:48.72
Mike
Mm-hmm, cool.

01:28:49.80
Bill
So, so yeah. Yeah. And I look, I looked at it's supposed to be at there's this, uh, there was that Paulo, you and I talked about it, the, uh, I can't think of that. It's a state park that you said you went to.

01:29:00.30
Mike
Oh yeah, the canyon, right.

01:29:01.66
Bill
Yeah. The Canyon thing, Palo Alto or whatever it is Canyon.

01:29:03.68
Mike
Yeah, whatever it is, right. Yeah, it's it's basically the Texas Grand Canyon.

01:29:05.53
Bill
Yeah.

01:29:08.16
Bill
Yeah, exactly. And, um and I've got the I bought a day pass because they said sometimes it fills up and I looked at the weather. It's going to be, you know, it's Paul, yeah, Palo Duro Canyon, State Park.

01:29:18.85
Mike
There.

01:29:20.03
Bill
um But it's ah it's fucking $8, you know, I bought a day pass for Sunday, it's going to be like 70 degrees.

01:29:22.52
Mike
Cool.

01:29:26.49
Mike
Nice.

01:29:26.60
Bill
like And I'm like, as soon as I looked at the weather, I'm like, oh fuck, man, I probably should buy a pass because, you know, they, apparently they shut it out. You know, they won't let you in.

01:29:34.71
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:29:35.24
Bill
But when I looked online, it was like, they have room for like fucking 900 people. I mean, it's thousands of acres, but you fucking never know.

01:29:39.04
Mike
Right. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's huge.

01:29:42.56
Bill
You never know.

01:29:42.85
Mike
Right.

01:29:42.96
Bill
I mean, they can there's people, you know, like, like ah but ah nobody's going to go on a 70 degree day in January or February actually at that point.

01:29:44.64
Mike
Yeah.

01:29:49.55
Mike
Right.

01:29:49.85
Bill
So. But yeah, other than that, I mean, I don't, I don't, do I have anything else? I thought I had something else. I told you about my wigging out. I told you about, uh, these or these, uh, yeah, the guy eating this.

01:29:56.86
Mike
Yeah.

01:30:01.41
Bill
And I think, I think we're good. I don't, I think I got nothing else.

01:30:02.60
Mike
Right. Yeah. Well, so, you know, think about the guy, you know, oozing the fat out of his hands when you go to the big Texan and get yourself a 72 ounce steak.

01:30:13.13
Bill
Well, I'm not gonna get that thing. There's no fucking way.

01:30:15.13
Mike
Right. Yeah, I know.

01:30:15.80
Bill
my my friend My friend Morgan said the same thing. She's like, when you're there, you gotta do it. I'm like, I'm not fucking doing it.

01:30:20.08
Mike
Yeah. know Right.

01:30:21.32
Bill
she's like because she's She's little. I mean, she's only like five, two or five, three. She's like, that's my goal.

01:30:26.36
Mike
Right.

01:30:26.82
Bill
She said, I'm gonna eat that one day. I'm like, you're fuck you're fucking crazy. That steak's bigger than you, man.

01:30:31.70
Mike
right

01:30:32.43
Bill
But I said, I said, here's the thing. I'm like, if I fail, I can't afford $100, you know, spend on a fucking meal.

01:30:37.03
Mike
Right. Yeah.

01:30:39.12
Bill
I said, I'll probably do it. You know, again, even though I'm I think I just talked about we get out about money and I'm going to go out to eat.

01:30:45.51
Mike
Yes.

01:30:45.52
Bill
But it's it's an experience. I'll go in there and have, you know, one of the nights I'll i'll go have dinner.

01:30:47.11
Mike
Yeah.

01:30:49.94
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:30:50.02
Bill
um You know, I'm not going to get a big ass state, but I'll get something.

01:30:52.11
Mike
Yeah.

01:30:52.26
Bill
I mean, you know, if I can spend 30, 40 bucks or whatever.

01:30:52.92
Mike
Yeah.

01:30:54.50
Bill
It's not going to kill me.

01:30:54.76
Mike
Sure.

01:30:55.34
Bill
So.

01:30:56.35
Mike
Right.

01:30:56.55
Bill
but yeah, and I looked and it's literally like seven minutes away from the place I'm staying at.

01:31:01.42
Mike
Cool.

01:31:02.57
Bill
So I'll figure out a night to get out there and I'll, Hey, I'll report back.

01:31:02.75
Mike
Yeah. Nice. Yeah.

01:31:07.64
Mike
All right. he

01:31:09.23
Bill
All right, man. So um now it is, it is that time that it is that time, dammit.

01:31:13.17
Mike
Oh, it's that time? Ah, it's that time. a All right then, well, thank you everyone for listening to yet another episode of Sober Not Mature. As always, be kind to each other, be good to each other, go out there and do something nice for somebody else this week and don't tell anybody you did it.

01:31:36.31
Mike
Now, from the bottom of my heart to the depths of my soul, from the beginning of time till the ends of the earth, always and eternally, fuck you. And now it's time, kids.

01:31:50.89
Mike
It is that time for you to fuck off. Then keep fucking off. Keep fucking off till you get to a gate with a sign on it saying you cannot fuck off past here. Climb over that gate. Dream the impossible dream and keep fucking off forever.

01:32:08.27
Bill
And if there's any of the new folks that made it this far, I would bet your fucking ass there's not another podcast out there that says fuck this much. I get to start counting again.

01:32:18.28
Bill
I get to start taking a look at our transcripts and what was our record 160 or 170 in an episode?

01:32:20.03
Mike
Mm hmm. Somewhere in somewhere in that range. Yes.

01:32:25.55
Bill
yeah There's all these goddamn podcasts out there saying, thank you so much for listening. Please come back. We're like, fuck you, fuck off.

01:32:31.38
Mike
Fuck off.

01:32:32.10
Bill
It's time to fuck off. hey yeah Yeah, if anyone wants to hear that the story behind all of that, go back to like episode four, I think is four or five.

01:32:38.91
Mike
Right.

01:32:41.07
Bill
The audio's terrible, but at the end of that episode, at the end of that episode, you'll you hear Mike and I talking about it.

01:32:42.78
Mike
yeah right

01:32:47.46
Bill
And I think Mike decided how he wanted to, he said, all I could think about is saying, fuck you or fuck off to people.

01:32:52.16
Mike
Yeah. Fuck off. Yeah.

01:32:53.81
Bill
Yeah, so that's how it started. And yep, a month from now, little, a little less than a month from now, we're coming up with three years of this little thing we're doing.

01:32:59.55
Mike
Jesus Christ.

01:33:00.07
Bill
So I know, can you believe it? I can't.

01:33:02.08
Mike
I, I can't yes, but never fear.

01:33:02.42
Bill
So

01:33:06.92
Mike
It will be the same old crap for that episode. Just like it was for this one.

01:33:10.99
Bill
yeah exactly. Same old, same old shit, different fucking day, right?

01:33:14.70
Mike
You'll love you too.

01:33:15.53
Bill
All right, man. Well, I love you brother. We'll talk soon.

01:33:19.52
Mike
We shall.

01:33:20.35
Bill
All righty. Bye.