SoberNotMature - Episode 160 (Tom Farley - We're All Gonna Need Bigger Pants)

00:01.17
Bill
Alright everyone, welcome once again to another episode of Sober Not Mature. And um I don't even know how to start this off. we've we've got We've got a guy that's kind of a big deal on here tonight.

00:14.29
Tom Farley
Yikes. Yikes.

00:15.21
Bill
I know, I've been working you up a little bit, Tom. We just had ah a very brief conversation.

00:18.66
Mike
Thanks, Bill. I like to think I'm a big deal too.

00:19.72
Bill
Yeah.

00:21.04
Tom Farley
I know.

00:21.14
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:21.56
Tom Farley
In Italy. yeah and

00:22.79
Bill
No, Mike bike is definitely not. I'm not. We know all that. But um first of all, we if anyone's been paying attention, hopefully we have Tom Farley on here tonight.

00:25.33
Mike
e

00:31.00
Bill
um First of all, Tom, thank you ah very, very much for for you know taking the time and agreeing and for whatever reason, agreeing to come on with us, Yahoo's. That's number one. um But introduce yourself real quick. Give us a very brief background and then we'll get into it. Okay.

00:45.92
Tom Farley
Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, Tom Farley. The easiest way to describe it is I had to grow up in Madison, Wisconsin, sharing a bedroom with my little brother, Chris Farley.

00:54.04
Mike
Hmm.

01:00.00
Tom Farley
And it's funny, is if you think, you know, the Chris Farley that everyone else saw at like 25, same guy that I'd share a bedroom, same thing I had to deal with. um So we grew up, I was the oldest. ah we have an oldest sister, Barb. I was the oldest of four boys.

01:16.32
Tom Farley
um me, k Chris, then Kevin and John. and you know, I kind grew up with this whole, you know, like my father's an entrepreneur and has his own company and I got to go into business and that's the path I chose.

01:30.43
Tom Farley
And then I turn around and Chris and then my other brothers, like, I want to be, I want to be actors. I want to do comedy. I'm like, I didn't know that was an option.

01:38.06
Bill
Thank you.

01:39.30
Mike
Right.

01:39.61
Tom Farley
Um, so I went to Wall Street and finance and did marketing, uh, which is hysterical if anyone knows me. Um, and i was out in New York when Chris came out to Saturday Night Live and, uh, you know, I got to see, you know, all the good, but, you know, some of the struggles too. So I have those stories, but, uh, then, you know, when, when Chris passed away, it just was that moment in my life where i took a turn and,

02:09.42
Tom Farley
and went down that path and, you know, telling his story and then, and then eventually, having enough courage to tell my own story. And, and, uh, what, ah what, an ah what a difference.

02:19.61
Mike
Nice.

02:23.03
Tom Farley
Uh, it's, it's been a long journey. A lot of us in recovery, it's, it's a, it's a long path.

02:25.17
Mike
yeah Absolutely.

02:28.21
Tom Farley
And, and, uh, but I, if that's the path I had to take to get where I am today, I, I'd choose that every, every time. Like, you know, long as I end up here.

02:37.22
Mike
Absolutely. Right with you. Right with you.

02:39.00
Tom Farley
Yeah.

02:38.97
Bill
Right?

02:39.64
Mike
yeah Yeah. Again, you know, we say it all the time. None of us are unique. None of us are special.

02:43.79
Tom Farley
Yeah.

02:44.20
Mike
We all have the same damn story. It's just, you know, slightly different circumstances.

02:47.21
Tom Farley
Right. Yeah.

02:50.31
Bill
Yeah, that's the other thing we talk about, too, is that all of this garbage that we had to deal with. I mean, yours was a little bit, you know, clearly more on the in the public eye. You know, obviously, the, you know, the family drama that you dealt with and family situations. But all these things that we had to deal with um provide us, and Mike says it all the time, provided us worth, you know, to help people going forward.

03:11.27
Tom Farley
Yep.

03:11.34
Bill
And, you know, it's funny that both Mike and I, um um Did some research and and things like that. We both knew of you, but didn't know a lot about you, ah which is the other reason we're excited to obviously get a chance to know you as an individual.

03:23.28
Bill
ah We're kind of joking to begin with. We're like, Chris is going to come up in the conversation regardless. And you know Mike had said that he's like, about Chris Farley. He's like, we want to talk to this dude tonight.

03:32.73
Tom Farley
Oh man.

03:33.91
Bill
You know, and and the funny part was in the little bit of research that I did, Mike like did the same thing is exactly what you just said about, you know, and I didn't think about it that way. You were going out, and you said it, going out and telling Chris's story.

03:46.38
Bill
But then as soon as you started telling your own, and correct me if I'm wrong, you said it started to draw in the audience a little bit more and give people a little different perspective, right?

03:55.00
Tom Farley
Well, yeah. I mean, you know, ah all my life in the same way with Chris, like we just wanted to, you know, connect with people. And the harder I tried um and the more I, and and to do that, I didn't know it, but I was controlling everything around me.

04:01.98
Mike
Mm-hmm.

04:11.15
Mike
something Right.

04:11.41
Tom Farley
and everyone around me, i i was pushing people away. And I like couldn't figure it out. It's like, but not that's not what I'm trying to do here. And then as soon as I just paid attention to myself, at control things I can can't control, keep my you know ah car in the lane, all of a sudden people are coming. and I'm attracting people. i'm like, what happened?

04:32.39
Bill
Yeah.

04:32.51
Tom Farley
but You know, it's

04:32.67
Mike
Exactly.

04:34.73
Tom Farley
And I'll tell you, what what was really interesting is, you know, I, as I said, I've been speaking and advocating for years and telling, you know, starting out telling Chris's story, somebody else's addiction, im probably helping some people. I'm sure I did But, um you know, now the the greatest thing is after I do a ah presentation or talk to a group, people, somebody more than a number, people come up to me and say, you know,

05:03.81
Tom Farley
That's not what I expected at all.

05:05.83
Bill
right

05:05.88
Mike
Mmm.

05:06.19
Tom Farley
I'm like, oh you, yeah like, i thought I was, because you were, like, it was Bill, Chris Farley's brother. I thought I was go to hear funny Farley stories of this.

05:12.07
Mike
Sure.

05:14.77
Tom Farley
And um i all of a sudden, I'm hearing your story. And not only that, but I'm hearing my story in your story.

05:21.59
Mike
awesome

05:23.54
Tom Farley
And all of a sudden, there's that connection I wanted all the time, you know, for sort of so long. It's like, there it is. And all I did was just, you know, be, you know, authentic and rigorously honest and,

05:33.46
Mike
Yes. Right. We get open and honest and all of a sudden we start connecting with people.

05:38.06
Bill
Right.

05:38.57
Tom Farley
Yeah.

05:38.61
Mike
Imagine that.

05:39.92
Tom Farley
Who would have thought? Somebody. Yeah. Wow.

05:41.74
Mike
yeah not me.

05:41.82
Bill
yeah

05:42.76
Tom Farley
still shake my head that. Yeah. Yeah. it's still it's i still shake my head at that you know

05:50.64
Mike
Yeah, it's a beautiful thing.

05:51.20
Bill
right

05:52.90
Tom Farley
yeah

05:52.95
Bill
Yeah. And, and it's, it is amazing too, that, uh, and I'm sure that when you were going out and I'm guessing here, but I'm guessing that it was pretty easy to fill the seats going in as Chris, but Chris Farley's brother. But when you started to, you know, obviously go in telling your story, but then obviously Chris is part of your, yeah maybe a different audience, but also you're, you're filling people's minds and rather than just filling the seats, you know, um, which is, which is kind of interesting. And, um, you know, both Mike and I have been around the recovery world for a little bit,

06:20.20
Bill
And, you know, it's it's one of those things. There's a lot of people that that say that they don't like it getting up telling their story. I mean, I don't mind. I've been around, you know, speaking engagements, not speaking engagements like you, but training and that sort of thing for a number of years.

06:30.80
Tom Farley
Yeah.

06:33.19
Bill
It's not uncomfortable, but I feel more uncomfortable in ah in a 12-step meeting than I do in a room full of 50 people talking about, like you had said, some sort of marketing thing.

06:44.25
Bill
um I still get nerves in those other environments, but it's different because it's personal, you know?

06:48.47
Tom Farley
put But, on you know, honestly, it is difficult no matter what. big yeah There's a reason public adult, almost every adult fears public speaking because it's it's unnatural.

06:59.64
Mike
Right.

07:01.35
Tom Farley
It's weird like to stand up in front of a bunch of people looking at you. And I tell people all the time, when you see a great public speaker, you're not seeing somebody that is really skilled in this.

07:14.10
Tom Farley
You're just seeing somebody that's gotten very comfortable doing something and that's uncomfortable for everyone. Being comfortable doing uncomfortable things.

07:21.30
Mike
Right.

07:23.22
Tom Farley
And that's what I... Five minutes before a talk, I'm all in my head going, God, what am going say?

07:28.14
Bill
Right. Right.

07:28.91
Tom Farley
What to do? we i do

07:29.46
Mike
Mm-hmm.

07:29.91
Tom Farley
I get out there.

07:30.26
Bill
yeah

07:31.31
Tom Farley
A microphone's in my hand. Lights in my face. People are staring at me. I'm like, oh man, I am so comfortable. This is such the right place for me. And I'm off the races.

07:40.62
Mike
Yeah, absolutely.

07:40.75
Bill
right

07:41.39
Mike
And I mean, and for me, I mean, it's, you know, yeah anytime I do it, it's it's recovery based now.

07:41.87
Tom Farley
Yeah.

07:48.65
Mike
And um I have a, you know, a passion for it. So it it kind of comes naturally. I get up there and I start talking about something I actually care about now in my life.

07:59.88
Mike
And it's pretty damn easy these days.

08:03.60
Tom Farley
yeah because Yeah, because we've learned to, as I said, yeah you're not avoiding any pain. you know, ah life is hard.

08:10.02
Mike
Mm hmm.

08:12.49
Mike
Yes.

08:12.69
Tom Farley
As I like to say, you know, recovery exists on the other side of fear. And once you overcome that fear, like I live my life enough fear in my life.

08:16.77
Bill
right

08:16.83
Mike
Mm-hmm.

08:22.10
Tom Farley
Like, ah you know, so when I get out there and I'm just... you know, telling my story, being vulnerable, you know, just not giving into the fear.

08:33.35
Tom Farley
Um, man it's, it's, it's, it's magical. You know, it's, it's a different feeling I never had, you know, that that's what people are seeing really.

08:37.77
Mike
Mm-hmm.

08:41.23
Bill
right

08:43.26
Mike
Yeah, absolutely. So, on that subject, all right, um when the hell do you get all screwed up?

08:44.49
Tom Farley
Yeah.

08:50.25
Tom Farley
Oh man. Um,

08:51.19
Mike
Hmm. Hmm.

08:53.63
Tom Farley
Oh, you know, I grew in Wisconsin. Does that, you know, like, know, it's funny.

08:57.77
Bill
Yeah.

08:58.85
Tom Farley
I like to say that growing up in my family, we checked three boxes. yeah We had, from what i when what I've found out now, ah is a long generational history of ah difficulty with ah um alcohol. and And alcoholics, you know, run deep in my family.

09:20.85
Mike
he

09:21.06
Tom Farley
um we were irish and and we lived in wisconsin you know i we only had to check one of those boxes but we all three and we thought it was part of our identity like if you're a farley you drank if you're irish you know like you don't have you're supposed to you're like uh and if you live in wisconsin yeah definitely you have to drink um

09:25.46
Mike
Right.

09:35.41
Mike
Right.

09:43.61
Mike
Would you know anything about that, Bill?

09:45.32
Bill
A little bit. I lived in, we moved to Wisconsin in 1981. And with the exception of three years out in Cleveland when I lived with my dad and then three years out in Cleveland when I got sober.

09:57.09
Bill
um And well, the last three years also, but I i lived in Wisconsin for 35 plus years. plus years

10:03.45
Tom Farley
Oh, there we go.

10:03.63
Bill
And, uh, yeah, and I'm, I'm actually the, the funny part is I'm, I'm in West Bend right now.

10:05.45
Tom Farley
Yeah.

10:08.61
Bill
I'm in, uh, I'm in an Airbnb. I came out here, my son and his girlfriend are moving together in together this weekend. My grandson's birthday is next weekend. So, um, I'm up in Wisconsin.

10:16.62
Tom Farley
So what are we doing in here talking? it's We should be at a fish ride. Like what? You know, are you kidding me?

10:20.45
Mike
Yeah.

10:21.66
Bill
You know what? I was, I was gonna, was gonna joke about it. You know, Hey Tom, Madison's only a couple hours away. I can pop in anytime. Yeah.

10:27.59
Tom Farley
Oh, man. Like, ah like. All right, but I'm going to get it to it eventually tonight, so too bad.

10:35.29
Mike
Mm-hmm.

10:36.80
Tom Farley
um

10:36.83
Mike
Mm-hmm.

10:36.83
Bill
Right. Well, you know, the the funny thing, though, is that and I've been hearing it a lot lately. um I listen to a lot of different sobriety podcasts and um I don't know if I'm hearing it more or if it's just hitting me more. But a lot of people are talking about that.

10:50.44
Bill
Well, I heard three different three different podcasts, three different people that. um you know, spend time in Wisconsin. We had ah a gentleman on a few weeks ago that that was in in the Appleton area for a number of years.

11:01.39
Bill
And, you know, I do believe, well, really anything we did, it wasn't planned like, okay, we're going to go out and we're going to drink because we're doing this. It just happened to be that, okay, you're going to play golf. Of course you're drinking. You're going to play volleyball. Of course you're drinking.

11:14.12
Bill
You're going to watch a movie. You're going to a kid's baseball game. You're going to a whatever it is. It's just alcohol was involved. Yeah. And then in Cleveland, in the meetings, what was the typical person that got up behind the microphone, Mike? He would say, I'm from where?

11:28.89
Mike
Right. I'm from ah an Irish Catholic from the west side of Cleveland.

11:32.27
Tom Farley
Hey,

11:33.55
Bill
Yeah, that so that was that, the west side of Cleveland. But yeah, it you're right. I mean, Wisconsin's got, um pick any small town. You could drive through a small town. there There's at least two churches, a gas station, maybe a grocery store if you're lucky, but four bars.

11:48.64
Tom Farley
and main street is just littered.

11:48.70
Bill
And maybe, in

11:50.52
Tom Farley
Yeah. With taverns.

11:50.99
Bill
Yeah, and that's and that's what it is. And then you drive through and you're like, where did it go? um You know, but yeah, so it, yeah, we get it. Well, I get it. Mike gets it. He's been around the Hollywood area too.

11:59.14
Tom Farley
Yeah.

12:00.38
Bill
So, but go, go ahead.

12:00.91
Mike
Mm-hmm.

12:01.71
Tom Farley
and Yeah, okay.

12:03.21
Bill
So you're obviously Wisconsin, Irish and Anna Farley. There you go.

12:07.02
Tom Farley
Yeah, and so, and I thought, you know, like, and so on all those, drinking was, you know, part of our identity, but it also was normative.

12:07.09
Bill
Strike three.

12:14.91
Tom Farley
You know, like, this is what you do, and I didn't think I stuck out, and I went to college on the East Coast and in Washington, D.C., and I'm still thinking, you know, I'm just doing what I do.

12:16.59
Mike
Mm-hmm.

12:25.43
Tom Farley
i didn't i don't I'm not sticking out. I must have really stuck out. like

12:29.69
Mike
Mm-hmm.

12:30.68
Tom Farley
um And it was just, and the thing is, when I got to college, ah but First of all, drinking, you know, when left Wisconsin for college, I was always already one year into a legal drinking age, you know, which was 18 at the time.

12:37.29
Bill
Right.

12:45.61
Mike
Right.

12:45.66
Bill
right

12:45.77
Mike
Sure.

12:46.88
Tom Farley
So I, which means I started at like 17, you know.

12:49.78
Mike
sure

12:50.48
Tom Farley
um and So i got out there and, you know, when you're doing that, you know, under the, you know, in your parents' house, you had some kind of, you know, you had the, you know, the bumper rails are up.

13:04.76
Tom Farley
But in college, like every night was Friday night. Like I could always find somebody to drink, you know, it was just every night.

13:10.84
Bill
Right. Yeah.

13:12.89
Tom Farley
And, and I, that's how I told myself I was connecting, but I was just in the state of kind of fear and self doubt. I was at a very high, you know, achieving college. And I was like, what am I doing here?

13:28.69
Tom Farley
And, um, um, Yeah, I just like that's how I coped. And I and and and that's when I also learned that like yeah you get me started.

13:39.53
Tom Farley
There's no off switch. It's like, you know, it goes it's it's going all night.

13:40.65
Mike
Mm-hmm.

13:44.15
Tom Farley
Yeah.

13:44.95
Bill
Right. So do you do you think and and Mike and I were just well, we've talked about it a number of times, but it came up again, what two weeks ago or maybe even last week, Mike, when in Mike, you had said that from the start, you thought you were who you were, right?

13:46.86
Tom Farley
Yeah.

13:58.25
Mike
Oh yeah, absolutely. I mean, you know, same thing. Um, again, not different, not unique, same circumstance. I'm a Polack from Detroit Catholic and yeah, right.

14:07.06
Tom Farley
Yeah.

14:07.87
Mike
And, and yeah, same thing. The family, family history of drinking. Um, it was normative. Like you said, same thing, you know, and, and I always knew from the beginning, I knew i put anything in me and I wanted more instantly. It was never enough. And, um,

14:25.93
Mike
Yeah, I'm 13 years old, you know, I mean, the first time I got drunk, drunk, I was nine, it was my mom's wedding, um when she married my first stepdad. And I mean, I got hammered, because I was walking around drinking the leavings of everybody's drinks, you know, that's not normal.

14:38.49
Bill
Right.

14:41.20
Mike
um

14:42.67
Tom Farley
Yeah, you know what's really funny is, you know, if you've been around recovery ah ah long enough, like you hear some, and you guys do a podcast, like you hear some ah horrendous stories, you know, like some really, and i'm and here I am just this garden variety Irish drunk, but to me, I'm hearing stories, I'm like, but I hear your pain is is no different from mine.

14:55.79
Mike
Mm-hmm.

14:55.90
Bill
right

15:01.79
Mike
Mm-hmm.

15:09.85
Mike
Right.

15:09.99
Tom Farley
even though you're it sounds horrible, i'm like, but i I know that pain of isolation.

15:15.05
Mike
Sure.

15:15.60
Tom Farley
i know that.

15:15.92
Mike
Mm-hmm.

15:16.88
Tom Farley
i get it. It may sound to everyone else like very dramatic, but to us in the rooms, it's like,

15:24.04
Mike
Right. It's just, it's normal.

15:26.17
Tom Farley
I know that pain, like I get it you know, and, and I know the, you know, the, the, the relief in recovery that, you know, when that's gone and, and like, and you have connection.

15:26.21
Mike
ah

15:26.67
Bill
It's normal. I know that hear it in the sound.

15:27.66
Mike
Yes.

15:36.62
Tom Farley
And so, yeah, it's, yeah, everyone loves to focus on the stories, but yeah like, yeah, people like, oh, you, you know, you're not all the same.

15:43.27
Bill
Okay.

15:47.96
Tom Farley
It's like, yeah, we can't, yeah you know, we are.

15:49.59
Mike
Yeah. We are. Yeah, absolutely. Right. I mean, you know, i we can actually listen today. i didn't do a lot of research. I never do. um You know, I saw the documentary years ago and with you in it.

15:59.90
Tom Farley
I

16:02.72
Mike
And then um I listened to a talk. You gave it some library. It was on YouTube. I was working today and I listened to it.

16:10.05
Tom Farley
i was local.

16:10.05
Mike
Um,

16:10.85
Tom Farley
Yeah. Local labor.

16:11.55
Mike
Yeah, right.

16:12.11
Tom Farley
Yeah.

16:12.52
Mike
And um you were talking about, ah you know, you would go into the rooms and you would go, well, I'm not that bad. I'm not that bad. You know, um yeah and you talked about Chris, you know, you looked at him and went, well, I'm not that bad, so I must not be an alcoholic.

16:21.23
Tom Farley
yeah

16:26.72
Tom Farley
We did that in our family. ah Our entire family, when you have somebody that's that acute, you're like, wow, you know, that's he's got a problem.

16:28.07
Mike
Sure, exactly. Right.

16:35.45
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right.

16:35.83
Tom Farley
And it's like, i think we all like we just didn't see, even though, because we our barometer was, you know, how much, how bad it is.

16:41.00
Bill
Thank you.

16:44.07
Tom Farley
And it's like, that's not the barometer.

16:45.87
Mike
Mm-hmm.

16:46.59
Tom Farley
It's like, why are we drinking? We're all for the same reasons. Because, you know, the word' we're we have trauma.

16:49.90
Mike
Sure.

16:53.85
Mike
We have a hole.

16:54.36
Tom Farley
Yeah.

16:54.85
Mike
We have a hole in ourselves and we're trying to fill it.

16:55.09
Tom Farley
Yeah.

16:57.75
Tom Farley
Yeah.

16:57.96
Mike
Right.

16:58.03
Tom Farley
And I, it's those first couple of times in meetings. I'm like, yeah, i don't belong. I didn't last very long. I, you know, um, uh, and, and, and the thing is, and I also was like, yeah, i remember thinking like, oh man, really the rest of my life with these schmucks?

17:16.01
Tom Farley
No fricking like this doesn't, this doesn't look fun.

17:16.27
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

17:19.97
Mike
right

17:20.30
Tom Farley
and the thing is, and what I say is the thing is, uh, um, I'm a social person. love being out with people. And, but now, and I still do that.

17:32.83
Tom Farley
but But, but before I was putting out somebody that wasn't authentic and i thought people wanted me to be, and that's where it kind of, you know, or I was performing and I, you know, I wasn't Tom Farley.

17:46.54
Tom Farley
I was somebody's brother and, you know, and, and so

17:48.27
Mike
Right.

17:51.19
Tom Farley
Now I still want to be out there.

17:52.37
Bill
Right.

17:52.59
Tom Farley
But now, like when I find myself putting that person out again, you know, being that, you know, yeah, like let's make everyone laugh. I'm like, okay, time to go to a meeting, time to call somebody. Like I know what to do now.

18:07.42
Tom Farley
So it's not that I want to stay in the rooms, you know, because that's isolating in itself.

18:13.96
Mike
Right.

18:14.19
Tom Farley
But it it it it brings me back to the what i where i what I need to do because, man, it's always ready to pounce, come out of me. like It's there. It's not gone anywhere, that that that person that wants to just mask.

18:29.85
Mike
Right.

18:29.89
Tom Farley
And I'm like, okay.

18:30.42
Bill
Right.

18:31.50
Tom Farley
Thank God for for my recovery community. Yeah.

18:34.35
Mike
Absolutely. Right. Same thing. I mean, i I talk about all the time. Look, I didn't get sober to sit in a church basement for the rest of my life. um

18:41.17
Tom Farley
Yeah.

18:41.27
Mike
But I but I need to go sit in a church basement once or twice a week, um you know, to so I can go out and live my life. um I have to remember that, that it's it's not me.

18:52.16
Mike
You know, it's first step shit. My life is still unmanageable. I say it all the time.

18:55.45
Tom Farley
Yep.

18:56.06
Mike
You know, I mean, next month we're going to have 15 years sober. My life is unmanageable. You know, I fucking, I need these principles and these parameters and in this program to run my life because I try to run my own life and I'm screwed every time.

19:13.23
Tom Farley
Yep.

19:13.76
Bill
Right.

19:13.94
Tom Farley
And, you know, I literally have seen, you know, when I look back in all honesty, the last, you know, years, the last many years of recovery is like, I have seen my life get better.

19:14.02
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

19:23.79
Mike
isn

19:26.35
Tom Farley
I've seen that progress, not perfection.

19:26.45
Mike
Right.

19:29.42
Tom Farley
um

19:29.82
Mike
Mm-hmm.

19:30.30
Tom Farley
And it's because i i you know my recovery gets better and better and better every you know, um' it's not my life. Not that I figured out life.

19:43.37
Mike
Mm-hmm.

19:43.57
Tom Farley
It's just that, you know, i'm just like, it's this, it's, I hear something that I never or thought of before that somebody, you know, some guy that has nothing in common with me says something just truly amazing and reflective and vulnerable.

19:55.44
Bill
Thank you.

20:00.12
Tom Farley
I'm like, wow. Okay.

20:01.84
Mike
Mm hmm.

20:03.01
Tom Farley
What, how does that relate to me?

20:05.14
Mike
Mm hmm.

20:05.56
Tom Farley
And that's how it changed. That's how it there. There's that progress, you know?

20:10.64
Mike
Right.

20:11.26
Bill
Well, and it's it's one of the things that Mike and I talk about on here all the time. And we've been doing this. We just passed a three-year mark for doing this podcast. And like you said, I mean, we're coming up on 15 years next month, which, I mean, it's a long time, but it is and it isn't type of thing.

20:26.38
Bill
You know, it is, but then we also want to look at it like, eh, you know, we still got work to do. You know, we're not done yet.

20:31.49
Mike
Oh yeah.

20:32.11
Tom Farley
Yeah.

20:32.05
Bill
We're not fixed. We're not cured. um But one of the things that we talk about all the time on here is the, these, these light bulb moments. So we've been doing this for three years. We started doing it basically when we were, you know, 11 coming up on 12 years sober.

20:47.28
Bill
And there was certain things that we, we started to begin with just the only reason we did this was so Mike and I, and we got sober at the same time out in Cleveland. We've known each other for that entire time with the exception of a couple of days in the beginning,

21:00.12
Bill
um But we got on here for every Friday night.

21:00.16
Mike
Right.

21:03.34
Bill
This replaced ah basically a meeting for us. So we got on to just shoot the shit with each other every night and talk about recovery. So we started telling some old stories and what it was like and all those different things. And then certain things kind of popped up.

21:16.43
Bill
And I'm like, really? You know, it's just something would pop up. I'm like, I never thought about that before. Or we get into this deep conversation where we have somebody on that talks about a different way that they're doing. And we're like, wow, this is all cool, you know?

21:28.60
Bill
And it was a, it was a way for us to, number one, you obviously communicate and this has become a huge part of our, our recovery, ah you know, but on top of it.

00:00:00.97
Bill
All right, so ah since I don't know when we cut off, and we won't blame Tom.

00:00:01.96
Mike
he

00:00:05.87
Bill
We'll say it's Mike's fault that we that that happened.

00:00:07.32
Mike
Yeah, hi, I'll take the blame. I am responsible for everything bad that happens in my life.

00:00:11.43
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:00:13.04
Bill
so So what happened?

00:00:13.50
Tom Farley
oh

00:00:14.04
Bill
Because we're we're all transparent and we don't edit anything. That's the one thing we didn't tell you, Tom. We don't edit anything. what's What happened here is we ended up having to start a new studio because a microphone got unplugged. It shut down the recording and we had to start up a new studio, which we've never done before.

00:00:28.96
Bill
So thank you. um Thank you.

00:00:30.65
Tom Farley
Okay. Well, let me ask you this though.

00:00:30.99
Bill
Uh-huh.

00:00:32.91
Mike
Yes.

00:00:33.66
Tom Farley
Does my audio sound really good now?

00:00:33.69
Bill
Yeah. Oh, it's, it's, you know what? It's ridiculously good, Tom.

00:00:37.70
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:00:38.06
Bill
I'm i'm so, I'm so, I'm so glad that happened.

00:00:38.26
Tom Farley
So, all right.

00:00:38.77
Mike
Bristol.

00:00:40.18
Tom Farley
So, Yeah, you know, I'll just say, you know,

00:00:42.47
Mike
Thank you, Tom.

00:00:42.40
Bill
No, it's, thank you, Tom.

00:00:45.71
Tom Farley
um

00:00:46.29
Bill
But no, no, seriously, it's a, it's not a big deal. You know, that's now, now we know what happens if a microphone gets unplugged that we got start a new recording. And we now know that we can start a new recording with everyone in the room and it just pulls everyone over.

00:00:54.47
Tom Farley
right.

00:00:58.73
Bill
So by the way, let me just say this real quick. Thank you, Zencaster. yeah

00:01:02.75
Mike
Thanks, Zencaster.

00:01:03.96
Bill
Yeah.

00:01:04.21
Tom Farley
Yeah, you do.

00:01:04.59
Bill
This, yeah. Just so you guys know, we paid $20 a month for this software. It's so freaking cheap, but it's wonderful. But Mike, we were, we were praising them last week. It took me, I couldn't, we recorded on a Thursday last week.

00:01:13.25
Mike
We were.

00:01:16.66
Bill
I couldn't get it to download. um So it completely messed me up. But I mean, it, I got it done on Friday. It was a, it was a software issue. So there actually was a software issue last week, but

00:01:26.95
Tom Farley
Blame the equipment. You know that.

00:01:28.38
Bill
Yeah. And I, you know, I, I email customer support cause I'm like, I can't get my damn recording.

00:01:28.89
Tom Farley
i

00:01:32.65
Bill
I see it there, but I can't, I can't get it downloaded. So anyhow, I think we were talking about light bulb moments. If not, it doesn't really matter. Cause it is what it is.

00:01:40.79
Mike
It doesn't.

00:01:42.23
Bill
But the whole point is, is that we've learned a lot and we've grown um just doing this, not just in the recovery part, but this podcast. And I, and I'm guessing, and I don't want to put words in your mouth, Tom, but I'm thinking that every time you go out and speak,

00:01:54.60
Bill
or start a new venture. We want to talk about recovery.com. We want to talk about the foundation. If you want to talk about the book, whatever you want to talk about. But I mean, it seems like probably anytime that you start something new, um, ah you feel growth, right?

00:02:02.27
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:02:08.08
Tom Farley
Absolutely. Um, I, yeah, uh, I gotta go next size pant. Um, yeah.

00:02:14.36
Mike
ah

00:02:15.40
Tom Farley
Um, uh, yeah.

00:02:16.34
Mike
Pants too tight.

00:02:17.97
Tom Farley
it's

00:02:18.64
Mike
if he

00:02:19.11
Tom Farley
ah Yeah. i tell you really, this is a horrible story. Um, uh, so, uh, I found sitting in my closet.

00:02:21.64
Mike
Cool.

00:02:22.13
Bill
good

00:02:23.98
Mike
It's our favorite.

00:02:26.96
Tom Farley
I had, um Chris's jacket from Tommy Boy.

00:02:32.79
Bill
Oh my God, really?

00:02:32.95
Tom Farley
And I was just sitting in my closet, like, what am I going to do with it?

00:02:36.54
Mike
Right.

00:02:36.66
Tom Farley
And, you know, Dave Spade's just always been such a great friend, you know, to to all, you know, to everyone and ah in my family.

00:02:36.92
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:02:44.50
Tom Farley
And I'm like, you know, it's his movie. It's his movie, too, sort of.

00:02:49.49
Mike
Right?

00:02:50.20
Tom Farley
I'm kidding.

00:02:50.37
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:02:51.74
Tom Farley
ah So I sent it out. I said, I'm going to send it out to Dave. So I sent it out to the... Tommy Boy jacket out today. But before i I put it in the in the in the mail, I'm like, huh.

00:03:04.50
Mike
see

00:03:05.39
Tom Farley
And I did the dumbest thing I ever did. I tried it on. And, yeah oh, my God. The fat guy in little coat, like, it was funny until, like, oh, my God, this doesn't fit me.

00:03:17.99
Tom Farley
Like, it's too small.

00:03:17.94
Bill
That...

00:03:19.69
Tom Farley
Like, this is bad. The Tommy Boy jacket now is like, now I'm the fat one? Damn it.

00:03:29.08
Tom Farley
I get the...

00:03:29.35
Bill
that

00:03:30.53
Tom Farley
Oh, man.

00:03:30.90
Bill
But that that, by the way, that's one of my, first of all, one of my favorite movies. I love David Spade, too. um But that the fat guy in the little coat, I've done that over the years. And i'm I'm not a big guy or anything like that.

00:03:41.51
Bill
But just putting on a small shirt, if you put on a shirt that doesn't like fit anymore, you're like, fat guy, little coat.

00:03:47.79
Tom Farley
ah You know, but that's a bit like... i the The whole time watching Chris on on SNL, all these movies, half of it was stuff I've seen like that he at 10 years old doing in front my aunts and uncles.

00:03:58.96
Mike
Right.

00:04:00.34
Tom Farley
And like they're they're paying him for this?

00:04:00.57
Bill
Right.

00:04:00.82
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:04:02.67
Tom Farley
like that

00:04:03.36
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:04:03.46
Tom Farley
And he just would do those little things all the time. And so... like You know, his friends at every level of his life was like, man, yeah, the funny stuff they saw on screen or on TV. Yeah, it was good, but nothing could compared to like he would just always be doing stuff like that.

00:04:23.90
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:04:24.33
Tom Farley
You know, which is funny to most people like. But when was a senior in high school and he was a sophomore, that that was and that those are dark years for me.

00:04:32.60
Mike
A little rough. I can imagine.

00:04:35.15
Tom Farley
Those are dark. They're like, your brother is so funny. It's like, it's like kind of that save Ferris kind of, uh, kind of moment. Like your brother is so awesome. Like I want him dead. No, it was, uh,

00:04:45.53
Mike
Great. Mm-hmm.

00:04:46.79
Bill
So, so quick question about that. And might've been, i mean, I've listened to um David Spade and Dana Carvey have their podcast. I don't know if you ever listened fly in the wall, which is it's fun.

00:04:54.44
Tom Farley
yeah, I was at my mom and I were on it a couple of years ago.

00:04:58.27
Bill
Oh, were are you really?

00:04:59.29
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:04:59.39
Mike
see

00:04:59.47
Bill
I'll have to listen back to it because they're they're fun. And they i'd think to begin with, the mindset was just having SNL people on there. But they've had obviously expanded.

00:05:05.17
Tom Farley
You

00:05:06.74
Bill
um Either it was on there or when Spade was interviewed by somebody else. But um he had mentioned something, and I think it was about Chris, when he said that you know either, and it might have been you guys that said that, you know, I can't believe he's doing that. That was my bit or something like that. Did that happen? Did he do things? Did Chris do things on stage that you did as a kid or your brothers did? Or did he steal stuff?

00:05:28.31
Tom Farley
yeah you know, it... it it

00:05:29.84
Mike
Sure.

00:05:31.33
Tom Farley
I doubt it because we were ah we were this ensemble that my father created that we would just, like you ask any one of our friends and they'll say, my friends will always say, oh, Tommy's the funniest.

00:05:35.15
Mike
he

00:05:44.14
Tom Farley
And Kevin's friends will say, Kevin's the funniest. Like, because we just fed off each other.

00:05:49.59
Bill
right

00:05:49.74
Tom Farley
Yeah, Chris kind of went, you know, you push the envelope a little bit more.

00:05:49.85
Mike
sure

00:05:53.66
Tom Farley
But um no, we just we're always kind of goofing around doing that stuff. And so it wasn't so much your bit versus my bit. It was just like, oh, we used to remember you used to do that at at the dinner table, you know, so.

00:06:06.52
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:06:08.48
Bill
Yeah, it just a it kind of made me laugh, but I'm like, you know, hows it's what whatever it is.

00:06:11.70
Tom Farley
But the one thing I did, I do resent Chris for.

00:06:12.42
Bill
Yeah.

00:06:15.44
Tom Farley
um was Art, my father, you you know know, I was about to say he didn't like to swear in front of us, but that is absolutely not true. um But he would say, like, holy shnikes was his word.

00:06:30.98
Tom Farley
He was always saying, holy shnikes. And so we all grew up saying that. And then Chris puts it in Tommy Boy. And, like, I can't help but not say I say it all the time.

00:06:42.07
Tom Farley
People are like, no, that's funny.

00:06:42.72
Bill
I'm

00:06:43.91
Tom Farley
You're quoting your brother. I'm like, no. No, I'm not.

00:06:46.30
Mike
No, quoting my father.

00:06:46.74
Tom Farley
I'd be like, that was my dad.

00:06:47.27
Bill
not.

00:06:48.19
Tom Farley
like like he's Like, so Chris, he did steal that.

00:06:48.86
Mike
Right.

00:06:49.92
Bill
yeah

00:06:52.01
Tom Farley
That was my dad's bit that we all kind of like had our inside little thing.

00:06:52.65
Mike
Mm-hmm. Okay.

00:06:56.88
Tom Farley
And he like made it his own. Like, okay, you want to do that?

00:07:00.30
Mike
easy

00:07:00.52
Tom Farley
Go ahead.

00:07:02.71
Bill
So, so you're in, you're in college and you're doing your thing. And, uh, um, I mean, i I, went to one year of college and people, I was joking, you know, say that I didn't drink in college.

00:07:09.38
Mike
hey

00:07:12.13
Bill
I guzzled cause that's really all I did. i drank a lot, but same thing. We got there and it was, and I went to, u w um, UWM Milwaukee computer college came home on the weekends cause I was working and whatever and had a girlfriend at the time.

00:07:20.88
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:07:25.52
Bill
um But to begin with, it's like, okay, Thursday night was a night to go out in Milwaukee because, again, more of a commuter college. But then it's like, well, something's going on on Monday. And then, oh, Wednesday's got something going on. And then, well, Tuesday, we can go do this.

00:07:38.49
Tom Farley
yeah

00:07:38.59
Bill
And then, you know, Saturdays and Sundays, I usually, you know, I wouldn't get back to late on Sundays. But if I was there on a weekend, then we drank all weekend. It was, to your point, I mean, you it was never ah problem finding somebody to go drink with or finding a reason to go drink.

00:07:52.83
Tom Farley
yeah

00:07:53.18
Bill
But, know, Um, so did that from that point did go, did it just get worse into your adult life or was there a tapering point or how did that, how did that happen from there?

00:08:02.30
Tom Farley
Well, yeah here's the the other thing is like, further you know, the good side is like I've always really been um driven the most when i am surrounded by smart people.

00:08:17.39
Tom Farley
It just motivates me.

00:08:17.52
Bill
Okay.

00:08:18.63
Tom Farley
And I love i love that. ah And, you know, I definitely got that when I went to Georgetown. ah Like all my roommates now are like, you know, CEOs. It's pain in the ass.

00:08:31.76
Tom Farley
um ah So ah high achievers. And i was, you know, just as smart. you know, i I wasn't a starter, but ah yeah i was on the end of the bench, but I was on the team.

00:08:45.10
Tom Farley
So, um but...

00:08:45.19
Mike
right

00:08:45.23
Bill
Right.

00:08:47.85
Tom Farley
Deep down, I i also felt ah that I did belong here. i Like, there's there's no way I'm this smart.

00:08:55.14
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:08:55.72
Tom Farley
And the self-doubt and the fear, like, overcome the like every indication that, like, no, you are as smart or you belong here. i never believed it. And I had to manage that kind of, like, self-doubt and fear. that That's why i drank. So i it was this kind of, like, you know,

00:09:15.01
Tom Farley
push and pull, you know, tugging, you know, a tug of war between like, you know, I, did I did well academically, but I didn't believe belonged there. So, you know, it just, I got through, coast, I could have done a lot better.

00:09:33.96
Mike
Sure.

00:09:34.46
Tom Farley
Um, ah yeah, my grades could have been a lot better mom.

00:09:34.91
Bill
if right

00:09:38.57
Tom Farley
Um, but, uh, Uh, yeah, I just, I just felt like I, I, man, I don't, I, the fear was too high. The self-taught was too high.

00:09:49.19
Tom Farley
And so I knew how to manage that, that day I just drowned it, drowned it.

00:09:52.49
Mike
Right. So basically you're saying you're an egomaniac with an inferiority complex.

00:09:53.77
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:09:58.46
Mike
i've never heard I've never heard that before.

00:09:58.76
Tom Farley
Uh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, right?

00:10:00.93
Bill
Yeah.

00:10:01.43
Tom Farley
um You know, and then then, you know, I followed everyone up, you know, because I wanted the, A, I wanted the fun to continue. Like, hey, let's, so where's everyone going?

00:10:09.77
Mike
Mm. Mm.

00:10:12.04
Tom Farley
like, we're going up to New York and, you know, work on Wall Street. it's like, that sounds fun. Like, I like, I math did like, do you look at your math grades your entire career? Like you want to go into finance? Are you kidding?

00:10:28.72
Tom Farley
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Looking back, I'm like, what made me think? i could but But it was New York and it was fun. And ah and there it was, again, surrounded by just high achieving, brilliant people.

00:10:37.24
Mike
a

00:10:39.30
Bill
Yeah.

00:10:43.62
Tom Farley
But then it was just too much. You know, there's there's a lot of um safety built into, you know, at every level, you know, through college.

00:10:54.57
Tom Farley
And then it's it's all off. Yeah, it's you're on your own.

00:10:59.08
Mike
Right.

00:10:59.22
Tom Farley
And that's when it got...

00:10:59.43
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:11:02.10
Tom Farley
um Life got a little tough. I, you know, i I had this expectation image of, you know, well, I went to Georgetown. or grew up in this, you know, the nice part of town and in Madison, Wisconsin. And so like, I, this is what I, I should have what everyone else is having, you know, they these, these jobs and these, and I struggled. I, you know, like I,

00:11:27.96
Tom Farley
ti I couldn't convince my employers. like You don't get it. I don't need this job. i It's that job. i I should have that job.

00:11:39.05
Tom Farley
Like, oh, really? Yeah. um Yeah.

00:11:45.32
Mike
Right. Expectations. Right. And of course the world owes us everything. So, you know, don't you know who I think I am and you deserve to give me exactly what I want.

00:11:49.90
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:11:54.74
Tom Farley
Yep. or It basically was that it in in my startup, like I got married and started to kids, like, like, like I needed them to be a certain way so that I could be the person I knew I needed to be.

00:11:55.42
Mike
Yep.

00:11:55.40
Bill
Right.

00:12:04.06
Mike
Hmm.

00:12:08.25
Tom Farley
So I needed to control their, like, you, like, you don't like you got to behave this way so I can be this person.

00:12:08.38
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm.

00:12:15.45
Tom Farley
Like what?

00:12:15.51
Mike
Sure.

00:12:18.27
Tom Farley
Um, so yeah.

00:12:21.19
Bill
Yeah, and it was funny with the whole with the whole school thing. So, um you know, in in our our mom, and I say our mom because it as it turned out, Mike and I are not really brothers, but we become family and we consider ourselves to be brothers.

00:12:35.32
Bill
So we've been around each other so long.

00:12:35.59
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:12:36.98
Bill
Mike kind of became, that kind of, he did, became part of our family. So I ended up calling our mom, mom. So, but back back when it was just my mom, yeah.

00:12:41.85
Mike
Right.

00:12:45.55
Bill
And my sister's mom.

00:12:45.67
Tom Farley
Huh.

00:12:46.43
Bill
I've got an older sister. um by My mom graduated small class, but she graduated first in her class. My sister was a brainiac in school. Still, I mean, a very intelligent person, but a brainiac in school.

00:12:57.80
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:12:59.01
Bill
Straight A's graduated. I forget. Top five. Maybe I... she' She'll listen to this and she'll she'll tell me what where she graduated from.

00:13:07.09
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:13:07.03
Bill
um I struggled. ah i applied to one school, which is UWM, and I got in and all I had to be was in the top third of my class. And then ah basically all they did was take on my first semester grades as long as I did OK senior year, blah, bla blah, blah.

00:13:21.41
Bill
But the entire time through school, I had I'm not an unintelligent person, but what you said, it made me think about it. What you said that, you know I could have done a lot better, mom, because I'm like, yeah, I know I could have. But My, our, my mom at the time, she just kept, she'd pick at everything.

00:13:35.11
Bill
So I've just, I went the other direction, which has been, that was my big character defect and still can be to this day. If somebody tells me, um you know, I've got to watch myself with negativity. I don't, negative motivation can still be a problem for me.

00:13:47.24
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:13:49.03
Bill
If somebody says, you know, you can't do this or don't do that. My, my thought is that, you know, I flip up the middle finger and I'm fine. I'll go the other direction. And that's something I, I've grown beyond that, but it's still not gone. Yeah.

00:14:00.63
Bill
You know, and but when I was in high school, i just didn't I didn't care if she said, you know, you can't do it I'm like, yeah I guess you're right. I guess I can't.

00:14:06.86
Tom Farley
Oh, i was I was like that with my father.

00:14:06.92
Bill
I'll show you.

00:14:09.48
Tom Farley
you know He just didn't, he he wanted to protect me. you know and And that was really more than anything. It wasn't just my friends going to New York. I remember being at dinner in Madison after college.

00:14:23.85
Tom Farley
And I said, I want to go out to New York and work on Wall Street. He's like, you'll never be successful out there. And that's that's way too hard.

00:14:34.42
Tom Farley
I think you should, you know, you know, set your sights lower. Thanks, Dad. um But I said, like, watch me. And I like but that's all I needed to hear.

00:14:46.92
Tom Farley
And I like went out to New York and. ah just like my father said, failed miserably.

00:14:54.99
Mike
Yes.

00:14:56.32
Tom Farley
that So like, yeah, I, he was so right all the time.

00:14:56.28
Bill
and

00:14:59.60
Tom Farley
i hated that. Um, but because, but not for the reasons he thought it's because, or maybe, you know, It didn't hit me until I so got in recovery and I heard ah the phrase. and I don't know.

00:15:14.22
Tom Farley
do we Is there more dumb phrases in recovery or golf?

00:15:17.98
Bill
Yes.

00:15:18.07
Tom Farley
I don't know.

00:15:18.98
Bill
Yes.

00:15:19.37
Tom Farley
um

00:15:20.22
Mike
yes

00:15:20.36
Tom Farley
But i I heard the i heard the you know actions before results. And I went, oh, wow. Because I was always looking for the result.

00:15:29.88
Mike
see

00:15:29.95
Bill
Right.

00:15:30.39
Tom Farley
And not doing the action. I'm like ah like, why am I not getting the results? like Because you're not doing the action. to get You just want the result.

00:15:37.41
Mike
for Right.

00:15:38.58
Tom Farley
And now I learned to just do the actions. And whatever the result is from that, that's that's from you. And that's be grateful. I'm like, oh man.

00:15:50.23
Tom Farley
Really got to learn that at like 55?

00:15:50.52
Mike
Right.

00:15:52.19
Tom Farley
Thanks a lot.

00:15:52.48
Mike
Right.

00:15:55.93
Bill
Yeah, we we run into that even to this day. You know, I mean, there there are certain things that ah um I'm still really bad at.

00:15:58.79
Tom Farley
yeah

00:16:03.22
Bill
um You know, i I try really hard. I've got to I've got to I struggle with myself not to, you know, think too far into the future. I mean, we all need to make plans and things and that's fine.

00:16:14.53
Bill
But I need to be really careful not to, you know, what if this and in like almost this dim, this, this future, you know, tripping part, if you want to call it that way, or, you know, thinking the future is going to be dark. And I look at that darkness and that can pull me down. I'm like, well, this and that, and I freak out about everything.

00:16:31.22
Bill
And it causes, all it does is cause, you know, stress, sleeplessness, all those sort of things.

00:16:36.93
Mike
Yeah, it fucks up the now.

00:16:37.36
Bill
And yeah, it does.

00:16:38.08
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:16:38.63
Tom Farley
Yeah, the yeah, 100%.

00:16:39.06
Bill
Yeah.

00:16:39.38
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:16:39.55
Bill
And that's, and that's the biggest thing is that what we've learned to what we talk about all the time now is, you know, this moment, that's all we have. Mike says it all the time. I have this moment who knows what's going to happen two minutes from now, but this moment right now, you know, we're having a great conversation, you know, with, with a couple of people.

00:16:56.19
Bill
And, um you know, that who knows what's going to happen and what whatever it is, though, the cool part is all of us have been given these tools, freely given these tools that even when the when the bad stuff really hits, really hits, we know we can deal with it.

00:16:58.81
Tom Farley
yeah

00:17:11.78
Bill
It's going to be OK. It's not going to be comfortable. It might be a little painful.

00:17:14.59
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:17:15.58
Bill
Got to walk through a little bit of, you know, hell. But, you know, they all say if you're going through hell, keep walking, man, you'll get through, you know.

00:17:22.91
Tom Farley
Yeah. i you know, I got a great story about that where I, where I really learned that is I, it was during kind of that break in COVID 2020. my oldest daughter's out New York and um there was a break in COVID and like,

00:17:40.62
Tom Farley
it's over. It wasn't over.

00:17:43.21
Mike
Right.

00:17:43.27
Tom Farley
um But restaurants opened up and she said, I want to come back to Madison and visit friends and see you and see grandma and all that kind stuff. So she came back and now this is my oldest daughter. like and so when we when I was getting divorced, you know it just was a tough time And ah ah in the house and maybe my her younger siblings didn't see it as much, but she definitely did.

00:18:05.22
Tom Farley
And she's like, I'm getting out here and see you later. So I but it's my first born. So I really care about it this, you know, um my daughter.

00:18:12.63
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:18:13.74
Tom Farley
And so she comes home. i Let's go to lunch. And so we go to this restaurant and the kind of the yeah head guy, marity whatever it comes up is a taco restaurant so it probably wasn't a maitre d um and he goes you know it's it's cold we still have covid protocol so we don't have um uh menus but you order on your phone and we don't have wait staff but somebody from the kitchen will come out with your food and i was like i got a question like i was all like went into boomer mode and like if i'm on my phone

00:18:26.26
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:18:46.43
Tom Farley
ordering my lunch. My daughter's on her phone ordering her lunch, but but I want to pay for both. Like, how do we do that? And he's like, well, if you really need a paper menu, we can bring money.

00:18:57.00
Tom Farley
I'm like, I didn't say that. This is a technology question. I get really kind of, you know, kind of pissed off and frustrated. And I caught myself. I'm like, you know what? ah ah I'll have my daughter figure it out. We're good. thank I'm sorry. thank you So sorry.

00:19:12.70
Tom Farley
Thank you. And I looked at my daughter and I was like, you know what? I'm sorry. i just wanted to be present here with you. um I'm so glad you're here in Madison, but like if you can figure this out so we can eat, that'd be great.

00:19:23.71
Tom Farley
um And she paused and she's like, You know, Dad, like when we were growing up, like those things happen all the time, like the littlest things. And we just knew to stay away from you the rest of the day because you would carry it around with you. and Everyone would pay the price. And I'm like, really?

00:19:43.45
Tom Farley
um Wow. ah And she goes, you know, and so to see you in like, so when you went started in on this waiter, my that old feeling came back. I'm like, oh man, here we go.

00:19:55.38
Tom Farley
But then you stopped and you caught yourself and you like, and And I went into, because I was going into this, you know like my recovery, you know what to do, you know, stay present.

00:20:03.16
Mike
Sure.

00:20:04.91
Tom Farley
And so ah you caught yourself. And then you, then you, I saw you do something you never did before. You apologized to the waiter and then you turned to me and apologized.

00:20:16.07
Mike
Right,

00:20:16.20
Tom Farley
And I'm like, you saw, I was just trying to work my recovery program.

00:20:20.28
Mike
right. right

00:20:21.79
Tom Farley
And the, and the point is, is like, if I was so, focused on trying to repair this relationship and where I want it back to be or, you know, build it like, you know, you know,

00:20:38.28
Tom Farley
you know, on my time frameme frame and my terms, that would have never happened. But because I was just working my recovery program, dawned on me later, it was like, this is what relationships look like when they start to heal.

00:20:49.49
Bill
Right.

00:20:54.33
Tom Farley
I didn't, like, that didn't think that was possible.

00:20:54.35
Mike
the

00:20:54.37
Bill
right

00:20:57.10
Mike
Right. Exactly. Yeah. You, you weren't trying to repair the, yeah, you were just doing the next right thing and look at that.

00:21:01.51
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:21:05.52
Tom Farley
Yep.

00:21:06.11
Mike
It it fixed it. Yeah.

00:21:08.43
Tom Farley
Yeah, yeah.

00:21:08.72
Mike
Yeah.

00:21:09.45
Tom Farley
And again, the really is the relationship you with my daughter like better?

00:21:12.75
Mike
yeah

00:21:13.74
Tom Farley
No, it's but it's, it I mean, the what I want, it's not what I wanted it to be or tried so hard for it to be, but it is what it is.

00:21:15.74
Mike
But it is better.

00:21:19.95
Mike
Sure.

00:21:22.25
Tom Farley
And ah what ah and it well

00:21:23.04
Mike
it is better.

00:21:26.04
Tom Farley
i get to apply gratitude to that.

00:21:29.20
Bill
Right.

00:21:29.56
Tom Farley
That's another thing that I never had before.

00:21:32.69
Mike
Right.

00:21:33.39
Tom Farley
You know, and and and how that makes me feel when I identify, like, you know, that I'm grateful for something.

00:21:39.46
Mike
And more importantly, how she felt because she was getting ready to get into that defensive crouch because, oh, crap, dad's doing his...

00:21:45.96
Tom Farley
Oh, my God.

00:21:47.05
Mike
Right. And then, yes, absolutely.

00:21:47.89
Tom Farley
I gave, that's a gift I gave to her. Like, she yeah, yeah.

00:21:51.38
Mike
Yeah, that's that that's a beautiful thing. And it wasn't you weren't trying to do that.

00:21:54.64
Tom Farley
I want trying to do that. Yeah.

00:21:55.90
Mike
No, of course not. You were just doing what you were supposed to do. Like, I guess those normal people out there do, like, regularly all on their own.

00:21:59.20
Tom Farley
Yeah, can

00:22:03.35
Tom Farley
They don't.

00:22:03.41
Mike
Bastards.

00:22:04.23
Tom Farley
They say they do, but they don't.

00:22:04.37
Mike
Yeah. bastard

00:22:06.64
Bill
yeah Yeah, we were, I've had that happen with my, it was at a restaurant with my son and I, and this was probably, God, probably now like 10 years ago or something like that, maybe but somewhere that area.

00:22:18.34
Bill
And we were in at an Applebee's or whatever the thing was, it was a thing going on with the with the service or whatever. and And I was having a kind of a stern conversation with this manager because it was a problem with the food.

00:22:28.98
Bill
And my son was with me and at that point figured he was like 14 years old, maybe 13 years um And all said and done, and we're walking out and and I'm just telling my I'm like, I can't believe this happened that way. And then I asked him again. He's this 13 year old boy. You know, he was nine when I got sober.

00:22:45.12
Bill
And I said, was I said, was I rude? Was obnoxious? Did I act OK in there? He's like, he's like, no, he goes, hey he goes, you acted fine, man. He goes, that guy was ridiculous. He goes, oh, you didn't do anything wrong.

00:22:56.16
Bill
And I'm like, okay, good, good, good. Cause I, you know, i didn't know. And then my, my ex-wife, you know, my ex-wife and I, ah my son's mom had built, rebuilt this relationship. And there was a couple of times over the years, not recently, but we'd be having a conversation, but whether it's in an email or on the phone or whatever. and she'd say something kind of like, this is the way this is going to happen.

00:23:15.14
Bill
And then it's almost like she stood back with her, you know, with fist up ready for me to not literally, but ready for me to fight her, you know? And um I'm just like, okay that's cool.

00:23:22.12
Tom Farley
yep

00:23:23.74
Bill
she's like, um okay. um

00:23:26.41
Mike
Yes.

00:23:27.31
Bill
And she just, you know, she's done because she, but she, I,

00:23:29.81
Tom Farley
Yep. Was there a rewrite? The script is wrong here.

00:23:32.46
Bill
Yeah.

00:23:33.36
Mike
yes

00:23:33.29
Bill
And, and, and you know what she, she knows and she's thanked me and she's brought it up over the years, but that's the thing is I conditioned that woman um to be fearful of my response, not physically fearful of me, but to be fearful of what's going to come out of my mouth.

00:23:45.44
Tom Farley
Yeah. Yeah.

00:23:48.54
Bill
What are my actions going to be? I'm going to argue. This Dick is going to argue with me. I know he is, um but I'm going to tell him anyhow. and And she's a strong woman. um And then it would just like, she would just say something. i'm like, okay. And then she's like, oh,

00:24:01.18
Bill
Um, all right, just walk away. I'm like, that's, that's when you notice it and with your kids and all that stuff.

00:24:06.96
Tom Farley
yeah

00:24:08.14
Bill
It's the, it is, it's the, we talk about that 10 step action all the time, which is kind of what you were talking about, Tom, is that, you know, knowing that it, this, this venom is about to come out of your mouth and you, you thought first, you're like, okay, the, the, maybe the evilness was in your head.

00:24:22.13
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:24:24.64
Bill
And yet Mike always says that his thoughts are still all kinds of, all kinds of fucked up over there.

00:24:26.30
Mike
Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. oh yeah

00:24:30.07
Bill
um But he just doesn't act on them, you know, which is true, you know, or um I think I wronged somebody.

00:24:32.39
Tom Farley
right

00:24:35.47
Bill
So I go back and I'm like, hey, I did this, whatever. I said this and I apologize. And eight out of 10 times, nine out of 10 times, the person's like, you're fine. There was no issue with that. Then in my head, my first thought is, well, damn it, didn't have to apologize.

00:24:48.73
Bill
um But to Mike's point, yes, you did because it bothered it bothered me.

00:24:52.50
Tom Farley
Yeah, exactly.

00:24:52.72
Bill
and i And I know better. i know how I acted, even if they didn't, you know, and it is, it's great.

00:24:57.17
Tom Farley
Yep. it

00:24:58.45
Bill
It's gratitude. It's freedom.

00:25:00.26
Tom Farley
i you know i It's funny, I got a story about that. I was on a podcast a couple a couple years ago and and and somebody asked me to, and that was probably maybe two years into my recovery and they said, well, what what's the difference between recovery and long-term recovery?

00:25:17.81
Tom Farley
And I'm like,

00:25:18.13
Mike
Mm.

00:25:18.76
Tom Farley
I don't I'm just like, just, can you just let me just kind of figure it Like, um, I go, you know what, if I have to answer it, this is the best I can do. is I, it's kind of like when I got divorced, um,

00:25:31.97
Bill
Thank

00:25:33.85
Tom Farley
And somebody asked me, um why did you get divorced? My answer was, i got divorced because my wife didn't respect me. She didn't support me. was very self-centered, blah, blah, blah. And I was convinced of that. And that was my story.

00:25:47.82
Mike
Sure.

00:25:48.10
Tom Farley
um Then I got into recovery yeah and started going to meetings. and and and And when somebody asked me that same thing, why yeah why did you get divorced? I'm like, well...

00:25:59.61
Tom Farley
You know, if I'm honest, I guess I wasn't respectful or, you know, supportive it either.

00:26:04.20
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm.

00:26:06.24
Tom Farley
And I thought that was a really good answer.

00:26:06.39
Mike
right

00:26:07.84
Tom Farley
Like, oh, brought pat me on the back. um and But then all these years later, somebody were asking that today, my only answer is I wasn't respectful and and supportive, period.

00:26:19.61
Mike
Right.

00:26:20.45
Tom Farley
Had nothing her wrote nothing to do with her.

00:26:20.67
Mike
Right. Yep.

00:26:23.43
Tom Farley
Like, I only can control myself. What I got, you know, my shit is there's enough there to last me a lifetime.

00:26:26.99
Mike
ye yep

00:26:31.39
Tom Farley
ah So and because i believe that and I live that and I act that like this, this person who's like the.

00:26:43.33
Tom Farley
we We love the same three people on this planet more than anyone else. um That was a friend of mine in college before we got married is now a friend again because I'm not a threat.

00:26:53.29
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:26:53.69
Tom Farley
any more I'm just, you know, is it the relationship, like I said, with my daughter that I that i wanted or tried so hard or what? No, but it's what I got. And man, am I grateful for that?

00:27:04.41
Tom Farley
Like, because the alternative is like, sayonara, you know, I'm out of your life then.

00:27:07.99
Mike
the

00:27:10.27
Bill
Right.

00:27:11.38
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:27:12.04
Bill
Yeah, it's amazing. I mean, the the changes and that's ah that's an interesting question, long term versus, you know, being early in recovery and long term. I guess I never thought about that. But um and i'm I'm doing speaking of math because you were talking about math before.

00:27:24.46
Bill
I'm just putting these two times between these two episode cuts together.

00:27:26.84
Mike
see

00:27:27.55
Bill
What do you think, Mike? Quick, quick, quick break.

00:27:29.90
Mike
Absolutely. we will be right back with more Sober Not Mature with our wonderful guest, Tom, right after these words from our sponsor.

00:27:38.12
Tom Farley
All right.

00:27:47.65
Bill
All right, everyone. Welcome back. And see, Tom, that wasn't that painful, was it?

00:27:52.52
Mike
Thank you.

00:27:53.33
Tom Farley
No, it's fine.

00:27:55.31
Bill
yeah

00:27:55.73
Tom Farley
Just sit still, you know.

00:27:56.94
Bill
Yeah, that's all you got to do is sit still for a you know for a couple ah couple of seconds, minutes, whatever. But yeah, it's... ah that

00:28:02.85
Mike
That used to be difficult. It's not so bad now.

00:28:06.39
Bill
yeah

00:28:06.83
Tom Farley
No, you're absolutely right. i did we do there There are people out there are saying there's that's not... with The Farleys? No, it's never gonna...

00:28:13.26
Mike
yeah

00:28:14.98
Tom Farley
It's impossible.

00:28:15.14
Bill
Well, we had that conversation a couple of months ago, wasn't Mike? We were talking about sitting sitting with our own thoughts and stuff like that.

00:28:20.74
Mike
yep

00:28:20.81
Bill
And then um remembering how, ah because ah Mike always talks about, you know, that he enjoys his alone time. I do a lot of traveling now. um I spend a lot of time by myself.

00:28:32.00
Bill
I work remote and all those sort of things. And the certain things that I know, well, I couldn't have done. I couldn't done the job I do now while I was drinking. I just would have, I would have... I would have been drunk all the time and I got to be on the phone so that, yeah.

00:28:42.70
Tom Farley
Oh, could you imagine? Jesus, yeah.

00:28:44.64
Bill
Oh, no. um But, you know, being...

00:28:46.26
Mike
Well, I drive a truck for a living, so yeah, I definitely couldn't do that drunk.

00:28:50.06
Tom Farley
Yeah, yeah, good good call, good call.

00:28:50.51
Bill
Right. but But just being able to to sit, ah whether it's driving in a car, driving in your truck, Mike, um with the radio off or whatever, sitting for a while, just quiet, or just sitting someplace and having quiet time for a minute.

00:29:03.29
Bill
um I like to be active and moving around and stuff like that. But but the biggest thing, what we it's it's amazing to think about, The fact that we are not afraid of of our thoughts, of our mind anymore, of just sitting with it, which is, i mean, again, talk about a gift and freedom again, right?

00:29:15.05
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:29:19.36
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:29:20.66
Tom Farley
Well, yeah, it's funny. So I was like two years into all of this when COVID hit.

00:29:27.48
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:29:27.87
Tom Farley
And I remember ah just people just it just off the rails like they, you know, they they couldn't handle. it just shows you how like how how connection is important, you know.

00:29:38.98
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:29:38.97
Bill
Right.

00:29:39.26
Tom Farley
They're, you know, they're, they're people struggling, really. They're getting in fights in Walmart, you know, throwing off airplanes still are.

00:29:44.32
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm.

00:29:46.63
Tom Farley
um And i found i pivoted to all of a sudden, I found some meetings that were virtual, and i could connect anytime I wanted.

00:29:58.60
Tom Farley
ah i got through COVID, like that it it was like it was that I gained connection during COVID. It was the most wonderful time.

00:30:06.27
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:30:06.69
Bill
Right.

00:30:08.41
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:30:09.31
Bill
Yeah, it was. And I, ah Mike worked the entire time as ah you were considered an essential worker.

00:30:13.07
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:30:14.27
Bill
I worked for a um ah collection agency at the time and we collected medical debt.

00:30:14.79
Mike
Right.

00:30:19.38
Bill
They considered us to be essential. Our company didn't have to shut down.

00:30:22.83
Tom Farley
I have a different word for that, but okay, go ahead.

00:30:22.78
Bill
um But I mean, yeah.

00:30:25.06
Mike
Yeah, right.

00:30:26.87
Bill
um But I live

00:30:27.65
Mike
You and me both, Tom.

00:30:28.94
Bill
I lived in Germantown at the time and worked all the way down like towards the third ward in Milwaukee. And I mean, my commute was a breeze.

00:30:36.26
Tom Farley
Hmm.

00:30:36.84
Bill
It was like, you know, 25 minute commute and that turned into as, you know, everyone got back to work.

00:30:38.25
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:30:40.52
Bill
It's like 45 minutes then. um But the whole point was, is that. You know, the well, two things, the recovery community, it was it was so beautiful how the recovery community um took on that.

00:30:52.36
Bill
But that's that's kind of what we all do. Right. We're supposed to um when when these things come at us, we we all have the tools.

00:30:54.93
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:30:59.07
Bill
So what are we going to do so we can all stay sober? And so everyone pushed online, you know, which was which was cool. Granted, a lot of people. And we know of people, you know, that that dropped off and couldn't handle it and didn't have a solid foundation.

00:31:09.16
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:31:09.43
Tom Farley
yep

00:31:09.46
Mike
Yep. yeah

00:31:12.28
Bill
And um I mean, that was a great wake up call. And that's just not necessarily a great way for other people. But then there's other people that actually got sober, you know, like right at the beginning of the pandemic.

00:31:23.51
Bill
In this, in this lack of, you know, getting out in front of people, which I'm not saying I couldn't have done it, but I, that the fellowship is what kept me um going back and stayed, you know, within our, the sober community and the sober living facility at that time.

00:31:36.80
Bill
I know that for a fact, but given the flip, I don't know that I couldn't have done it.

00:31:38.37
Tom Farley
Yep.

00:31:41.62
Bill
It was just, for me, it was more comfortable. Yeah. I'm having that fellowship. I don't need it as much anymore. I still love it, but I don't need to be um around people as much anymore. But again, that's that time. That's that comfort. I'm okay with myself.

00:31:55.31
Bill
And again, you build this foundation where, um you know, that, that, but that's the whole point, you know, it's, it's practice, it's, you know, progress, it's all those sorts of things and having that foundation.

00:32:02.09
Tom Farley
Yeah. even if yeah but Even more than that, it's like it's like, you know, before people were coming, you know, and addressing their issues and there was one solution. there was white the formula was, this is it.

00:32:20.34
Bill
Right.

00:32:20.49
Tom Farley
You do this. If you got to go to treatment, you go to here. um Otherwise, here's 12 step. And that was it. And that's that's just not you know, people have different levels of trauma, different. They're all coming in differently. And, you know, if if you go into that thinking like, oh, here's the solution,

00:32:41.02
Tom Farley
um You know, like, you're like, but that doesn't work for me. And um so we have all these tools now, but it's still difficult to find, you know, like the right place, you know.

00:32:45.69
Mike
Right.

00:32:56.82
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:32:57.20
Tom Farley
And I guess this is like kind of where I kind of pivot into like this

00:32:57.38
Bill
Right.

00:33:01.99
Tom Farley
A truly amazing place that I found here in my hometown.

00:33:02.05
Mike
Please.

00:33:07.00
Tom Farley
this yeah yeah i joked i used to work for like a you know financial services company. It's an even bigger joke. I work for a tech company now. that's even like With a bunch of 20, 30-year-olds, it's very funny. But this recovery.com just...

00:33:24.93
Tom Farley
you know just finding, you know, people, the people and it's, and it's patient, you know, patient focused, finding the right place is, and, and the thing is it started treatment, you know, folk, you know, like find treatment, which it has enough as it has its own barriers as it is.

00:33:47.93
Tom Farley
Every treatment place is different. Every, you know, and just as everyone's addiction is a little different. So um that's great.

00:33:53.09
Mike
Sure.

00:33:54.30
Tom Farley
But then, what it was really neat. It was, and it's the startup here in my hometown of Madison, Wisconsin. So it's, it's, it's built. It's a really cool tech solution, a digital solution, but it's built by like this, these people with this Wisconsin DNA, which is, you know, it is crazy.

00:34:11.71
Mike
think something

00:34:13.84
Tom Farley
It's beautiful, crazy kind of, yeah, it's just something different. So I love that. But, I remember I sat down with the founders who built it.

00:34:24.33
Tom Farley
um And it was called something else before it was called rehab path. Or when I first learned of them and, They said, ah you know, they wanted to have me come, you know, do some outreach for them.

00:34:36.92
Tom Farley
And they said, yeah, what was really weird is a year ago, we had the opportunity to buy the domain name recovery.com. And we're like, and we're just a startup. And like, so we did a lot of money. And when should we do it?

00:34:48.46
Tom Farley
And they just a leap of faith. They did it And had an an immediate effect on the business. And and it also clarified kind of their their mission and vision.

00:34:59.32
Tom Farley
But both these, at this lunch, both these founders looked at me and they said, and then it hit us. Oh, my God, we just bought the domain recovery.com.

00:35:09.66
Tom Farley
Like, we've got to honor that and be that.

00:35:12.17
Mike
right

00:35:12.24
Tom Farley
like i you shit Like, as soon as I heard that, I'm like, I have to work for you now. Like, that like I heard that.

00:35:17.50
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:35:18.61
Tom Farley
like, yes, finally somebody, you know, there's, So much focus on treatment because that's where the money is. i get it.

00:35:25.47
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:35:25.47
Bill
right

00:35:26.13
Tom Farley
I get it.

00:35:26.89
Mike
Sure.

00:35:27.26
Tom Farley
But recoveries is wonderful, beautiful. It just opens up to this. It's the rest of life stuff, you know, ah and we're still trying to honor that. We, you know, we're still building out the backside recovery.

00:35:42.67
Tom Farley
Yeah, there was, you know, up front is treatment, but on the back is this recovery, which what does that mean? You know, peer recovery, sober living, you know, all these things.

00:35:53.15
Tom Farley
yeah And man, we're just getting rolling. It's just going to be amazing,

00:36:01.35
Tom Farley
ah you know, tool, I think, for people seeking not just addiction recovery of mental health, you know, everything.

00:36:07.36
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right. right

00:36:08.29
Tom Farley
It's it's great.

00:36:09.57
Bill
So how how long has the has the organization been around under the the first name and the and the second name?

00:36:16.33
Tom Farley
Yeah, well, it started in 2017.

00:36:19.52
Bill
Okay.

00:36:19.82
Tom Farley
You know, it it was a but couple of guys that worked at a marketing firm and they had a client that wanted to build a kind of web solution.

00:36:19.74
Bill
Okay.

00:36:27.92
Tom Farley
And so they these guys built it kind of as ah as a tool for their client. And they beta tested it in... India of all places, you know, cause there's a ton of people apparently, um, there, they, lot of English speaking people and a good tech, you know, uh, uh, support. And so let's build it here. If it works and let's, let's bring it everywhere. And it did. It was, it was huge.

00:36:55.91
Tom Farley
Um, and so now it's it's a global reach but you know uh very much uh in uh the us uh so yeah i mean it's it's so 2017 and last year we were named of the 5 000 companies in the ink magazine 5 000 fastest growing companies we were ranked 192 something like that two um like that one i

00:37:21.72
Mike
Wow.

00:37:21.65
Bill
Right.

00:37:22.56
Tom Farley
Yeah. Like, yeah, it's, it's obviously, and it's not because, you know, so much of like, Oh, they're doing amazing things in technology. It's it's no, it's, it's, it's needed.

00:37:35.36
Tom Farley
People are, there have been more searches in the last couple of years, increasing every year for people looking for help and, you know, and not really fine, you know, fine.

00:37:35.97
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:37:43.19
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:37:47.48
Tom Farley
It's ah like throwing darts on a board. It's, it was, it was hard.

00:37:49.45
Mike
Sure.

00:37:51.19
Bill
right

00:37:52.33
Tom Farley
And um we're trying to trying as as fast as we can to to to deliver this to, you know, to the people that need that are looking for help.

00:38:04.41
Tom Farley
And at the same time, which is really cool, um helping like treatment centers and that that don't know the technology part, like really helping because they're focused on you know, behavioral health and like, and you know, let's help.

00:38:13.60
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:38:17.47
Mike
Right.

00:38:20.39
Tom Farley
Let's help you. get your, you know, website and your digital, you know, ah ah tools together so that between you and i you and recovery.com, you're getting the right people.

00:38:32.20
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:38:33.62
Tom Farley
And you're not like, you know, you know, just wasting their time with like two weeks of assessment or waiting, period you know, waiting lists.

00:38:43.73
Tom Farley
And, uh, you know what, you're not the right person. And, you know, these people,

00:38:48.07
Mike
Right, absolutely. Or, you know, yeah, or you go into someplace thinking that it's what you need and it's not.

00:38:52.30
Tom Farley
hence yeah

00:38:54.83
Mike
Right, you need something different. Absolutely.

00:38:57.53
Tom Farley
And you know, the best thing is, is I've always had people calling me up like, man, you know what you I've seen you, you, I want what you have. Or I've got a nephew that really is not doing so well.

00:39:10.93
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:39:11.10
Tom Farley
Like, what do you suggest? And, you know, try to be of service and, you know, knowing a little bit of knowledge. I gave him an answer.

00:39:20.26
Mike
Right.

00:39:20.59
Tom Farley
But to be honest, like, I don't know your nephew or what they need. like

00:39:25.07
Bill
Right.

00:39:25.27
Mike
Right.

00:39:25.29
Tom Farley
But i I felt I had to give you a resource. And nine times was a ten probably wasn't the right one.

00:39:31.98
Mike
yeah

00:39:32.24
Tom Farley
Now I get to say, you know what? Go to our website.

00:39:35.57
Mike
he

00:39:36.17
Tom Farley
find and in find the right place. But now let me do what i can do for you.

00:39:42.28
Mike
right

00:39:42.30
Tom Farley
know, like you you mentioned your family is going to have an intervention for your nephew. Like, do you know what that's going to be like? Let me help you with, let me tell you what that's, you know, would and and maybe some help that you might need.

00:39:54.42
Tom Farley
some some help that you might need

00:39:57.00
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:39:57.17
Tom Farley
as an affected person. So like that's, I'm good at that. I, I, I can do, but finding the right place like that, you know, that needs a higher level of expertise.

00:40:02.63
Mike
Right.

00:40:09.23
Tom Farley
And I think it's just, it's it's wonderful that I've actually worked for that resource.

00:40:14.07
Bill
So if, so if somebody goes on recovery.com, then they can, they can search out, you know, different types of recovery or is it, cause I know you said treatment first, is it more treatment focused or can somebody look at, they just wanted to join a meeting or find a recovery group, maybe something, because there's a lot of people out there.

00:40:24.67
Tom Farley
Oh yeah.

00:40:29.69
Tom Farley
Well, as I said, yeah, so, you know, mean, let's start with just, you know, treatment.

00:40:29.86
Bill
You alluded to it, like outside of AA that people are looking for, for instance.

00:40:37.39
Tom Farley
Like, first of all, like yeah even better. So we've got this search part of our, but we also have a resource area, like with all this knowledge base of of people telling their stories.

00:40:51.35
Tom Farley
to articles on like, what does my insurance really pay for and what's going why I have to pay for, or what is what are these DBT that, you know, therapies that I get keep telling me about.

00:40:57.21
Bill
Thank

00:41:04.79
Tom Farley
So it's all this knowledge and, and, and what that does is it gives that, that control and that agency back to the people that are, you know, that need the help. It's like, we we, we, we go around asking for help all the time. Help me, you know, find this place for me. Like, and we, you know,

00:41:26.24
Tom Farley
We're still lost in you know, i have no control, feel no control over our lives. And so let's start to build some of that back into like, no, you know what? What do you want? What are you looking for? Like, I'm looking for just, you know, a 12 step, you know, residential ah in the Midwest.

00:41:44.34
Tom Farley
And here's the insurance I have. And you know what? i I kind of have a job that, you know, I got to stay connected with. So like, where can i like bring my phone?

00:41:56.66
Tom Farley
Because that's not a thing.

00:41:56.76
Mike
Right.

00:41:57.54
Bill
Right.

00:41:57.72
Tom Farley
oh And like whatever it is, like, and and here's that yours here's some candidates. Here's some good. here's some Here's some people that you can start with rather than just what's closest to me.

00:42:09.58
Mike
Right.

00:42:09.86
Bill
right

00:42:11.31
Tom Farley
You know?

00:42:11.38
Bill
Well, and that's the, the interesting part too. And, um you know, when, whether you're talking about the, whether it's, you know, the, the Gen Zs, you know, to, to the young kids all the way up to, you know, I mean, ah Mike and i what do you say you're in your late fifties, Mike?

00:42:25.37
Mike
Yes, I am. Well, 58 is your late 50s.

00:42:26.45
Bill
Yeah. I mean, I,

00:42:28.07
Mike
Yeah.

00:42:28.49
Bill
Yeah, he's 58. I'm 56. But I mean, I'll be honest with you. I would much rather, um I'll spend 15 minutes looking for something online before I'll pick up a phone.

00:42:39.55
Bill
you know

00:42:39.88
Tom Farley
course, yeah.

00:42:40.35
Bill
I would rather do that.

00:42:40.87
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:42:41.40
Bill
And I think a lot of people are like that. And there's a yeah ah podcast that we had the one of the gentlemen on here from a Sober Friends podcast. His name is Matt. um he's He's younger than us.

00:42:51.88
Bill
I think Matt's in his 40s, maybe, if you remember, if I remember correctly, maybe early, early 40s, maybe.

00:42:53.86
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:42:57.40
Bill
um But very kind of tech driven and admitted. You know, he says he's nerdy about a lot of things and he'll he's very active in his a groups in Connecticut, I believe is where they live.

00:43:08.08
Bill
And he's always talking to the groups and saying, hey, let's try to get an online resource. We've got these younger folks. You got all this different stuff.

00:43:13.41
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:43:14.00
Bill
He's trying to pull you know some of these groups away from pamphlets like nobody wants a damn pamphlet anymore.

00:43:18.55
Mike
Ha ha ha ha

00:43:18.85
Tom Farley
Oh, my God.

00:43:19.05
Bill
You know, you know, and I and i get it.

00:43:19.95
Tom Farley
Seriously.

00:43:21.45
Bill
OK, but, you know, there and there are you can find meetings through an app and all sorts of things. But it is it's hard to move, you know, in a group like that, that, you know, like Alcoholics Anonymous, that it works. Don't get me wrong.

00:43:32.10
Bill
It works because it has been around for a number of years, but it works very well for Mike and I have done it for years and a lot of other people. But. There's another whole other generation or maybe, you know, folks that are that are our age that for whatever reason dip toes in over here, but want to find something else.

00:43:48.61
Bill
That's the beauty of I mean, technology, why not use it to provide this help and these resources to these folks, right?

00:43:51.71
Tom Farley
Oh, we, yeah, we just did, and it's on our website. We just did a really amazing study on the state of recovery. And we identified trends based on, you know, what we're seeing in search and things like that.

00:44:08.13
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:44:08.45
Tom Farley
and And one of them was a i and this growth in AI and how it's going to really help us. And, and, and a lot of us, yeah, I can't even spell AI.

00:44:21.53
Tom Farley
So, um but it's it like, can we imagine like, like, like, like a, a mother calling in and say like, here's my, here's my son. He's got, he does this and that and, ah and, and, and just this rambling kind of statement like that she's leaving on an answering machine or even talking to a human that's going, like, just just what's your insurance?

00:44:46.76
Tom Farley
like what do you like ah you know

00:44:48.37
Mike
Great.

00:44:49.38
Tom Farley
But all of a sudden you're talking to an AI but that that that re it translates that and brings it back to the treatment center like, this is what this person is looking for.

00:45:01.92
Tom Farley
ah you know And no one has to go through this You know, and it it gets right to what you're the what you need so that that person now gets a call back. They go, I know exactly what you need.

00:45:13.88
Mike
right

00:45:14.79
Tom Farley
And you wouldn't have gotten that if you just listen to, you know, wait yeah like the way, you know, like I'm doing now, rambling.

00:45:22.02
Mike
Right. Yeah, exactly.

00:45:22.68
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:45:22.97
Mike
Right. Yeah. You know, right. yeah Point you to a church basement. and Here's a cup of coffee and a donut.

00:45:26.65
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:45:27.41
Mike
Yeah. you're You're fixed now.

00:45:29.13
Tom Farley
Yep.

00:45:29.35
Bill
yeah sit Sit down and shut up and I'll tell you when you can speak.

00:45:33.64
Mike
Right.

00:45:33.73
Bill
And you know what? I mean, that that worked that worked for us. It still works for me every once in a while.

00:45:36.33
Mike
Hmm.

00:45:37.45
Bill
I need to be told when to sit down and shut up and you know somebody tells me when to speak.

00:45:37.55
Mike
Hmm.

00:45:41.12
Tom Farley
Oh, man.

00:45:41.21
Bill
but

00:45:41.76
Tom Farley
and

00:45:41.89
Bill
So a AI is kind of, so we're involved with, have you ever heard of the the Sober Curator? Tom? if you if you If you have, perfect, if you haven't, because ah we've been partnered with them for a couple of years now.

00:45:50.28
Tom Farley
yeah

00:45:56.05
Bill
Actually, yeah, two years now, Mike, two?

00:45:57.77
Mike
Mm-hmm. About that.

00:45:58.29
Bill
Okay. And, um, so we, their recovery based website, her name is Elise Bryson. She started it a handful of years ago. Um, and it's mainly for folks that have had, it's not that it doesn't cater to the new folk, but, uh, mainly, know, how do you continue to live sober type of thing? So, um, and like, for instance, uh, we'll more than likely your episode here will be, uh, we, since we partnered with them, unless you object, we're going to, um, have Elise post this episode on that website to get more, more play for it. Okay. Okay.

00:46:26.60
Bill
Um, but she is one that, um, she lives with, with AI, with their descriptions with all these different things and writing the articles and their SEO and all that stuff.

00:46:27.52
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:46:36.59
Bill
And it, it blows my, it blows my mind because we have a there's a website called, uh, alcoholfree.com that picks up our, our podcast, just automatically somehow start picking it up.

00:46:37.11
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:46:48.04
Bill
And it it writes an AI description of based on what I do for a description, but also based on a transcript, which sometimes I laugh my ass off at it. I'll read them off to Mike. I'm like, listen of what they said about us. And this is AI talks way nicer about us than we really are.

00:47:03.33
Mike
right

00:47:03.37
Bill
um You know, but some of it, I'm like, that's kind of cool that they pulled that out of there.

00:47:06.88
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:47:07.65
Bill
You know, just from the conversation or, you know, you do a Google search. If it's a it's if it's a relatively common topic, you get your rather before you get your search results, you get the A.I.

00:47:18.89
Bill
breakdown, you know, almost like for for us old folks here, you get the CliffsNotes version that A.I. gives you of all the searches.

00:47:25.03
Tom Farley
Yeah. I'll tell you a funny story. So we had a yeah ah ah company who I retreated a couple months ago down in Florida and our CEO, one of our CEOs, who's just absolutely off the charts, ah brilliant and just amazing guy, ah was doing um kind of a ah a kind of a ah tutorial on kind of chat GPT and how we how we could use it.

00:47:27.21
Bill
And I'm like, that's cool. Yeah.

00:47:51.76
Tom Farley
And, uh, it's so funny. It's, he was like, it's like he, you could see in his face, like he was trying to teach us, you know, like one letter of the alphabet and it was like, right.

00:48:02.42
Mike
Mhm. Mhm.

00:48:04.77
Tom Farley
But one of the, one of the, one of the drills he said, like go on your, you know, whatever the, uh, the, the, the system is. And he goes and like, take like, um, um, DBT therapy, you know, whatever, and ask it to explain it to you to you in like, you know, what it's some other way. And so we paired up and I i was paired up with a colleague of mine.

00:48:29.54
Tom Farley
He said, let's explain, you know, DBT therapy like it's Shakespearean sonnet.

00:48:38.47
Mike
hmm

00:48:38.71
Tom Farley
And I'm like, ah yeah And it did it it did. And it really explained it to us in this way. And then I went, okay, Chet, GBT, that's how smart you are.

00:48:49.16
Tom Farley
So I like went over to the corner and like, hey, chat GBT, like I typed in like explain DBT therapy therapy at like you were ah the character Matt Foley from Chris Farley.

00:49:03.36
Mike
ha

00:49:03.97
Tom Farley
And within seconds, this, you well, you first of all, you go down, i'm like I could, I could, I was reading it in his voice.

00:49:12.74
Mike
Right.

00:49:13.31
Tom Farley
I'm like, yikes.

00:49:13.70
Bill
yeah

00:49:15.41
Tom Farley
Okay, this is scary.

00:49:16.99
Bill
yeah

00:49:17.26
Tom Farley
But now I understand, you know, DBT therapy.

00:49:19.99
Mike
right

00:49:20.05
Bill
Right.

00:49:21.06
Tom Farley
Thank you, Chris. Thank you, Chris.

00:49:22.22
Bill
Oh, it's it's crazy. When i um I was doing some work on and on a website and when I designed Squarespace now has, um you know, AI enhanced design capabilities and all that stuff.

00:49:35.11
Bill
And it's like, how do you want this to look at? How do you want this explained? And you could do these. Okay. Do you want, do you want your website to be serious looking? It'll change color, font and tone.

00:49:45.76
Bill
And I'm like, that's weird. And it's like, do you want it to be more upbeat and, And cheerful. So I did that. Do you want it to be really funny and off the wall? And i'm ah I'm like, this is ridiculous because it's giving you the same information, but literally speaking to you in whatever language you want to get across to this.

00:50:00.45
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:50:05.69
Bill
You know, I didn't want to be i didn't want the website to be stuffy. I didn't want it to be all the way on the goofy side, but kind of somewhere in the middle. And it had that. And I'm like, this is insanity. I've done it with a couple of articles that I worked with. I, some recovery articles, quite honestly, that I wrote, I'm like, I want to write about gratitude in this and that and blah, blah, blah. And then I would get this whole article written. And what I would do is I would, I would chop it up and take, cause I've got a, I've got a voice in my writing and I, there's a way that I write that

00:50:37.33
Tom Farley
Yeah, me too.

00:50:37.46
Bill
I've been, I've been, I've been sort of criticized by a couple of people over the years saying, and you, you know, you're, you're too flippant with this. You don't want to do this. You're, you're acting as though, you know, kind of like you don't care type of thing.

00:50:48.42
Bill
I'm like, that's my personality.

00:50:48.74
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:50:50.25
Bill
It's not that I don't care, but I have a kind of like a take it away type of approach in a lot of ways that I write. And I learned that from my dad. It's a sales technique technique also.

00:50:59.17
Tom Farley
Yep.

00:51:00.10
Bill
Um, But I'm like, you cannot try to change my voice. I said, it's i said if you if you want to take my article, then just write it as a I'll be a contributor. But I'm not i'm not putting my name on that.

00:51:11.46
Bill
But what what AI did is it gave me an outline. And that's where it helped me with a lot of my writing over the last couple of years is that I still put it in my voice.

00:51:15.77
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:51:19.30
Bill
But I'm like... It would have taken me two hours to look up all these different points and I'm getting, you know, I can get links to stuff if I want to actually say, okay, this is where I got this from and, you know, credit it to, and I'm like, this is wonderful. I just, I don't understand the full use that I could have with it, but I haven't taken the time either, but it's, it's ridiculous. It's amazing.

00:51:41.35
Tom Farley
Well, you know, it's funny. you I mean, you kind of describe my style in talking to groups. You know, you're all you know companies are like, you know, what's your PowerPoint? Your presentation is like, I don't...

00:51:58.35
Tom Farley
What? don't want a PowerPoint. um Because I don't want to give people knowledge and information because they're just going to forget it.

00:52:08.26
Mike
see

00:52:08.29
Bill
Sure.

00:52:08.75
Tom Farley
I want them to remember me. I want them to I want to have a connection.

00:52:11.29
Mike
Right.

00:52:13.59
Tom Farley
and And, you know, Chris taught me that. My brothers taught me that actors like know your audience, connect connect to the audience and like. am you know, and they'll walk away like, I don't really remember what he said, but boy, do I feel, I feel differently.

00:52:28.35
Tom Farley
And like, maybe I'm going to do a little extra work on like his company or like, ah that's, I want the connection.

00:52:28.72
Mike
the

00:52:35.17
Bill
sure

00:52:35.32
Mike
Yeah.

00:52:35.57
Tom Farley
And yeah.

00:52:35.81
Mike
The emotional connection.

00:52:37.13
Tom Farley
And what you just said, like, you know, what's different every time pretty much for me is, is the audience. So, you know, maybe my voice and my style isn't going to connect with an audience, but maybe AI can help me with that.

00:52:44.97
Bill
Right.

00:52:51.68
Tom Farley
You know, like, here's my, what like, but here's my audience.

00:52:52.27
Bill
right

00:52:55.85
Tom Farley
And this is what I want to do. I want to connect the way I always do. And, uh, you just kind of gave me some really cool, you know, you're going to really, either that or going to mess up my presentation, you know?

00:53:07.13
Mike
yeah

00:53:08.28
Bill
Well, you know what? I take zero responsibility if you do bad.

00:53:11.37
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:53:11.36
Bill
I'll take i'll take all the credit if you do well, Tom.

00:53:14.16
Tom Farley
Yeah, you know what?

00:53:14.08
Bill
And please, like i it's my my last name is pronounced Lynn Dela. So just make sure you pronounce it right.

00:53:19.06
Mike
yeah

00:53:19.37
Bill
Give me the right credit. yeah

00:53:21.00
Tom Farley
um

00:53:21.28
Bill
No, but seriously, you can take, if you had the same, if you had a presentation like that and you were speaking to, because you just mentioned a corporate group.

00:53:22.67
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:53:29.16
Bill
versus if you were speaking at a, and I want to say a comedy show, but a lighter crowd, you know, there could be a different way to, because it sounds to me like you want to leave an impression on people, make sure whatever information, as the kids say, lands with them.

00:53:33.55
Tom Farley
Yep.

00:53:42.97
Bill
um You know, and again, i don't, I'm not going to say I'm not going to irritate most people, but ah I may not connect with everyone the way that I come across. But I think that that would be or could be an advantage, especially in writing or speaking.

00:53:56.74
Bill
um Yeah, like you said, dialing into the audience that you have. I don't know.

00:53:59.28
Tom Farley
yep

00:53:59.26
Bill
I've never I've never tried to rewrite, you know, let's say a presentation and that, but I don't see. i Well, I know it would work. It's just a matter of how it comes across. Right.

00:54:08.35
Tom Farley
It is funny when you get the the value. say Once in a while you get ah you a group that will give you evaluations back. And there's always one like, you know, he was, he couldn't keep, I couldn't keep track of him. I like, he didn't like, you know, he wasn't funny enough. Like, I loved that one. That was a good one.

00:54:26.66
Tom Farley
um You want it? Okay. You want it, Chris. I got you. But I remember the first time I talked to ah like a school counselors group, these teachers, and one of the feedback was like, he had no handouts.

00:54:39.01
Tom Farley
Like, yeah.

00:54:39.61
Mike
there

00:54:39.90
Tom Farley
Yeah. Thank you. Thank you very much.

00:54:43.06
Bill
There was a, and I did, I did those Xeroxes.

00:54:43.97
Mike
No mimo graphs.

00:54:45.74
Tom Farley
Yeah, exactly.

00:54:48.70
Bill
ah There was, I did training for a number of years for, at one point for, for companies. And I actually worked for a group. So we went around the different cities and did training and same type of thing. You get these in this group was this, this,

00:55:01.95
Bill
very particular granted because they were sending us as instructors out doing all this stuff you know the feedback was critical and i always scored well overall you know it was ah on a level of you know if top five was the top i'd always score on average four and a half plus you know on everything never never below that so i mean my scores were fine but it you'd be in the same room of people it's all hotels you know it's all hotel conference rooms so in the same conference i'd get it was too warm then it was too cold but okay same room

00:55:17.07
Tom Farley
Yep.

00:55:32.00
Bill
um He was too animated.

00:55:32.31
Tom Farley
Yep.

00:55:33.64
Bill
He wasn't animated enough. He told too many jokes. He didn't tell enough jokes. um He connected with, he didn't connect to anyone. He seemed like he connected with all of us. And I'm like, you guys are in the same room, you know, but, but I mean, that just, that goes to show how, um, how different we are as it's just as human beings.

00:55:47.24
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:55:54.14
Bill
I mean, you cannot, it's, it's unbelievable how, how you can get that type of reaction, but you're never going to connect with everyone, but you're always going to connect with, with the people who really want to hear what you have to say, you know, I mean, that's all we can hope for.

00:56:04.07
Tom Farley
Yeah.

00:56:07.05
Tom Farley
It's funny. i Before I came here, I worked for a treatment center doing outreach business development. And the first time my, my boss, head of business development, heard me do a presentation in front of like really important, you know, ah clinicians and, you know, ah doctors. and And she's in the back room going, what's going on here?

00:56:29.34
Tom Farley
And afterwards, she's like, You were all over the place. It was hard for me to kind of keep track, but all of a sudden you tied it all in at the end and it just all of a sudden made sense to me. I'm like, yeah yeah, get used to that.

00:56:47.21
Tom Farley
i mean, that's dead yeah I can't explain it, but like you wanted me to have a PowerPoint.

00:56:47.69
Mike
Right.

00:56:54.38
Tom Farley
Silly you.

00:56:54.37
Bill
yeah it's just Yeah, just give me a minute. I'll i'll bring it around. you know

00:56:57.38
Tom Farley
Yeah, like...

00:56:57.89
Bill
it was There was a radio show I listened to for years. They said, sometimes we forget what we were talking about, so we just keep talking until it makes sense. yeah that's

00:57:04.46
Tom Farley
Yeah, there you

00:57:05.61
Bill
Mike and I do that quite bit.

00:57:07.17
Mike
Mm-hmm. It's pretty much the gist of this show.

00:57:10.37
Bill
yeah Just keep talking until it makes sense or until until the time runs out. One of the two.

00:57:14.03
Tom Farley
Yeah, if it doesn't make sense, make it funny.

00:57:15.01
Bill
yeah

00:57:16.00
Tom Farley
Make it fun.

00:57:16.19
Bill
Yeah.

00:57:16.63
Tom Farley
Yeah, what the hell.

00:57:16.95
Mike
Yeah.

00:57:18.47
Bill
So a couple of quick questions. So the are you still doing the, do you still have the the Chris Farley Foundation? I guess I didn't look into that much.

00:57:26.53
Tom Farley
Yeah, no.

00:57:26.79
Bill
That's number one. And then the then the book, if you want to talk about the book that you did some years ago.

00:57:29.12
Tom Farley
Yeah. So... i So I started out going into schools. And again, wanted the Chris Riley Foundation was formed because like I wanted to talk to and young adults.

00:57:42.04
Tom Farley
And, you know, that meant going in schools. But like all the programs were all education based because, you know, that's what a school does.

00:57:44.38
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:57:50.83
Tom Farley
And I'm like, well, I don't.

00:57:51.13
Mike
That's what they do.

00:57:52.76
Tom Farley
And delivered by professional teachers like, OK, that's not my lane.

00:57:55.19
Mike
Right.

00:57:56.84
Tom Farley
So I looked at my brothers who all. um went through Second City in Chicago, learned improv, this, you know, this, this, form the you teacher you know, yeah ah connection and and acceptance and building trust.

00:58:09.84
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:58:11.96
Tom Farley
And I'm like, oh, man, that's my tool. All these kids have all this knowledge in their head, but they're still, and don't know what to do with it. So I went in teaching improv and it was amazing.

00:58:18.51
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:58:23.11
Tom Farley
It was about as simple as you can get, but it was fun.

00:58:25.68
Bill
Right.

00:58:26.88
Tom Farley
But then I wrote my book, ah the ah Chris Farley show. ah And this was in 08, you know, and um I, I started, people didn't want me to do programs and plus it was very time consuming, but they want keynotes and, and, and presentations. And so I switched to that and I don't need a foundation for that. I can just do my thing.

00:58:49.21
Mike
Nice.

00:58:49.72
Tom Farley
And I've been doing that ever since. ah And it's amazing. Like I look at that book now and like I know so much more about Chris, ah about myself, about recovery. It's like um but it it it gave me this platform to be out, go out and talk. And now now it's going to be a movie.

00:59:11.59
Mike
nice

00:59:11.74
Tom Farley
You know, yeah, which is exciting.

00:59:11.78
Bill
Right.

00:59:14.66
Tom Farley
People keep asking me about the movie. I'm like, ah I don't, don't, don't put that thought in my head. I'm a, I'm a movie producer now.

00:59:21.61
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:59:23.45
Tom Farley
Like, no, you're not.

00:59:24.09
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:59:25.38
Tom Farley
um but ah there will be such great recovery and addiction and treatment. There's such great themes of the stuff that it saw. Like I used the book, I can't wait to use the movie ah in the recovery space and open up that you know conversation a little bit more.

00:59:51.35
Mike
Absolutely.

00:59:51.78
Tom Farley
So it'll be really neat.

00:59:52.65
Mike
Yeah. The more we can talk about it, the more we can bring it into the light, the better it's going to be.

00:59:55.81
Tom Farley
Right, right. right

00:59:57.47
Bill
Right. Well, and I was ah in some of the things that, and I thought I had heard about it then, but obviously in doing some of the, when I was looking um kind of for your, the YouTubes and that sort of thing for you, I saw that it's, are they calling that a biopic?

01:00:09.14
Bill
Is that what they're calling it?

01:00:10.39
Tom Farley
Biopic, yeah.

01:00:10.89
Bill
A biopic. Okay.

01:00:12.04
Tom Farley
don't know if it's some medical thing that you just said.

01:00:12.12
Bill
um

01:00:14.40
Mike
Right.

01:00:14.34
Bill
Yeah. Like biopic, biopic, sorry.

01:00:15.27
Tom Farley
um Yeah.

01:00:15.96
Mike
Myopic.

01:00:16.58
Tom Farley
um it's ah It's called a biopic.

01:00:16.99
Bill
Biopic.

01:00:17.14
Mike
I can't see it very well.

01:00:19.53
Bill
Bioptic.

01:00:20.48
Tom Farley
um And it was interesting. I was talking to you you a couple years ago, when ah Josh Gad, who's just a very funny actor. It's going his first time directing.

01:00:30.95
Mike
Hmm.

01:00:30.99
Tom Farley
You know who Josh Gad is, right?

01:00:32.38
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

01:00:33.40
Tom Farley
Yeah. If you ask anyone under a certain age, it's like he played Olaf in Frozen. Oh, that guy.

01:00:39.44
Mike
Right. Yeah.

01:00:40.53
Tom Farley
um So Josh i went round round.

01:00:44.05
Bill
Thank you.

01:00:44.26
Tom Farley
like, I see there's like a story between a father and son. It's like, oh, no, don't go don't go there.

01:00:50.20
Mike
Right.

01:00:50.31
Tom Farley
don't Please don't do that. And then one time i was talking to him, he goes, you know, I think I got it. I go, what? He goes, well, there's this period of time when he went from SNL to to l a and he you know He was at the top of his game with SNL and then kind of lost his connection and and is and and is you know he was isolated again and in making movies.

01:01:13.65
Tom Farley
And so he yeah he had amazing talent and um and just all these demons like we're in this compact timeframe. He goes, I don't want to do like this current birth to death. Like I, but maybe some flashbacks.

01:01:29.09
Tom Farley
And he goes, and I, I kind of thought like who else was like that? And I'm like, I was thinking like Bob Fosse. And it dawned to me like, what is Chris Farley's all that jazz like look like?

01:01:39.61
Tom Farley
And i went, Oh man, if you deliver that, yeah, do that.

01:01:39.94
Mike
Hmm.

01:01:43.49
Mike
That's nice.

01:01:46.02
Tom Farley
Yeah, but don't put him in like leotards or anything like that.

01:01:49.01
Mike
Right. Yeah. Well, well, of course.

01:01:50.16
Tom Farley
I mean, he would have, he'd do it.

01:01:51.90
Mike
Oh, yeah.

01:01:52.13
Bill
yeah

01:01:52.73
Tom Farley
But ah I just that whole like, yeah, that whole kind of all that jazz like genius, but wow, tormented.

01:01:58.83
Mike
Right. Mm

01:02:02.14
Tom Farley
Yeah, really.

01:02:02.33
Mike
hmm. Yeah, that's cool. I'm looking forward to that.

01:02:05.58
Tom Farley
Yeah, not cool. Yeah.

01:02:07.14
Bill
So when is it when is that slated to be out? Or is it just like in in the beginning of it?

01:02:11.10
Tom Farley
ah Yeah, we're still finishing up, I think, the script.

01:02:11.55
Bill
Yeah.

01:02:15.34
Tom Farley
I don't know. like ah

01:02:16.81
Mike
Right.

01:02:17.17
Tom Farley
I just sold them the rights to the book.

01:02:17.23
Mike
Hmm. Hmm.

01:02:18.69
Tom Farley
so But we have a great writing team.

01:02:19.57
Mike
bright

01:02:21.24
Tom Farley
ah you know The guys that did Daisy Jones series, miniseries, and I think you know Fault in Our Stars. i mean They're really good writers.

01:02:34.43
Tom Farley
They're finishing that up. i think it's It's just about to get greenlit. And once it's greenlit, I think they'll the last I heard, they'll start filming in like September maybe and get it out by the end of the year.

01:02:44.38
Bill
Nice. Right.

01:02:47.19
Tom Farley
um yeah i have a feeling I've been waiting so long. Then this is typical Hollywood. Then all of a sudden it's going to be like, you know, lights, you know, warp, you know, factor six and like.

01:02:57.19
Mike
he

01:02:59.71
Tom Farley
But, you know, that's that's the way they work.

01:03:00.77
Mike
Yeah. Absolutely.

01:03:02.38
Tom Farley
So.

01:03:02.49
Bill
right

01:03:02.88
Mike
Yeah. And last time I checked, we're powerless. So you're welcome.

01:03:06.37
Tom Farley
ah Thank you. You know what? 100%. yeah. like yeah

01:03:13.15
Mike
Beautiful.

01:03:14.25
Bill
So, yeah, and I, yeah like I said, i obviously saw that a couple other things, but in what I'll do, and I'll obviously have all the, which anyone who's listening now will see the links to it. You know, I'll try to put a link into the foundation, recovery.com, obviously the the book and all those sort of things. And I've already got your Instagram page, you know, tagged and stuff like that.

01:03:34.17
Bill
But I had the one last question to remind me of, actually, it was, again, a David Spade interview that somebody was talking to him and David was talking about, obviously, yeah again, towards the end with Chris and the same type of thing, how he was struggling and all this sort of stuff.

01:03:46.71
Tom Farley
Yeah.

01:03:47.04
Bill
And, you know, somebody had somebody had said to him and they didn't mean it this way, but you kind of know how David Spade is. But he's like person's like, so did did you see some of this stuff coming on? And his Spade's like, oh, yeah, so now it's my fault.

01:03:59.96
Bill
these They're like they're like like, no, no, no, no.

01:04:01.09
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:04:02.41
Bill
But I mean, that's kind of the the typical question that we get, um you know, is didn't you see something?

01:04:03.07
Tom Farley
But.

01:04:08.34
Bill
Couldn't you have done something? You know, it's a lot of times it's outsiders, you know, and um I'm sure you guys were asked that question.

01:04:09.56
Tom Farley
Oh, you don't think yet. Yeah, but you.

01:04:13.52
Bill
It's a painful question. It's a ridiculous one, but.

01:04:15.50
Tom Farley
Yeah, you don't think we as a family felt that way? Yeah, like, this is one of the first things I, i you know, i wanted Dave to know um um is that, like, yeah, and and and and just all of his friends, like, there's nothing you can do.

01:04:17.92
Bill
Right. Yeah.

01:04:18.36
Mike
say

01:04:32.80
Bill
Right.

01:04:33.04
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm.

01:04:34.82
Tom Farley
um You know, that's the whole thing of, like, ah you gotta, it starts with you, you know?

01:04:42.49
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:04:43.34
Tom Farley
No one can make you You know, do anything. you've got to You've got to do it for the right reasons and believe it. and And, you know, it's hard for people that still struggle.

01:04:57.08
Tom Farley
I yeah see it and like, man, know, it's...

01:05:01.68
Mike
Well, it's generally people that don't understand what what it is.

01:05:03.40
Tom Farley
Yeah.

01:05:05.67
Mike
you know, they don't truly, and and i I'm glad that they don't understand

01:05:06.09
Bill
Right.

01:05:10.47
Mike
what it's really like to be addicted and, and to, you know, have all those things.

01:05:14.18
Tom Farley
Yeah.

01:05:14.88
Mike
Right. You know, I'm glad, but of course they don't understand. No, it's as a wonderful friend of ours here in Cleveland always says it's an inside job. And that's exactly what it is.

01:05:24.87
Tom Farley
Yeah. Yeah.

01:05:25.36
Mike
You know, we've got to do the work. We've got ah we've got to look inside ourselves and find out what the hell was missing that we were trying to again, filling that hole. And um you know, once we,

01:05:36.91
Mike
start to do that work, that's when we can start getting the results. But, you know, a lot of us don't want to do that work. We don't want to look inside. We don't want to see that emptiness. And, um you know.

01:05:47.96
Tom Farley
Yeah, because and that's what those are the people that cling to like, oh, this is a recovery is just about, you know, being sober and sobriety is like, no, no, you know, uh,

01:05:57.90
Mike
No, no. I believe I read somewhere alcohol is just a symptom.

01:06:02.80
Tom Farley
Yeah. Like, you know, I may have got gone into the rooms thinking like i need some distance between my drinking and me.

01:06:09.43
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

01:06:10.38
Bill
Oh,

01:06:11.24
Tom Farley
And maybe it was a little bit more about sobriety. But when I started to realize like, no, it's not. It's like you just have to be you just need the clarity of sobriety to do all this other stuff.

01:06:22.60
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:06:23.71
Tom Farley
Like, and that's, it was funny. I did a tour of prisons couple of years ago and um talking to people in recovery and and and this one kid raised his hand after my talk and I go, I'm Yes, you and the green.

01:06:41.53
Mike
Right, right, right, right.

01:06:41.69
Tom Farley
They're all red and green. um And you go, so you go ah you know, what do you do about the cravings? You know, like I'm kind of in a controlled ah environment now. It's like, oh, you notice that?

01:06:54.04
Tom Farley
but Okay.

01:06:54.51
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:06:54.52
Tom Farley
um ah But I'm worried when I get out, like, um you know, well, I still have these cravings to to drink and stuff. I'm like, I go, you know, honestly, I've never had that question.

01:07:03.41
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:07:06.30
Tom Farley
But like, ah if I had answered, like, kind honestly, I... That's not what I crave.

01:07:13.03
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:07:13.27
Tom Farley
I, the, the feeling that I have now of, of, of my authentic self that comes from being vulnerable and honest and, and, and grateful, like that's what I crave.

01:07:16.55
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:07:26.55
Tom Farley
And the and when I get far away from that, I'm like, that's what I crave. I'm like, what do I got to do to get that back?

01:07:31.57
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:07:34.02
Mike
Right.

01:07:34.23
Tom Farley
ah Do I got to go to a meeting? Do I, you know, i do some meditation, spirituality, whatever it is, but like, that's what I crave now.

01:07:41.41
Mike
Sure.

01:07:43.89
Mike
Yeah, absolutely.

01:07:43.92
Bill
right

01:07:45.32
Mike
The peace and serenity. Yeah, it's way better than all that other crap.

01:07:46.96
Tom Farley
Yeah. Nothing to do with drinking.

01:07:50.91
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:07:51.07
Tom Farley
Yeah. I don't crave that at all.

01:07:51.74
Mike
Right. Right. And I mean, we talk about it on here all the time.

01:07:54.30
Tom Farley
is

01:07:55.45
Mike
You know, I love people that go, oh, I never think about it anymore. You know, you're a fucking liar, man.

01:08:00.93
Tom Farley
You know, it was...

01:08:01.61
Mike
You know, I was an alcoholic for, you know, well, I'm still an alcoholic, but I mean, I was an active alcoholic for 40 years. I mean, yes, of course I have the thoughts, but, you know, and then I i do that wonderful thing.

01:08:13.13
Mike
I play that tape through and I go, okay, fine.

01:08:13.55
Tom Farley
Yeah. Yep.

01:08:16.33
Mike
So you go and you have a drink or you go and you take a shot or a snort or whatever. Then what? And I go, eh, yeah.

01:08:23.71
Tom Farley
You know, it's, it's, yeah.

01:08:24.44
Mike
Then that piece in the serenity goes away and I, that no, thank you.

01:08:29.33
Tom Farley
It's funny. I was just at a conference and I i went out to dinner with a colleague with of mine and a couple other people. and And afterwards, like, you know, desserts? And I'm like, yeah.

01:08:39.82
Mike
Yeah.

01:08:40.21
Tom Farley
And so I saw something on the thing.

01:08:41.22
Mike
Right.

01:08:42.47
Tom Farley
and There was like some, I said, maybe I'll have a coffee too. And then I saw like this coffee drink that had like a thing ice cream in it.

01:08:46.24
Mike
Yes,

01:08:49.32
Mike
it does. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

01:08:50.78
Tom Farley
I'm like, that sounds good. I like all of that.

01:08:53.02
Mike
yes it does

01:08:54.49
Tom Farley
And so my colleague and I both had it. we We took a sip. And I started on the ice cream. She goes, oh my gosh, ah this has got alcohol in it.

01:09:04.37
Mike
yeah

01:09:04.50
Tom Farley
I'm like, no, it doesn't.

01:09:04.95
Bill
Thank you.

01:09:06.08
Tom Farley
And I... i yeah yeah it It did, but I'm like, I didn't taste it all.

01:09:10.02
Mike
yeah

01:09:12.30
Tom Farley
I was so excited about the ice cream.

01:09:13.99
Mike
yeah

01:09:14.32
Bill
ha

01:09:14.55
Tom Farley
I'm like, I'm like, that's like gas. Like I have like, I don't even taste it anymore, but I'm glad you like warned me.

01:09:22.39
Mike
Right.

01:09:22.72
Tom Farley
But then, then I looked at her like, does that mean I ought to give this back? ah Can I keep the ice cream? Can I just eat the ice cream?

01:09:28.08
Mike
Right.

01:09:29.20
Tom Farley
like, we're going to give it back.

01:09:29.22
Mike
Right. can i

01:09:30.84
Tom Farley
And we're like, and get, and get other ones without that. Yes.

01:09:34.10
Mike
Can I scrape the booze off the ice cream?

01:09:34.35
Tom Farley
Yes. You'll get your,

01:09:37.12
Mike
Beautiful.

01:09:37.29
Tom Farley
Yeah.

01:09:37.54
Mike
yeah

01:09:38.38
Tom Farley
Yes. We'll get you a of regular coffee and cold, you know, cold brew with ice cream.

01:09:39.14
Mike
beautiful

01:09:39.09
Bill
Yeah.

01:09:42.97
Tom Farley
And I'm like, okay, I'll get, I'm fine.

01:09:44.43
Mike
a

01:09:45.21
Tom Farley
But it was weird.

01:09:45.22
Bill
I could.

01:09:45.77
Tom Farley
I didn't taste that at all.

01:09:47.56
Mike
Right.

01:09:49.28
Tom Farley
And it's not like, um, and thank God I did because that, that that there was a little panic in me, but, uh, um, but I was like, yeah, that is so in my rear view mirror, all of that.

01:09:56.31
Bill
Oh, sure.

01:10:01.57
Mike
Yeah, absolutely.

01:10:03.33
Tom Farley
God, thank God.

01:10:04.49
Mike
Yeah, exactly.

01:10:04.80
Tom Farley
Yeah. Yeah.

01:10:06.23
Bill
Well, and and that is the one thing, you know, we were in ah in a controlled environment in a sober living facility, not a lockdown facility, but still, you know, you're around state people and all that stuff.

01:10:11.39
Tom Farley
Yep.

01:10:14.39
Bill
But, you know, the the cool part is, is that, you know, it's like once once you get the, you know, that initial like detox, both Mike and I went through detox. Once you get that initial, you know, stuff out of you, that initial detox done, granted, it takes a little bit for your body to get back in shape, blah, blah, blah.

01:10:29.05
Bill
But you know, then that's when the work starts, you know, that's when you got to start.

01:10:32.16
Tom Farley
ye

01:10:32.87
Bill
If, if you do nothing, that's where people, you know, dry drunks and unhappy people and all those sorts of things. It was so much more, again, back to what Mike said, just a symptom, you know, so, you know, as you get farther away from that and as you've done the work, you know, and that was my first thought when that, when that question would come up to you is that, you know, like you say, I mean, you're chasing all these different things because you've done the work.

01:10:53.42
Bill
Hopefully that, that young man does the work so that he's got other things and realizes that, you know Like Mike and I said, we might get 20 minutes of extreme pleasure out of drinking or using again, and then everything else is gone.

01:11:06.75
Bill
We just blew up. I mean, we're looking outside. Everything else is blown up, but here we are for our happy 20 minutes, and then it's all gone.

01:11:10.07
Tom Farley
ye

01:11:13.05
Bill
Everything else is just gone.

01:11:15.29
Tom Farley
Well, I mean, but i I, you know, it scared me at first, but the the whole concept of like this authentic self and how it, you know, like I brought people back into my life.

01:11:23.64
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:11:27.85
Tom Farley
Like, like why would I ever...

01:11:28.10
Bill
Right.

01:11:31.74
Tom Farley
you know, want that to go away. And like, cause that's what I, I, I drank before is, is to not have that person. and didn't know who that, that was, you know?

01:11:42.14
Mike
the

01:11:42.33
Bill
right

01:11:42.62
Tom Farley
and i I, I got a question out of college once recently, a a student, was asking me about ah marijuana and and like, what's your opinion on this?

01:11:53.53
Tom Farley
i'm like, you know, first of all, like I grew up with a little bit more organic kind of product.

01:11:53.60
Mike
Right. Mm.

01:12:00.45
Tom Farley
So this is not organic. This is like made in a lab in Jersey. but um But the thing is like, you know, like if it prevents you from being your authentic self, then i why are you doing this?

01:12:17.64
Mike
right

01:12:17.67
Bill
right

01:12:18.16
Tom Farley
You know, it's it's not harmful. It's like it is if if if you're not putting out an authentic, rigorously honest, grateful, humble person. Yeah, it is

01:12:29.89
Mike
Yeah, right. right And I mean, for me, you know, I mean, I always say, well, if I smoke a joint, then I'm going to get thirsty. And then I'm going to go get a handle of vodka. Then that's not going to be enough.

01:12:40.17
Tom Farley
Yeah.

01:12:40.67
Mike
So I'll go get some heroin. um But that's me, you know, and there are plenty people that can have a beer or smoke a joint or, you know, there's those crazy people out there that can do a line every six months or, you know, a couple and have a party on a Saturday night and then get up and play with their kids the next day.

01:12:48.55
Tom Farley
Yeah, did.

01:12:54.99
Tom Farley
Wow.

01:12:59.12
Mike
um That ain't me.

01:13:00.50
Bill
yeah It's not me either.

01:13:00.77
Tom Farley
Nah, man. Nope. Nope.

01:13:04.14
Bill
All right. So, so Tom in, uh, kind of in wrapping up here, anything else that either you want to share that you want to let people know, once again, just to recap, I'll have as many links as I can to all the things we had talked about the foundation, the recovery.com, obviously the book, um, I've got your Instagram page.

01:13:20.90
Bill
I'll have that tagged in it. Uh, anything else that you want to share?

01:13:24.32
Tom Farley
Yeah, i i just I just love, you know, as I said, this website, don't know what you call it, a digital resource, whatever it is.

01:13:34.34
Mike
Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

01:13:34.61
Tom Farley
It's like, you know, and it's not just meant for somebody seeking treatment. It's like, it's, you know, it's, it's, it's, um breaking down stigmas and barriers more than anything else and knowledge, you know, gaining, giving people knowledge and like such amazing inspirational stories.

01:13:55.37
Tom Farley
um Like, I don't think when they built this, this web resource that there was any a clue of this whole kind of world of recovery waiting for them, you know, on the other side of treatment, you know, like, Oh, matching people up to the right treatment is, is, is amazing for everyone.

01:14:15.33
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:14:21.12
Tom Farley
Like, you know, um it's efficient and it's saving lives, all that kind of stuff. But, um As I used to even tell the clinicians in the and the yeah residential program i I used to work with, they're like, I know you're saving lives. That's great.

01:14:39.19
Tom Farley
You know, the people are in the middle of the deep end drowning and you got them to the edge of the pool. But that's all you did, you know. um This is rest of life If you're not sending them out the back door with this, like, okay, but you're not done.

01:14:54.62
Tom Farley
You're not even close. You're just...

01:14:55.73
Mike
Great.

01:14:56.57
Tom Farley
yeah This is rest of life and it's a beautiful life.

01:14:58.35
Mike
Great.

01:15:00.03
Tom Farley
You're going to love that. um And I think that's what and um not only do we deliver that with the, you know, the matching up the the right treatment with the right person, you know, right person, the right treatment on the front side of recovery.com, but this whole backside of recovery and just what a, what a, what an amazing thing to connect people, all of us,

01:15:22.49
Tom Farley
um and and ah And it's not just all of us in recovery. It's just us to everyone. I i think everyone, you know, our communities need to see us walking around going, wow, we wrote that person off.

01:15:37.16
Tom Farley
It's like, yeah, no kidding. I wrote myself off.

01:15:38.47
Mike
Yep.

01:15:39.73
Tom Farley
Like, isn't this amazing? Yeah.

01:15:42.60
Mike
As we love to say on this program, we're just trying to make our little corner of the world a better place.

01:15:42.76
Tom Farley
Like.

01:15:47.73
Bill
Exactly. Exactly.

01:15:48.92
Tom Farley
Yeah.

01:15:50.53
Bill
Well, all right. So, Mike, have you thought about how you want to how you want to wrap up?

01:15:53.70
Mike
ah

01:15:54.85
Bill
hey yeah

01:15:55.46
Mike
Well, we Tom, we had this discussion since you're like, you know, kind of a thing and whatever. Should we do our regular ending, which i can get a little ribald.

01:16:07.30
Bill
it's it's It's mouthy.

01:16:07.77
Tom Farley
hey

01:16:08.42
Bill
It has a lot of F words in it.

01:16:10.30
Mike
Right.

01:16:10.73
Tom Farley
Okay, you know.

01:16:11.37
Mike
But you know what? Yeah, I think you can handle it. so

01:16:14.35
Tom Farley
i

01:16:14.84
Bill
hey

01:16:16.15
Mike
So thank you everyone for listening to another episode of Sober Not Mature.

01:16:16.15
Tom Farley
yeah

01:16:21.55
Mike
Thank you very much, Tom Farley, for coming on and hanging out with us and sharing your experience, strength, and hope with us all. And as always, kids, go out there, do something nice for somebody else this week.

01:16:33.99
Mike
You know, be a good person, do something for somebody else, and don't tell anybody you did it. Now, from the bottom of my heart to the depths of my soul, from the beginning of time to the ends of the earth, always and eternally, fuck you.

01:16:47.16
Bill
Thank you.

01:16:51.45
Mike
And now it's time, kids. It's time for you to fuck off. Then keep fucking off.

01:16:56.22
Tom Farley
hello

01:16:57.17
Mike
Keep fucking off till you get to a gate with a sign on it saying, you cannot fuck off past here. Climb over that gate. Dream the impossible dream. And keep fucking off forever.

01:17:10.91
Bill
We talked about that beforehand. Not sure if we wanted to do or not sure if we wanted to do that exit.

01:17:14.27
Tom Farley
Yeah.

01:17:16.38
Bill
But then, you know, we've gotten along so well tonight.

01:17:17.41
Tom Farley
That's...

01:17:18.39
Bill
Nice.

01:17:18.70
Tom Farley
I know. You know, i um you don't scare me.

01:17:19.51
Mike
Nice. Mm-hmm.

01:17:21.62
Tom Farley
You don't scare me. It's funny. I literally was in a meeting today. So I'm launching a podcast for recovery.com called the recovery cast.

01:17:29.44
Bill
nice

01:17:29.60
Mike
nice

01:17:31.30
Tom Farley
And we're starting to interview some, some people. And the question came up like, should we swear?

01:17:37.81
Mike
he

01:17:38.05
Tom Farley
And i're like, you know, ah you know, you we're kind of, you know, we're attached to a, to a, to a, to a business. Like probably not, but if our guests, know, it's okay if our guests do it.

01:17:46.28
Mike
he

01:17:50.70
Mike
Right.

01:17:50.77
Tom Farley
And I'm like, okay, now, so now, you know, I'm going to encourage that.

01:17:50.77
Bill
Right.

01:17:54.68
Tom Farley
Just you, you've opened that door and like,

01:17:54.92
Mike
Mm-hmm. Please do. Right.

01:17:59.45
Tom Farley
yeah you didn't You don't know what you're dealing with with me, do you?

01:18:03.06
Mike
Right.

01:18:03.62
Tom Farley
um So we'll see where that goes. But I will try to, you know, keep um

01:18:09.52
Bill
ah

01:18:09.83
Mike
he

01:18:10.70
Tom Farley
ah keep it, you know, keep the filters on. But it was a refreshing to hear you ah go the ah choose a different path.

01:18:13.12
Mike
right

01:18:20.69
Bill
Well, here's just a brief kind of a run back.

01:18:20.93
Mike
Wait. Mm-hmm.

01:18:24.46
Bill
So we've done, this is episode 160, actually.

01:18:27.59
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:18:27.80
Bill
um When we started off, I think it was episode four, right, Mike? When you said we were trying to figure out a way, because we started all this stuff literally on just a whim. And you know i'm like I'm like, Mike, how do we end this?

01:18:36.25
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:18:38.06
Bill
Like trying to think of something the cool. was thinking of Anchorman with the, you know, fuck off San Diego or whatever he says.

01:18:42.06
Tom Farley
Yes, so and we talked about that today Yes.

01:18:43.92
Bill
Yeah.

01:18:44.05
Tom Farley
Yeah.

01:18:44.68
Bill
So, but, but Mike says, he goes, literally he goes, all I can think of telling people is, you know, tell them the fuck off.

01:18:44.85
Tom Farley
yeah

01:18:48.76
Bill
I'm like, well, let's do that. So then our sister gave us the second half of that ending, the go to the gate sign, all that stuff.

01:18:50.54
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:18:56.28
Bill
And then one of our other good friends that we had on as a guest from Colorado gave us the other part. So we started adding these things in and Mike just said it like a month or so ago. Cause I'm like, we were talking about whatever,

01:19:07.54
Bill
And, and I'm thinking, you know, it's, I don't know, whatever it was their podcasts. And I said, you know, it's so nice that we don't have to answer to anyone, you know, and it's kind of the egotistical alcoholic in both of us.

01:19:15.77
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:19:17.46
Tom Farley
Yeah.

01:19:18.70
Bill
And he goes, yeah, goes, Mike's like, yeah, we're kind of like punk rock. We're just out there doing our, doing our own thing.

01:19:22.35
Mike
he

01:19:24.40
Bill
And I'm like, that haven't even made me feel better because once again, we We started this just to have a conversation with ourselves. And, you know, granted, having ah having somebody like you.

01:19:31.79
Tom Farley
Yeah.

01:19:34.50
Bill
And again, you know, the whole point. Yeah, you're Chris Farley's brother. But and we talked about Chris Farley tonight. But, man, i what a great conversation just with you.

01:19:42.30
Tom Farley
Thank you.

01:19:42.44
Mike
who

01:19:42.61
Bill
And that's what this that's what this shit is all about, is just having a conversation with another individual in recovery.

01:19:43.60
Tom Farley
Thank you.

01:19:49.35
Mike
Garden variety drunk.

01:19:49.27
Bill
And that's...

01:19:50.47
Mike
You said it and it's my favorite way to describe myself.

01:19:51.70
Tom Farley
Yeah.

01:19:53.73
Bill
Yeah, Exactly.

01:19:54.59
Tom Farley
Well, you know, you said you you started this by having just a conversation with the two of you. And i I have a feeling now that you're going to probably end that way as well. And I wish you luck with that.

01:20:05.96
Tom Farley
ah You're going to enjoy that.

01:20:06.57
Mike
Yep,

01:20:07.00
Tom Farley
just It's just the two of us again. Here we are.

01:20:10.06
Mike
ye

01:20:10.26
Tom Farley
No, this was, these are the kind of, cut bit this, this means so much.

01:20:10.63
Mike
exactly.

01:20:14.57
Tom Farley
This is, we need to do more of this. It's kind of what I want to do with, um I just love talking, you know, rigorously honest and yeah.

01:20:18.74
Mike
he

01:20:21.72
Mike
Yeah. Life, recovery, all of it. Yep.

01:20:24.84
Bill
Yeah, exactly.

01:20:25.70
Mike
It's beautiful.

01:20:25.84
Bill
like

01:20:26.82
Tom Farley
Yeah.

01:20:27.25
Bill
All right. So Tom, and then remember Kyle, we've got a guy in the wings over here. Kyle, don't hang up yet, Kyle and Tom. Don't hang up either.

01:20:33.17
Mike
see

01:20:34.27
Bill
Mike, I love you, brother.

01:20:35.59
Mike
I love you too.

01:20:35.59
Bill
Tom, thank you. Thank you so much.

01:20:36.80
Mike
Thank you very much.

01:20:37.32
Tom Farley
Thank you so much.

01:20:38.22
Bill
Yeah, this has been so great. So goodbye, everyone. Goodbye.

01:20:42.83
Mike
Bye.